Author Topic: Gay Translations Guide  (Read 7593 times)

Offline DecaturTxCowboy

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Gay Translations Guide
« on: May 14, 2006, 06:24:06 pm »
     Gay Translator

I want a commitment.
    I'm sick of masturbation.

Haven't I seen you before?
    Nice ass.

I need you.
    My hand is tired.

You're the only man I've ever cared about.
    You are the only man who hasn't rejected me.

I'm a Romantic.
    I'm poor.

I really want to get to know you better.
    So I can tell my friends about it.

It's just orange juice, try it.
    3 more shots, and he'll have his legs around my head.

He's kinda cute.
    I want to have sex with him till my dick turns blue!

He's not my type.
    He won't sleep with me.

I miss you so much
    I am so horny that my dog is starting to look good.

I had a wonderful time last night.
    Who the hell are you?

Do you love me?
    I've done something stupid and you might find out.

Do you 'really' love me?
    I've done something stupid and you're going to find out.

I'll give you a call.
    I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again.

I've been thinking a lot.
    You're not as attractive as when I was drunk.

I think we should just be friends.
    You're ugly.

I've learned a lot from you.
    Next!!!!

Take it like a man - steady and strong, not a lot of fuss and carring on.  True to a promise, I can ride in any storm.  So bend over and take it like a man...Too much of a good thing is a good thing.

TJ

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2006, 06:50:54 pm »
Doesn't this from the book fit under this thread?

Quote
"Try this one," said Jack, "and I'll say it just one time. Tell you what, we could a had a good life together, a fuckin real good life. You wouldn't do it, Ennis, so what we got now is Brokeback Mountain. Everthing built on that. It's all we got, boy, fuckin all, so I hope you know that if you don't never know the rest. Count the damn few times we been together in twenty years. Measure the fuckin short leash you keep me on, then ask me about Mexico and then tell me you'll kill me for needin it and not hardly never gettin it. You got no fuckin idea how bad it gets. I'm not you. I can't make it on a couple a high-altitude fucks once or twice a year. You're too much for me, Ennis, you son of a whoreson bitch. I wish I knew how to quit you."

Offline SFEnnisSF

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2006, 03:20:33 pm »
GAY TERMS

After-hours -- where you go when the bars are closed and  you still haven't found someone to sleep with.

Baggage -- the excuse people use to punish their current boyfriends for things that their past boyfriends have done to them.

BiCurious -- gay

Bisexual -- gay

Bitter -- what all gay men are destined to become. Caused by drama and stress (see below).

Bottom -- orientation preferred by 95% of the gay population

Butch  -- what gay men who don't think they act gay call themselves. Actual butch men will never need to use this term.

Cuddle -- sexual activity in which there is no exchange of bodily fluid.

Drama -- an imaginary condition made up by sad, lonely individuals with no real problems in their life who feel the need to drag stable, well-balanced individuals who are trying to make a  valuable contribution to society down to their level in hopes of making themselves feel better.
Ex -- 1) anyone you've slept with more than once.
      2) a club drug  popular in the late 90's.

Excedrin -- what every gay man should have in his medicine cabinet

Foam -- not sure anymore, as we haven't seen it in over a year.

Gaylights -- an unnatural highlighting of the hair that no straight man would be caught dead with.

Gurl -- the first word of every sentence. "Gurl, you 'bout ready to go?" or "Gurl, I haven't had sex in 3 days!"

Gym Bunny -- a troll who has realized that his only chance of getting laid is to work out every day.

Hayyy -- a greeting. The gayer you are, the more Y's you put at the end.

Homewrecker -- the person who stole your ex

Omaha Diet -- unnatural weight loss caused by nonprescription medications. Also known as Jenny Crank.

One Night Stand -- a very short-term relationship, the end of  which is signified by someone putting on their pants.

Philson Sex -- sexual activity in which everybody wants to get off, but nobody does. Enables you to have a one night stand without actually becoming classified as a whore, yet still significantly more intensive than cuddling.

Rough Trade -- a one night stand that you will later pretend never happened.

Shot -- when you need to get drunker faster

Stress -- a non-imaginary condition brought on by the drama of  others

Top -- see Bottom

Trade -- what you bring home from the bar, paid for in services rendered.

Troll - anyone older than you that wants you to go home with  them.

Trick -- See Trade

Twelve -- how old you are if you're not 21

Universe -- the area of space contained within a three-foot diameter of every gay man.

Versatile -- glorified Bottom (but will top if absolutely  necessary)

Whore -- anyone who has more sex than you.

Offline Lumière

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2006, 05:50:58 pm »
LOL!   ;D
These are hilarious!


Offline DecaturTxCowboy

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2006, 12:23:41 am »
If he says he's a top...he's versatile. If he says he's versatile, he's a bottom....

If he says he's a bottom - he's being honest.
Take it like a man - steady and strong, not a lot of fuss and carring on.  True to a promise, I can ride in any storm.  So bend over and take it like a man...Too much of a good thing is a good thing.

Offline David

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2006, 06:31:49 pm »
If he says he's a top...he's versatile. If he says he's versatile, he's a bottom....

If he says he's a bottom - he's being honest.

Boy isn't THAT the truth! 
    :laugh:

tiawahcowboy

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2006, 06:39:24 pm »
But, what if he says he is a middle?

Offline Ray

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2006, 08:04:17 pm »
"Nice Guy" = Ugly
"Good Talker = Boring
"Lots of Enthusiasm" = Very young
"Lots of experience" = Very old
"Gentle" = Small dick
"Rough" = Drunk
"Gave me his number" = Gotta take out the bin
"Breakfast" = You just had it.
"Let's do it again" = I don't remember
"Would you like a coffee bud?" = Forgot his name
"I'm out of coffee" = Want to forget his name
"Might see you tonight" = If you can guess which outer suburb bathhouse I've gone to
"You look good in that shirt" = You looked hideous out of it
"Wanna move in?" = My rent's too high


~A good general knows when to retreat~

Offline DecaturTxCowboy

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #8 on: June 05, 2006, 06:00:03 pm »
But, what if he says he is a middle?

Then he ain't the train engine nor the caboose.
Take it like a man - steady and strong, not a lot of fuss and carring on.  True to a promise, I can ride in any storm.  So bend over and take it like a man...Too much of a good thing is a good thing.

Offline DecaturTxCowboy

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #9 on: June 05, 2006, 06:19:17 pm »
Found this post on a Yahoo BBM group...

Quote
YE OLDE WITCHES: Neo-Pagan Elderfolk Community
~ Established 2006 for Connection, and Gatherings.
~ ELDERS: Crone, Heathen, Pagan, Sage, Sorcerer, Sorceress, Wiccan, Witch, Wizard.
~ SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Asexual, Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, Str8 / Straight, Transgender, Queer Folk. \
~ RITE OF ELDERHOOD (Crones and Sages): We the elders, like children, are priceless treasures of our community. After the age of 50 or so, the young acknowledge and honor us elderfolk for our wisdom, knowledge, skills, or whatever we have gained from our years on Earth. Often it's us who settle disputes, bless babies, and speak with greatest authority in councils. At this rite, another symbol may be gifted to us in recognition of our value.
~ We sincerely thank you!

Running this through my gay translation prgram:

> YE OLDE WITCHES: Neo-Pagan
Warning - Conflicting terminology

> (Crones and Sages):
Translation: (trolls and bitter old queens)

> We the elders, like priceless treasures
Translation: "that gurl is so full of himself"

> After the age of 50 or so, the young acknowledge and honor
Tranlslation: "discover the value of a sugar daddy"

> our wisdom, knowledge, skills, or whatever we have gained from our years on Earth.
Translation: "How to convert a Lotus 1-2-3 trick list to an Excel spreadsheet"

> settle disputes
Translation: "Bitch the loudest and longest"

> bless babies
Not sure of this, but "turkey baster" was suggested.

> and speak with greatest authority
Translation: "Bitch the loudest and longest"

> in councils.
Translation: "hot tub orgies"

Take it like a man - steady and strong, not a lot of fuss and carring on.  True to a promise, I can ride in any storm.  So bend over and take it like a man...Too much of a good thing is a good thing.

Offline DecaturTxCowboy

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Only whut you would hear from me...
« Reply #10 on: June 07, 2006, 04:17:32 am »
So I stopped off at the local Dairy Queen for a Hunger Buster and there's this kid in there with his haired dyed more colors than found in a 64 colors box of crayons...ok, mebbe not THAT many, but it was of colors not normally found in nature and very distinct - unlike the homogenious color of a bag of Gummy Bears left on the dash of yer truck all day.

Colors like aubergine, zinnober, modena, and jacinthe, and with nacarat highlights.

He noticed I was staring at him and said to me, "Ain't you ever done anything wild when you were a kid, old man?"

I answered, "Well, I had sex with peacock once and was wondering if you might be my son..."



Take it like a man - steady and strong, not a lot of fuss and carring on.  True to a promise, I can ride in any storm.  So bend over and take it like a man...Too much of a good thing is a good thing.

Offline ifyoucantfixit

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Re: Only whut you would hear from me...
« Reply #11 on: December 07, 2006, 05:42:10 am »
So I stopped off at the local Dairy Queen for a Hunger Buster and there's this kid in there with his haired dyed more colors than found in a 64 colors box of crayons...ok, mebbe not THAT many, but it was of colors not normally found in nature and very distinct - unlike the homogenious color of a bag of Gummy Bears left on the dash of yer truck all day.

Colors like aubergine, zinnober, modena, and jacinthe, and with nacarat highlights.

He noticed I was staring at him and said to me, "Ain't you ever done anything wild when you were a kid, old man?"

I answered, "Well, I had sex with peacock once and was wondering if you might be my son..."

                           oh my gosh that is freaking hilarious...i would have loved to be there for that one.... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: ::) ::)






     Beautiful mind

Offline iwishiknew

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #12 on: May 22, 2007, 07:07:46 pm »
You know what they say...
There are two types of gay men; size queens and liars.


hardly true but still fun. ::)

Offline loneleeb3

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #13 on: May 22, 2007, 10:57:03 pm »
Boy Howdy!
have I a lot to learn!!  ???
"The biggest obstacle to most of us achieving our dreams isn't reality, it's our own fear"

"Saint Paul had his Epiphany on the road to Damascus, Mine was on Brokeback Mountain"

Offline Brokeback_Dev

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #14 on: May 23, 2007, 09:40:02 am »
these are fun to read.  im getting an education here.  ;D

injest

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Re: Only whut you would hear from me...
« Reply #15 on: July 14, 2007, 03:10:11 pm »
So I stopped off at the local Dairy Queen for a Hunger Buster and there's this kid in there with his haired dyed more colors than found in a 64 colors box of crayons...ok, mebbe not THAT many, but it was of colors not normally found in nature and very distinct - unlike the homogenious color of a bag of Gummy Bears left on the dash of yer truck all day.

Colors like aubergine, zinnober, modena, and jacinthe, and with nacarat highlights.

He noticed I was staring at him and said to me, "Ain't you ever done anything wild when you were a kid, old man?"

I answered, "Well, I had sex with peacock once and was wondering if you might be my son..."






 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Offline jstephens9

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #16 on: December 17, 2007, 02:00:47 pm »
Well I just found this one  ;D I am still exploring and finding new avenues and streets at Bettermost. Damn this place is almost like New York City. It seems there are always new things to find and explore. And these expressions/translations are GREAT!!! I will have to visit here more often for my educational purposes  :laugh:

Jack

Offline Artiste

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #17 on: March 10, 2008, 06:43:11 pm »
Wow!

More please...

au revoir,
hugs!

Offline Artiste

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #18 on: June 29, 2008, 11:05:22 am »
Any more such fun ?

Offline CellarDweller

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Re: Only whut you would hear from me...
« Reply #19 on: August 26, 2008, 11:53:50 am »
I answered, "Well, I had sex with peacock once and was wondering if you might be my son..."



 :laugh:


Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: ''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!

Offline jstephens9

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Re: Only whut you would hear from me...
« Reply #20 on: August 26, 2008, 01:12:20 pm »
So I stopped off at the local Dairy Queen for a Hunger Buster and there's this kid in there with his haired dyed more colors than found in a 64 colors box of crayons...ok, mebbe not THAT many, but it was of colors not normally found in nature and very distinct - unlike the homogenious color of a bag of Gummy Bears left on the dash of yer truck all day.

Colors like aubergine, zinnober, modena, and jacinthe, and with nacarat highlights.

He noticed I was staring at him and said to me, "Ain't you ever done anything wild when you were a kid, old man?"

I answered, "Well, I had sex with peacock once and was wondering if you might be my son..."


You must have lots of sons and daughters here where I live then. Those colors of hair are pretty much the norm here.

Offline BlissC

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #21 on: September 21, 2008, 06:09:42 pm »
Bettermost is fun AND educational!  Great thread guys!!

So true! Reminds me of many years ago when I was at college and I was on the committee of the student union LGBT society. We once did a 'gay translations' guide as a bit of a laugh. I wonder if I've still got it around somewhere...? 

So I stopped off at the local Dairy Queen for a Hunger Buster and there's this kid in there with his haired dyed more colors than found in a 64 colors box of crayons...ok, mebbe not THAT many, but it was of colors not normally found in nature and very distinct - unlike the homogenious color of a bag of Gummy Bears left on the dash of yer truck all day.

Again, back in my college days it became fashionable locally for a while to bleach your hair, and I remember practically everyone turning up at one of the LGBT meetings one week newly bleached with highlights, lowlights, and everything inbetween. One guy though was adamant that his was natural, at least publically. If anyone questioned him he'd just pout, exclaim, "But I was born blonde!" and flounce out. The brand of bleach he used was called "Born Blonde".  :laugh:

Me, I went the other way! While everyone else was going blonde, I dyed mine black (my natural colour's blonde)   ;D


"No matter how hard you try, You're still in prison, If ya born with wings and you never fly."

Offline McNell

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #22 on: October 16, 2008, 01:39:53 pm »

I answered, "Well, I had sex with peacock once and was wondering if you might be my son..."





Bwahahhah...good grief!!  ::)

Offline Artiste

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Re: Gay Translations Guide
« Reply #23 on: October 16, 2008, 02:23:20 pm »
DecaturTxCowboy, that is great story you did!

I love this too, your sense of humour:
        So I stopped off at the local Dairy Queen for a Hunger Buster and there's this kid in there with his haired dyed more colors than found in a 64 colors box of crayons...ok, mebbe not THAT many, but it was of colors not normally found in nature and very distinct - unlike the homogenious color of a bag of Gummy Bears left on the dash of yer truck all day.

Colors like aubergine, zinnober, modena, and jacinthe, and with nacarat highlights.

He noticed I was staring at him and said to me, "Ain't you ever done anything wild when you were a kid, old man?"

I answered, "Well, I had sex with peacock once and was wondering if you might be my son..."


             


Au revoir,
hugs!  More such stories from you?