BetterMost, Wyoming & Brokeback Mountain Forum
Our BetterMost Community => Chez Tremblay => Topic started by: ednbarby on September 29, 2008, 11:36:35 pm
-
I got word at about 2:00 p.m. Friday, September 5, that my Dad had passed away a little earlier that day, peacefully, and in his sleep.
He had Grade 4 brain cancer (for those who don't know) - glioblastoma multiforme - it was diagnosed late last November, and he underwent surgery, radiation, and three rounds of chemo before giving up on that (it nearly killed him the third time around) and letting the cancer take over.
He had asked to be brought home from Hospice several weeks ago - insisted on it, really. It was hard for my stepmom at first, but she hired round-the-clock nursing care for him and that eased her anxiety a bit.
He had basically been paralyzed since about July. He could feel his arms and legs, but could not move his legs at all and could not sit up on his own in bed. So he was bedridden. His speech really started to go a few months ago.
My oldest brother finally went to see him the weekend before he died. He had not seen him since last August (2007), and didn't go after multiple requests for him from my Dad and stepmom. He left on a Sunday, and my Dad refused to eat or drink starting the following Monday. He was started on morphine on Wednesday because he was moaning in pain/discomfort and having difficulty breathing.
I have been preparing for this for a while. I hope it doesn't sound cold, but I feel mostly relieved that he is finally at peace. I know he hated what his life had become. I'm thankful that I went to see him several times over the last 9 months, and that we had some really nice talks before he got to the point that he could neither talk nor listen anymore.
His funeral was on a Tuesday in Charlotte, NC, and it was beautiful.
Wake me up when September ends.
-
Oh, Barb, I'm so sorry for you.
Today is the anniversary of my Dad's death, so I share your grief.
Paul
-
{{{{BARB}}}}
I'm so sorry! :'( :'(
-
I got word at about 2:00 p.m. Friday, September 5, that my Dad had passed away a little earlier that day, peacefully, and in his sleep.
He had Grade 4 brain cancer (for those who don't know) - glioblastoma multiforme - it was diagnosed late last November, and he underwent surgery, radiation, and three rounds of chemo before giving up on that (it nearly killed him the third time around) and letting the cancer take over.
He had asked to be brought home from Hospice several weeks ago - insisted on it, really. It was hard for my stepmom at first, but she hired round-the-clock nursing care for him and that eased her anxiety a bit.
He had basically been paralyzed since about July. He could feel his arms and legs, but could not move his legs at all and could not sit up on his own in bed. So he was bedridden. His speech really started to go a few months ago.
My oldest brother finally went to see him the weekend before he died. He had not seen him since last August (2007), and didn't go after multiple requests for him from my Dad and stepmom. He left on a Sunday, and my Dad refused to eat or drink starting the following Monday. He was started on morphine on Wednesday because he was moaning in pain/discomfort and having difficulty breathing.
I have been preparing for this for a while. I hope it doesn't sound cold, but I feel mostly relieved that he is finally at peace. I know he hated what his life had become. I'm thankful that I went to see him several times over the last 9 months, and that we had some really nice talks before he got to the point that he could neither talk nor listen anymore.
His funeral was on a Tuesday in Charlotte, NC, and it was beautiful.
Wake me up when September ends.
I DO understand. When my grandmother passed away, I felt the same. She had been bedridden and out of it for years. She thought snakes were on her...and that she could see cows and her kids out the window. It was not life.
Please don't be hard on yourself for that....it is a perfectly understandable feeling..
-
I'm sorry about that. You, too, southen and injest. :'( It's gonna be okay.
You'll be okay, though. It'll get better. My heart goes out to you and those who're suffering similar losses. :(
-
Dearest Barb,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. Please know that I am keeping you and your family close in my heart as you go through this difficult time. I bet he was grateful to have his daughter, grandchild, and other loved ones with him. Please let us know if there's anything we can do.
{{{{Barb}}}}
All my best,
Lynne
-
Barb, I'm so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you.
My mother died last spring, after suffering from Alzheimer's for 10 years. I understand what you mean about having your grief tinged with relief.
-
Thank you friend Barb for telling your BetterMost family so we could send our thoughts and wishes to you. Be at peace yourself.
-
You don't sound cold at all and I can understand that your grief is mixed with relief. Don't feel guilty about that. It's all right.
My condolences go to you and your family.
{{{Barb}}} :-*
-
So sorry for your loss Barb.......May you Dad now rest in peace.....
{{{Barb}}}}
-
Hey Barb, big hug to you and your son. I remember nice stories you told about your dad and was it bonfires?
-
I'm very sorry for your loss Barb.
Ian
-
My thoughts are with you, Barb. And September's almost over.
Hugs,
Leslie
-
Im sorry for your loss Barb. Both my parents have passed away. Grief is a process and over time, your pain gets lessened
{{{{{{{Barb}}}}}}}
Dev
-
I can only reiterate what others have said.I know how Bettermost helps at times like this. Peace is a state we all try and aim for. No need to feel guilty that your dad has found that peace, and that in doing so has given you some peace through relief.
No caring and loving child ever wants their parents to die, but then neither do they want them to be suffering and gradualy losing everything that made them who they are.
So no guilt.
-
Barb, I'm so sorry. ... :'(
Jeff
-
I'm so very sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family. I think anyone who has been through a similar experience understands your feeling of relief. It's not cold at all; in fact, quite the opposite.
Marie
-
Barb, thank you for sharing this sad news with us, so we can try to help you get through this pain. I lost my dad to cancer 22 months, 2 weeks, and 1 day ago. Today, my dear mom turned 80 years old, but she is in a nursing home, on her deathbed, we're told, with 6 kinds of cancer, including the brain, which seems to really take its toll the most. I feel for you and your family, and please, like others here have said, do not beat yourself up for your relief. When my mom passes in the next few days, I too will feel relief first, that she is no longer in pain and just a mere shadow of her self. I am certain that relief is all that she wants right now, and is praying for it. All the best from one Brokie to another in grief.
-
Oh, Barb, I'm so sorry to hear this. And I do understand the sense of relief. Grief can be an overwhelming feeling. Please don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do. It's clear from your post that you cared deeply about your father. Take it one day at a time. The happy memories will come back, eventually.
Big hugs to you!
And big hugs to all brokies who've had to say goodbye to a loved one or are in the process of doing so.
-
Oh Barb, I'm so sorry I didn't know. :-\
You don't sound cold at all.
I'm sending my love and thoughts to you and the whole family just now.
I'm so glad the bettermost family is there for all those going through troubling times at home.
:-*
-
Barb, so sorry to hear about your dad's passing..
Big hug {{{BARB}}}!
j.U.d.E.
-
You don't sound cold and it isn't cold to be relieved.
You know he rests in solace now.
Sending a warm hug your way, Barb.
Take care,
~M
-
I'm so, so sorry for your loss {{Barb}}. :'( :-*
-
Sincere condolences to you and your family on your Dad's passing, Barb. Thanks for letting us know. (((((Barb)))))
-
Thanks, everyone, for your very kind words.
I'm doing OK outwardly, but apparently it's eating me up inside. Got diagnosed with the Shingles, for God's sake, late last week. Fortunately, it's concentrated itself on just one of my legs. Unfortunately, even oxycontin can't make a dent in the pain - it just makes me paranoid but my leg still hurts like a sonofabitch. (Thank goodness for Extra Strength Excedrin - who knew it could be so effective?) Still, it could be a lot worse.
I'm going up to NY for another memorial for my Dad this weekend - this time in my home town and the town in which he lived for 25 years before moving to NC. The memorial in NC was very trying - mostly because my stepmom went ballistic a couple of times and alienated half the family. I'm hoping it'll be a little more calm this time with the salve of time on our side, and with it being on somewhat more neutral territory (my brother and I are staying with our other brother - one of the ones she went ballistic on a month ago - instead of with her - long, fucked up story). She and I are still getting along - because that's what I do - get along - even though, by all accounts, I shouldn't even be speaking to her right now.
Sigh. There's a reason we move hundreds - sometimes thousands - of miles away from them, isn't there?
Thanks again for all your loving support. You all are truly the best people I've ever known, and I'm so grateful for your gentle hearts.
-
Please be really careful with shingles, you must have mentally got very run down.hardly surprising in the circumstances. It is hellish painful as well. Just watch out for any remote signs of it going near your face. It can affect the eye, and starts as a pricking feeling, as if you have an eyelash in your eye. The reason I am telling you, is that it can be treated effectively as long as patients do not ignore it.
Sorry I have my Optometrist head on, doctors here may be better,it's just I know in England they frequently do not advise about possible eye involvement.So patients leave it too long to go and get treatment.
I hope you get over it quickly,you realy must feel miserable with it.
What a time of it you are having.I hope things settle a bit for you sooner rather than later.
-
Barb, hope you feel better with those shingles. Myself, I always think of oxycontin as the silver lining to just about any malady, but I know not everybody feels the same, so I'm sorry.
What I'm glad about is to know that when you're in pain, physical or emotional, you still feel this is a good place to come to talk about it. Keep it up, Bud. We'll be here for you.
:-*
Katherine
-
Hey Barb, I hope the trees are beautiful for your trip to NY. Shingles suck. I would take a good B complex and lysine. And, devastatingly, I would stay away from chocolate til it subsides.
-
OMG Barb, I do feel for you with those dam shingles. My hubby had them a couple of years ago, on one side of his neck and it went up thru his hair, and he said he had never experienced anything so painful.
And yes, it is a sign of being run down mentally, which shows just how much all these past months have affected you.
Take care and build up your strength again. My thoughts are with you.
-
Any better today ?? I don't know where you live, but in England, di hydro codeine is the best P.K you can get. You could also get some calm you down tablets. Even though you might not feel stressed, you probably are and when we are stressed our bodies deal with pain much less well.
Sorry if it sounds like I am trying to turn you into some kind of junkie, but I saw so many cases of shingles when I was in practice and I worry about people when they get it as I know the pain is hell,I have seen grown men cry with the pain, particularly if it gets in your eye.
So please be careful and look after yourself.
-
Thanks, Optom, and everyone else for the shingles advice.
Don't worry - I went to my dermatologist right away - actually, I coincidentally had an appointment scheduled with her to discuss what I should do about the arthritis in one of my hands that I think was brought on by my psoriasis (geez - do I sound like a Hypochondriac Extraordinaire, or what???). The shingles first reared its ugly head just a few days before that appointment. So I am currently taking an anti-viral (Valtrex) to keep it from spreading. Nonetheless, it has traveled up my leg to my thigh since it started about a week ago. I hope it's pretty well contained by now. Mercifully, it's not anywhere near my face (knock on wood) and is only affecting the one leg. It does indeed hurt like hell, though, especially at night. I take the Excedrin every 4 hours, and it wakes me up after about 3.5 to tell me it's time to take it again. What a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation. Still, I'm fortunate - I know people my age who have had to be hospitalized for it because it was so widespread and nothing short of I.V. pain meds could keep the searing pain at bay. It really feels like a burn wound - I can't imagine feeling that all over my face and neck...
This is what happens to all us Ennises out there who internalize everything. Sooner or later, something's gotta give. In my case, when it does, it seeps right out of my skin. :-\
-
Hi Barb,
Thanks so much for checking in here and updating us on how you're doing. Lots of us here are certainly thinking about you.
I'm sorry to hear about the shingles. :( My grandfather really struggled with shingles for a long time, and certainly remember how unpleasant that condition is.
And, sorry to hear about the family drama on top of the grieving you're all going through. I'm sure you're right in suggesting that time will hopefully begin to make things a little easier.
{{{Barb}}}