The Time is Not Enough (On Her Majesty's Secret Brokeback)
by True_Oracle_of_Phoenix (Wed Dec 13 2006 10:59:56 )
by - bjblakeslee (Thu Apr 27 2006 13:45:12 )
"The Time is Not Enough (On Her Majesty's Secret Brokeback)"
PLOT SYNOPSIS:
Car skids on sand on the beach. Ennis rushes out and tries to commit suicide by swimming out to sea. Jack Twist's car skids behind. Jack rushes out to rescue Ennis. Gun fight with Blofeld's assassin's on beach. Jack fires but he can't shoot straight, but fortunately he succeeds in scaring attackers off. Ennis takes off leaving Jack alone.
Jack (in a puckish aside to camera): "This would have never happened to Pierce Brosnan."
Jack meets Ennis in Aguirre von Blofeld's casino and rescues him from a huge debt he has run up and cannot pay.
"My name is Twist, Jack Twist.."
"My name's Ennis."
"Your parents stop at Ennis?"
"I am the Count Ennis Ivanonich Dragomilov Nuyrev Fyodor Krazilovski Delmar. My father owns Delmar Cybermations, Ltd. I doesn't matter what you call me - so long as you call tonight... "
M informs agent Twist, via a secret transmitter in his uvula that she has just received word from special agent McGuffin that archfiend Blofeld is looking to acquire Delmar Cybermations, Ltd. for some nefarious purpose.
Jack and Ennis meet for a covert evening interlude, and Ennis puts the blocks to Jack. In the morning, Ennis wakes up before Jack does and disappears, but leaves an envelope with a floppy disk (marked "FOR YOUR EYES ONLY: Project Mad Sheep - murder most evil") under Jack's pillow. Jack immediately realizes that Ennis is in danger.
Ennis is taken captive by Aguirre von Blofeld in a newly built private ski resort at the top Brokeback Mountain. Aguirre is intent on seducing Ennis, but Ennis resists. Outside the sheep graze ominously, and Brokeback Mountain seems to be lit by oblique and lurid beams.
Ennis forestalls Blofeld's advances by telling him he has to say prayers before having sex... (much comedy as Ennis - a Methodist - tries to pray in faux Latin).
Jack arranges a covert op to rescue Ennis. Trumping up an explosion at a nearby Basque encampment, Jack radios Blofeld that they need to give clearance for an emergency medflight. Ennis hears the transmission, realizes it is Jack coming to rescue him and distracts Blofeld by whispering into his ear the words Blofeld always had some silent, sexless hunger to hear "You're sleepin on your feet like a horse. Time for bed, cowboy." The distraction buys time for Jack.
Jack gives the sheep an antidote, leads the assault on the ski resort. Aguirre before escaping, orders his hitmen (Greg, Peter, and Bobby) to kill Ennis. Ennis valiently fights each of them off, and joins Jack for a breathtaking chase down the mountain together on horseback, just barely staying ahead of assassins and an avalanche. They deftly dispatch all their pursuers and nuzzle.
Project Mad Sheep now halted. Jack and Ennis decide to take their vows together before an Episcopalian minister in Canada, and leave in a car marked "Just Married."
They pull over and kiss tenderly.
Jack: "Ennis, do you know why i pick this ring for you?
Ennis: "Because diamonds are forever?"
In the background, Aguirre von Blofeld's car is seen drawing up alongside out of focus...
Jack: "Time. The time is never enough..."
Shots rings out from Blofeld's car.
Jack: "It's Blofeld! Let's head him off at the pass!"
Ennis stares with glassy eyes. And Jack is left with nothing but the imagined power of Brokeback Mountain in his hands...
Roll credits as Louis Armstrong sings "We Have All the Time in the World."
Other titles in the newly discovered Ian Flemming/Jack Twist 007 series:
"The Man with the Golden Gun Goin Off"
"Octospunky"
"Moonspanker"
"Diamonds are for Heifers"
"Rosefinger"
"Never Say Clever Enough"
"Licence to Spill"
"From Riverton with Love"
"The Gay who Loved Me"
"Dye Another Gay"
"Thunderballz"
"For Your Guys Only"
"Spew to a Kill"
"The Living Gaylights"
"Live and Get Bi"