Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Open Forum
One Man Men
HerrKaiser:
--- Quote from: Momof2 on October 03, 2006, 05:14:47 pm ---I think many people lack hugging even touching in general. In today's world we hardly get to hug or touch another person, especially men.
--- End quote ---
Interesting observation and life experience; I am wondering what part of the country in which you live? When I started out in busijness in the 1970s, men and women only shook hands. Since about the early 90s, hugging by women after a few meetings became somewhat standard, and men now often hug as a greeting/goodbye in place of hand shakes, both business and, for sure, social.
Momof2:
I live in the south. Bible belt. I think women are in "general" more affectionate. Not always. I work with several that would die if you touched them. My husband is not an overly affectionate person. Not to adults anyway. With our children he is totally different. I think he realizes that and does not want to instill that in our children. Especially not our son. He is only 4. I want him to know it is ok to touch and kiss and SHOW affection. My husband is all for it. He told me one day, we can instill it now, but I promise in a few years it will disappear. I know he means when he gets older. I said I know but it is nice now and he will always have the foundation of love and affection. I told him that later in life he would be able to look back and know what it is to show love.
Touch is extremely healing. In the physical and mental sense. My son was premature and I held him so much because I wanted him to know me. Sometimes all I need is a hug or little pat. I do it sometimes to others to realize too late that maybe I shouldnt have. I do not apologize, I just dont do it again.
I am only 35 yo. My mother calls me the the touchy feely going to heal the world person. I just smile. If only it were that simple. I would have a callous from hugging so many people.
HerrKaiser:
What you say makes a great deal of sense and if it works for you, all the more reason to continue to make it work in your life.
for me, and perhaps many others, I am not the hugging type. i prefer to keep touching beyond a hearty hand shake reserved for more special encounters or more special people. and as such, I do not consider myself any less caring or affectionate. Same is true, for me, with "I love you". I think it's used far too much amongst non-loving situations and its impact gets watered down.
But, that's what makes the world go 'round!
In fact, one of the very few scenes in the film I thought to be unrealistic was Ennis and Jack hugging upon greeting after Ennis' divorce. This was 1977, middle of Wyoming, in front of his kids. No way. That kind of greeting truly only started among men toward the 90s, and then usually among the so-called urban sophisticates.
serious crayons:
--- Quote from: HerrKaiser on October 30, 2006, 07:40:02 pm ---In fact, one of the very few scenes in the film I thought to be unrealistic was Ennis and Jack hugging upon greeting after Ennis' divorce. This was 1977, middle of Wyoming, in front of his kids. No way. That kind of greeting truly only started among men toward the 90s, and then usually among the so-called urban sophisticates.
--- End quote ---
Interesting point, Herr Kaiser! Hadn't thought of that. That's one anachronism I don't mind, though.
Back for a moment to regional touching differences. I'm from Minnesota, and when I lived in New Orleans in the early '90s, the hardest thing to get used to was kissing. Hugging I could handle, no problem. But kissing? Coworkers would kiss if they ran into each other at a movie theater. The only time a Minnesotan would ever kiss a coworker is if they got too drunk at the Christmas party.
I moved back to Minnesota after seven years and, in a way, it was a relief. But then again, I kind of missed it. I notice people are starting to do more kissing here now.
HerrKaiser:
Moving a tad off hugging....another thread had a post whose writer said he expected Ennis to meet another man and develop a new relationship.
I don't see that in ennis at all. He is a quintessential one man man. His relationship with Jack is not primarily about sex; in fact, as noted in other posts, Ennis had a warmth and caring disposition toward Jack before the sex ever started, and it was clear Ennis was inwardly frustrated that Jack required the sex to make the relationship more complete.
Ennis is a swan. he moves like a swan. he acts like a swan. he lives like a swan. He'll die like a swan.
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