But if the purpose in deleting an account is to LEAVE the forum - nothing prevents anyone from ceasing to post, from deleting their writings, or leaving. All that the administrator has retained is the right to decide when (and if) to delete the user's account.Then this stipulation should be stated very clearly before or when a prospective member joins. I'm also not sure if members who joined before a change in policy should necessarily be subjected to every nuance of that policy change.
One of the truly compelling arguments for not having users delete their own accounts is to prevent users from deleting an account and creating a stealth account to return in order to cause mischief on the forum.
I've seen several people wish to delete their accounts, and then return. And I'm sure they were happy all their posts and hard work were not deleted into Internet Oblivion.
It's worth noting that, unlike IMDb, when you delete your account here your posts do not disappear. You can tell if someone has deleted their account here if you see a post or thread by someone whose username is not underlined -- and therefore you can't call up their profile or PM them, but their post remains intact.
Though of course you can always delete your posts yourself -- with or without also deleting your account.
(At IMDb, there is no way to delete your account without also deleting all your posts.)
Or rather their status changes to "guest" but I think even their name remains too, doesn't it?
This is a tricky one! I'm definitely in favour of a "Cooling off" period.
The internet brings out the best in us ... but it also brings out the worst in us. Paranoia runs wild when you can't "see" the other person's expressions .... Were they joking? Are they having a dig at me? Do they hate me?
Believe me I know ... been there, done that!!
I've only had one person tell me they found me irritating, but it nearly sent me heading for the hills, so I do know what it feels like to want to run away!
I voted "No", not because I don't think that anyone has the right to leave, but because I think that it gives a person the opportunity to talk calmly to someone who's not caught up in the middle of things, and a chance to cool down and get things back into perspective!
I'm so happy you stayed Scott! Who else could I share my love of Tibetans with? :-*
Susie :)
I have had four people tell me just exactly what they thought of me. Some things you can't take back. I often feel like I am not wanted here. I have had people write me and tell me they read my posts but won't speak to me. It hurts. Used to be I came online to get away. To have fun. It is rarely fun anymore.
The internet brings out the best in us ... but it also brings out the worst in us. Paranoia runs wild when you can't "see" the other person's expressions .... Were they joking? Are they having a dig at me? Do they hate me?
Believe me I know ... been there, done that!!
I've only had one person tell me they found me irritating, but it nearly sent me heading for the hills, so I do know what it feels like to want to run away!
a long time ago...back in the distant past...we had an option called 'ignore'. If someone just got on your nerves you could hit that button and they would disappear.
That power was taken away by the Powers That Be.
now we have a situation where people feel it is not enough to ignore someone or avoid them. They MUST share their disgust and displeasure with the object of their derision. I have had four people tell me just exactly what they thought of me. Some things you can't take back. I often feel like I am not wanted here. I have had people write me and tell me they read my posts but won't speak to me. It hurts. Used to be I came online to get away. To have fun. It is rarely fun anymore. I come back now because I have a handfull of friends to keep up with.
If you don't like someone. If someone gets on your nerves...can't you just let them be? I had an argument over a misunderstanding with another member. I do not talk to her. I don't go to threads she starts. SHE on the other hand DOES come on the ones I start. She responds to my posts. WHY? If you really loath another person why keep talking to them.
now we have a situation where people feel it is not enough to ignore someone or avoid them. They MUST share their disgust and displeasure with the object of their derision. I have had four people tell me just exactly what they thought of me. Some things you can't take back. I often feel like I am not wanted here. I have had people write me and tell me they read my posts but won't speak to me. It hurts. Used to be I came online to get away. To have fun. It is rarely fun anymore. I come back now because I have a handfull of friends to keep up with.
And as always, we keep those of low morality, character, and intelligence away from our community. :) That's why we never allow personal attacks here.
I'll have to say that, for myself, I haven't had those kinds of problems at BetterMost.
A similar thing has happened to me, there are two people here who have chosen to make snide remarks about my posts and send me nasty grams via PM....and yet they still read my posts. I have chose to ignore them so far, chosing the high ground and not responding at all but I am not as generous or as altruistic as Philip, I personally believe that these people continue to read our posts to look for more things to use against us.
Since when did their opinions become any more valid than mine or yours? Since when does anyone of us have the right to sit in judgment of each other? Since when do they have the right to push their negative opinion of someone I love on me when they don't know her any better than they know me?
And yet when some drama queen wants to play the games you described of making long winded farewell speeches or casting aspersions, deleting their account and coming back with a new one to watch the chaos they have created you do nothing except prevent them for deleting their account? I'm confused. Their behavior certainly seems of low morality, questionable character, and questionable intelligence to me. Not allowing personal attacks doesn't keep them away, it only drives the more creative underground. They are here hiding in plain sight behind a sweet face, and in some instances using PM's and snide comments to make their points. I don't believe it is as simple as you paint it, but I wish you well and respect what you have created here.
Oops! I realized later I did once. More than a year ago, I got a PM from somebody containing some very harsh criticism -- about a particular post I'd written as well as all of my posts in general. The PM called me "arrogant," and what made it particularly hurtful was that this person said that "others" also felt the same way about me. Who were these "others"?? I got this sense of a bunch of people talking behind my back about what a jerk I am. Maybe everybody secretly thought so! It was a terrible feeling.
The moral, I guess, is that if one person or a few people don't like you, a lot of other people probably do. And even that one person may have lashed out impulsively and will eventually think otherwise.
And yet when some drama queen wants to play the games you described of making long winded farewell speeches...Did I hear someone calling my name? ::) ;D
Did I hear someone calling my name? ::) ;D
Hi friends, I know no one was referring to me, but I was getting a little laugh at MYSELF, thinking of myself as a drama queen (yes, I can be that sometimes) who was bound and determined to make a grand exit with an eloquent, poetic speech of farewell...well, I suppose I made the speech all right, but I still (gladly) find myself here!
And that thought just makes me giggle...
:)
Did I hear someone calling my name? ::) ;D
well I came on to delete my post. I was WAY rash to post it and have regreted it all day. Couldn't get back to the computer though.
Scott, no...no one is talking about you in these last few pages...and I am sorry if you feel I was. I love to see you online and enjoy talking to you. I was responding to Susiebell's post where she said someone pmed her to say they found her irritating and it made her want to leave. I think that is kinda pertinent to the discussion of having a cooling off period for deletion.
but
I was wrong to post it...please forgive me.
Scott, I can be quite a drama queen too! Maybe we can be drama queens together!You got it, David!
They can call us "The Drama Sisters"! ;) :D
You got it, David!
We are family...
I got all my sisters with me...
*David gets up and dances on the coffee table*
Now THAT I'd like to see!!!
(http://i148.photobucket.com/albums/s31/Susiebell_album/Smileys/4.gif)
.... shhhhhh ... we'd better get back onto the subject or I'll get into trouble again.
Louise:
No that I've ever had the occasion to need to do this but can you explain the irnore PM feature to us so we know how to do it if we have to?
you go to your profile and look at the left of the screen. Under 'Modify Your Profile' choose "Private Message Options" There you will find a box where you can put a member's screen name....put one members name per line then scroll down and choose accept.
you go to your profile and look at the left of the screen. Under 'Modify Your Profile' choose "Private Message Options" There you will find a box where you can put a member's screen name....put one members name per line then scroll down and choose accept.
And of course you cannot place Moderators or System Administrators on ignore ::) ;)
Actually, that's not true. You can place Moderators on ignore.
L
REALLY :o Wow that surprises me, most forums you can't since it would kind of defeat the moderators ablilty to moderate wouldn't it?
Well, that's why I try to moderate with a light touch! My goal is to make this a place where folks get along and we don't need to use the ignore button. I used it liberally over on IMDb. I had a few folks on ignore on another forum that shall not be named. I have no one on ignore here. And I like to think that no one is ignoring me. Since I am not getting any blocked PM messages, if I am on someone's ignore list, I am not writing them anyway! LOL
L
Seems to me you folks here do moderate with a light touch (compared to what I've seen over at DCF). :)
Well that having been said, we as moderators aren't supposed to place others on ignore, but I don't think anything prevents users from placing one or more moderators on ignore!
Seems to me you folks here do moderate with a light touch (compared to what I've seen over at DCF). :)
Thank you darlin'! ;)
L
Someplace else (ahem) I've seen moderators jump in and wrench a discussion back to whatever the thread title just happens to be. I suppose that's an equally valid approach to moderating, but I find it sort of ... constraining.
For instance, I have chosen to ignore myself. :)
:laugh: But that wouldn't work for me ... I often send myself a message as a kind of reminder, or just to save something for later .... or perhaps just to talk to myself if no one else wants to listen to me! :-\
Susie :D
chatter away Susie any ol way you please I LOVE your posts and your sense of humor.... but just so you and Jess have it straight.. David likes ME best :laugh:
Well, one thing that I appreciate here is that as long as people play nice, the moderators generally seem to let discussions develop naturally--even organically, you might say--and move in whatever direction they just happen to develop and move in. Someplace else (ahem) I've seen moderators jump in and wrench a discussion back to whatever the thread title just happens to be. I suppose that's an equally valid approach to moderating, but I find it sort of ... constraining.
*snip*
The only thing I feel I have not done as well with is pushing our forming agenda here - to help people move within and out of AND BEYOND the story. There are still a lot of people here who I believe could do well with a more formal and structured approach at self-improvement, fighting depression, and achieving more happiness. These are goals that need not only community support, but some steps and advice people can follow. There are folks out there who need more than nice thoughts to get moving forward (I was one myself). In the early days of the site, I tried a more formal approach with some motivational exercises and advice to help people make some changes, but it didn't garner much response. Now I'm never sure if that was because my writing style often doesn't suggest people need to reply or if such a structured approach just wasn't going to work here. But it may be time to revisit that, because we certainly have built a much bigger community than we were back in February of 2006.