Author Topic: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?  (Read 12454 times)

Offline David In Indy

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Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« on: October 17, 2007, 07:41:26 pm »
I think the world has forgotten how to forgive. Or at least I think it's true in many cases.


In the following video, we see several examples of extreme hurtful acts against another person. Would you be able to forgive so easily and readily? Is our world losing it's capacity to love and to forgive others for their transgressions?

(video clip is about 7 minutes)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awqPzXXs_7k



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injest

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2007, 07:47:22 pm »
I don't forgive....not for major stuff. Don't like to set myself up to be hurt again.

well, for most people. Some that I have a previous relationship I can forgive SMALL things..

this actually is not as simple as I thought at first!

 :laugh: :laugh:

karen1129

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2007, 08:00:21 pm »
I do forgive..............   for myself.

Karen

Offline ifyoucantfixit

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2007, 08:02:55 pm »




      I believe it can and is done.  But not all things can be forgiven....by every one..    I know I do it in a
  lot of cases.  But eventually its difficul t to forgive someone that continues to do the thing over and over
  and doesnt even acknowledge the things they have done...IT HARKS BACK to fool me once shame on
  you, fool me twice, shame on me.!!



     Beautiful mind

Offline David In Indy

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2007, 08:04:54 pm »
Sometimes I think people who hurt others are often hurting themselves, and this is why they do it. I think this was one of the messages from this particular scene in the movie.  And I think it's important to break that chain; that vicious circle. People sometimes hurt us. Lord knows I've been hurt in the past for various reasons. But I've also found that often the person who hurt me is hurting too. Maybe even worse than the pain they inflicted in me.

In forgiveness we also free ourselves. And if anyone has seen the movie "The Color Purple" we see Celie becoming freed by her forgiveness. She forgave Shug, and in doing so they became close friends, saving each other from much future pain. A sort of team; helping each other through the trials of life. This would never had been possible without Celie's forgiveness.

We also free ourselves when we forgive because we no longer play that "tape" over and over in our minds. It takes a lot of effort to remain angry at someone. Sooner or later the hurt begins to fade, but if we refuse to let go and forgive, we work hard to maintain that level of anger. And if the person refuses to accept our forgiveness, the problem is now squarely on THEM; not us. We have freed ourselves and can now move on. However, they will remain mired in hate, and probably hurt too.

It is difficult to forgive. But I think the world is quickly turning into a place that refuses to forgive. Look at the media. They are always looking for excuses to shoot others down. They find the very worst in someone, exploit it and then air it around the world as a sick form of entertainment. Look at the nastiness on the internet. There are so many people saying many awful and hurtful things to others as they sit safely behind their computers in total obscurity. I'm glad we have a friendly forum here where these sorts of things rarely happen. Others are not so fortunate.

If only we could remember to be like Celie, and just forgive. The power of forgiveness can be huge if only we remembered to use it.  :)
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injest

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2007, 08:08:57 pm »
hmmm. I don't think that forgiveness works like that all the time, David. I wish I could be as kind and good as you but I tend to want to hit people back....

Offline David In Indy

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #6 on: October 17, 2007, 08:14:46 pm »
I don't forgive....not for major stuff. Don't like to set myself up to be hurt again.

well, for most people. Some that I have a previous relationship I can forgive SMALL things..

this actually is not as simple as I thought at first!

 :laugh: :laugh:

It's a good question isn't it Jess?

I inadvertently hurt someones feelings today and I didn't mean to. They felt I was criticizing them and I wasn't. They asked for my opinion and I offered it in the most gentle way I could. They recoiled at me and then told me I was no longer their friend. I told them I was sorry and they refused to forgive me. And I feel very hurt now.

On the drive home, I kept thinking about the movie The Color Purple, and particularly the scene I posted up above. I guess this is why I asked the question. Is the whole world like this now? I never thought this person would react like this. They have criticized me numerous times, and I always tried to view their criticism as helpful information. But apparently it's different when I do it. Even when I try to be as kind as possible as I do it.  :'(

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injest

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #7 on: October 17, 2007, 08:18:41 pm »
It's a good question isn't it Jess?

I inadvertently hurt someones feelings today and I didn't mean to. They felt I was criticizing them and I wasn't. They asked for my opinion and I offered it in the most gentle way I could. They recoiled at me and then told me I was no longer their friend. I told them I was sorry and they refused to forgive me. And I feel very hurt now.

On the drive home, I kept thinking about the movie The Color Purple, and particularly the scene I posted up above. I guess this is why I asked the question. Is the whole world like this now? I never thought this person would react like this. They have criticized me numerous times, and I always tried to view their criticism as helpful information. But apparently it's different when I do it. Even when I try to be as kind as possible as I do it.  :'(



aw Sweet David!!

{{{}}}

don't take it so personally....sounds to me like maybe they were having a bad day and just struck out at you. I know you try to be kind to everyone around you.

who knows what is going on in other people's heads? I can barely figure out what is going on in MINE...

{{{{{{{David}}}}}}}}

I love you!! and I think you are WONDERFUL!!

don't you let someone in a bad mood bother you...it will be better tomorrow...

karen1129

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #8 on: October 17, 2007, 08:26:24 pm »
Like David said, I believe we have to forgive those who hurt us for our own healing.
Doesn't mean we have to like that person , or be around them anymore, but I
I believe you need to forgive for yourself. 
You can spend a lot of time hating someone and that person doesn't even know it. Or care.

My motto is...................   forgive, forget and move on.
Letting go of that hate or hurt is a very freeing experience and
positive draws people to you .

K

Offline Shakesthecoffecan

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #9 on: October 17, 2007, 08:50:57 pm »
I come from a long line of grudge holders. I hold some of their grudes yet, but I try not to add to them. I think if you forgive someone then you do not become a victim of the perceived wrong they have done to you.
"It was only you in my life, and it will always be only you, Jack, I swear."