Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Open Forum
Dealing With the Brokeback Non-Believers
Phillip Dampier:
I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day about Brokeback Mountain. He's gay and in a relationship with someone for several years now. When I broached the issue of BBM with him and told him about my efforts here on BetterMost, I was stunned to hear his reaction to the movie. He thought it was terrible. He didn't actually go and see it in a theater, he saw it from one of those copies that suddenly and mysteriously appeared on his computer. I was floored to hear things like:
- the movie continued the stereotype that gay men can't maintain relationships;
- it had two gay guys that refused to settle down with each other;
- it was depressing and an overall negative for the gay community;
- it showed gay people living lies and hurting women and children.
AIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DID WE SEE THE SAME MOVIE???!!!
I was really surprised to hear this kind of stuff and I could feel my temperature rising as I was listening to it. My immediate reaction was to begin an all out defense and debate concerning what planet he flew to to get these kinds of reactions. Normally movies for me are not deeply personal things - I despise Adam Sandler for example, but when I tell an Adam Sandler fan most of his films are always the same thing over and over, they don't flip out. I liked Pleasantville quite a bit (except for the bang bang over the head with the way too obvious use of the metaphor gun) but if someone told me it was awful, I would shrug my shoulders and move on. But when it comes to BBM, hearing people trash it evokes a reaction inside me as if someone was out to beat and bash Jack and Ennis and defenses go on maximum.
I was truly, surprisingly, offended to hear these remarks. After a few minutes of debate I realized my friend just didn't get it. And he should because he's a lot like Ennis in many ways, and just as stubborn. Over the years, we've had issues that led me to put him on my "list" of people I need a break from because he was driving me nuts. But I'm loyal to friends so it's not like I am telling him "never call again."
Obviously, he was factually wrong about the characters anyway - Ennis always remained true to Jack as his one male partner, although Jack did drift but only out of frustration with Ennis. He was wrong about the characters being stereotypical for not committing to the relationship -- a lot of younger gay guys won't commit because they want to explore around and they are not ready to settle down. In BBM's case, it was Ennis' fear alone which kept them apart. It -was- a depressing film because it showed the extension of what bigotry, fear, and hatred can do to honest love. I saw this as an overall plus for the gay community, especially in showing the power of true love and the consequences for everybody when negative forces interfere. That was exactly what led Jack and Ennis to marry women in the first place - because it was expected. I would never condone someone marrying someone just to prove they can fit in; it's cruel to the person you marry and to yourself. But my perspective is colored by the fact I am much younger than the characters on screen, and I have the luxury of speaking on this contemporaneously.
But there is a real problem for us BBM evangelists out there when we confront the non-believers. We cannot threaten them with eternal damnation, but perhaps we should taunt them ruthlessly for preferring Final Destination 3. :P
Thomas M. Witherspoon:
My conservative but normally open-minded immediate family really surprised me when an article appeared in our local paper "Brokeback Mountain - 'A' for artistry; 'F' for morality". My elderly mother felt the need to remind me that she was somewhat conservative and said that she was concerned by what she had read. My brother also commented to me that the men in the film were cheating on their wives. I explained to both of them that there was so much more to this story then what they were reading in this article and I recommended that they read the novella. I explained that being open about who they were in their environment would have had fatal consequences for these men, so they had limited choices. To my knowledge, neither one has read the novella.. To be fair, my mother is 90 and has had health problems aplenty over the past 4 months. She has always been a reader (with large type these days). Lately she has heard so many positive things about the film she has changed her mind to a certain degree - its hard to argue with so many awards. I sent the short story to my brother and he has yet to read it. My brother is especially sensitive to hearing about "Brokeback" and his eyes fly skyward if he hears me say anything at all about it - funny how I listened to everything that was important to him because his happiness was important to me. My other, older brother and his wife seemed more inclined to read and wanted to see the film. This has been a frustrating thing for me because the novella and film have really touched me on so many levels. :-\
IdahoLonely:
Philip and Tom... you are lucky you can say anything about the movie to anyone. I cant talk about it. If I even said I saw it at the shop I would be laughed right outta there. The whole movie topic is in a closet!
Aussie Chris:
--- Quote from: Phillip on February 28, 2006, 10:41:45 am ---I was truly, surprisingly, offended to hear these remarks. After a few minutes of debate I realized my friend just didn't get it. And he should because he's a lot like Ennis in many ways, and just as stubborn. Over the years, we've had issues that led me to put him on my "list" of people I need a break from because he was driving me nuts. But I'm loyal to friends so it's not like I am telling him "never call again."
--- End quote ---
Hallelujah! *claps hands and waives in the air*
I was starting to get a little worried that our great benefactor of the BetterMost forum, that beautifully eloquent and prolific author of the prose-so-wise, would eternally be the voice of balance and reason and never dare to stir up a a little controversy! *hugs* to you Phillip, I love your work, but thank God there is an actual real human being in there, not some Vulcan or something! :D
I must admit that my first thought was to "balance" your passion with a little bit of "people will see this film through their own eyes and with their own experiences in mind". But no, I just don't believe it! It's just not good enough! I've got a number of dear but straight friends that, for all intents and purposes and outwardly perceptions, love and accept me for who I am and have never given me a single reason to be self conscious. Nevertheless, when it came to BBM I was told by several of them that they were worried about watching it or getting other friends/partners to watch it or talk about it, and that the gay sex/kissing scenes were or would be "difficult" for them because they are not used to watching it. Ok, these people are straight, but before anyone runs to their defence saying I need to be sympathetic, these same people take pride in telling me and others how mature and open they are on the gay topic, and particularly, how comfortable they are with their sexuality. Hmmm.
Ha, I exclaim! It's about time you grow up, I say! For all of my (close) friends I have made BBM mandatory viewing. I say, if you want to brag about how modern and balanced you are, and say that your one of the "good guys", then it's time to put up or shut up! As for my gay friends, so far so good, but one said he didn't want to see it because he didn't think it would be as good as all the hype. Fair enough I said, it's certainly happened before, but you better watch it first or fear my cries of consternation and endless reminders to go and see it.
But back to you Phillip and your poor and pathetic friend. My only advice is to refer to one of my most reliable life sayings, "you can't blame someone for being stupid, as it's not their fault".
John Passaniti:
--- Quote from: Phillip on February 28, 2006, 10:41:45 am ---I was floored to hear things like:
- the movie continued the stereotype that gay men can't maintain relationships;
- it had two gay guys that refused to settle down with each other;
- it was depressing and an overall negative for the gay community;
- it showed gay people living lies and hurting women and children.
--- End quote ---
Does the following sound familiar?
"It is my feeling that a story is not finished until it is read,
and that the reader finishes it through his or her life
experience, prejudices, world view and thoughts." -- Annie Proulx
Why assume that just because your friend is gay and in a relationship that he would "get" any of the themes in the film? Being gay (and even being in a relationship) doesn't automatically grant the individual depth or empathy, and it doesn't free the individual from having an agenda.
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