Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Open Forum
Sacrilege
David In Indy:
I was just reading Phillips post, and my story is the reverse of his. Well, maybe not.
My parents insisted on exposing me to music. I started taking piano lessons at the age of 5 and violin lessons a few years later. I fell in love with the violin, so much in fact that I spent the next couple of years nagging my parents to let me take cello lessons too. They finally agreed, and my entire world was immersed in music. My life revolved around it. I loved the violin and cello so much I joined the Carmel Junior Symphony Orchestra by the age of 12 (in addition to the school orchestra). Later, in high school I joined the Carmel Symphony Orchestra. I loved playing in the orchestra and I was certain I wanted to make music my profession. After I graduated from high school, the conductor of the CSO, Victor Zydonis insisted I audition for ISO (Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra). I really thought my "dream" had come true. Now I had the opportunity to play with a major US orchestra and travel. But once I found out the salary I would have been paid, I gave up on the idea. It didn't pay enough; at least not enough at the entry level.
So, I decided to go to college. I decided to study Funeral Service. Why? I don't know. The pay was good, and I liked the idea of working in a profession where I could help people. So, I attended college and earned a three year degree (Indiana only requires a 2 year associate of science degree). After college, I spent the next several years working for a major funeral home in Indianapolis. But after a few years, I found it was draining me emotionally. I was working 70 hours a week, and I was surrounded by grief all the time.
So, I went back to college. This time I earned a degree in accounting. Then, another degree in photography.
Each and every time, I thought I was working towards my dream, and at the time, I think I probably was. But my dreams changed. And, sometimes I found out my "dream" really wasn't my dream at all. I guess all we can really hope for is a content life, surrounded by people who love us.
I'm currently working as an accountant. I make a pretty good living. I'm not rich, but I'm not poor either. I have a nice house, a good job, lots of friends, a dog and a cat, and a wonderful boyfriend (who just happens to live in a different country in a far away continent, but I digress).
So, am I living my dream? I don't know. But if simply being happy and content is my dream, then I guess I am! :D
I still play my music, and it brings me a lot of joy and comfort. But, I still saving up for that baby grand piano! Maybe someday! :)
injest:
--- Quote from: Phillip Dampier on April 04, 2007, 11:02:46 pm ---I am not sure how many people achieve these things and it never gets reported or discussed. Quiet victories are still victories. Sometimes people can manage to do extraordinary things by taking serious risks. I'm not one of those people. My game plan has been to take incremental steps towards my greater goals. In part, it helps build my confidence in myself and show that I can be successful in the things I try. It's probably the better solution for people like me who probably would be devastated by a major catastrophic failure. I think the best way people achieve success is to make a plan that carries with it reasonable risks and steps that can be tracked along the way towards a particular goal. It may take longer than putting everything on the line at once, but I think it's more realistic for more cautious folks.
We also need to take better care of ourselves. I've found things like eating right and exercise to be major helps in coping with stress, and being open and honest about your feelings with others also helps us cope with bad things that happen to us. Not only did a psychologist assist me in helping deal with my mom, but also some counselling by the hospice care people.
Unfortunately, you can't rationalize love away. It's sort of like the first person you truly fell in love with in your life. With time the memories and the intensity of the feelings may become rarer, but if that person was right back in front of you, making you recall those memories, a lot of the feelings are likely to come back with them. Jack and Ennis lived the lives society expected them to live. Jack was prepared to dump Lureen the moment Ennis said yes -- she basically served as some sort of "next best thing." Ennis drifted around as though he was a spectator to his own life, clueless as to how to manage the people around him, and the feelings they developed for him. But the one thing both of them knew whenever they were together - Brokeback got them good, and they were powerless to change that.
This happens to a lot of people. The best solution that has worked for me is to ask for help. If you don't know how to get started, someone does, but none of us are psychic, so the only way someone can offer their own experiences is if they are asked. What is often nice about asking is that you learn something you can then pass along to the next person who might be in the same boat you are, and helping others often feels wonderful.
I think you could read the regret on their faces as time passed, up until the point where the big blowup about "all we've got is Brokeback Mountain." Jack and Ennis came to tolerate their 'unwritten agreement,' completely unfair and ridiculous it had come to be after all that time. The whole thing was maddening to me, but then I didn't grow up in 1960s Wyoming and wasn't about to have my life's ambitions and measurement of success dictated by societal convention. I was becoming as exasperated as Jack at the total lack of progress in making any change. The first time I saw the film, I thought for sure that Ennis' collapse on the ground was FINALLY a potential breakthrough moment, where Jack could finally say enough was enough and take a lead role in getting himself into Ennis' life, even if it meant building a cabin next door. But it wasn't to be.
But ultimately, the opportunity to win in the end was taken away by Jack's death. And after that, Ennis finally had his moment of clarity, of revelation and acceptance. Unfortunately for him, it was too late.
Message to the rest of us: Don't let this happen to you!
--- End quote ---
and if you don't have anyone in your life to ask? If you are a kid in the middle of nowhere? and the people around you don't know the answer....or don't even understand the question...or even the reasoning behind the question? I know that my own family viewed me with suspision growing up because I read a lot...I was 'weird'....why would I want to go to college?
and counseling is wonderful if you can afford it...or have access to it. Small town USA is not the place to find it. Even the idea of eating right....poor people don't eat right because eating well costs a lot more than eating poorly. They are trapped by the lack of choices. Some have no cars or money for gas to drive the car they have....so they buy at convenience stores or try to buy things that last (high in preservatives) to save trips.
Reality.
I am probably not conveying what I am trying to say well....but I knew the idea wasn't gonna be popular when I started it...
Phillip Dampier:
--- Quote from: David on April 04, 2007, 11:47:40 pm ---My parents insisted on exposing me to music. I started taking piano lessons at the age of 5 and violin lessons a few years later.
--- End quote ---
Yes, we are on different tracks here, but they are at least next to each other. I took clarinet lessons up until the 3rd grade in elementary school, at which point the teacher shared with my parents that my talents obviously laid elsewhere. I didn't care enough to agree or disagree, really. :) I ended up in chorus as a soprano until puberty hit and my voice dropped. The voice sounded better reading things to people than singing to them, so off towards the radio world I went. I, like yourself, discovered the abusive pay that industry enjoyed putting on its employees, especially the on-air ones, so as a practicality, I jumped out of that as well.
The new reality in this country today suggests that people will change jobs and even career paths several times in their working life -- it's not so uncommon anymore. We're all becoming our own free agents, representing ourselves first and foremost, and the company second (especially these days). And I agree that dreams do change. I've always told people headed for college to take as broad of a range of courses possible so they have a good foundation established that will assist them if/when their dreams or plans do change as well.
And that our dreams can and do change is not necessarily a threat to our happiness as individuals. It's actually a good thing to have the freedom to explore those things and achieve them.
injest:
ok...let me try phrasing it like this...
reach for your dreams...work for them...
but learning to accept your limitations (the inevitable) seems a better choice for long term happiness!
David In Indy:
--- Quote from: injest on April 05, 2007, 12:03:44 am ---ok...let me try phrasing it like this...
reach for your dreams...work for them...
but learning to accept your limitations (the inevitable) seems a better choice for long term happiness!
--- End quote ---
I think it depends on the person Jess. Some people aren't happy unless they are constantly reaching higher. Maybe their dream is in the "reaching", and not so much in the "attaining".
Others find happiness with what they have; or at least what is attainable, like you said. They find their dreams around them; in the family and friends. Everyone is different. Personally, I wouldn't spend my life striving for a dream if I knew it was impossible. That would be stupid on my part. I would be setting myself up for disappointment.
I would love to get married and have children of my own. This is one of my dreams. But it's not possible. Not for me anyhow. How could it be? It's not legally possible for me to marry the person I love, and it wouldn't be physically possible for us to have children of our own. It' just not possible, and it would be stupid to waste time trying to pursue it.
I think dreams are relative. Some people are already living their dream and they just don't know it. That was the point I was trying to make in my post.
Perhaps others would beg to differ with me. :)
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