For help dealing with sadness ...

[serious crayons]

Many of us are feeling very grief-stricken and depressed. Posting here, among friends who understand the feelings, can be beneficial. And for those who feel they could use a little RL help in dealing with these emotions, here are some lists of links and numbers to helplines, therapy, etc.

This is a list provided by the National Mental Health Association of services in the U.S.:

http://www1.nmha.org/infoctr/FAQs/treatment.cfm

This list also offers information about the UK:

http://www.talk-depression.net/page_1149354030044.html

Anyone who can suggest additional resources, either in the US or UK or especially in other countries, please feel free to add them here. (Australia, anybody? The list above contains a couple of Australia resources, but they're not quite on topic).

Thanks!

[serious crayons]

Also, anybody who has good ideas for do-it-yourself methods of relieving stress and grief -- music, exercise, talking to someone, getting away for a while -- please contribute those, too! Thanks.

[Jeff Wrangler]

Also, anybody who has good ideas for do-it-yourself methods of relieving stress and grief -- music, exercise, talking to someone, getting away for a while -- please contribute those, too! Thanks.

I always recommend some sort of physical activity, usually one that has a point and a visible result that lets you feel that you have accomplished something. Like some sort of housework. I'm not joking about the housework. This usually helps me when I'm feeling depressed.

[Artiste]

Good ideas!! Thanks!! Vary one's activities, I did, since I could not sleep that much seeing his passing, and still it is very hard to cope daily and nightly!! Surely, that is  too for you and for all of us!!

Everyone can be more kind to others and oneself, not less, in such sadness!!

Everyone is one edge and it is easy to misunderstand another person and even oneself!!

Keep care... let's remember Heath joys he brought us all here and in our other homes!!

Hugs!! May we all help each other, Heath helped us all... as Ennis making his role real for love to everyone!!

[Kelda]

I find a walk often clears my head - and a good nights sleep is also useful - however much you might want to be attahced to the PC at the moment to get constant updates - its not that healthy - and I'm as guilty of this as anyone the last few days!


I also found this when googling 'dealing with grief celbrity death' as dealing with our grief for heath is different than having to deal with the grief of losing someone close physically.

Someone posted this after Steve Irwin died, but I think the suggestions, tweaked for Heath are just as sensible. This is from http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art30964.asp

Dealing with Grief - The Death of Steve Irwin

The whole world will be affected in some way by the death of Steve Irwin, “crocodile hunter” of Australia Zoo. We have watched him in our homes, sometimes every evening. We have laughed, perhaps cried, yelled and had conversations about who we think he is.

Steve Irwin, for many, became a part of the family.

Because of this fact, the familiarity with which many have surrounding the Irwin family, we identify strongly with the loss of his life. Such a shocking end as he met produces very strong emotions in our hearts BECAUSE of the fact that in his charisma, he became family.

It is normal to feel sadness, disbelief, grief and anger. Some may feel such overwhelming sadness that they cannot think about anything else at the time. Some may feel such shock and outrage at his seemingly untimely death that they will convey their anger and look for outlets to express how they feel. Some will cry, and probably more than once. Some will feel a very profound loss in their personal life.

Keep in mind that these reactions are all normal. However, if the symptoms continue for more than a few days to even a couple of weeks it would be wise to let someone know how you are feeling. Talk to a counselor, spouse or friend to help you come to peace or manage your feelings better. The grieving time for someone unrelated, uninvolved or unaware of you (like a celebrity) is expected to be much shorter than if it is someone directly involved in your life.

Below are some suggestions that you may or may not use to help be an outlet, or an expression of how you feel at this time.
~Donate your time at an animal shelter in honor of Steve
~Sponsor an animal at your local zoo in memory of Steve Irwin
~Post a memoir on your personal website or on a forum at one of the websites below
~Make a donation to one of the funds being initiated by Animal Planet or Australia Zoo
~Start a blog

My own condolences and sorrow are there for the Irwin family. Thank you Steve for your enthusiasm of life!

Interestingly from this http://www.looktothestars.org/celebrity/149-heath-ledger - it seems Heath's charitable interests were childrens charities and AIDs charities - perhaps I'll try to find an ozzie childrens or aids charity to give some money to.

Or - if you dont already ahve one - perhaps you could start a blog - either here or elsewhere?

[Kelda]

From http://teenadvice.about.com/library/weekly/aa082601b.htm

R&B Icon Aaliyah Dead at Age 22
The power of celebrity, the difficulty of loss.

Dealing with the death of an idol can be a difficult thing. When a friend or family member dies, the other people in your life are sympathetic to your pain and confusion, but when a celebrity idol dies, the sympathy is not as forthcoming. What people don't often acknowledge is, that for teens, celebrities can feel like family. Teens often tie much of their identity to their favorite celebrities. They buy merchandise created or endorsed by the star, they dress like the star, they act like the star, they wrap themselves in the pop culture created by the celebrity, and in doing so, they adopt a part of that person. When a favored star dies suddenly, it can be a harrowing ordeal. The blow to the fan is both emotional, they miss the star, and personal, they have lost a part of their identity.

We choose which stars we like and which ones we do not. The celebrities we embrace say something to others about what we are like. The reasons why we like some celebrities and not others can come down to superficial things; like the sound of their music or the type of movies they make, or the draw can be more substantial; like a star's political views or their social conscience. We may choose to admire a celebrity simply because they are a vegetarian, or because they sang a song about living in poverty. We may come to adore a celebrity because of their image, because we want to take on a piece of that image for ourselves. In the teen years, when the struggle to find ones' identity is often at its greatest, the attachment to a star can be all consuming.

So what do you do when a favorite celebrity dies? The answer is simple; you mourn. You honor that celebrity in a positive way, remembering all the things you admired most about that person and all the reasons why you chose to be their fan. Let out your grief and ignore people who try to down play your loss. You may not have known the celebrity personally, but they were an intimate part of your life, it is natural and normal for you to feel sad. You have lost something; you gave the star a gift, you gave them your respect and admiration, and in return you got joy. Now the source of that joy is gone, and you have every right to feel a loss. You chose to let the celebrity in to your world by honoring them as a fan, and you have lost something special in their death.

While a celebrity may play an unorthodox role in your life, their death is no different than the death of anybody else whom you care about. Deal with the loss as you would any other, remember the good, take comfort in the memories, and go on with your life by making a positive contribution to society. Do not immerse yourself in the death, do not let it consume you, if you feel overwhelmed by your feelings of loss, seek help. Reach out to other fans, seek comfort on bulletin boards and in chats with other people who admired the star, there is strength in numbers. Most of all, be proud of who you are, the fact that you care so much about a person you hardly knew shows how amazing YOU are! What better way to honor a lost idol than to remember them with love in your heart?

[delalluvia]

Like the suggestion said - and though I was not expecting it to work, it really did help me - making a bulletin board, a scrap book, something about the one I loved who was lost.  It helped me cope and softened the blow.  I do recommend it. 

[serious crayons]

Thank you for all the great suggestions, Gary, Artiste, Jeff, Kelda and Del! I'm going to try some of them, myself.


I also wanted to mention that, for people seeking therapy or services in other countries, I wasn't able to look extensively because English, unfortunately, is the only language I'm very fluent in. But I found the lists above simply by googling "depression" and "services" or "hotline," and it only took a couple of minutes to find those lists.

[Ellemeno]

Thanks for this thread.  I have wondered if there are Brokies who have gone silent in their grief, so that we don't know what a hard time they are having.

[Br. Patrick]

I am actively grieving but know through my near-death experience that Heath is now completely aware of how many lives he has and will forever change by the Classic Film "Brokeback Mountain."  If I listen prayerfully and carefully, 'I can hear the Angels singing..'

[BelAir]

From http://teenadvice.about.com/library/weekly/aa082601b.htm

I'm not a teenager, but that sure helped me!

[BelAir]

Like the suggestion said - and though I was not expecting it to work, it really did help me - making a bulletin board, a scrap book, something about the one I loved who was lost.  It helped me cope and softened the blow.  I do recommend it. 

In my journal, though I had been writing some of what I was feeling, I had avoided writing the specifics of the day I found out, today I wrote the specifics, and that helped.

[BelAir]

I've heard people say that they believe they don't have a right to feel so bad about Heath's death because they aren't family members or close personal friends.  So I'd like to point out that we all have a right to our feelings, even if no one understands them, or even if we ourselves don't understand them.  Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad about another human being's untimely and sudden death.  Avoid adding guilt or shame to your grief.

Some people think that to fall into despair is an indicative of a character flaw.  They think a strong and capable person should be able to cope, and so when they discover they can't cope they view themselves as worthless.  But if you find yourself in that situation you're not worthless.  You're human.  None of us has the world figured out.  So don't hold yourself to some superhuman standard.

Sometimes in our grief we forget there are things to be thankful for.  So it might help to remember when we're so hurt by a loved one's sudden departure, and insulted by the seemingly unjust way in which they were taken from us, that it was a miracle that they were here at all.  So even in our sadness let us be happy that we had a chance to be touched by Heath's humanity.   

Thanks, gary.

[Artiste]

Hug others helps??

Give yourself a hug: by laughing out loud... till you smile!!

Hugs to you and to all!! Heath hugged us in his wondrous ways, and hugs us still forever - we hug you too dear loved one!!

[RedAzaelia]

Cook or bake. Make something sweet and chocolatey, or a favorite food. Not only is cooking a pretty relaxing, almost zen exercise, nothing warms the soul quite like home-baked cookies, brownies, pasta, etc. So you'll feel better while cooking, and then you get to cheer yourself up with whatever it is you've just made. And even if you mess something up and wind up burning whatever you made, you've still had an adventure.

Writing is an excellent idea, too. I find old-fashioned pen-and-paper writing to be particularly cathartic. Once I get scribbling, it's hard to stop.

Go out with friends or family, and let them know you love them. Just don't be alone. It makes it worse.

[LauraGigs]

I've heard people say that they believe they don't have a right to feel so bad about Heath's death because they aren't family members or close personal friends.  So I'd like to point out that we all have a right to our feelings, even if no one understands them, or even if we ourselves don't understand them.  Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad about another human being's untimely and sudden death.  Avoid adding guilt or shame to your grief.
Some people think that to fall into despair is an indicative of a character flaw.  They think a strong and capable person should be able to cope, and so when they discover they can't cope they view themselves as worthless.  But if you find yourself in that situation you're not worthless.  You're human.  None of us has the world figured out.  So don't hold yourself to some superhuman standard.
Sometimes in our grief we forget there are things to be thankful for.  So it might help to remember when we're so hurt by a loved one's sudden departure, and insulted by the seemingly unjust way in which they were taken from us, that it was a miracle that they were here at all.  So even in our sadness let us be happy that we had a chance to be touched by Heath's humanity.   

Wow, what great observations, Gary.   

And even if you mess something up and wind up burning whatever you made, you've still had an adventure.

 

[belbbmfan]

I've heard people say that they believe they don't have a right to feel so bad about Heath's death because they aren't family members or close personal friends.  So I'd like to point out that we all have a right to our feelings, even if no one understands them, or even if we ourselves don't understand them.  Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad about another human being's untimely and sudden death.  Avoid adding guilt or shame to your grief.

Some people think that to fall into despair is an indicative of a character flaw.  They think a strong and capable person should be able to cope, and so when they discover they can't cope they view themselves as worthless.  But if you find yourself in that situation you're not worthless.  You're human.  None of us has the world figured out.  So don't hold yourself to some superhuman standard.

Sometimes in our grief we forget there are things to be thankful for.  So it might help to remember when we're so hurt by a loved one's sudden departure, and insulted by the seemingly unjust way in which they were taken from us, that it was a miracle that they were here at all.  So even in our sadness let us be happy that we had a chance to be touched by Heath's humanity.   

Thank you Gary.   

[Kelda]

I'm not a teenager, but that sure helped me!

me too!!

[Artiste]

I feel more and more that Heath had a zest for life! Is that the right word? Like happiness... is!!

To me, Heath wants us us all to be happy: then, now and forever!! He was happy doing Ennis, did fight doing that tour-de-force role (against all negatives) so we can all be more and more happy!!


Of course, we are all sad since of his passing; He knows that!! !!Why not remember him being happy in his life and in his role as Ennis?? !!

I will never forget his brilliant role and him as a grand, lovable, amiable person!!

Hugs!!  Thanks Heath for your loveable care and help for Humanity!!

[serious crayons]

Thanks for the great suggestions, everybody.

A couple of people have mentioned the value of writing. Many people do find writing to be therapeutic. For those who would like to share their words with others, I'd like to direct you to a new thread on this forum called "Express what you're feeling, at any length," created for you to do just that.

http://bettermost.net/forum/index.php/topic,16698.0.html

[Jeff Wrangler]

I've heard people say that they believe they don't have a right to feel so bad about Heath's death because they aren't family members or close personal friends.  So I'd like to point out that we all have a right to our feelings, even if no one understands them, or even if we ourselves don't understand them.  Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad about another human being's untimely and sudden death.  Avoid adding guilt or shame to your grief.

Some people think that to fall into despair is an indicative of a character flaw.  They think a strong and capable person should be able to cope, and so when they discover they can't cope they view themselves as worthless.  But if you find yourself in that situation you're not worthless.  You're human.  None of us has the world figured out.  So don't hold yourself to some superhuman standard.

Sometimes in our grief we forget there are things to be thankful for.  So it might help to remember when we're so hurt by a loved one's sudden departure, and insulted by the seemingly unjust way in which they were taken from us, that it was a miracle that they were here at all.  So even in our sadness let us be happy that we had a chance to be touched by Heath's humanity.   

Wise words, Gary! 

[pgcatz]

SleepyTime tea helps sleeplessness. Also getting away from the computer so you can take a walk or talk to someone. Exercise is good too. And give in to the crying. I always sleep so well after a good cry.

[Peter John Shields]

Interesting articles on the impact of Heath on many lives...

http://www.theage.com.au/news/in-depth/a-life-lost-can-be-felt-by-all/2008/01/25/1201157667799.html

http://www.theage.com.au/news/in-depth/didnt-know-you-but-ill-miss-you/2008/01/26/1201157738743.html

http://www.theage.com.au/news/in-depth/heath-worlds-apart/2008/01/26/1201157738746.html

http://www.theage.com.au/news/national/stars-portrait-has-artist-in-a-bind/2008/01/24/1201157560392.html

[Peter John Shields]

One more...

http://www.theage.com.au/news/people/hutchences-mother-reaches-out/2008/01/28/1201368992658.html

[Ellemeno]

stripey!  Well, look what the wind blew in!  An early Brokie and one of the first BetterMostians.  My condolences to you and all Australians.  Good to see you here. 

[louisev]

I was in chat with some fellow Brokies last night when Daniel Day Lewis accepted the award for Best Actor at the SAGs, and gave his heartfelt dedication to Heath.  I would suggest watching that Youtube dedication, because it shows that someone who was himself an actor, an Oscar winner, a seasoned professional career person on national TV, who also NEVER MET HEATH, got choked up and felt moved to share his response to Heath's performance in Brokeback Mountain and dedicated his award to him, can be just as moved by grief as anyone else, and he is in the same shoes the rest of us are in.

It really shows that grief shared is diminished.  And I think that is what so many of us are spinning our wheels about - whether we have the "right" to feel grief over Heath's passing.

[Katie77]

Dont be afraid to mourn and grieve or feel sad......we do have the right, the feelings are real, the loss we feel is real.

And just the same, dont be afraid to move on either....there is no time limit on grief, it is not wrong to grieve more than someone else, nor is it wrong to move on.....it is not a measure of how much we loved someone, or miss someone, by how much we grieve for them.

I remember many many years ago, when I had just lost my dear sister, and I was talking to an old lady, who in her lifetime had lost five of her children, and I asked her how do you cope, how do you go on.....and in her wise, matter of fact way, she said....."you just move on....you never forget....but you do get over it"

[Brown Eyes]

Thanks for the great suggestions, everybody.

A couple of people have mentioned the value of writing. Many people do find writing to be therapeutic. For those who would like to share their words with others, I'd like to direct you to a new thread on this forum called "Express what you're feeling, at any length," created for you to do just that.

http://bettermost.net/forum/index.php/topic,16698.0.html

Thank you Katherine for setting up both this current thread and the "Express What You're Feeling" thread.  This is all really a wonderful help.  Today I feel like I'm a true mess.  Exhausted, grumpy with folks in "real life" and just really, really sad.  I mean, I've been sad this whole time... but today it's a different level.  I guess all of this will go in waves for a long time to come.

[MaineWriter]

Thank you Katherine for setting up both this current thread and the "Express What You're Feeling" thread.  This is all really a wonderful help.  Today I feel like I'm a true mess.  Exhausted, grumpy with folks in "real life" and just really, really sad.  I mean, I've been sad this whole time... but today it's a different level.  I guess all of this will go in waves for a long time to come.

Join the club, Amanda. Sounds like we are on the same timeline. I have been a mess today, too, and now I am sobbing over the pictures of the tulips in the snow. Sigh...

It will get better but it is so hard....

L

[Brown Eyes]

Join the club, Amanda. Sounds like we are on the same timeline. I have been a mess today, too, and now I am sobbing over the pictures of the tulips in the snow. Sigh...

It will get better but it is so hard....

L

{{{Leslie}}}  Yeah, I thought I was doing OK through the weekend.  But, today sort of knocked me out.  I really do think this will be a rollercoaster of emotions for quite a long time to come.
 

It's really striking me how much this has really, truly become our reality with regards to Heath: 

"nothing could be done about it, and if you can't fix it you've got to stand it."
 

[RouxB]

What the hell is it about today?! Yesterday for about a nano second I thought some of this sadness was starting to to shift. Today I have been crying for 3 hours. I get by at work because I am distracted and the brief moments that my thoughts return to him and I feel myself about to slide I can pull together. I know this will pass and I know I just have to feel what I feel until it does.

I had already planned to get a tattoo to commemorate my Brokeback experience and now I am even more determined. I have a rough idea what I want and I want to get it on April 4th.

[Brown Eyes]

What the hell is it about today?! Yesterday for about a nano second I thought some of this sadness was starting to to shift. Today I have been crying for 3 hours. I get by at work because I am distracted and the brief moments that my thoughts return to him and I feel myself about to slide I can pull together. I know this will pass and I know I just have to feel what I feel until it does.

I had already planned to get a tattoo to commemorate my Brokeback experience and now I am even more determined. I have a rough idea what I want and I want to get it on April 4th.

{{{RouxB}}}  I think that's a nice idea about the tattoo.  It seems a very, very fitting tribute to Heath/ the Brokie experience. 

 

[belbbmfan]

It's really striking me how much this has really, truly become our reality with regards to Heath: 

"nothing could be done about it, and if you can't fix it you've got to stand it."
 

  

(((Mikaela)))

[belbbmfan]

What the hell is it about today?! Yesterday for about a nano second I thought some of this sadness was starting to to shift. Today I have been crying for 3 hours. I get by at work because I am distracted and the brief moments that my thoughts return to him and I feel myself about to slide I can pull together. I know this will pass and I know I just have to feel what I feel until it does.

I had already planned to get a tattoo to commemorate my Brokeback experience and now I am even more determined. I have a rough idea what I want and I want to get it on April 4th.

(((Rouxb)))

When I sit at my desk and my minds wanders and I take a deep breath, thinking about Heath, it gives me comfort to know that somewhere in the world, someone is doing the same.

I think the tattoo is a great idea. Go for it. 

[Kelda]

I had already planned to get a tattoo to commemorate my Brokeback experience and now I am even more determined. I have a rough idea what I want and I want to get it on April 4th.

Any clues or do we find out on April 4th?