Author Topic: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?  (Read 12453 times)

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #10 on: October 18, 2007, 12:41:41 am »
I always try to forgive and forget.  Usually I'm pretty successful with the forgiving part if I can put the person out of my mind and out of my life (if the offense is serious enough) but I find I struggle with forgetting.  My good opinion once lost is usually never again regained in the same measure.  I would never strike out or demean them but I would keep my distance if I could not avoid them altogether.

I'd like to believe that people are not malicious, that sometimes things are just mistakes, poor judgement, a miscalculation, a misunderstanding or personal, cultural or lifestyle differences but one hurt to many has taught me that there are some people in the world who are just plain mean for no good reason other than it gives them pleasure to cause others pain or problems.  I am especially offended by the sneaky ones,  those who do so hiding behind someone or something else, or pretending to be someone they are not instead of owning their actions and opinions.


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injest

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #11 on: October 18, 2007, 12:48:53 am »
I always try to forgive and forget.  Usually I'm pretty successful with the forgiving part if I can put the person out of my mind and out of my life (if the offense is serious enough) but I find I struggle with forgetting.  My good opinion once lost is usually never again regained in the same measure.  I would never strike out or demean them but I would keep my distance if I could not avoid them altogether.

I'd like to believe that people are not malicious, that sometimes things are just mistakes, poor judgement, a miscalculation, a misunderstanding or personal, cultural or lifestyle differences but one hurt to many has taught me that there are some people in the world who are just plain mean for no good reason other than it gives them pleasure to cause others pain or problems.  I am especially offended by the sneaky ones,  those who do so hiding behind someone or something else, or pretending to be someone they are not instead of owning their actions and opinions.

*Jess giving a standing ovation!!*

you stated exactly how I feel, Dottie. Those sneaky people...they are an alien breed. I just can't think like that...


Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #12 on: October 18, 2007, 02:01:42 am »
*Jess giving a standing ovation!!*

you stated exactly how I feel, Dottie. Those sneaky people...they are an alien breed. I just can't think like that...



{{{{Jess}}}} I knew there was a reason I liked you girlfriend  :-*
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Offline ifyoucantfixit

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #13 on: October 18, 2007, 02:18:54 am »



          Maybe we could set up a scenario.. you have someone who hurts you over and over, and you keep
letting it go and letting it go.  They do not even acknowledge it that they have done anything wrong..So you continue to take all the blame for the difficulties.  You forgive, and even if you dont think you have done anything
wrong..Apologize over and over...Then that person tells you that if you would stop doing that, you wouldnt
have to keep apologizing...Are you still supposed to keep apologizing..and forgiving, when you are repeatedly
being hurt...?



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Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #14 on: October 18, 2007, 02:28:33 am »


          Maybe we could set up a scenario.. you have someone who hurts you over and over, and you keep
letting it go and letting it go.  They do not even acknowledge it that they have done anything wrong..So you continue to take all the blame for the difficulties.  You forgive, and even if you dont think you have done anything
wrong..Apologize over and over...Then that person tells you that if you would stop doing that, you wouldnt
have to keep apologizing...Are you still supposed to keep apologizing..and forgiving, when you are repeatedly
being hurt...?

No!  The scenario you describe Janice is one where I would definitely feel the need to excise this person from my life.  People like that, at best are not self aware, at worst they are toxic.
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Offline Lynne

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #15 on: October 18, 2007, 02:44:15 am »
It depends...Forgive and Forget is best for everyone, IMO, but sometimes it's hard.  ??? ???
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Offline souxi

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #16 on: October 18, 2007, 04:21:34 am »
Good question David. It really depends on what the other person has done I suppose. I can forgive sometimes, but some things I just can,t. There is really only one person in this world who I will NEVER forgive. If that makes me a bad person, then so be it. Some things are just unforgiveable.

Offline Karan13

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #17 on: October 18, 2007, 04:09:50 pm »

Hey David,
               This is a hard one , i am a soft , loving person i will help anyone i can , sometimes i hate myself for this , as i have been used and taken advantage of because of this . This is down to the heart and mind really , if someone says sorry i will forgive them , but i will not necessarily forget what they have done especially if it is really hurtful , my mind will forgive them but mt heart may not , and so even if i think i have made peace and forgave someone and told myself i will forget about it , in my heart i may not `Really Feel` that i have.
     
I don`t know if this makes sense. I agree with comments about sneeky people i dislike those completely. but if i found someone who i disliked , i knew disliked me equally , sad alone in need of help i don`t think i could turn my back on them.

I don`t know if this makes me sound like an idiot or a saint but thats me . x



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Offline David In Indy

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #18 on: October 18, 2007, 09:06:51 pm »
Hey David,
               This is a hard one , i am a soft , loving person i will help anyone i can , sometimes i hate myself for this , as i have been used and taken advantage of because of this . This is down to the heart and mind really , if someone says sorry i will forgive them , but i will not necessarily forget what they have done especially if it is really hurtful , my mind will forgive them but mt heart may not , and so even if i think i have made peace and forgave someone and told myself i will forget about it , in my heart i may not `Really Feel` that i have.
     
I don`t know if this makes sense. I agree with comments about sneeky people i dislike those completely. but if i found someone who i disliked , i knew disliked me equally , sad alone in need of help i don`t think i could turn my back on them.

I don`t know if this makes me sound like an idiot or a saint but thats me . x





Hi Karan!!  :D

Your comments make perfect sense to me! I'm so glad to see you posting here again. I hope you stick around. I miss you when you're not here with us.  :'(

We sure did have some fun over on IMDb a couple of years ago, didn't we? And we weren't very forgiving to the trolls either. But then, they didn't deserve our forgiveness.  >:(

 :D :D :D
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Offline Brown Eyes

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Re: Do you forgive or do you hold a grudge?
« Reply #19 on: October 18, 2007, 09:09:43 pm »
I almost alway think that I've forgiven... but the more I look at myself the more I realize that I really do hold grudges despite my best intentions.  I also have a horrible habit of being a bridge-burner.
 :-\

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