Author Topic: For help dealing with sadness ...  (Read 15109 times)

Offline Jeff Wrangler

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Re: For help dealing with sadness ...
« Reply #20 on: January 28, 2008, 04:18:10 pm »
I've heard people say that they believe they don't have a right to feel so bad about Heath's death because they aren't family members or close personal friends.  So I'd like to point out that we all have a right to our feelings, even if no one understands them, or even if we ourselves don't understand them.  Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad about another human being's untimely and sudden death.  Avoid adding guilt or shame to your grief.

Some people think that to fall into despair is an indicative of a character flaw.  They think a strong and capable person should be able to cope, and so when they discover they can't cope they view themselves as worthless.  But if you find yourself in that situation you're not worthless.  You're human.  None of us has the world figured out.  So don't hold yourself to some superhuman standard.

Sometimes in our grief we forget there are things to be thankful for.  So it might help to remember when we're so hurt by a loved one's sudden departure, and insulted by the seemingly unjust way in which they were taken from us, that it was a miracle that they were here at all.  So even in our sadness let us be happy that we had a chance to be touched by Heath's humanity.   

Wise words, Gary!  :)
"It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow-men, and travel far and wide."--Charles Dickens.

Offline pgcatz

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Re: For help dealing with sadness ...
« Reply #21 on: January 28, 2008, 06:03:07 pm »
SleepyTime tea helps sleeplessness. Also getting away from the computer so you can take a walk or talk to someone. Exercise is good too. And give in to the crying. I always sleep so well after a good cry.


Offline Peter John Shields

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Offline Ellemeno

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Re: For help dealing with sadness ...
« Reply #24 on: January 28, 2008, 07:23:20 pm »
stripey!  Well, look what the wind blew in!  An early Brokie and one of the first BetterMostians.  My condolences to you and all Australians.  Good to see you here. 

Offline louisev

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Re: For help dealing with sadness ...
« Reply #25 on: January 28, 2008, 07:31:18 pm »
I was in chat with some fellow Brokies last night when Daniel Day Lewis accepted the award for Best Actor at the SAGs, and gave his heartfelt dedication to Heath.  I would suggest watching that Youtube dedication, because it shows that someone who was himself an actor, an Oscar winner, a seasoned professional career person on national TV, who also NEVER MET HEATH, got choked up and felt moved to share his response to Heath's performance in Brokeback Mountain and dedicated his award to him, can be just as moved by grief as anyone else, and he is in the same shoes the rest of us are in.

It really shows that grief shared is diminished.  And I think that is what so many of us are spinning our wheels about - whether we have the "right" to feel grief over Heath's passing.
“Mr. Coyote always gets me good, boy,”  Ellery said, winking.  “Almost forgot what life was like before I got me my own personal coyote.”


Offline Katie77

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Re: For help dealing with sadness ...
« Reply #26 on: January 28, 2008, 10:02:49 pm »
Dont be afraid to mourn and grieve or feel sad......we do have the right, the feelings are real, the loss we feel is real.

And just the same, dont be afraid to move on either....there is no time limit on grief, it is not wrong to grieve more than someone else, nor is it wrong to move on.....it is not a measure of how much we loved someone, or miss someone, by how much we grieve for them.

I remember many many years ago, when I had just lost my dear sister, and I was talking to an old lady, who in her lifetime had lost five of her children, and I asked her how do you cope, how do you go on.....and in her wise, matter of fact way, she said....."you just move on....you never forget....but you do get over it"

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline Brown Eyes

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Re: For help dealing with sadness ...
« Reply #27 on: January 28, 2008, 10:44:26 pm »
Thanks for the great suggestions, everybody.

A couple of people have mentioned the value of writing. Many people do find writing to be therapeutic. For those who would like to share their words with others, I'd like to direct you to a new thread on this forum called "Express what you're feeling, at any length," created for you to do just that.

http://bettermost.net/forum/index.php/topic,16698.0.html


Thank you Katherine for setting up both this current thread and the "Express What You're Feeling" thread.  This is all really a wonderful help.  Today I feel like I'm a true mess.  Exhausted, grumpy with folks in "real life" and just really, really sad.  I mean, I've been sad this whole time... but today it's a different level.  I guess all of this will go in waves for a long time to come.
:(


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Offline MaineWriter

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Re: For help dealing with sadness ...
« Reply #28 on: January 28, 2008, 10:49:48 pm »
Thank you Katherine for setting up both this current thread and the "Express What You're Feeling" thread.  This is all really a wonderful help.  Today I feel like I'm a true mess.  Exhausted, grumpy with folks in "real life" and just really, really sad.  I mean, I've been sad this whole time... but today it's a different level.  I guess all of this will go in waves for a long time to come.
:(


Join the club, Amanda. Sounds like we are on the same timeline. I have been a mess today, too, and now I am sobbing over the pictures of the tulips in the snow. Sigh...

It will get better but it is so hard....

L
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Offline Brown Eyes

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Re: For help dealing with sadness ...
« Reply #29 on: January 28, 2008, 11:02:14 pm »
Join the club, Amanda. Sounds like we are on the same timeline. I have been a mess today, too, and now I am sobbing over the pictures of the tulips in the snow. Sigh...

It will get better but it is so hard....

L

{{{Leslie}}}  Yeah, I thought I was doing OK through the weekend.  But, today sort of knocked me out.  I really do think this will be a rollercoaster of emotions for quite a long time to come.
 :-\

It's really striking me how much this has really, truly become our reality with regards to Heath: 

"nothing could be done about it, and if you can't fix it you've got to stand it."
 :'( :'( :'(


the world was asleep to our latent fuss - bowie