BetterMost, Wyoming & Brokeback Mountain Forum

Our BetterMost Community => Chez Tremblay => Topic started by: slayers_creek_oth on June 22, 2006, 12:17:18 am

Title: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: slayers_creek_oth on June 22, 2006, 12:17:18 am
Hey all,

Please allow me to rant about....me...for a second...may answer some of the several PMs that I have recieved in the last few days...

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been around much lately....been quiet and reserved!  Well now its time to tell...

I found out today that I am going to take part in a seemingly bitter divorce from my wife of almost 3 years.  Her lack of love and care for my son has pushed me too the edge, she left last week and I recieved divorce papers this morning...it turns out that she doesn't even want Charlie Jacob...she isn't even gonna fight for him...you have no idea how bad that hurts...

I am honestly done, was at the end of my thin rope and after the several months of simple requests such as that she actually feed the baby....I was finished!  But the worst part about it is that my 8 week old son no longer has a mother...and thats what is killing me..

So if I seem absent in the next few please know that it is for the reasons listed above...

Thanks everyone,

C
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: serious crayons on June 22, 2006, 12:23:42 am
Oh my god, Chris, I am so, so sorry to hear that. I can't imagine how hard that must be to have happen -- at any time, let alone with a new baby, when nothing is easy in the first place. It sounds so lame to say if there's anything we can do ... but is there?

At the very least we will be thinking of you.

Katherine
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Front-Ranger on June 22, 2006, 12:32:22 am
God, this is like a knife to the heart for me, I can't imagine what it is like for you...I'm glad CJ has you for a father though...are you sure you're wife isn't suffering from postpartum depression? It can do the strangest things. Please urge your wife not to make any rash decisions. See a counselor together if you can. I will be praying for you (in a non-denominational way)!
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Meryl on June 22, 2006, 01:11:53 am
Oh Chris, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time!  Thanks for letting us know, and of course I'll be hoping for you and your wife to resolve things for the best.  Giant hugs to you and Charlie Jacob!
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: EnnisDelMar on June 22, 2006, 01:12:45 am
Chris bud, I'm really sorry to hear that. I really hope you know that I care about you and hope for the best. You're a great person.

-Brandon
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Sashca1007 on June 22, 2006, 01:17:00 am
Chris,

Real tears being shed for you here, many miles away.  It may be difficult for all of us here to put into words what we're feeling for you, but you can be sure that your BetterMost friends are here for you--let us know (specifically) how we can help.

Love from us to you and yours,

Melinda
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: RouxB on June 22, 2006, 01:22:25 am
 :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(

 :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*  :-*

 My heart is with you

 O0
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: vkm91941 on June 22, 2006, 01:33:03 am
I'm still realing from the news..but I'm here for you my friend anytime...you KNOW that  :-*
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Lynne on June 22, 2006, 01:46:46 am
Chris,
Damn, I am so sorry for you, for what you're going through right now.  This just sucks.  We're all here, you know, if you need to talk.  Please let us know if there's anything further we can do.  You're in my heart.
Love,
Lynne
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Lumière on June 22, 2006, 02:18:21 am
So sorry to hear about that Chris.   :-\ :'(
Like everyone else has said, we are thinking of you!


Milli
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Kelda on June 22, 2006, 04:01:33 am
Chris,

I echo all the words above. We are all thinking of you very very much. I hope you can work things out for the best - whatever the best may be in the end.

Also, as Front Ranger said, could it be that your wife does have postnatal depression? Its a terrible thing, especially when particularly severe.
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Ellemeno on June 22, 2006, 04:57:19 am
Also, as Front Ranger said, could it be that your wife does have postnatal depression? Its a terrible thing, especially when particularly severe.

I am wondering this too.  Chris, let us know how we can help.

Clarissa
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: j.U.d.E. on June 22, 2006, 05:00:27 am
Shit! That's hard!

 :-*  :-*  :-*

Yes, check the 'postnatal depression' possibility!

Hang in there Chris!

~ j U d E
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: MaineWriter on June 22, 2006, 06:15:36 am
Chris...I sent you an email to your yahoo account.

Leslie
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: David on June 22, 2006, 08:17:32 am
Awww  Chris!!   

Dammit!   That sucks.   I wish you weren't so frickin far away!   Virtual hugs just don't cut it sometimes. 

Y'all are part of my virtual family and it pains me to hear that you are hurting. 

David  :-*
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: ednbarby on June 22, 2006, 08:56:21 am
Chris, I'm so sorry to hear this, honey.  I have to say I couldn't help but wonder, like others here, if she's suffering from postnatal depression.  See, I did.  And I went through a period - I shudder to think of it now - of feeling like having my son was the biggest mistake of my life to the point of having suicidal thoughts.  You see, your mind is not your own when you suffer from it.  Was she excited about her pregnancy and looking as forward to his arrival as you, only to experience a 180 degree turn-around about three days after his birth?

I had to force myself to care for Will, myself - I can't explain why but it was just unbearable - until I thank goodness got some help from my brilliant OB-GYN who picked up on it right away on my six-week follow-up visit.  And I was fortunate to get the help early enough that I was able to bond with him shortly thereafter and thoroughly enjoy the first year of his life.  Now, I don't know what the heck I was doing with my all my time *before* I had him.  He's the light of my life, and he gives me moments of pure, unadulterated, paw-the-white-out-of-the-moon joy every single day.

In any event, I'm really sorry you're going through such an awful time, Chris.  My heart goes out to you and Charlie.
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: chefjudy on June 22, 2006, 09:02:11 am
 :( Hey Chris - so sorry to hear the bad news.  Keep your chin up and know that we are here for you should you need to vent,
 talk or cry.  We know that with you in charge your son will be well taken care of.

Best wishes always,

Judy
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: FuzzyChanny on June 22, 2006, 01:23:53 pm
Chris, that is horrible. I am so sorry! I am sending you love (and for CJ)! I'm so sorry again...
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Jeff Wrangler on June 22, 2006, 01:42:01 pm
Talk about a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation! This is just awful, just plain awful.  :'(

Chris, I'll be keeping you and the little buckaroo in my thoughts and close to my heart.

Jeff
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: JennyC on June 22, 2006, 01:51:26 pm
Chris,

I feel so so sorry to hear this.  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(  :'(

Hang in there and I truly hope you and your wife can work out your differences, and don’t rush any decisions.

You have been a dear friend to all of us here.  We are here for you.

Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: vkm91941 on June 22, 2006, 01:58:36 pm
as you all know I was a NICU nurse for years, Pediatrics and OBGYN are my speciality....some information on Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Psychosis for your enlightenment.  Info you may or may not find useful Chris.
But you know what they say it ain't over til the fat lady sings ( and I do not sing!) If getting McK some medical help could get back in touch with her love for you and CJ then salvage this situation...well, your call...............

Postpartum Depression
PD not only hurts the mother, but also affects her family. Some researchers have found that depression during pregnancy can raise the risk of delivering an underweight baby or a premature infant. Some women with depression have difficulty caring for themselves during pregnancy. They may have trouble eating and won’t gain enough weight during the pregnancy; have trouble sleeping; may miss prenatal visits; may not follow medical instructions; have a poor diet; or may use harmful substances, like tobacco, alcohol, or illegal drugs.   Classic Symptoms are Dysphoric mood
Loss of interest in usually pleasurable activities,Difficulty concentrating or making decisions, Psychomotor agitation or, retardation, Fatigue, Changes in appetite or sleep, Recurrent thoughts of death/suicide,Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, especially failure at motherhood, Excessive anxiety over child's health

Postpartum depression can affect a mother’s ability to parent. She may lack energy, have trouble concentrating, be irritable, and not be able to meet her child’s needs for love and affection. As a result, she may feel guilty and lose confidence in herself as a mother, which can worsen the depression. Researchers believe that postpartum depression can affect the infant by causing delays in language development, problems with emotional bonding to others, behavioral problems, lower activity levels, sleep problems, and distress. It helps if the father or another caregiver can assist in meeting the needs of the baby and other children in the family while mom is depressed.

All children deserve the chance to have a healthy mom. All moms deserve the chance to enjoy their life and their children. If this is the problem she needs a doctor.

Postpartum Psychosis  
Post-partum psychosis is very rare. It is not so much a variety of post-partum depression as it is an entity onto itself. It is characterized by homicidal and suicidal impulses, hallucinations, delusions, disorganized and bizarre thinking.
The dilemma is that these individuals usually refuse treatment. This is a medical emergency situation. If post-partum psychosis is suspected, families need to call 911 as emergency intervention is necessary. Medication most likely will be prescribed. The ultimate goal is to keep the baby and mother safe.

Research shows that approximately one woman in 1,000 births will experience post-partum psychosis.

As with treating any psychosis,  first rule out any physiological cause such as thyroid storms, seizure disorders or drug-induced psychosis. Once ruled out, treatment is crucial. However before individual or group therapy, medication must be given to alleviate the psychotic symptomatolgy. In many cases, anti-psychotic medication is administered only for a short period of time. Once the psychosis abates, couple counseling, as well as individual counseling, can be of benefit.

Family support, and educating the family regarding what has occurred is also extremely important. It is important that the affected individual not be labeled a bad mother. Once the psychosis is treated, mothers generally go on to be good caretakers. It is important to note, however, that in the event of future pregnancies, affected individuals are at a 50% greater risk of having another psychotic episode.

Certain anti-psychotics have been more affective than others. Haldol, Risperidal, Clozaril and Zyprexa have been beneficial in post-partum psychosis.

Anti-psychotic medications do pass into the mother’s breast milk. Subsequently if the mother has been breastfeeding and continues to do so, the baby needs to be monitored for drowsiness or lethargic behavior, and prescribing the least amount of anti-psychotic medication in order for symptom reduction to occur is also crucial.
 



Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: opinionista on June 22, 2006, 01:58:50 pm
Hey all,

Please allow me to rant about....me...for a second...may answer some of the several PMs that I have recieved in the last few days...

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been around much lately....been quiet and reserved!  Well now its time to tell...

I found out today that I am going to take part in a seemingly bitter divorce from my wife of almost 3 years.  Her lack of love and care for my son has pushed me too the edge, she left last week and I recieved divorce papers this morning...it turns out that she doesn't even want Charlie Jacob...she isn't even gonna fight for him...you have no idea how bad that hurts...

I am honestly done, was at the end of my thin rope and after the several months of simple requests such as that she actually feed the baby....I was finished!  But the worst part about it is that my 8 week old son no longer has a mother...and thats what is killing me..

So if I seem absent in the next few please know that it is for the reasons listed above...

Thanks everyone,

C

Hey Chris,

I really don't know what the situation is, but what you described is very similar to what happened to a very good friend of mine when he and his girlfriend had their baby two years ago.

As it happened with you, my friend's girlfriend left him and said she wanted no part in the baby's life. They weren't married so there was no divorce. It turned out that she had a bad case of post partum depression or baby blues, which clouded her judgement, and made her behave strangely. If your baby is only 8 weeks old this could be your wife's case.

Sometimes, baby blues have terrible effects in women and makes them do things they wouldn't normally do. I suggest that, if you want to of course, consult with an expert, perhaps a psychologist or psychiatrist about this matter, and try to talk to her about getting help.

My friend's girlfriend got help from a doctor. The gave her pills and things went back to normal. She is now a wonderful and caring mother, and they're still together.

The problem is that if her behavior is indeed a result of post partum depression, she is going to change her mind, probably in a few months, and will want to be back into your lives. This could have negative effects in the baby, because you'll probably be angry, and she'll be remorseful and sad.

As I said above, I don't know what the situation between your wife and you is, but I wanted to tell you this in case it could help you find a better solution. I know she is the one who wants out, but maybe you could try talking to her into getting help or having someone from her family talking to her about it.

I wish you the best Chris, and let me know if I can do anything.

-Natali
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Shuggy on June 22, 2006, 08:55:01 pm
That's pretty bad, and - not knowing anything about it - I'd say keep post partum depression in mind, because it doesn't make a lot of sense otherwise: if it were about any bad things between you, she'd certainly want to take the baby with her. So if/when she gets better and wants to come back into your lives, I hope you'll have room.

Meanwhile, how are the practicalities? Can you take parental leave from your job? Get a single-parents' benefit? You could do both of those here in NZ (sorry if I gloat but - I gloat). What's the position in Utah (isn't it)? And have you family who can help out?
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: alec716 on June 22, 2006, 09:07:13 pm
Hey Chris -- thanks for letting us know what's going on.  We might be "only" virtual friends, but we can let you know, human to human, that we feel for you and will do anything practical or metaphysical to help out.  Know that the BetterMostians stand with you!  As I have never participated in a board like this before, I have been amazed at the emotional vulnerability that many (including alec716!) have been willing and eager to share on these threads.  We really are a community of sorts, in a world that can be all too hostile.  So -- keep us posted -- we really do care.  -- Alec
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: silkncense on June 22, 2006, 09:45:48 pm
Quote
...are you sure you're wife isn't suffering from postpartum depression? It can do the strangest things. Please urge your wife not to make any rash decisions.

I agree w/ all those thinking it may be postpartum depression, esp since you said she would not even feed the baby.  I think that is huge clue.  If you are on good terms w/ her parents, maybe you should approach the subject with them...

Hopefully you can convey the love of two to your son in the meantime.

Take care.

Also, just saw that the current (July 2006) Ladies Home Journal has an article titled "Can this marriage be saved?" which focuses on Postpartum depression.  May give you some insight.
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: slayers_creek_oth on June 23, 2006, 12:47:45 am
Hey everyone!  Thanks very much for your support...I really appreciate it!

I understand the post-partum depression thing and have actually spoken too McK about it....I even asked her to go to marriage counseling with me....and she told me to go reproduce myself...just not in those words!  There are also several private issues that I have not made public that make the post-partum depression scenario highly unlikely...

All I asked was that she not leave our son with my 19 year old brother for hours on end while she went shopping for HERSELF and got her hair, nails, etc. done.  It was becoming a 3 or 4 time a week problem and my brother should not have to deal with the responsibility.  Often times she would leave without even telling my bro.  I simply told her that if she does not want to be home with CJ then she can work and I'll stay home!  She then told me to f*uck off and left...that was last Saturday and I have yet to hear from her....other then the papers that I was served yesterday morning at my work...

McK has not worked a day in her life...NEVER!  Not once....everything she owns belongs to me...down to the last sock...  I supported her 110%....everything she wanted she got and I never batted an eye...

I didn't ask for that much....I never once asked her to clean the house or do anything cleaning related....even though I worked on average 60 hours a week....I still did it all!  Thank god for my brother...

I did find out today that she is in fact living with another man which makes me wonder...naturally!  And our marriage was on the rocks LONG before CJ was born...unfortunately I truly believe its over....she made that very clear!

Thanks everyone for your support....I really appreciate it...

Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Aloysius J. Gleek on June 23, 2006, 12:54:35 am
Dear Chris:

:'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

xxxx
John

Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Lynne on June 23, 2006, 01:20:22 am
Thanks for the update, Chris.  It can't be said often enough - we're here for you if you need us.  I'm sorry you're going through this.  Take good care of yourself during this painful time.
-Lynne
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: JennyC on June 23, 2006, 01:30:07 am
Chris,

We all love you.  It’s hard reality that you have to deal with; unfortunately we cannot do much to help you  :'(.  Like Lynn said take good care of yourself.  You know we care about you and you will always have our emotional support.

Stay positive, like you always are.
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Kelda on June 23, 2006, 03:56:23 am
Stay positive, like you always are.


Indeed. Keep strong for yourself and CJ and take things one step at a time.

we're all here for you if you need/want us.
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: vkm91941 on June 23, 2006, 04:58:37 am
to love

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. Not even an animal. Wrap it carefully with hobbies and luxuries, avoid all entanglements and keep it safe in the casket of your selfishness. But in the casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable".

C.S Lewis The Four Loves
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: slayers_creek_oth on June 23, 2006, 11:52:10 am
Thanks everyone!   :)
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Lumière on June 23, 2006, 11:59:58 am
Hi again Chris,

I do feel ya pain.  And I repeat what everyone else has already said, we are with ya.
Your little boy has indeed been blessed with a dad like you.
Keep strong!

xox
Milli
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Penthesilea on June 23, 2006, 12:08:59 pm
Chris,
I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you and your son. Take good care of you both.
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Meryl on June 23, 2006, 01:04:04 pm
Chris, thanks for more information.  It sounds like you are holding up admirably well under the circumstances.  Lots of hugs and good vibes are going out to you from all of us!  Take care!  :-*
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: sparkle_motion on June 23, 2006, 09:23:18 pm
Chris, this is really tragic news. I'm very sorry you have to go thru this. You are very admirable for stepping up to the plate and taking care of your beautiful son.
I'm sending you my thoughts and care. You'll make it through this!
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Phillip Dampier on June 25, 2006, 08:40:10 pm
I found out today that I am going to take part in a seemingly bitter divorce from my wife of almost 3 years.  Her lack of love and care for my son has pushed me too the edge, she left last week and I recieved divorce papers this morning...it turns out that she doesn't even want Charlie Jacob...she isn't even gonna fight for him...you have no idea how bad that hurts...

As someone dealing with my own family issues, let me say I can relate to the angst you are going through and I am sorry to hear about it.  It sounds like a lot of these issues are related to parenting issues, and perhaps that indicates the problems are entirely her own and not related to you or your son.  Be sure to take care of yourself as best as you can.

My thoughts are with you and yours.
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: henrypie on June 25, 2006, 11:21:09 pm
Another supportive thought from Henrypie, Chris.
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: newyearsday on June 26, 2006, 11:56:21 pm
Just now reading this shocking news. I'm so sorry for you Chris, and for Charlie Jacob. Neither of you deserves 1/10th of what you're dealing with. Maybe it isn't post partum depression, maybe it is. It certainly sounds like the shock of the responsibility is too much for McK to handle right now, and regardless of any diagnosis, counseling would be great for her, or for both of you. Easier said than done, though, I'm afraid.

I second the questions about how much practical help you are getting--time off for paternal care, or family help, or just supportive listeners.

I think I speak for us all when I say you can and should lean on us now. You're such a positive and strong person, I've always admired that about you. And yet nobody would blame you now for needing to vent--a lot. So talk away, in chat, or here, b/c you know we care, and want to do anything we can for a brokie, and a friend, in need.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jenny
 
Title: Re: OT: A bit of personal life information!
Post by: Katie77 on June 27, 2006, 04:28:58 am
Chris, I only joined the bettermost message board yesterday, but i was still saddened to hear what is happening to you.

I immediatlely thought, like a few others on here, that she may be suffering from post partum depression, and you should get some help in seeing if this is the case, and getting some help for her, for the sake of your darling son, and yourself.

I know i dont know you, but my thoughts are with you at such a sad time, and i hope there is a happier solution to all this for you, your wife and your son