Dear Lynne and Donna and Nancy -- I so much appreciated your sentiments about carrying this forward. This experience we share is so HUGE I find it difficult to express in words. Although we're blessed by our ability to connect via e-mail, I'm at this moment feeling frustration also -- I want to see you all, and get to know you and exchange big strong Ennis/Jack hugs all around. I too feel that a new path is opening up for me (becoming active in the gay rights movement has come to mind) but it might be something else entirely. I'm just all blown open and sensitive to everything in a new way. Being reborn is not too strong an expression. I've been fortunate enough to have a therapist who is totally in synch with my Brokeback experience and encourages me to go with it, as far as it will take me. Donna, I'd urge you to try sharing your experience with yours; if she isn't sympathetic maybe you can find someone else who is. We really need all the support we can get. It seems as if there are no reins on this one.
I'm just so craving closeness with like-minded people, having felt alienated and estranged and shy most of my life (the old Ennis syndrome). I feel as though the love I lost was my love for my own self, but last week, the Tuesday after the awards, after weeping on and off all that Monday, feeling just kicked in the gut by the Acadamy's decision, and going in to my counseling appointment and using up half a box of kleenex, then waking up Tuesday morning and feeling as though I had miraculously turned the corner into the light. It was amazing -- nothing had changed but I suddenly realized that I actually LIKED myself, just as I am, that I am a good and valuable member of the human race, and as though I could share the gift of myself with others and all would be good.
I'll quit now. This is a rant that I can go on and on about (tears of joy) but I want to hear more of your thoughts about the "path." I love you all, Elaine
PS: I think the threads have become entangled -- this is certainly not Brokeback Trivia we're talking about here. LOL
