Jack's Ramblings

[jstephens9]

       Well Jack, it is good to know you didnt get kidnapped by aliens.  Least wise you
have lived to tell about it..   No probings or such I hope..

No I got captured by the circus and they will not let me leave. They are at least now giving me some computer access every once in awhile  Unfortunately the giant man escaped, but now the bearded lady and I have made friends with Magic Brian who is a lot of fun. He does things like breaks out of chains and swallows razor blades  Here's some pictures of who I have to hang out with now 

[Penthesilea]

Bad news Jack , bad news...
As you know, the tiger trainer is already 173 years old and is retiring soon.



Guess who's destined to be the replacement?

Bingo!

Good luck!

(All those torturous math classes - and then being captured by the cicus. Poor Jack )

[Penthesilea]

Hey, congrats on finishing your classes! And a special Hooray for surviving the math torture
This demands for fireworks:



Honestly, you done very well Jack. It must be hard to work and study. I hope you're very, very proud of yourself. We are!

[jstephens9]

Thank you Chrissi!!!!!! You truly are a very, very special person and you're fun to be around too 

[injest]

Hey Chuck!!!

Great to hear from you. I have been a bit sparse lately, but I am happy to report that I am through with all classes and that is the end of my class days. We could say "School's Out Forever" like the old song says. However, beginning in the fall I will start teaching my first distance based class. Yes I got hired. For now it is part time so I will keep this job, but it appears that eventually I will be full time. More than likely that will be distance based too which means I may end up being able to work from wherever I happen to be. My dream come true!!!

When are you getting to Colorado for the Wyoming trip?

YAY!!

Congratulations!!

[jstephens9]

It's funny to hear a song that reminds you of your real first love, well I don't know if it is funny, it is just whatever. I have recently been in touch with who I would consider my first love, no doubt about that. I remember, I will always remember that first night wth him in high school, no it was not sexual it was all talking and all feeling. The first night I talked to him was a night I will never forget. Never did I feel closer to someone in my life. I fell so hard and so fast. It was truly emotion. It was not sexual. It was a true love that could never be anything more than what it was. It was all it could be and all it could ever be. There is a part of my heart that will always be dedicated to him and I know he holds a place for me always. Hey, he still calls me his little brother, the brother I never had. The feelings have been there for decades now. They will never go away.

[jstephens9]

Yeah I talked to my guy from Texas last night and then again tonight. I wanted to write him this, but I didn't send it to him. Instead, I just want to post it here. I know many of you know how important he is to me, but I'm not even sure if it makes any sense to anyone. But I do love him and that love clouds a lot of things that I do or don't do. For example why was I upset after the dance at the hotel in SF (cause I missed his call)......I was being out of line, why the BBQ was I upset many times (cause I missed his call).......anyway I just have to say this on my blog:

It’s an empty place without you. I know it could be something else, but right now it is just not. It’s really kind of sad. Memories here are not good so getting away from here at times is important. It’s like a home without really being a home. There is nobody here. There is a place here for someone, but I really don’t have much hope that place will ever be filled. I love you, but I know by now that you will stay forever where you are. Your family and your life will always be you. I will never be your family. At one time I truly thought I could and that my dreams of you would come true. I thought that it was just a matter of time. I won’t forget the time you told me that you would leave when you could no longer live your life. It would not be because you were gay, but because a husband and wife could no longer life together. I know that will never be possible cause that life is your life and that will never change. That is what you know and that is where you will remain. If it means that you are not happy, that is the way it will be. I know you spend every minute you can away from that, but you just escape and then you have to go back. I love you so much, I don’t even know if you really know how much, but I know I cannot fit into your life cause that is not your life. As much as I wish, I will never be your life. You try so hard to make sure I remain a part of you. I know how much you try and I know somehow deep down you would want to make it different, but we both know it never can be. You know I actually do know that you love me or else there isn’t any way that from November 25, 2000 to now things between us would not be the same. You cannot escape your life and it would scare you to do so. You show me so many times that you do not want to loose me, but what am I supposed to do. Baby, it is all about you, I make sure that always that we can talk like I know you can only talk, but can I live my entire life without looking into those blue eyes forever?

[injest]

{{{Jack}}}

I know this is hard on you. I wish I knew how to help...

[Kelda]

 

[loneleeb3]

Yeah I talked to my guy from Texas last night and then again tonight. I wanted to write him this, but I didn't send it to him. Instead, I just want to post it here. I know many of you know how important he is to me, but I'm not even sure if it makes any sense to anyone. But I do love him and that love clouds a lot of things that I do or don't do. For example why was I upset after the dance at the hotel in SF (cause I missed his call)......I was being out of line, why the BBQ was I upset many times (cause I missed his call).......anyway I just have to say this on my blog:

It’s an empty place without you. I know it could be something else, but right now it is just not. It’s really kind of sad. Memories here are not good so getting away from here at times is important. It’s like a home without really being a home. There is nobody here. There is a place here for someone, but I really don’t have much hope that place will ever be filled. I love you, but I know by now that you will stay forever where you are. Your family and your life will always be you. I will never be your family. At one time I truly thought I could and that my dreams of you would come true. I thought that it was just a matter of time. I won’t forget the time you told me that you would leave when you could no longer live your life. It would not be because you were gay, but because a husband and wife could no longer life together. I know that will never be possible cause that life is your life and that will never change. That is what you know and that is where you will remain. If it means that you are not happy, that is the way it will be. I know you spend every minute you can away from that, but you just escape and then you have to go back. I love you so much, I don’t even know if you really know how much, but I know I cannot fit into your life cause that is not your life. As much as I wish, I will never be your life. You try so hard to make sure I remain a part of you. I know how much you try and I know somehow deep down you would want to make it different, but we both know it never can be. You know I actually do know that you love me or else there isn’t any way that from November 25, 2000 to now things between us would not be the same. You cannot escape your life and it would scare you to do so. You show me so many times that you do not want to loose me, but what am I supposed to do. Baby, it is all about you, I make sure that always that we can talk like I know you can only talk, but can I live my entire life without looking into those blue eyes forever?

That reminded me of this song

Stay
Sugarland
i been sittin' here staring
at the clock on the wall
and i been layin here praying
praying she won't call
it's just another call from home
and you'll get it and be gone
and i'll be crying
and i'll be beggin you baby
beg you not to leave
but i'll be left here waiting
with my heart on my sleeve
oh for the next time we'll be here
seems like a million years
and i think i'm dying

what do i have to do to make you see
she can't love you like me

why dont you stay
im down on my knees
im so tired of being lonely
don't i give you what you need
when she calls you will go
there is one thing you should know
we dont have to live this way
baby why dont you stay


you keep telling me baby
there will come a time
when you will leave her arms
and forever be in mine
but i don't think that's the truth
and i don't like being used
and i'm tired of waiting
it's too much pain to have to bare
to love a man you have to share

why dont you stay
im down on my knees
im so tired of being lonely
don't i give you what you need
when she calls you will go
there is one thing you should know
we dont have to live this way
baby why dont you stay

i can't take it any longer
but my will is getting stronger
and i think i know just what i have to do
i can't waste another minute
after all that i've put in it
i've given you my best
why does she get the best of you
so the next time you find
you wanna leave her bed for mine

why dont you stay
im up off my knees
im so tired of being lonely
you cant give me what i need
when she begs you not to go
there is one thing you should know
i dont have to live this way
baby why dont you stay