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 51 
 on: January 11, 2019, 02:24:11 pm 
Started by Meryl - Last post by Penthesilea
That sounds fun! You're very intrepid. Will it be cold?


Nah, probably not. Temperatures should be anywhere between 13C (=mid fifties F) and 5C resp. 40F. I will take a light winter jacked however, so I won't have to buy one in case the weather takes a turn for the worse. Been there, done that. Twice. On Monika's and my summer trips, lol.
One time we got surprised by snow and the matching temps in South Dakota in early September and the second time no snow but icy temps in the Canadian Rockies.

 52 
 on: January 11, 2019, 02:12:03 pm 
Started by Brown Eyes - Last post by Penthesilea
Grin That's exactly why I bought that truck right away when I found it.  Grin


Still gives us a kick, doesn't it. Even after all these years. Smiley

 53 
 on: January 11, 2019, 10:54:29 am 
Started by Front-Ranger - Last post by serious crayons
Are there enough articles that describe the sacrifice in time and well-being?

Yes. I've written some, a colleague who also writes about caregiving has written some -- and that's just at one medium-size newspaper. One source I've often turned to in caregiving stories is a University of Minnesota department head who puts out a newsletter for caregivers. The AARP has a lot of material. I'm sure NextAvenue has a bunch. There are whole websites about it. If you google it I'm sure you'll find plenty. This could get you started: https://www.google.com/search?q=%22family+caregiving%22&rlz=1C1EOIJ_enUS750US778&oq=%22family+caregiving%22&aqs=chrome..69i57j69i65j0l4.8331j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

I can't remember where now, but recently in a conversation we were noting that some caregivers don't even like the parent they're caring for, but do it anyway. Extremely stressful, either way.

Quote
The examples you cite are primarily economic. Caregiving is so intense and so expensive, that most people would choose "family caregiving" over institutional care. But isn't "family caregiving" misnamed for the most part? The vast majority falls to the one person who is willing to take on the job. Others may mean well, but they think their role extends to a 10-minute phone call on Sunday afternoons.

Yes, that often happens. Of course, families vary quite a bit, so in some cases the siblings share. More women do caregiving and when men do caregiving for a parent it often involves paying for a service rather than performing one.

Quote
Maybe some agency or organization is needed to counsel people who are facing these decisions.

Yes, there are a bunch. I of course didn't realize that when my mother was ailing.

Quote
Here, it seems to me that the answer would have been to sell the house, move the mother into long-term care in the city near where the daughter was living/working, have the mother transfer ownership of the car to the daughter, spend down her money on the care facility and buying other approved items such as burial services, and apply for Medicaid. Then, the daughter would not have to destroy her life and the mother could get the professional, 24/7 care that she needed.

They couldn't sell the house because it was on a reverse mortgage. The car was in question because it wasn't clear whether Medicaid patients get to keep their cars (obviously someone knows the answer, but I didn't dig enough to find). Any gifts of money (and maybe cars?) a Medicaid receiver has given to their family members within the past 5 or 7 years (can't remember which, and it may vary by state) must be returned. So the car situation wasn't clear. The house situation was.

Quote
Convenience stores always need personnel. . .am I dense or am I right in thinking the daughter could get another job after the mother's death?

She had little kids. I can't remember all the circumstances but daycare is extremely expensive (though I think poor people can get some help with it).

Quote
I wonder if it would be helpful for me or someone to write a play-by-play article on life with your aging parent. 6 am: the parent falls out of bed. Etc.

Sure. There's always interest in that subject.



 54 
 on: January 10, 2019, 09:36:34 pm 
Started by CellarDweller - Last post by CellarDweller
Hopefully I can go out, the doctor said just 1 week before driving, but I do not think I will be up to cleaning my house and entertaining even if it is just coffee, tea and bought cakes.   For my 70th I invited my walking group back to the house after a walk, probably about 20. My sister searched the internet and found a private house not far away from me where the lady made cupcakes to order. Of course I had to pick them up.

I hope that you have a speedy healing, and that you are able to have your friends over for tea and cakes.

 55 
 on: January 10, 2019, 09:34:59 pm 
Started by CellarDweller - Last post by CellarDweller
Hiya BetterMost friends.




Hope that everyone is doing well!

i'm feeling very satisfied today, as the past few days have been very productive.  Grin

On Tuesday, Wednesday and today, there was an 'offsite' meeting in Boston.  People in my position were not required to go, but everyone else was, so it's been very quiet at work the past three days.  I used those three days to get all of my filing for 2018 done, and straightened up a few sloppy shelves in our file room and supply room.  It's stuff that needed to be done, but we were never able to get it done.  Now, we can move on to the next thing.

Grin


 56 
 on: January 10, 2019, 09:03:08 pm 
Started by Brown Eyes - Last post by CellarDweller
Better to light a candle than to curse Donald Trump! Well, actually it's good to do both.


 laugh laugh laugh

 57 
 on: January 10, 2019, 02:47:29 pm 
Started by Front-Ranger - Last post by Front-Ranger
Actually there are tons of articles on that topic if you look them up via "caregiving" or "family caregiving" (as opposed to the paid professional kind). It's a big issue in journalism about aging. I'm sure NextAvenue has many and I've written a few myself. Caregivers sacrifice time, financial security and emotional well-being.
Are there enough articles that describe the sacrifice in time and well-being? The examples you cite are primarily economic. Caregiving is so intense and so expensive, that most people would choose "family caregiving" over institutional care. But isn't "family caregiving" misnamed for the most part? The vast majority falls to the one person who is willing to take on the job. Others may mean well, but they think their role extends to a 10-minute phone call on Sunday afternoons.

In one story I wrote, a woman lived with her mother, who had dementia. Because the mother had lived in a small rural town, the woman felt she couldn't move the mother into the city where she herself lived and worked, so they moved to the outskirts of the metro area. The woman had to quit her job in favor of one where she could work remotely but for half the pay, because her mother couldn't be left alone. But if she put her mother in long-term care so she could get a better job, the mother would have to spend down all of her money to qualify for Medicaid. And because they were living in a home with a reverse mortgage, the woman would have been left homeless (and possibly car-less, because her mother owned the car).
Maybe some agency or organization is needed to counsel people who are facing these decisions. Here, it seems to me that the answer would have been to sell the house, move the mother into long-term care in the city near where the daughter was living/working, have the mother transfer ownership of the car to the daughter, spend down her money on the care facility and buying other approved items such as burial services, and apply for Medicaid. Then, the daughter would not have to destroy her life and the mother could get the professional, 24/7 care that she needed.

Another woman I talked to for that story called me from a homeless shelter. She had quit her job at a convenience store to care for her mother, and when the mother died the woman got evicted.
Convenience stores always need personnel. . .am I dense or am I right in thinking the daughter could get another job after the mother's death?

The idea of trying to provide in-home care without family or home health aide support, while "working remotely" is a recipe for disaster. It may make sense economically, but there are other considerations than economics. Too many people, most of them women, are being sacrificed needlessly. In many respects, caring for an ailing parent is more difficult than caring for a newborn.

I wonder if it would be helpful for me or someone to write a play-by-play article on life with your aging parent. 6 am: the parent falls out of bed. Etc.




 58 
 on: January 10, 2019, 12:06:48 pm 
Started by morrobay - Last post by Gazapete
I also think both scenes intend to show a time lapse. They are relaxed around each other, exchange kisses and caresses, something we didn't see before. It's a bit like a way to forward the plot. We see them meet, hook up and this shows how the relationship evolves.

 59 
 on: January 10, 2019, 09:53:28 am 
Started by Front-Ranger - Last post by serious crayons
Actually there are tons of articles on that topic if you look them up via "caregiving" or "family caregiving" (as opposed to the paid professional kind). It's a big issue in journalism about aging. I'm sure NextAvenue has many and I've written a few myself. Caregivers sacrifice time, financial security and emotional well-being.

In one story I wrote, a woman lived with her mother, who had dementia. Because the mother had lived in a small rural town, the woman felt she couldn't move the mother into the city where she herself lived and worked, so they moved to the outskirts of the metro area. The woman had to quit her job in favor of one where she could work remotely but for half the pay, because her mother couldn't be left alone. But if she put her mother in long-term care so she could get a better job, the mother would have to spend down all of her money to qualify for Medicaid. And because they were living in a home with a reverse mortgage, the woman would have been left homeless (and possibly car-less, because her mother owned the car).

Another woman I talked to for that story called me from a homeless shelter. She had quit her job at a convenience store to care for her mother, and when the mother died the woman got evicted.




 60 
 on: January 10, 2019, 09:47:19 am 
Started by Brown Eyes - Last post by serious crayons
Those are the reasons I'd like to belong to a Unitarian church. My mom was pretty active in one for a long time, but by the time she died she hadn't been there for years. I've probably told you this before, but when she died I asked if we could hold a memorial service there -- thinking we'd just get the site -- and the church really stepped up. The minister had never met her, but he interviewed me, looked over her papers and gave a fantastic eulogy. The church ladies made bars and coffee, and they supplied AV equipment and things like that.

I realized then -- and had it confirmed later through other people, like you -- that churches serve a great function of building community, helping each other, providing structure for community service, etc. That's especially helpful as you get older. If I lived within 10 minutes of one, I'd go.



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