BetterMost, Wyoming & Brokeback Mountain Forum
Our BetterMost Community => Chez Tremblay => Topic started by: dmmb_Mandy on April 08, 2006, 08:39:04 pm
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I wrote it this evening, on a whim. Comments are appreciated.
Jack's Dash
Let me in
His lips nearly mumble
As he traces the delicate lines of his lover's chest with his finger,
But they resist and quiver instead.
It's "the little things", they say,
And for a moment he can see it in his glazed eyes
But in a quick, gentle blink-of-the-eye, it's gone.
He lives for it,
And wonders to himself how much longer he can stand it.
I have demons too
he thought,
And he wanted to take them between his fists,
Crush them into dust and blow them away.
He knows he can't keep him,
But tonight, in the silence of their own little piece of the world,
where the trees keep their secrets and the wind takes their words,
he holds him hard, tight.
But now his lover fears no more,
Because the dash between his own cemented dates is done.
And now as he looks into the mountains
Into the distance that once grew and grew
But now grows no more,
He can hear Jack saying faintly
I left, Ennis,
but I never let go.
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:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
So sad! Beautiful Mandy - captured the movie so well!
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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You are a talent indeed my girl!! ;D
That's beautiful.. when we get us a board / forum for creative outpourings inspired by BBM (a la our drawings!!!!!) this is goin' in it!!
And is there nothing you can't inspire me to do?!?!? *sheyne sits in front of notepad, tapping pencil to her lips*
I'm gonna have a go later.. ::)
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Very good Mandy. Beautiful.
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Thanks you guys *hugs*. Lemme know when you write some Sheyne hun!
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bumping for Daniel to find! Lemme know what you think (you can PM if you'd rather)
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Thanks, Mandy. I like the images and pacing a lot. I only have one question--in the last stanza or verse, "But now his lover fears no more,
Because the dash between his own cemented dates is done."
Is it Jack dashing between Ennis' cemented dates that you are referring to? As in, Jack is always the one moving to and fro according to Ennis' rigid offers of being together?
I just wanted to clarify it. It's beautiful. Sad.
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That's a very good interpretation, Jenny. I love how people can take different things from poetry.
However, I actually meant Jack's life in general. The dash is his life, and it is between the cemented dates of birth and death, like on a tombstone. His dash is done because physically he lives no more.
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But tonight, in the silence of their own little piece of the world,
where the trees keep their secrets and the wind takes their words,
he holds him hard, tight.
This is my favorite part, Mandy... The trees keep their secrets and the wind takes their words.... sends chills down my spine... You peaked me Mandy. :) It reminds me so much of the film especially because those two elemental images seem to so poignantly capture the characters of Ennis and Jack.
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Awwwhhh Damn it Mandy! :'( You made me cry again! Beautiful poem, every word. You have a very tender heart and a natural gift of sharing it with others.
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Daniel & Vic, thanks so much for your comments, MUCH appreciated. Poetry only works if it reaches and really touches someone. :-*
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As he traces the delicate lines of his lover's chest with his finger ??? Um, I'm having trouble with this line's imagery. What is it supposed to refer to? Or am I being too anatomical?
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I wrote it this evening, on a whim. Comments are appreciated.
Jack's Dash
Let me in
His lips nearly mumble
As he traces the delicate lines of his lover's chest with his finger,
But they resist and quiver instead.
It's "the little things", they say,
And for a moment he can see it in his glazed eyes
But in a quick, gentle blink-of-the-eye, it's gone.
He lives for it,
And wonders to himself how much longer he can stand it.
I have demons too
he thought,
And he wanted to take them between his fists,
Crush them into dust and blow them away.
He knows he can't keep him,
But tonight, in the silence of their own little piece of the world,
where the trees keep their secrets and the wind takes their words,
he holds him hard, tight.
But now his lover fears no more,
Because the dash between his own cemented dates is done.
And now as he looks into the mountains
Into the distance that once grew and grew
But now grows no more,
He can hear Jack saying faintly
I left, Ennis,
but I never let go.
:'(
Cheers for sharing this Mandy! This part is heart-breaking:
<< He can hear Jack saying faintly
I left, Ennis, but I never let go.
>>
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:'(
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Awh hell, I'm sobbing again.
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Thank you all :-*
delalluvia: the lines = the lines of one's nipples or the lines around one's pecks, for examples.