Author Topic: What to do when one of your loved-ones gets cancer  (Read 3525 times)

mvansand76

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What to do when one of your loved-ones gets cancer
« on: October 05, 2007, 02:22:44 pm »
Hi all,

Only two weeks ago my only sister was diagnosed with cancer. This is the scariest thing that has ever happened to me and I am still struggling to give my sister the best possible support there is. She has Hodgkins, which is a highly treatable cancer, but still, she is gonna have to undergo chemo for at least 6 months.

How do you deal with the ups and downs that your loved-one experiences? For instance, one moment my sister is joking about the wig she is getting, the other moment she is crying about having to cut her hair and worrying about how her kids are going to react. I just try to go with the flow and help her as best as I can, but it's so hard...

Have you ever gotten bad news like this and how did you deal with it? How did you support your loved-one?

Mel


Scott6373

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Re: What to do when one of your loved-ones gets cancer
« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2007, 02:47:28 pm »
My brother passed away in June 2005, after a 4 year battle with brain cancer.  A little less than a year ago, my oldest brother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (he, thankfully at this point, is in remission).  There is no prescribed way to deal with it, other than to allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling.  In doing this, you allow other family memebers, and your sister, to be free to feel what they need to feel.

Offline Kelda

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Re: What to do when one of your loved-ones gets cancer
« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2007, 03:22:14 pm »
I think thats very good advice.

Laugh with her cry with her be there for her.

Thankfully none of my immediate family has dealt with cancer in reality.

My sister has had a few scares - one very recently when she had a lpea sized lump at her collar bone but it was not cancerous.

I am very much a worry about being ill when you knoe you've got something to worry about but I'm not sure that was the best approach for her.
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Offline David In Indy

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Re: What to do when one of your loved-ones gets cancer
« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2007, 04:15:59 pm »
I think your being there with your sister is probably the best medicine you could give her, Melissa. Sometimes, when you really don't have the words to say, or you don't know what to do, just sitting and listening to her will help her a lot. Allow her to cry and laugh and get angry. I'm sure this will help her more than you can ever imagine.

And remember, we are all here for you sweetie! I'm sending you both lots of positive energy from Indiana!  :-*
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Offline Kerry

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Re: What to do when one of your loved-ones gets cancer
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2007, 02:03:08 am »

Tell her you love her, Melissa. And be a good listener.
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mvansand76

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Re: What to do when one of your loved-ones gets cancer
« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2007, 08:32:01 am »
Thank you Scott, Kelda, David, Kerry and Susie! You have all been so helpful... I will see how everything goes and go with the flow mainly...

Offline Ellemeno

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Re: What to do when one of your loved-ones gets cancer
« Reply #6 on: October 20, 2007, 12:30:15 am »
No wisdom from me, just a hug, Mel, for you and your sister, and her kids.  :-*

Offline LauraGigs

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Re: What to do when one of your loved-ones gets cancer
« Reply #7 on: October 20, 2007, 02:21:51 am »
The only thing I have that I don't think was already mentioned was to take care of yourself, Mel.  Be sure your diet is good and that you're getting the screenings you need.

My sis was diagnosed with breast cancer about a month ago.  (Is there something in the air?)  I feel as if I have it too.  There's something scary about such a close relative having it.  And I fucking hate seeing her suffer in any way.

It sounds to me as if you two are close and that your presence is terrific for her!  I wouldn't worry about doing 'the wrong thing' this experience is new both for her, and for all who are in her orbit.

Hugs sweetie!

mvansand76

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Re: What to do when one of your loved-ones gets cancer
« Reply #8 on: October 20, 2007, 04:25:55 am »
The only thing I have that I don't think was already mentioned was to take care of yourself, Mel.  Be sure your diet is good and that you're getting the screenings you need.

My sis was diagnosed with breast cancer about a month ago.  (Is there something in the air?)  I feel as if I have it too.  There's something scary about such a close relative having it.  And I fucking hate seeing her suffer in any way.

It sounds to me as if you two are close and that your presence is terrific for her!  I wouldn't worry about doing 'the wrong thing' this experience is new both for her, and for all who are in her orbit.

Hugs sweetie!

Oh I'm so sorry, Laura! You must have heard about it around the same time as I did, for us it was 4 weeks ago. My sister has Hodgkin so it's not as much genetically determined as breast cancer, but still, I have always had problems with my lymph nodes, when I was a kid. So thank you and yes, I will try to take care of myself. The difficult thing about being there for my sister is that she lives so far away from me.

How is your sister doing? Have they already started treatment? Are you going to get screened? Yeah, it's the scariest thing ever to have something like cancer happen to somebody so close to you. I am sending you and your family heaps of positive energy and hugs and love!

 :-* Mel

Offline ifyoucantfixit

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Re: What to do when one of your loved-ones gets cancer
« Reply #9 on: October 20, 2007, 05:01:30 am »



        Just allow yourself to feel however you feel, and try not to stress too much..There really isnt a lot
you can do but love her.  Then allow her to feel how she feels and support her in that..
        many many hugs and caresses to you my dear...



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