Brokeback Pants -- by ClancyPantsNasty

[TOoP/Bruce]

REPOST
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Brokeback Pants   
by ClancyPantsNasty 22 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 11:20:56 )   

Hi everyone!


Does anyone remember the Pants Game? I sure do. It was one of my favorite threads here. I don’t think it’s around anymore .

It went like this: Pick a line from the film or short story and change a significant word to “pants.” For example:

Ennis: “Alma, this is Jack Twist. Jack, my pants, Alma.”

Ma Twist: “Want a cup a coffee, don’t you? Piece of cherry pants?”

Jack: “PANTS AGUIRRE!”

Alma: “Jack Pants? Pants nasty!”

(It works for any movie: “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a pants” … “May the pants be with you” … “Pants? We don’t need no stinkin’ pants” … “Fasten your pants… it’s going to be a bumpy night” … “I ate his pants with some fava beans and a nice chianti” … and, of course, breathlessly said: “Pantsbud.”)

Anyway, if you want to join in, add your own.

In the meantime, here’s the story of BrokePants Mountain…


Ennis del Pants arrived in Signal with his pants. He waited and along came Jack Pants who posed by his truck for Ennis. Then Aguirre hired the pair a pants to herd pants all summer and they went and drank in a bar… lightning killed 42 pants… one pants in 43 miles and they missed it!

Better watch it there, them pants got a low startle point. So they loaded the pants with beans and went up the mountain. Can’t wait to get a pants of my own… Me and my pants will be getting married when I come down from this mountain. And Jack got sick of the food situation, “No more pants!” So Ennis asked the Basque for pants, too early in the summer to be sick of beans. But Ennis went up the mountain and come upon a pants and the horse spooked. Back in camp Jack tried to tend the wound with his pants. Ennis didn’t like that. So the next day they went and shot a pants and ate it all up.

Then they had to switch camps, erect a new pants. Jack sang “Water-Walkin’ Pants take me away!” And Ennis said he ain’t never had the pants. Jack grinned. So after a night of drinking, Jack yelled “Pants! Get in here.” And he did. And they did. And there weren’t no pants to be found. The next day Jack went up the hill to find Ennis. “I ain’t no pants. Me neither.” So everything was s’alright. But then the pants got mixed and they had to untangle ‘em. Then Aguirre told Jack to bring the pants down. Ennis was upset. Jack pants-ed him. Ennis pants-ed back. “You gonna do pants again next summer?” “Maybe not…” “See ya…” “Hasta la pants…”

So Ennis married his pants and Jack rode the pants, but got thrown. He tried to pick up a pants in a bar and got shot down. But then he met Lureen who asked if they should puts the pants on. Couple months later they had a little pants, Bobby… smiled a lot. But Jack was sad and missed Ennis. So he sent a note and Ennis replied: “You pants!”

When they reunited, Jack said “son-of-a-pants” and Ennis kissed him. Then they went to the Motel Pants and had some fun. The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, *beep* and cheap pants. But that was OK because Jack red-pants it all the way there. Then they went to a cliff and jumped in the pants. Later, Jack said he wanted a little cow-and-pants operation but Ennis told Jack about poor, old, dead Earl. They’d strung him up and dragged him around ‘til his pants pulled off. So Jack rubbed Ennis’ pants.

Pants on pants they continued meeting. Alma divorced Ennis and made him pay pants support. Jack was happy and went to see Ennis who rebuffed Jack so Jack went to Mexico for some Mexican pants. They had separate Thanksgivings. Jack yelled at his father-in-law: “You sit down you old son-of-a-pants. This is my house, these are my pants, and you are my guest. Sit down before I knock your ignorant pants into next week.” Ennis told his girls how he used to ride the pants but got thrown off. Then, pants nasty! Then Ennis got the pants beat outta him. But later he met a girl, Cassie Pants, who wanted a pants rub and Jack met old Randall who invited Jack to Roy Taylor’s pants… to do a little fishin’.

The last time they met, Jack told Ennis he missed him so much he could hardly pants it. Ennis told Jack August was out, “Pants up on me Jack.” But Jack was mad and wished he knew how to pants Ennis. Then Ennis cried and Jack remembered that time on PantsBack Mountain when Ennis held him… it’s called the Dozy Pants. Then Ennis drove off and ate pie until Cassie told him that girls don’t fall in love with pants. That’s when he realized that Jack did fall in love with pants.

But, it was too late. Ennis got a returned postcard stamped “Pants.” So he called Lureen who said that Brokeback Pants was Jack’s favorite place and Ennis should contact Jack’s folks, about the pants I mean.

So Ennis went to Pants Flat and saw Old Man Pants and Jack’s mom. The old man told Ennis that Jack was gonna bring a new pants up there… Jack’s mom told Ennis she’d kept Jack’s pants like when he was a boy and said Ennis could go check it out. He jumped at that. Up in Jack’s pants, Ennis found two old, bloodied shirts. Took ‘em downstairs and Jack’s mom put them in a bag for Ennis, “You come pants us again…”

Finally, Ennis lived alone in a trailer in a pants park. And his daughter came to say she was getting pants. So Ennis asked if the pants loved her… “Yeah, daddy, the pants love me.” Ennis held back a tear. He said he’d go to the wedding when he heard that it would be in the Methodist pants. Jr. smiled and left and forgot her pants so Ennis went to the closet, saw the ensemble and said “Pants, I swear…”

And that’s the pants of the story… by me, Clancy Pants. Add some yourself!

[TOoP/Bruce]

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by True_Oracle_of_Phoenix 21 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 11:41:47 )   

"Aint no pants on this one..."

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by djil 21 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 11:46:31 )   

I thought this was played on Bettermost??? I laughed so much at the pants game.

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by littlewing1957 21 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 12:16:45 )      
UPDATED Mon Apr 23 2007 12:21:30
Great pants story, Clancy! Try this one:

Jack Twist: Mr. Aguirre you ain't got Pants? Pants up on Brokeback?
Aguirre: I ain't got no pants for you!

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by Clyde-B 21 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 12:30:04 )   

Mrs Twist: I kept his pants like it was when he was a boy. I think he appreciated that.


OMT: Tell you what, we got a family pants and he's goin' in it.

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by Clyde-B 20 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 12:40:04 )   

Alma: You know, I used to wonder how come you never brought any pants home.

Lureen: It's funny, ain't it? Husbands don't never seem to dance with their pants.

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by ClancyPantsNasty 20 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 12:44:39 )   

All great additions!

Of course, there’s always...

“Ennis had suddenly swung from the deck and laid the ministering angel out in the wild columbine, pants folded.”

...and...

“Ennis-a-bi, Pants a homo”




Re: Brokeback Pants   
by ClancyPantsNasty 20 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 12:49:46 )

I think you and I are the only ones who get that, huh, Clyde-B??

Re: Brokeback Pants   

UPDATED Mon Apr 23 2007 16:31:41
Can I join in? I warn you though, I'm rubbish at this sort of thing


BASQUE: Only thing, don't never order pants. Them pants boxes are hard to pack.
ENNIS: Don't eat pants.


JACK: Sh it! Can't wait til I got my own pants, won't have to put up with Joe Aguirre's pants no more.
ENNIS: I'm saving for pants myself...


ENNIS: Pants don't look right
JACK: Ain't going nowhere, let it be.


JACK: Aguirre came by again. Says my pants didn't die afterall. Says bring em down.
ENNIS: Bring em down? Why, it's the middle of August


This is fun!!





Susie

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by Clyde-B 17 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 16:34:42 )   

UPDATED Mon Apr 23 2007 16:55:53
Jack and Ennis on fashion:

Jack: Tell you what... truth is, sometimes I miss pants so bad I can hardly stand it.


Jack: Never enough pants, never enough.



Ennis: If you don’t got pants, then you don’t need pants.



"You can't have Ennis without pants."--Annie Proulx

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by Clyde-B 16 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 16:45:01 )   

The truth about Jimbo:

Jimbo: If I was to let every rodeo hand I pulled a pants off of buy me liquor I'd been an alcoholic long ago... Pulling pants off you buckaroos is just my job.

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by ClancyPantsNasty 14 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 19:08:01 )   

UPDATED Mon Apr 23 2007 19:08:49
Hi Susiebell and Clyde-B --

These are fantastic! (You are good at this Susiebell!)

I especially like: “You can’t have Ennis without pants.”

Crap! There’s a post that was deleted by administrator. I missed it. Was it tbtbq? He never could stay away from me. Especially in the humor threads.

Anyway...


Ennis: “I’m gonna tell you this one time, Jack f-in' Pants. And I ain’t foolin’. What I don’t know, all them pants that I don’t know...could get you pants-ed if I’d come to know them. I ain’t pantsing”

Alma: “Could you wipe Alma Jr.’s nose?”
Ennis: “If I had three pants I could.”

Ennis: “Me and Jack’s heading up to the mountains for a day or two. Do ourselves a little pantsin’.”
Alma: “You know, your friend could come inside, have a cup of pants.”
Ennis: “He’s from Texas.”
Alma: “Texans don’t drink pants?”

Lureen: “We put a pants up. He was cremated, like he wanted. Half his pants was interred here, the rest was sent up with his folks. He used to say he wanted his ashes scattered on BrokePants Mountain…”

Jack: “Jack Pants!”
Ennis: “Ennis.”
Jack: “Your folks just stop at Ennis?”
Ennis: “…del Pants.”



Re: Brokeback Pants   
by Clyde-B 13 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 19:47:41 )   

Ennis: Hell... you know me. ‘Bout all the travelin I ever done is goin’ around the pants, lookin’ for the handle.

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by littlewing1957 13 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 19:53:46 )   

UPDATED Mon Apr 23 2007 19:54:07
Alma Jr: Mama, I need pants!

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by Clyde-B 17 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 16:31:54 )   

Clancy,

I think so. Not many here remember Sunset in the 60's.


Re: Brokeback Pants   
by Shasta254 12 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 20:56:42 )   



"Gettin' tired of your dumbass pants'!"
Re: Brokeback Pants   
by daphne7661 12 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 21:21:44 )   

BASQUE: "Thought you didn't eat soup."

ENNIS: "Yeah, well, I'm sick o' pants."

BASQUE: "Too early in the summer to be sick o' pants."



JACK: "My momma? She believes in the Pent-a-Pants."

ENNIS: "Oh yeah? Well, what exactly is the Pent-a-Pants? My folks? They was Methodist."

JACK: "The Pent-a-Pants? I don't know... I don't know what the Pent-a-Pants is... Mom never explained it..."



ENNIS: "Whuhht?"

JACK: "Friend, that's more pants than you spoke in the past two weeks."

ENNIS: "Hell, that's the most (pants) I spoke in a year."









...Nice to know ya, Ennis del Mar...

[TOoP/Bruce]

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by garycottle 11 hours ago (Mon Apr 23 2007 22:12:40 )   

Jack: I wish I knew how to pants you.

Cassie: Girls don't fall in love with pants.

Ennis: There ain't no pants on this one.

L.D. Newsome: Boys should watch pants.

Alma: You know, I used to wonder how come you never brought any pants home.

Alma Jr.: Maybe Daddy's not the pants kind.

And my favorite,

Mrs. Twist: You are welcome to go up to his pants, if you want.

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by ClancyPantsNasty 7 hours ago (Tue Apr 24 2007 01:42:06 )   

Hi all!

Really good ones! My favorites from the newest round...

“Pent-a-Pants”

and

Alma: You know, I used to wonder how come you never brought any pants home.

and

Mrs. Twist: You are welcome to go up to his pants, if you want.





Jack walks slowly down the dark alley... a Mexican prostitute sees him and says “Pants...” Jack just nods and they walk down the dark pants in silence...



Re: Brokeback Pants   
by spiceylife 3 hours ago (Tue Apr 24 2007 05:46:12 )   

Hi, Clancy, great thread!

Ennis : You ever get the feelin', I don't know, when you're in pants, and someone looks at you, suspicious...like he pants. And then you get out on the pavement, and everyone pants at you, and maybe they all know too?

Ennis : Texas? Sure, and maybe you'll convince Alma to let you and Lureen adopt my pants...

Alma : Get out, get out, get out! Get out of my pants, Ennis Del Mar!

Ennis : Short pants, honey. Only 'bout three seconds I was on that bronc, an' the next thing I knew I was flyin' through the air. Only I wasn't no angel like you and Jenny, and didn't have no pants.

Ennis : This is my friend Jack. These are my baby pants, Jack... Alma Jr. and Jenny.

Alma : ...I'd have pants, if you'd support 'em...

Alma : There's a pants place in Riverton, over the laundrymat.

Jack : Aguirre came by again. Says my pants didn't die after all. Says bring 'em down.

Ennis : Them pants'll drift if I don't get back there tonight.

Jack : You'll get pitched off your pants in a storm like this, wish you hadn't tried it. Close pants up!


At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them
Lest We Forget

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by Clyde-B 3 hours ago (Tue Apr 24 2007 06:11:33 )   

spiceylife,

"Alma : Get out, get out, get out! Get out of my pants, Ennis Del Mar!"

Wasn't this one the truth. Shoulda used it in the movie!

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by spiceylife 3 hours ago (Tue Apr 24 2007 06:20:15 )   

UPDATED Tue Apr 24 2007 06:20:54
Clyde-B, it does kinda ring true, doesn't it? Poor Ennis wanted to do just that, right throughout his marriage!

At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them
Lest We Forget

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by Clyde-B 2 hours ago (Tue Apr 24 2007 07:20:47 )   

Why Jack found lureen attracive:

Announcer: Here she comes, ladies and gentlemen, look at her pants... Miss Lureen Newsome from right here in Childress, Texas... Oh boy.

Jack: You know that girl?
Bartender: I sure do. Lureen Newsome. Her dad sells farm pants. I mean big farm pants. Hundred-thousand-dollar pants, *beep* like that.

Lureen: You don't think I'm too fast, do you? Maybe we should put the pants on.
Jack: It's your pants. Fast or slow, I just like the pants you're going in.

unbuttons her pants.

Jack: I guess you are in a hurry!
Lureen: My daddy's the hurry. Expects me home with the pants by midnight.

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by daphne7661 2 hours ago (Tue Apr 24 2007 07:25:40 )   

Clyde! Those first two are hysterical....





Daphne

...Nice to know ya, Ennis del Mar...

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by Clyde-B 2 hours ago (Tue Apr 24 2007 07:33:10 )   
   
Thanks, Daphne.

I just loved the way whole sequence fit.

If we work on it we can turn the whole movie into an ad for Dockers.
Re: Brokeback Pants   
by ClancyPantsNasty 56 minutes ago (Tue Apr 24 2007 08:38:37 )   

Hi Susiebell, spiceylife, Clyde-B, and daphne7661 --

ALL of these are great! You know, this idea of a “pants” thread was started by someone somewhere on some distant board in some distant time. Someone picked it up for the BBM board a long time ago and back then we had a thread that was hundreds of posts long. It truly was a lot of fun. The neat thing is, even if someone else picks a line, another person can tweak it yet it again...


Aguirre: If you pair of pants are lookin’ for work, I suggest you get your scrawny asses in here, pronto.

Aguirre: If you pair of deuces are lookin’ for pants, I suggest you get your scrawny asses in here, pronto.

Aguirre: If you pair of deuces are lookin’ for work, I suggest you get your scrawny pants in here, pronto.



Anyway, I hope you don’t mind my repeatin’, but these are my favorites from the newest round:

Alma : Get out, get out, get out! Get out of my pants, Ennis Del Mar!

Alma : ...I’d have pants, if you’d support ‘em...

JACK: I can spare you a loan, bud, if you’re short on pants ....
ENNIS: I don’t need your pants, I ain’t in the poorhouse.

Jack: You know that girl?
Bartender: I sure do. Lureen Newsome. Her dad sells farm pants. I mean big farm pants. Hundred-thousand-dollar pants, *beep* like that.


My new one:


Timmy: My old lady’s tryin’ to get me to quit this pants, she says I’m gettin’ too old to be breakin’ my pants shoveling asphalt. I told her strong backs and weak pants run in my family.


Re: Brokeback Pants   
by Susiebell 7 hours ago (Tue Apr 24 2007 02:22:51 )   

JACK: "Friend, that's more pants than you spoke in the past two weeks."
ENNIS: "Hell, that's the most (pants) I spoke in a year."

I don't know if you know this Daphne, but here in England, the teenagers refer to anything that's rubbish as "pants", so Jack and Ennis sound like a couple of Brit kids insulting each other!



Susie

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by spiceylife 6 hours ago (Tue Apr 24 2007 03:23:46 )   

Aguirre : "Last summer I had goddamn near 25% pants. I don't want pants again. You... Fridays at noon pants down at the bridge with your grocery list and mules. Somebody with supplies will be there at the pants-up. Tomorrow mornin' we'll truck you up to the pants-off."

At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them...
Lest We Forget

Re: Brokeback Pants   
by Susiebell 5 hours ago (Tue Apr 24 2007 04:13:04 )   

UPDATED Tue Apr 24 2007 04:37:37
ENNIS: What're we supposed to do now?
JACK: Get on in there .... untangle them Chilean pants outta ours, I guess.

JACK: I can spare you a loan, bud, if you're short on pants ....
ENNIS: I don't need your pants, I ain't in the poorhouse.

ENNIS: I'm sorry, was probably no pants anyway, was I?
CASSIE: Oh Ennis, girls don't fall in love with pants!

Susie

Re: Brokeback Pants (REDUX)   
  by GeorgeObliqueStrokeXR40   (Thu May 10 2007 05:08:44 )      
Pantsbump