Hi everyone!
I notice there are quite a few of us here on this lovely Friday, and since it seems to be the right time, and the right place, I wanted to start a check-in post, which I’ve been meaning to do for a while. I hope after I'm done that others will add their own thoughts and sentiments.
I’ll just start by saying how much I’ve missed being here (if not 24-7, then at least 4 or 5-7!). Most of you remember my post from 2 weeks ago saying I’d be taking some time off from here and not posting as much. I’ve tried to be on the board almost every day for a little bit, but I have missed feeling like I really know what is going on here.
In the time since that post, I’ve been going through a few things—hating my job enough to do something about it, for one. I also realized I had taken on a few too many Brokie things—the archive, the necklaces (they’re comin, I swear!), the store/marketing, the abandoned security check for the yahoo group, and just bein a normal Tremblayan and having fun. I wanted to do all of it so badly, but it was overwhelming to try and cram it in after work each day, when I was already stressed from that situation. I know, take it easy right? Let be. But I’m a little too much like Ennis in lots of ways…it’s all or nothing I guess.
So, all that got me down. I couldn’t do any of it really. Also, it
all happened EXACTLY when the movie left theaters, slowly plunging me into a state of Brokeback Mountain Withdrawal that saw me suddenly posting and laughing less than I had for the past several months in a row. I’ve never laughed as much everyday as I have with you all for the past two months and more, counting the big board. This week it’s back more, the laughing, I mean. Maybe it’s you guys being funny or maybe it’s me being less stressed, or both. In any case, I’m definitely grateful, and much obliged.
But the withdrawal from the film
was a big deal to me, and we’ve only barely talked about it I think (can’t be sure since I haven’t been here enough to know). I think I am one of the few—maybe the only one—who still hasn’t watched the DVD! And I got an advance copy in March! I just couldn’t do the small screen thing. So I slowly stopped thinking of it every day first thing, last thing, in between things, etc. With people posting less about the movie itself, I guess that was a big but unspoken change.
I've also been annoyed with myself because, for all my love of the movie and you guys, I can’t claim to have really changed my life the way I wanted to after being so affected by the movie—relationship-wise, I am as Ennis-y as ever. I think I need to use this site and the beautiful community here to begin delving deeper into why that’s so, or figure out how to change it so I don’t end up alone like Ennis, which is a great fear of mine.
Speaking of fears of mine, I noticed that it got quiet here on CT for a little while. Some people left, and others just sort of dropped off unexpectedly (Nicole!). That's made me wonder—what’s going on for us now as a community? This is a big part of my check-in actually. We’ve been through a lot. The troll war happened a month ago this week, and we’ve been here now exactly four weeks. I think that whole ordeal created some big waves that we’ve weathered pretty well. But some aspects of the community seem now to belong in either “IMDb days” or “BetterMost days.” Like the Cult Thread—I miss it so much! Is it true that the time is past for such innocent reverie? Such poetic creations? I hope not. But maybe so.
In regards to the quieter week or two that we've had recently--are many of us just a little more busy/stressed than usual (exams anyone?)? Needing a break from life? Some down time for once? Maybe it's the Spring weather and we want to go out more. Or the fact that we have begun to do a little bit of other things besides focus solely on the movie now that four and a half months have passed...maybe all of these things. But I guess in general I feel like we’ve been through a transition time—the movie has pretty much finished playing in theaters, the awards are done, and the DVD is out. Not much left to look forward to, sigh. And though the noticeable drop off in posting has been a bit scary to me (even though I did it too) it’s only natural, and it doesn't mean we are "going away" as a community.
I am curious now about how others feel….I know that people will come and go more now than before perhaps, but we still seem to have a pretty strong group here. How are you guys doing with the movie pulling out of theaters? Are you watching the DVD anymore? Listening to the soundtrack?
An, what do we hope for our community now? What do we stay together for? These are the questions I am curious about for you as individuals and for us as a group.
I’m here because I love you all and I don’t want to stop sharing the laughter, love, and growth I’ve found with you (even if our posts are no longer exclusively about the movie). I also still have a lot of things to get out of BBM--I know it won’t end just because it’s not on the big screen.
Personally, my biggest dream for our community is still to have a gathering in Calgary either this summer or next. Meeting together, as many of us as possible--to camp, to watch the movie on some big screen outside, to share some whiskey, coffee, elk meat, beans, and each others’ incredible company (tents or no tents)--would be the ultimate brokie experience for me.
Back in March, Meryl and I were pushing for this summer; strike while the iron’s hot I said…but others’ wanted to wait to save up enough money to get to come from far away, and do it next summer. Either way, it’s my big dream for us. I really want to make that happen. But even if it doesn’t, my intention and prayer for us is to continue our very fun, loving, and remarkable journey together in cyberspace—as long as we can ride it.
Big hugs,
Jenny
