Hi Jackie!
I really miss our conversations. The PMs and phone calls always made me laugh. I will never forget that day. I was watching the Dave Cullen forum very closely. We had just lost Heath, and those closest to you were praying for you.
I stepped away to have lunch, and came back to find the message from Nellie that you had left us.
My cubicle at work is full of pics from the travels I've done due to Brokeback and this forum. My coworkers know I'm a "Brokie" and just at that moment they came to my cube to tell me they were sorry about Heath. I then told them about you, and had a mini break down.
I wanted to mourn for you properly, but I had a job to do. I'm a mod on the "Fan" threads on DCF, and the Heathens were in shock and mourning so hard. I was getting emails, PMs, Instant Messages, even phone calls in some cases. I was needed, so I pushed aside my grief for you, and was there for them.
Oxford was coming, and a memorial service was planned. Wayne surprised me by telling me how much you liked my poetry, and asked me to prepare a piece for your service. I guessed that would be my time to grieve. However, I hate public speaking (I'm sure you were watching me with a smirk on your face.
) and I was so focused on not messing up your service, that I got through it without incidence.
It was only after watching our movie, that it hit me, because you weren't there with us to see it. I left before the credits ended, and walked outside for air. Thankfully, some Brokies followed me. That's where I had my breakdown.
I think of you every day, Jackie. I have this picture on my dresser, and I see it each day when I wake, and when I get ready for bed.
And this one hangs on the wall of my cubicle at work.
Thank you for being there when I needed you, Jackie. Thanks for sharing your knowledge, for your kind heart, for your calming demeaner, and your shoulder and ear, whenever I needed them.
I hope I was able to return the favors for you.
You greeted me at the Texas BBQ, the Bay City gatheirng, some of the slash bashes, and the Colorado BBQ. I know you'll be there to greet me at the gates when it's my time to cross over.
Love you.
Topic: Cellar Scribblings (Read 8906056 times)