Author Topic: Dealing With Aging Parents  (Read 33235 times)

Offline Bucky

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #60 on: September 07, 2007, 07:27:09 am »
My dad died when I was fourteen and my mother had to become both mother and father to my brother and me.  My mother is a sweet and dear woman but she is beginning to develop signs of forgetting to take her pills for high blood pressure, heart problems, etc.  She is 79 now and fell and broke her hip five years ago and after that I noticed a real decline in her outlook on life and her health in general.  She had in home physical therapy and was able to walk again with the help of a cane.

She moved in with me about four years ago since I am the only one in the family not married.  It breaks my heart to see such a sweet and loving woman decline in health and memorary.  Still she can hold normal conversations if she is just talking to me but if a stranger should come in the house or if I take her to a doctor she gets nervous and her memorary really begins to fail.  The doctors say that she has some mild to moderate senile dementia but not alzheimer's.  It is hard work to take care of her but I am determined that as long as she can walk or be able to carry on normal conversations that I will not put her in a nursing home.  To me that is the option of the last resort.

injest

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #61 on: September 07, 2007, 11:17:42 pm »
My dad died when I was fourteen and my mother had to become both mother and father to my brother and me.  My mother is a sweet and dear woman but she is beginning to develop signs of forgetting to take her pills for high blood pressure, heart problems, etc.  She is 79 now and fell and broke her hip five years ago and after that I noticed a real decline in her outlook on life and her health in general.  She had in home physical therapy and was able to walk again with the help of a cane.

She moved in with me about four years ago since I am the only one in the family not married.  It breaks my heart to see such a sweet and loving woman decline in health and memorary.  Still she can hold normal conversations if she is just talking to me but if a stranger should come in the house or if I take her to a doctor she gets nervous and her memorary really begins to fail.  The doctors say that she has some mild to moderate senile dementia but not alzheimer's.  It is hard work to take care of her but I am determined that as long as she can walk or be able to carry on normal conversations that I will not put her in a nursing home.  To me that is the option of the last resort.

I admire you for having the patience and ability to do this for your mother. and I envy your relationship.

 :)

Offline Fran

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #62 on: September 07, 2007, 11:18:23 pm »
Bucky, you have my total admiration.

My mother and my stepfather, both well into their eighties now, still live in the house where they raised us, but I can see the day coming when they won't be able to manage their own care.  It's a scary thought. 

It's really hard for me to see the parent-child roles reversed.  I mean, I always looked to them for help, advice, and support, and they always had all of the answers.  Now it saddens me to realize how more and more they are relying on me and my sisters.

This is a horrible thing to say, but sometimes I find visiting them draining, but then I feel guilty for feeling that way.  I guess I project myself into the future and imagine my daughters feeling the same way about spending time with me -- that it's something they do out of obligation, not because it's something they enjoy doing.  (What a drag it is getting old.)

I find it's much easier for me to deal with my widowed mother-in-law -- probably because her issues don't hit so close to home.

And now that I've reread this, I feel bad about actually expressing these thoughts.   :(

injest

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #63 on: September 07, 2007, 11:30:11 pm »
Bucky, you have my total admiration.

My mother and my stepfather, both well into their eighties now, still live in the house where they raised us, but I can see the day coming when they won't be able to manage their own care.  It's a scary thought. 

It's really hard for me to see the parent-child roles reversed.  I mean, I always looked to them for help, advice, and support, and they always had all of the answers.  Now it saddens me to realize how more and more they are relying on me and my sisters.

This is a horrible thing to say, but sometimes I find visiting them draining, but then I feel guilty for feeling that way.  I guess I project myself into the future and imagine my daughters feeling the same way about spending time with me -- that it's something they do out of obligation, not because it's something they enjoy doing.  (What a drag it is getting old.)

I find it's much easier for me to deal with my widowed mother-in-law -- probably because her issues don't hit so close to home.

And now that I've reread this, I feel bad about actually expressing these thoughts.   :(

please don't feel bad. I think it is something we ALL wrestle with. This is one of the hardest things to face in life.

I know I can not have my mother live with me. I can't. There has been too much between us. As awful as it sounds; if it is left to me, she will go straight to the nursing home. And the reason being that is someone is going to be mean to her, I don't want it to be me.  And I can see myself being short and angry with her.

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #64 on: October 23, 2007, 01:40:56 am »
"Crabby Old Man"

What do you see nurses? . . . . . What do you see?
What are you thinking ? . . . . . . When you're looking at me ?
A crabby old man . . . . . .. . . . . not very wise.
Uncertain of habit . . . . . . . . . . with far away eyes ?

Who dribbles his food . . . . . . . And makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . . ." I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice . . . . . . .The things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . . . . . . A sock or a shoe ?"

Who, resisting or not . . . . . . . . . Lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . . . The long day to fill ?
Is that what you're thinking . . . . Is that what you see ?
Then open your eyes, nurse . . . . you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am . . . . . ... . . .As I sit here so still,
As i do at your bidding . .. . . . . . As I eat at your will
I'm a small child of ten . . . . . . . with a father and mother.
Brothers and sisters . . . . . . . . . who love one another.

A young boy of sixteen . . . . . . with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . . . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . . . . my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows . . . . . . that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five , now . . . . . . . . . I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . . . . . . And a happy secure home.
A man of Thirty . . . . . . . . . . . . . My young now grown fast.
Bound to each other . . . . . . . . . With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons . . . . . . have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me . . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more . . . . . . . . . . babies play around my knee,
Again we know children . . . . . . My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me . . . . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future . . . . . . . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing . . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . . . . . And the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man . . . . . . . . . And nature is cruel.
'Tis jest to make old age . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles . . . . . . . . grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone . . . . . . . . . where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass . . . . A young boy still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . . . . . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . life over again.

I think of the years . . . all too few . . . gone too fast
And accept the fact . . . . that nothing can last,
So open your eyes people . . . . open and see . .
Not a crabby old man. Look closer . . . see . . . ME !!

~ author unknown


Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who
you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within . .
we will all, one day, be there, too.
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline Artiste

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #65 on: November 14, 2007, 07:22:38 pm »
I keep care of my mother.

She is in her 80's!

She does keep care of moi, yes me too!

Hugs!

Offline shortfiction

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #66 on: December 02, 2007, 08:46:17 pm »
There's a movie coming out called The Savages, about a middle-aged brother and sister, played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Laura Linney, who must put their lives on hold to deal with their father's increasing dementia.   I don't think I could deal with it, since I went through the whole dementia thing with my dad over the last few years before he passed.     But I'm curious.  I hear it's supposed to be quite good.
Do you think you could handle seeing it?    Any of you?
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injest

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #67 on: December 02, 2007, 11:08:54 pm »
There's a movie coming out called The Savages, about a middle-aged brother and sister, played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Laura Linney, who must put their lives on hold to deal with their father's increasing dementia.   I don't think I could deal with it, since I went through the whole dementia thing with my dad over the last few years before he passed.     But I'm curious.  I hear it's supposed to be quite good.
Do you think you could handle seeing it?    Any of you?

I think I could. I am real good in the denial department...

Offline serious crayons

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #68 on: December 03, 2007, 01:35:19 pm »
There's a movie coming out called The Savages, about a middle-aged brother and sister, played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Laura Linney, who must put their lives on hold to deal with their father's increasing dementia.   I don't think I could deal with it, since I went through the whole dementia thing with my dad over the last few years before he passed.     But I'm curious.  I hear it's supposed to be quite good. Do you think you could handle seeing it?    Any of you?

I'd like to see it, actually. I find it interesting and reassuring to see others deal with the same problems I do. I'm not into support groups, but this probably fills a similar function.





Offline Nikita111

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #69 on: December 12, 2007, 07:09:22 am »
I keep care of my mother.

She is in her 80's!

She does keep care of moi, yes me too!

Hugs!


My colleague at work has mother at that same age and she is 47. She is gay I think but she would never admit it to me. She has a girlfriend "trip friend" how she calls her - they go to bikes on weekends but they live in different cities. Well, I am thinking what she will do when her mom dies . . . . she will be devastated and so alone. The girlfriend maybe then move to herp lace. But you never know. None of my speculations were ever confirmed so maybe it is just a bike friend.