BetterMost, Wyoming & Brokeback Mountain Forum
Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond => Brokeback Mountain Open Forum => Topic started by: BBMGrandma on March 13, 2006, 05:56:29 am
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Hi my dear friends....
I've been siting here this evening watching a wildlife series set in Wyoming. I don't have the sound on....just drinking in the beauty of the countryside. I've been having the BEST cry....tonight. I've been replaying this video...over and over again. It's soooo damned sweet and so full of love...!!
Come share a tear or two with me....!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUnXLKZ_4ic
singing along....softly....with all of you!!! Remember when..........we came together...fell apart.....broke each other's heart....remember when............ :'(
soooo beautiful!!
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Hi Nancy, I still can't cry...saw BBM for the 8th time this weekend. First time I haven't seen it alone. My sister came with me...her son is gay. She was embarrassed I think, but did admit it was sad. I think I prefer to see it alone. I didn't mind answering all her questions, but when I go alone I can just sit in the dark theater and drink it all in. She doesn't watch movies much, so she didn't even know who Heath and Jake were. She was surprised that Heath was from Australia, because of his accent in the movie. She liked it, but she didn't appreciate it the way we do. 8) Even though I still don't cry in the movie, at least the Wyoming-size knot in my chest seems to be loosening up a bit. My sister got popcorn and said don't you want to get something? I said "I can't eat in this movie, I get too upset." She just said "Hmmm" I bought candy the first time I saw it and it stayed in my purse. HURRY UP DVD!!!
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I, too, prefer to watch our movie alone. I never realized ~until Chris from this site pointed it out~ that I subconsciously identify with Ennis. There but by the grace sort of thing. Relationships gone bad had me isolate myself. Very easily could I have remained that way. My partner and I are very different in many ways but he is a wonderful person. (Think Ying and Yang.)
I am anxious for the DVD to come out. Will get to the store the morning it comes out and will have watched the movie at few times before that day is over. ::)
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Hi Friends...I saw our movie again yesterday....(#9). I went with a dear friend of mine...but jeeeeeeeeeeeez....what a letdown afterwards. When I get out of the show...I'm drained!! I can't talk....I'm in some sort of 'zone' that I can't really explain. My dear friend was yakking away....about the popcorn....the seats....etc. I was so resentful that she was breaking into my reverie!! I CAN"T wait for the video...EITHER!! I'm gonna sit in my house for two days...and do NOTHING but watch it....alone!! BTW...is there a confirmed date for the release..yet? I've heard April 4th....<Heath's birthday> but I'm not sure. If anyone hears....tell us all...OK?
Big Hugs....Nancy :-*
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My partner and I are very different in many ways but he is a wonderful person. (Think Ying and Yang.)
Hi "J"...nice to see you!! Ying and Yang can be a wonderful thing between two people. I'm soooo glad you've got a wonderful person in your life!! It must be true....opposites DO attract!!! ;D
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Hi Nancy, I still can't cry...saw BBM for the 8th time this weekend. Even though I still don't cry in the movie, at least the Wyoming-size knot in my chest seems to be loosening up a bit.
Donna...HI!! Some people just can't let the tears flow. When I went with ONE of my dearest friends...she was SO effected by the movie...I had to HELP her out of her seat. But...she didn't cry either. Told me she had a real pain in her throat though...from stifling the tears. When I asked why she didn't just let it GO...she just said...I can't!!
It sure doesn't mean you're not deeply effected by our 'boys....and our movie. And BTW...I can't eat popcorn or anything either...when I'm there. I just bring my bottled water cuz I KNOW I'm gonna dehydrate myself....LOL
Different strokes for different folks...THAT"S for sure!! And isn't that a GREAT thing? ;D
Hugsssssssssss....Nancy :-*
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I pre-ordered my video at the local Borders yesterday -- they said April 4th was the release date they had on record. I, however, am among the blessed -- BMM is still playing on the big screen here, at least through this next week, so I'm for sure going to get one more weekly "fix." It's gotten so I just crave to watch it, and let it all roll over me without looking for or expecting anything in particular, just for the sheer pleasure of it. Just to soar one more time up into those mountains with our boys, who have become so internalized for me. I carry them in my heart as two aspects of myself that I had "lost" along my road in life. And now I found them again, on Brokeback Mountain! How cool is that? Love to all, Iris
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WOOOOOOOO....Iris....I can sure relate!!! I get this 'craving' in my gut....that I just HAVE GOT TO SEE our movie....again!! I'm never going with another person again though...NO NO NO!! I'm also lucky....my theater is still showing and it's just a couple miles down my country road. I'm going again tomorrow!!
I don't have a 'Borders' in my wee little town. I wonder if Barnes & Noble will have it? I'm going to get on the phone....NOW...and track down a place to pre-order too!! I can't WAIT!!
Isn't this feeling just wonderful...Iris? It's turned my whole world around...I'm lookin at things with such a different perspective now!! Moving along WITH ya Iris...you GO GIRL!! ;)
BIG WARM HUG....<until we can REALLY hug sometime> Nancy :-*
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I bet you can order the dvd from Amazon.
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...with our boys, who have become so internalized for me. I carry them in my heart as two aspects of myself that I had "lost" along my road in life. And now I found them again, on Brokeback Mountain! How cool is that?
That is just a beautiful sentiment, iristarr, you have a wonderful way with words! Thank you.
Love,
Lynne
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Anyone know the average price of pre-ordering the DVD? Not that it matters...
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My local Borders is charging 29.95. Kind of a big gulp for my budget, but I guess I gotta swallow it, right? Iris
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This is one of my favourites...
"I know how the River feels..."
makes me cry....
hugs
Kea
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Hi everyone! I'm Courtney. I'm a refugee from IMDb, so I've mostly been in the Chez Tremblay forum, but I thought I'd venture out into the rest of the BetterMost neighborhood. (I already posted on the 'Introduce Yourself' thread.)
I usually have no problem crying. My friends make fun of me for my overactive tear glands. Usually it's just getting tears in my eyes really easily when I laugh, but I also get teary easily about emotional things (but I can hold them back if I want to). I haven't cried a single time in all the 17 times I've seen the movie. I feel like I want to, but tears just don't come. I don't know why, they just don't.
I've seen it with friends on two separate occasions, and with my mom once. They all thought it was "really good," but simply did not appreciate it on the same level I (and everyone else here) did, so I've seen it 13 times alone. I was lucky enough to see it with two others from our Chez Tremblay family who live in my area, and I really liked that. It just felt sort of peaceful to see it with people who understand. Seeing it alone is much better than seeing it with people who don't understand, but I really liked seeing it with people who do.
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome you've given all of us from IMDb!
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Welcome, Courtney! We're glad to have you. Thanks for posting. I think this is going to be a more dynamic place because the 'refugees'.
Wow...you've seen the movie 17 times! Devoted. I haven't had a good cry in my viewings either - more along the liness of some suppressed elephant trying to escape my stomach and lots of mental gyrations that won't subside. The ride home for me has been the most emotional time...not crying again, but more in touch with myself - like finishing some 2 week yoga retreat (not that I've ever done that).
Like you, I've never found people I know in my personal life for whom the movie speaks. And I've not seen it with any internet friends -I live in the middle of nowhere (we must work on that map) - but what a blessing to find this board! My first thought was that I had found a safe home where I was understood. Maybe I'll get the experience of seeing with some brokies one day? I had this vision of a bunch of us in a bus (grateful dead style) touring second run movie houses years from now following Brokeback Mountain :-)
Welcome, again..thanks for being here.
-Lynne
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Thanks Lynne. Haha, 17 times is nothin' compared to some people....
I'm with you about the car ride home. I ALWAYS sing when I'm driving by myself (to CDs I won't mention by name for fear of total embarrassment), and on the way to the theatre is no exception. I usually do the ride home in silence though. Since getting the BBM soundtrack, sometimes I'll listen to that after a while, but definitely no singing.
I don't know where you live, but I suggest asking if anyone wants to join you in whatever city is nearest and just making a little trip (but not a fishing trip). There's bound to be some Brokies in most cities....
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Hi everyone, I'm Clarissa, also one of the refugees. I've seen the movie a couple more times thsn Courtney, and like others have said, I prefer going alone. No one I've gone with has had a "worthy" enough response. I also stopped telling my friends and family how often i've really seen it. Only my online Brokie friends know. And my husband - who is supportive.
My emotions during the movie can vary. Since I know the film so well, I often pre-feel for the upcoming scene. Like when Ennis hops around in the snow, instead of feeling merry at the cuteness, I now faster go to "Their world together is about to collapse," because I know his next words are, "What are you doin?" and that it's time to bring the sheep down off the mountain.
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Hi, and welcome, "refugees." Good to see some new names up on this board. I've been hanging in here for quite a while now, but have been giving the old boards bit of a break since my last (13th) visit to BBM, its final viewing in the local theatre. End of an era. I still can't listen to any other music than the BBM sound track, and I've tried a time or two. I've always been a weeper, and the feeling still comes on me, sometimes several times a day, in the middle of going whatever it is I'm doing . . . suddenly I am riding up with the sheep onto the mountain with the boys, and I just well all up again. Riding up into that paradise I so long for. I'm doing it right now as I write these lines. Just can't quit it!
I must not want to. What do you think? Iris
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Aww, Elle, me too! The most I've admitted to seeing it is 4 I think. I have a roommate here at school and she doesn't even know how many times exactly because I see it either on the weekend when she is at home, or when I go during the week I just don't say anything about where I'm going. She's a perfectly lovely girl and we get along really well, but she just doesn't get it.
Interesting that you say that Elle. I think sometimes I do that, where the whole thing is just sad because I know what's coming, but sometimes I can let myself just be in the moment and be happy when they're happy, laugh at the funny parts (which of course does NOT include when Alma sees the reunion kiss), etc.
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The movie closed last Thursday here so no more viewings for me at the theatre. I also got in the mode of going alone because the 4-5 times I took someone their response wasn't compatible with what I was feeling. For awhile I didn't admit to how many times I had seen the movie (19) to 'outsiders', then I decided to come 'out' about it...I figure the worst is that folks will think I'm peculiar... so what? Courtney, you're right, though, that I should have looked up some other people in Nashville for at least one viewing. Too much Ennis-isolationism.
Hi there, Clarissa, and welcome...I know what you mean by anticipating the feeling of the next scene. Some places I do that include when Ennis collapses by the roadside before the wedding scene, Alma in bed turning off the light before the courtroom divorce scene, the last tent scene where Ennis is holding Jack that is just TOO fast before the morning confrontation scene. I see myself listing these and I believe Ang Lee is doing this to us intentionally. If you think about it, doesn't the wedding dialogue start before the wedding scene? and the judge's 'Custody of the two minor children...' begins when we're still in the dark bedroom? We are being manipulated by a master.
Hey there, Iris...I end my day with the soundtrack and start the next day with the soundtrack...it's a very good thing Mom likes Willie Nelson. :) I do not want to quit it...I just hope it doesn't quit me somehow.
We need to keep this Ladies' Corner hopping....I'm a bit overwhelmed by the traffic in the CT area so I'm neglecting my usual haunts just trying to keep up over there....I think I prefer the slow lane.
Lynne
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Hi there my dear friends...and our NEW friends.....
I'm sooo sorry to have been away for a while. It seems I had just KIND of gotten over my huge crying jags....about BrokeBack Mountain....and then KABOOM....I get hit with losing my dear sweet friend. Thanks to you....the forum is still going strong. I just have to get back into the 'swing' of things. It's going to take a while, though. For SOME reason...my thinking about BBM feels clouded....suddenly .I can't seem to absorb all that I'm reading in the posts. Don't get me wrong.....BBM will always be soooo alive in my heart. I'm listening to the sound track now. And of course Willie Nelson singing "He was a friend of mine" now has a double meaning for me.
I DO have something exciting to tell though. I was at the theater a few weeks ago...and I spotted this HUGE <6' X 4'> stand up poster of BBM.....the one with the quote from "Rolling Stone" across the bottom. It's GORGEOUS. I begged pathetically for it....and the manager FINALLY called me a few days ago....and told me I could have it!!! I have a four poster bed....and the poster fits perfectly behind the back headboard. And SO....each night when I crawl into bed....I have Ennis and Jack...watching my back.
Tomorrow I pick up my DVD....and my BrokeBack Mountain T-shirt. They gave them away if you donated to our local AIDS charity.
Much love to you all....and PLEASE....keep our corner going....until I'm completely back on track. I just need a little more time....to grieve.
Much Love....to EVERYONE....Nancy :-*
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Nancy.....
big hugs.....dont rush the grieving....just let it unfold...
wonderful about the poster....Hmmmmm......by the bed huh?? You sure you gonna get any sleep with those two sweet boys looking down at you?? I am sure they will take you to the sweetest dreams...
hugs
Kea
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Annie Proulx wants
me to save my tears for the
living and the dead
Afer 15 years
of dry eyes, I cry a lot
for reality
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Oh Nancy, my dear, so glad to see you back again on this site. I've been some remiss about my attendance here, but I don't have the reasons you have had, lady. Some hard times, so many tears . . . you've really been through it, but clearly you have come through it, at least some part, because you seem right on the road, as usual. I've sure been enjoying my DVD -- when I watch now it feels akin to a really good massage, or a perfectly prepared meal of my favorite foods, or really good sex -- something I can just bask in over and over.
I've got my sister visiting me this weekend, who has seen BBM once, thought it was "good, but very sad." I've been so hoping to share some of my feelings about it, and she has agreed she would like to see it again while she's up here, but she's afraid that I'll judge her for not responding as I think she should. So I'm having to withdraw my hopes and expectations that some intimacy might develop between us around this movie, and not take it as a personal rejection. And assure her I will not rant at her about it! So, still, you guys are the only ones I can share this stuff with, and you're all so precious to me. Love to all, Iris :-*
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Hello my Dear Friends...
OKAY.....I'm gonna keep this sweet and short. <well....maybe not TOOO sweet> I'm NOT sure what is going on in my life these days. All I DO know is that I'm being hit....again and again. NOW my nephew is in the hospital.....he has Crohn's disease and he's very ill. He's only 26....and such a sweetie. All I seem to arrive with....these days....is bad news. I'm reading ALL your posts though and loving you all!! I just don't seem to have anything intelligent or uplifting to say....I'm SORRY!! The good part is....is that I KNOW you all understand.
Brokeback has TRULY got me GOOD....still!!! I still turn it on....all cozy in my own spot in the world...and CRY my heart out. It feels good....it's helping me cry out all this sadness that has been hitting me. It's as though our 'boys' are giving me permission to cry...and mourn.
Have Ennis and Jack taken on a life of their own? I was talking to someone earlier about BBM....and I said something like...."oh Ennis...yeah...he's a very kind soul...." and realized that I ALWAYS speak of them as though they were neighbors next door....or whatever. As if THEY are alive and part of my life. There are times when I feel a little bit 'freaked out' about it...and other times....when it's sooo comforting to me. Go figure...huh? ::)
I read Kea's tribute to Everett at his service on Thursday. SO many people commented on how fitting and beautiful it is. Thank you KEA....so very much.
All of your words and thoughts....have been so very comforting. Thank you ALL so very much.
NOW....for the first time in my life....I'm pushing a deadline for my TAXES!! UGH
So I'm off to go finish!! I'm halfway done...whew!!!
Much LOVE to you all....my fellow Brokaholics.....
Nancy :-*
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It's as though our 'boys' are giving me permission to cry...and mourn.
...I ALWAYS speak of them as though they were neighbors next door....or whatever. As if THEY are alive and part of my life.
Nancy - it's just terrific to see you peeking in and posting again! You take your time, no pressure, and get back to us when you can. But I have definitely missed you. It seems when tragedies come, they come in multiple numbers, or cycles, or something. I'm sorry to hear about your nephew's illness. I have a close cousin with Crohn's so I have some idea what he's going through. Keep us posted on that too. As always, you and yours are in my thoughts.
I think it is beyond cool that you shared Kea's poetry at Everett's memorial service. From what you've said about Everett, the poem sounded like a perfect for a tribute to a man who was well-loved.
On another note, picturing that life-size cardboard cutout behind your bed is terrific and hilarious - you rule! I've got this whole scene in my head of you haranguing the manager until he relented. :D) Maybe we can get Kea to try her hand at some comic relief there!
To get back to the topic - I cried my eyes out tonight. I talked with my ex-husband (good friend), learning that his father had passed away over the holidays. The tears just came pouring out. I firmly believe that the wounds that BBM opened - revealing the Jack/Ennis within all of us - scarred over and numb from denying our true selves for years and years - is why the tears came so easily and freely. I loved this man very much - he was like a father to me for eight+ years. But as far as tears are concerned, I am usually an Ennis...stuff them down to be dealt with at some other time, which of course never comes, so the unprocessed feelings just accumulate. It seems a luxury to allow yourself the time and space to deal with feelings as they come. My emotions are just very close to the surface now and I'd like them to stay there. It's painful and miserable, but at the same time, it reminds you that you're alive, life is precious; you are not just some automaton going through the motions.[/color]
I've been a slacker myself - not spending much time here for several reasons that I'll try to discuss in my blog, but when everyone is together again, we (Team BBM Chicks) need to talk about things like maintaining/restoring momentum, ways to keep our path in a prominent place in our lives, and especially Now What? --- where do we want to go from here both individually and as a group?
Much love and peace to all.
Lynne
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It is amazing that sights and sounds of the Mountain States have a whole new meaning after Brokeback Mountain. I have come to appreciate country & western music for the first time just because of the movie. Wide open rural country roads speak to me of Jack and Ennis, and a mountain will always remind me of Brokeback.
A year after seeing the film, none of these emotional reactions I am having to things I wouldn't have thought about before have subsided one bit. More proof of just how life-changing this film was for me.
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It`s lovely that you still feel this way Phillip,
I found at first i kept watching the movie , then i `Left It Alone ` for a whille , i thought that it would maybe , just become `A Great Film` that i`d get out once a year and enjoy , but no , it `Got` to me and i look t things in my life that echo , Jack and Ennis , the Beauty of the setting of the movie , only adds to my joy , living in such a closed in , built up area , i can`t stroll by a stream or walk in a countryside to escape , i find my release in the movie , and whenever i watch it , i still feel the same , i just love it as i did , and i think i always will. xx kaz
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Dear Phillip -- how wonderful to hear your "voice" once again, and to re-read some of those early posts from BBMgrandma and Lynn . . . those old early days when I was so high on Brokeback. You been touring the country, it sounds like and I do know the feeling that comes over me whenever any little thing evokes memories from the film: a campfire, a sunrise, a rushing stream, a cowboy drinking a cup of coffee with his gloves on, from an old tin cup on a frosty morning. My big BBM wall-collage, where I pinned up all my pics of the boys and e-mails and the post-Oscar newspaper ads and the Annie Proux text .. all of that is getting dusty and maybe after the New Year I'll have to take it all down, but not yet, not yet, I can still get the feelings back, just writing this now: how the whole event, the film, the boards, the months I spent with the wonderful folk here at Bettermost .. my life will never be the same. All my best wishes and appreciation to you for starting and continuing this wonderful haven. Iris
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Dear Phillip -- how wonderful to hear your "voice" once again, and to re-read some of those early posts from BBMgrandma and Lynn . . . those old early days when I was so high on Brokeback. You been touring the country, it sounds like and I do know the feeling that comes over me whenever any little thing evokes memories from the film: a campfire, a sunrise, a rushing stream, a cowboy drinking a cup of coffee with his gloves on, from an old tin cup on a frosty morning. My big BBM wall-collage, where I pinned up all my pics of the boys and e-mails and the post-Oscar newspaper ads and the Annie Proux text .. all of that is getting dusty and maybe after the New Year I'll have to take it all down, but not yet, not yet, I can still get the feelings back, just writing this now: how the whole event, the film, the boards, the months I spent with the wonderful folk here at Bettermost .. my life will never be the same. All my best wishes and appreciation to you for starting and continuing this wonderful haven. Iris
Friend! Iristarr! This visit is long overdue! How've you been? You don't need to take your shrine down, sweetie...just get out one of those feather dusters and dust it off every few weeks! I've really missed you. I'm glad to see you here again. You need to catch us up with what you've been doing.
I'm not over it...My chest still tightens whenever I hear the familiar strains of any Gustavo song. I don't watch the movie as often as I did...pull it out for when I have special quiet time or want to see something special. I am having bipolar-style swings between thinking I'm on on the right path toward 'finishing the story' and getting smacked in a new direction. I don't guess Annie said the path would be straight or narrow or boring :).
We miss you! Please swing our way more often!
Love,
Lynne