Author Topic: Anyone want another sweet 'cry'?  (Read 9471 times)

Offline BBMGrandma

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Re: Anyone want another sweet 'cry'?
« Reply #20 on: April 04, 2006, 04:12:00 am »
Hi there my dear friends...and our NEW friends.....

I'm sooo sorry to have been away for a while.  It seems I had just KIND of gotten over my huge crying jags....about BrokeBack Mountain....and then KABOOM....I get hit with losing my dear sweet friend.  Thanks to you....the forum is still going strong.  I just have to get back into the 'swing' of things.  It's going to take a while, though.  For SOME reason...my thinking about BBM feels clouded....suddenly  .I can't seem to absorb all that I'm reading in the posts.    Don't get me wrong.....BBM will always be soooo alive in my heart.  I'm listening to the sound track now.  And of course Willie Nelson singing "He was a friend of mine" now has a double meaning for me. 

I DO have something exciting to tell though.  I was at the theater a few weeks ago...and I spotted this HUGE  <6' X 4'> stand up poster of BBM.....the one with the quote from "Rolling Stone" across the bottom.  It's GORGEOUS.  I begged pathetically for it....and the manager FINALLY called me a few days ago....and told me I could have it!!!  I have a four poster bed....and the poster fits perfectly behind the back headboard.  And SO....each night when I crawl into bed....I have Ennis and Jack...watching my back. 

Tomorrow I pick up my DVD....and my BrokeBack Mountain T-shirt.  They gave them away if you donated to our local AIDS charity. 

Much love to you all....and PLEASE....keep our corner going....until I'm completely back on track.  I just need a little more time....to grieve. 

Much Love....to EVERYONE....Nancy  :-*
"If we never dream....we'll never have a dream come true"   (me...myself...and I)

Offline Kea

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Re: Anyone want another sweet 'cry'?
« Reply #21 on: April 04, 2006, 04:28:34 am »
 Nancy.....

big hugs.....dont rush the grieving....just let it unfold...

wonderful about the poster....Hmmmmm......by the bed huh??  You sure you gonna get any sleep with those two sweet boys looking down at you?? I am sure they will take you to the sweetest dreams...

hugs
Kea
"Within you I lose myself
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again."
-Unknown

Offline twistedude

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Re: Anyone want another sweet 'cry'?
« Reply #22 on: April 13, 2006, 05:41:04 pm »
 Annie Proulx wants
me to save my tears for the
living and the dead

Afer 15 years
of dry eyes, I cry a lot
for reality
"We're each of us alone, to be sure. What can you do but hold your hand out in the dark?" --"Nine Lives," by Ursula K. Le Guin, from The Wind's Twelve Quarters

Offline iristarr

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Re: Anyone want another sweet 'cry'?
« Reply #23 on: April 14, 2006, 12:41:49 am »
Oh Nancy, my dear, so glad to see you back again on this site.  I've been some remiss about my attendance here, but I don't have the reasons you have had, lady.  Some hard times, so many tears . . . you've really been through it, but clearly you have come through it, at least some part, because you seem right on the road, as usual.  I've sure been enjoying my DVD -- when I watch now it feels akin to a really good massage, or a perfectly prepared meal of my favorite foods, or really good sex -- something I can just bask in over and over.

I've got my sister visiting me this weekend, who has seen BBM once, thought it was "good, but very sad."  I've been so hoping to share some of my feelings about it, and she has agreed she would like to see it again while she's up here, but she's afraid that I'll judge her for not responding as I think she should.  So I'm having to withdraw my hopes and expectations that some intimacy might develop between us around this movie, and not take it as a personal rejection. And assure her I will not rant at her about it!  So, still, you guys are the only ones I can share this stuff with, and you're all so precious to me. Love to all, Iris :-*
Ennis and Jack, the dogs, horses and mules, a thousand ewes and their lambs flowed up the trail like dirty water through the timber and out above the tree line into the great flowering meadows and the endless coursing wind.

Offline BBMGrandma

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Re: Anyone want another sweet 'cry'?
« Reply #24 on: April 16, 2006, 01:49:00 am »
Hello my Dear Friends...

OKAY.....I'm gonna keep this sweet and short.  <well....maybe not TOOO sweet>  I'm NOT sure what is going on in my life these days.  All I DO know is that I'm being hit....again and again.  NOW my nephew is in the hospital.....he has Crohn's disease and he's very ill.  He's only 26....and such a sweetie.  All I seem to arrive with....these days....is bad news.  I'm reading ALL your posts though and loving you all!!   I just don't seem to have anything intelligent or uplifting to say....I'm SORRY!!  The good part is....is that I KNOW you all understand. 

Brokeback has TRULY got me GOOD....still!!!   I still turn it on....all cozy in my own spot in the world...and CRY my heart out.  It feels good....it's helping me cry out all this sadness that has been hitting me.  It's as though our 'boys' are giving me permission to cry...and mourn. 

Have Ennis and Jack taken on a life of their own?  I was talking to someone earlier about BBM....and I said something like...."oh Ennis...yeah...he's a very kind soul...." and realized that I ALWAYS speak of them as though they were neighbors next door....or whatever.  As if THEY are alive and part of my life.  There are times when I feel a little bit 'freaked out' about it...and other times....when it's sooo comforting to me.  Go figure...huh?   ::)

I read Kea's tribute to Everett at his service on Thursday.  SO many people commented on how fitting and beautiful it is.  Thank you KEA....so very much. 

All of your words and thoughts....have been so very comforting.  Thank you ALL so very much. 

NOW....for the first time in my life....I'm pushing a deadline for my TAXES!!  UGH
So I'm off to go finish!!  I'm halfway done...whew!!!

Much LOVE to you all....my fellow Brokaholics.....

Nancy  :-*
"If we never dream....we'll never have a dream come true"   (me...myself...and I)

Offline Lynne

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Re: Anyone want another sweet 'cry'?
« Reply #25 on: April 18, 2006, 01:17:14 am »
It's as though our 'boys' are giving me permission to cry...and mourn. 
...I ALWAYS speak of them as though they were neighbors next door....or whatever.  As if THEY are alive and part of my life.

Nancy - it's just terrific to see you peeking in and posting again!  You take your time, no pressure, and get back to us when you can.  But I have definitely missed you.  It seems when tragedies come, they come in multiple numbers, or cycles, or something.  I'm sorry to hear about your nephew's illness.  I have a close cousin with Crohn's so I have some idea what he's going through.  Keep us posted on that too.  As always, you and yours are in my thoughts.

I think it is beyond cool that you shared Kea's poetry at Everett's memorial service.  From what you've said about Everett, the poem sounded like a perfect for a tribute to a man who was well-loved.

On another note, picturing that life-size cardboard cutout behind your bed is terrific and hilarious - you rule!  I've got this whole scene in my head of you haranguing the manager until he relented. :D)  Maybe we can get Kea to try her hand at some comic relief there!


To get back to the topic - I cried my eyes out tonight.  I talked with my ex-husband (good friend), learning that his father had passed away over the holidays.  The tears just came pouring out.  I firmly believe that the wounds that BBM opened - revealing the Jack/Ennis within all of us - scarred over and numb from denying our true selves for years and years - is why the tears came so easily and freely.  I loved this man very much - he was like a father to me for eight+ years.  But as far as tears are concerned, I am usually an Ennis...stuff them down to be dealt with at some other time, which of course never comes, so the unprocessed feelings just accumulate.  It seems a luxury to allow yourself the time and space to deal with feelings as they come.  My emotions are just very close to the surface now and I'd like them to stay there.  It's painful and miserable, but at the same time, it reminds you that you're alive, life is precious; you are not just some automaton going through the motions.[/color]

I've been a slacker myself - not spending much time here for several reasons that I'll try to discuss in my blog, but when everyone is together again, we (Team BBM Chicks) need to talk about things like maintaining/restoring momentum, ways to keep our path in a prominent place in our lives, and especially Now What? --- where do we want to go from here both individually and as a group?

Much love and peace to all.
Lynne
"Laß sein. Laß sein."

Offline Phillip Dampier

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Re: Anyone want another sweet 'cry'?
« Reply #26 on: November 27, 2006, 07:37:41 pm »
It is amazing that sights and sounds of the Mountain States have a whole new meaning after Brokeback Mountain.  I have come to appreciate country & western music for the first time just because of the movie.  Wide open rural country roads speak to me of Jack and Ennis, and a mountain will always remind me of Brokeback.

A year after seeing the film, none of these emotional reactions I am having to things I wouldn't have thought about before have subsided one bit.  More proof of just how life-changing this film was for me.
You're a part of our family - BetterMost, Wyoming

Offline Karan13

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Re: Anyone want another sweet 'cry'?
« Reply #27 on: November 27, 2006, 07:57:05 pm »
It`s lovely that you still feel this way Phillip,
                                                             I found at first i kept watching the movie , then i `Left It Alone ` for a whille , i thought that it would maybe , just become `A Great Film` that i`d get out once a year and enjoy , but no , it `Got` to me and i look t things in my life that echo , Jack and Ennis , the Beauty of the setting of the movie , only adds to my joy , living in such a closed in , built up area , i can`t stroll by a stream or walk in a countryside to escape , i find my release in the movie , and whenever i watch it , i still feel the same , i just love it as i did , and i think i always will. xx kaz
It`s not the breaths you take , it`s what makes you lose one !

Offline iristarr

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Re: Anyone want another sweet 'cry'?
« Reply #28 on: November 28, 2006, 03:20:21 am »
Dear Phillip -- how wonderful to hear your "voice" once again, and to re-read some of those early posts from BBMgrandma and Lynn . . . those old early days when I was so high on Brokeback.  You been touring the country, it sounds like and I do know the feeling that comes over me whenever any little thing evokes memories from the film:  a campfire, a sunrise, a rushing stream, a cowboy drinking a cup of coffee with his gloves on, from an old tin cup on a frosty morning.  My big BBM wall-collage, where I pinned up all my pics of the boys and e-mails and the post-Oscar newspaper ads and the Annie Proux text .. all of that is getting dusty and maybe after the New Year I'll have to take it all down, but not yet, not yet,  I can still get the feelings back, just writing this now:  how the whole event, the film, the boards, the months I spent with the wonderful folk here at Bettermost .. my life will never be the same.  All my best wishes and appreciation to you for starting and continuing this wonderful haven.  Iris
Ennis and Jack, the dogs, horses and mules, a thousand ewes and their lambs flowed up the trail like dirty water through the timber and out above the tree line into the great flowering meadows and the endless coursing wind.

Offline Lynne

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Re: Anyone want another sweet 'cry'?
« Reply #29 on: November 28, 2006, 03:35:34 am »
Dear Phillip -- how wonderful to hear your "voice" once again, and to re-read some of those early posts from BBMgrandma and Lynn . . . those old early days when I was so high on Brokeback.  You been touring the country, it sounds like and I do know the feeling that comes over me whenever any little thing evokes memories from the film:  a campfire, a sunrise, a rushing stream, a cowboy drinking a cup of coffee with his gloves on, from an old tin cup on a frosty morning.  My big BBM wall-collage, where I pinned up all my pics of the boys and e-mails and the post-Oscar newspaper ads and the Annie Proux text .. all of that is getting dusty and maybe after the New Year I'll have to take it all down, but not yet, not yet,  I can still get the feelings back, just writing this now:  how the whole event, the film, the boards, the months I spent with the wonderful folk here at Bettermost .. my life will never be the same.  All my best wishes and appreciation to you for starting and continuing this wonderful haven.  Iris

Friend!  Iristarr!  This visit is long overdue!  How've you been?  You don't need to take your shrine down, sweetie...just get out one of those feather dusters and dust it off every few weeks!  I've really missed you.  I'm glad to see you here again.  You need to catch us up with what you've been doing.

I'm not over it...My chest still tightens whenever I hear the familiar strains of any Gustavo song.  I don't watch the movie as often as I did...pull it out for when I have special quiet time or want to see something special.  I am having bipolar-style swings between thinking I'm on on the right path toward 'finishing the story' and getting smacked in a new direction.  I don't guess Annie said the path would be straight or narrow or boring :).

We miss you!  Please swing our way more often!

Love,
Lynne
"Laß sein. Laß sein."