Author Topic: Bullying and harassment  (Read 6677 times)

mvansand76

  • Guest
Bullying and harassment
« on: September 15, 2007, 08:17:04 am »
I wanted to start this thread about bullying and harassment because in my opinion not a lot of attention is paid to prevention and to the life-long effects of bullying. It makes me so sad to think of the consequences and still, at least here in Holland, insufficient attention is paid to prevention and really finding out what the long-term effects are of bullying.

Were you ever bullied in school?

How did you deal with it?

Are your kids being bullied?

How do you deal with it?

Have you ever or are you now being bullied at work?

How do you deal with it?



And another question that always plays in my mind. Do you really think there is a difference between teasing and bullying? I have always thought that to a very sensitive child, teasing can come over as bullying, and especially because children cannot put things into perspective as much as adults can.


Offline Wishes

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • Brokeback Got Me Good
  • *****
  • Posts: 300
Re: Bullying and harassment
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2007, 02:17:53 pm »
I think I'm an expert on what it is like to be bullied. Without getting into details it will haunt a person for the rest of their life.

I don't think education or anything else will stop it. People will bully if they feel superior either physically or mentally to a person. I think it is part of the human psyche. Eventhough I don't think it applies to everyone, but to a large population. Basically they are cowards because they never pick on someone bigger than themselves or bully alone.

injest

  • Guest
Re: Bullying and harassment
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2007, 06:34:41 pm »
this morning on the local news they showed a little segment called "Focus on the Family" (yeah, the same group) anyway it was about bullying. The expert said that bullying is a major factor in suicides and school violence...then he looked into the camera and said "When kids start killing other kids it is time to do something"

so I guess when the kid kills himself because he can't stand it anymore...that's ok. no need to act as long as it is just the 'losers' killing themselves...

 >:( >:( >:( >:(

moremojo

  • Guest
Re: Bullying and harassment
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2007, 07:35:20 pm »
I was a gentle and shy child and teenager, and was bullied on occasion by my peers. There just seems to be this dark corner in human nature that some will seek to feel powerful by abusing those who they deem to be weaker and more vulnerable than themselves.

What made my situation even more egregious was that the adults (teachers, in my case) stood by and let the bullying continue. In the first case, it was my sixth-grade coach, who I believe in retrospect was thinking that the incident was "good" for me, and would "help" me become a "man" (what absolute, insulting nonsense), and in the second, a female teacher (high-school level) who I think was afraid in some sense to intervene in what she knew was happening right outside her classroom door. I felt (feel) even angrier and more betrayed by these elders to whose care I was entrusted than at my peers who abused and threatened me.

To be fully honest and fair, a first cousin of mine and I on occasion bullied another cousin (my first cousin's younger brother) when we were children, because we were older, stronger, and could get away with it, and all this gave us a feeling of power that we enjoyed (though we would not have been able to articulate all this at that age). So I have been on both sides of the coin. I think the impulse to power and domination is a natural component of humanity, but I do not think it is moral or just. It is wrong to victimize another human being, even a child wronging another child, and it is the responsibility of society (represented by the family, the school, or the law) to intervene in such circumstances.

Offline Wishes

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • Brokeback Got Me Good
  • *****
  • Posts: 300
Re: Bullying and harassment
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2007, 08:11:40 pm »
Those Focus on the Family segments make me sick. I turn the channel when they come on.

I agree with you moremojo about the adults in school. I too experienced this. Teachers were aware of incidents and let it go. Some bully mentality definitially starts in the home and with the parents.

I figured out a number of years ago why I never felt comfortable at the mall: it reminded me of the hallways at school. I still hate going to the mall and will rarely walk through one. I usually just target the department store I want to go to and that's it. Yay for internet shopping!  :)

Offline Artiste

  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • ********
  • Posts: 15,998
Re: Bullying and harassment
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2008, 01:19:57 pm »
Interesting, I wisg I had seen this thread before !

Unfortunately, isn't everyone being bullied at times ?

Offline Artiste

  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • ********
  • Posts: 15,998
Re: Bullying and harassment
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2008, 02:04:27 pm »
Some bully for fun... it seems.

And that can be stopped ?

Offline CellarDweller

  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • ********
  • Posts: 33,320
  • A city boy's mentality, with a cowboy's soul.
Re: Bullying and harassment
« Reply #7 on: August 22, 2008, 11:24:39 am »


Were you ever bullied in school?

Oh sure, plenty of times.  I was still in the closet then, very much in denial with myself.  I was shoved into lockers, pushed up staris, spit at, punched, slapped, and one time, molested in the school auditorium. Of course, all the name calling went along with it.   "faggot, fairy, homo..."  ::)


How did you deal with it?

I internalized it all, ran from it, tried my best to become "invisible" at school.  I talked to almost no one.  I learned to recognize far off voices and smells.  If I heard the voice of one of the bullies who would regularly target me in the distance, I would immedietely turn and run in the other direction.  There was one kid who used to wear the nastiest cologne.  I learned to smell it quickly (and hate it), and get away as fast as I could.  It was almost like a strange "documentary" on nature.  "The smaller, meeker Chuck, has picked up the scent of prey, and retreats."

:laugh:

Not long ago, I was in a store shopping, and someone passed me, wearing that same cologne.  My knees locked, and the first thought was "where is he?"

I never told my parents about it, I didn't want them to know, and to be disappointed with me.

Have you ever or are you now being bullied at work?

When I graduated high school, I was happy, thinking "I'm finally away from them!" and got a job at the local supermarket.  Three of the kids who gave me hell ended up getting hired there as well.  And of course, they told everyone there about the abuse that took place in school, and it followed me to my job.  Physical abuse had stopped, but was replaced with grafitti about me in the men's room, and all over the walls in the basement, out in the open for everyone to see/read.  Rude, lewd post about me, the size of my dick, how I sucked dicks, and all other kinds of nasty stuff.  When I approached the manager of the store, I was told "It's too expensive to repaint the walls, and they'll only do it again anyway."

How do you deal with it?[/i]

I refused to quit my job, so like Ennis said, "you can't fix it, you gotta stand it.".  I was only 18, no way to afford a lawyer to sue my employer.  Besides, if I had done that, I'd be admiting what they were saying was true, and I was still in denial to myself.

« Last Edit: August 22, 2008, 03:22:15 pm by CellarDweller »


Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: ''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!

Offline Artiste

  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • ********
  • Posts: 15,998
Re: Bullying and harassment
« Reply #8 on: August 22, 2008, 11:46:59 am »
CellarDweller, you see the importance therefore of this thread? !!

I see more and more gay men being bullied, because they are gays!

Say, did you see the scene where Jack, cruising Jimbo, is refused by Jimbo?
Do you think that Jimbo is bullieying Jack somehow?

Au revoir,
hugs!

Offline CellarDweller

  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • ********
  • Posts: 33,320
  • A city boy's mentality, with a cowboy's soul.
Re: Bullying and harassment
« Reply #9 on: August 22, 2008, 12:01:13 pm »
Say, did you see the scene where Jack, cruising Jimbo, is refused by Jimbo?
Do you think that Jimbo is bullieying Jack somehow?


no, he's just refusing Jack's advances.


Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: ''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!