user names

[forsythia12]

hey guys.  thought i'd ask what everybody's user name means.  some of them i find interesting, and just outta curiosity, i was wondering how you came up with it, what it means, and why you chose it. 
mine, forsythia, is obviously a flower, but i actually got the name from an old punk rock chick band i used to like.  they had a song named forsythia, and although the song was rather morbid, i liked the sound of it, and thought the title was pretty....
not a huge story there, but usually behind the name, there's a story....or something that tells us more about you....so....
what does your user name mean to you?

[MaineWriter]

Mine's pretty staightforward:

I live in Maine. When I got involved in BBM, I started writing fanfic and other stuff, so MaineWriter.

L

[Jeff Wrangler]

I'm Jeff. I wear Wrangler jeans (because Levis are too baggy in the oh-never-mind). End of story. 

[souxi]

I,m named after one of Ennis,s horses, Souxi, in Leslie,s ALBFS. 

[forsythia12]

I'm Jeff. I wear Wrangler jeans (because Levis are too baggy in the oh-never-mind). End of story. 

ha ha.  that's cute jeff.  i liked that!

[forsythia12]

great posts guys.  good to know y'all.

[Brown Eyes]

My username demonstrates terrible lack of creativity on my part.  It's simply my initials and then my birth year. 

This is a great topic for a thread by the way!

[MaineWriter]

I,m named after one of Ennis,s horses, Souxi, in Leslie,s ALBFS. 

I never knew that! I am flattered, and honored, Souxi!

[souxi]

I never knew that! I am flattered, and honored, Souxi!

Your very welcome Leslie. I thought it was such a pretty name, and as that sounds a lot like me, *coughs* I thought it was perfect. 

[Berit]

I'm Berit, plain and simple! It's a name that comes from Birgitta, an old Swedish name.....common on old ladies like me, born 1953.

[serious crayons]

Mine is, of course, what Alma Jr. tells her mother when Ennis drops off the girls in the grocery store. I love this line because, like so many seemingly throwaway lines in BBM, it actually holds much more meaning than is immediately apparent. In fact, it kind of captures a theme of the entire movie.

Everyone needs crayons -- i.e., color, pleasure, happiness. Ennis denied those for himself throughout hs life. It's as if Alma Jr., even at five (or however old she's supposed to be there) recognizes this need. When Alma Sr. says "Not now," she's saying, subtextually, that "now," at that point in their lives, there is no opportunity for color or pleasure. At the end of the movie, Alma Jr. presumably is finally about to get her crayons.

[Front-Ranger]

Mine is, of course, what Alma Jr. tells her mother when Ennis drops off the girls in the grocery store. I love this line because, like so many seemingly throwaway lines in BBM, it actually holds much more meaning than is immediately apparent. In fact, it kind of captures a theme of the entire movie.

Everyone needs crayons -- i.e., color, pleasure, happiness. Ennis denied those for himself throughout hs life. It's as if Alma Jr., even at five (or however old she's supposed to be there) recognizes this need. When Alma Sr. says "Not now," she's saying, subtextually, that "now," at that point in their lives, there is no opportunity for color or pleasure. At the end of the movie, Alma Jr. presumably is finally about to get her crayons.

That's why she broke out in that glorious smile!! I love your name, ineed, and the fact that YOU chose it!!

Oh, my name is Front-Ranger because I live on the Front Range of Colorado. That's the range of smaller mountains that stands in front of the Big Ones on the Continental Divide. No, I am not a ranger and do not sing "Home on the Range" all the time!! But I do wield a mean frying pan!!

[souxi]

I'm Jeff. I wear Wrangler jeans (because Levis are too baggy in the oh-never-mind). End of story. 

Too baggy where Jeff, round ya bum or your errrrrrr "thingy". Come on now don,t be shy lol.

[optom3]

Mine is very boring,sorry, optom short for optometrist,my career,(back in the U.K) 3 for the 3 kids I have.

[louisev]

it's my name.

[belbbmfan]

I'm a Belgian Brokeback Mountain Fan.

It was my first username I had to pick myself, ever! I had never registered on any forum before BBM. Other people are much better at this! LOL
 

[belbbmfan]

I,m named after one of Ennis,s horses, Souxi, in Leslie,s ALBFS. 

Leslie, I guess I never told you this. But my kids and I have decided a while back that if we ever get a horse, he or she will be called Twister! 

[MaineWriter]

Leslie, I guess I never told you this. But my kids and I have decided a while back that if we ever get a horse, he or she will be called Twister! 

Oh, wow, thank you! What an honor!

[mvansand76]

Snavel is the pet name my boyfriend uses for me... It's Dutch for beak of a bird...


 

[forsythia12]

Snavel is the pet name my boyfriend uses for me... It's Dutch for beak of a bird...


 

  that's funny!  why a bird beak??

[David In Indy]

that's funny!  why a bird beak??

Because Melissa is cute, like a little bird.

That's why I always figured she had a name like that, Forsythia.

[Meryl]

I just like the name Meryl.  I originally chose it for a Lord of the Rings board because it had an Elvish ring to it.  I combined it with Marie, my real middle name.

Great idea for a thread, forsythia!  Thanks for starting it in Chez Tremblay.  We've grown much quieter since the olden days of 2006. 

[David In Indy]

David means "beloved" in Hebrew and it's my name.

Oh yeah, but I changed my name, didn't I? Atreyu is one of the characters from a book called "The Never Ending Story". It is also a movie. His name means "Son Of All" but it's not Lakota. At least I don't think it is. Maybe they made the name up.

Melissa, my Grandfather had a nickname for me too. It was sprinkhaan (sp?) I think he started calling me this just after Dad bought the trampoline and I was always out in the backyard  jumping on it! LOL

[injest]

I'm Jeff. I wear Wrangler jeans (because Levis are too baggy in the oh-never-mind). End of story. 

knee? Thigh? ankle?? Where??

[Jeff Wrangler]

Oh yeah, but I changed my name, didn't I? Atreyu is one of the characters from a book called "The Never Ending Story". It is also a movie. His name means "Son Of All" but it's not Lakota. At least I don't think it is. Maybe they made the name up.

Oh, that's who you are! 

[injest]

Oh, that's who you are! 

ah!! he avoids the subject.....

 


 

*Jess's mind running wild.....*

[Ellemeno]

I like the alphabet.

[Ellemeno]

Hey, FYI, it is very easy to change your username here whenever you like:

Go to your profile, click on Account Related Settings, up at the top you can type in a new username, at the bottom type in your password, and voila, your BetterMost name has been changed.  Do it every day, if you want.

A lot of people changed their name for April Fool's Day last year (April first), it was fun and confusing.  I hope we do it again this year.

[forsythia12]

Hey, FYI, it is very easy to change your username here whenever you like:

Go to your profile, click on Account Related Settings, up at the top you can type in a new username, at the bottom type in your password, and voila, your BetterMost name has been changed.  Do it every day, if you want.

A lot of people changed their name for April Fool's Day last year (April first), it was fun and confusing.  I hope we do it again this year.

i'll change mine to:  'chewingum&bailinwire'

[delalluvia]

Didn't we have a thread like this way back in the day?

De  la   lluvia

"of  the  rain"

in Spanish

An ex-boyfriend thought it up for me when all my attempts at figuring out a name kept getting rejected as already taken.

[serious crayons]

Didn't we have a thread like this way back in the day?

De  la   lluvia

"of  the  rain"

in Spanish

An ex-boyfriend thought it up for me when all my attempts at figuring out a name kept getting rejected as already taken.

There is an old thread like this dating back to, like, April 2006 and probably not updated much since. So it's good to get a fresh start going.

So THAT's what your username means! I've always wondered, 'lluvia!

[delalluvia]

There is an old thread like this dating back to, like, April 2006 and probably not updated much since. So it's good to get a fresh start going.

So THAT's what your username means! I've always wondered, 'lluvia!

Yep!    I get a real kick out of people calling me Del or Dela.  I'm being called "Of" or "Of the".

Did you see the movie "Once upon a time in Mexico"? with Johnny Depp and Antonio Banderas?  One of the jokes running through the movie is that the Antonio Banderas' character is called "El"

Cucuy:  He's called "El".  It means "the".
Sands:  I know what it means.

Personally I'm kicking myself for not figuring out your name.  I'd been thinking all this time that it was a personal thing, something to do with kids or your childhood.  D'oh!

[Katie77]

My real name is Sue......my surname starts with Kat......so I made Katie out of that.

Birthday is 7th of the 7th......hence the 77....

[mvansand76]

Melissa, my Grandfather had a nickname for me too. It was sprinkhaan (sp?) I think he started calling me this just after Dad bought the trampoline and I was always out in the backyard  jumping on it! LOL

Sprinkhaan! Dat is zo schattig!  That's so cute!

that's funny!  why a bird beak??

I still have no idea, but yeah, it's probably because my boyfriend thinks I am cute (which is good, I guess...) and he also sometimes calls me "snuit" which has the same meaning!

[Penthesilea]

Didn't we have a thread like this way back in the day?

De  la   lluvia

"of  the  rain"

in Spanish

An ex-boyfriend thought it up for me when all my attempts at figuring out a name kept getting rejected as already taken.

I didn't know this before. 


And this one used to confuse me:

Nutmeg Guy is in reference to an old Connecticut State slogan or nickname. The "Nutmeg State".

I thought why in hell would someone name himself after a nutmeg?

 

Yes, we had such a thread before. But is was back in the Middle Ages, so it's good Forsythia brought it up again  .

My nick comes from a figure from Greek mythology. Penthesilea was the queen of the Amazons, a tribe of female warriors.
I actually heard it in a British TV series (Cracker), where a character got nicknamed Penthesilea.
I liked the character in the series, I liked the mythological figure and the ring of the name, so it stuck with me.

[U/L Flyer]

This is where the U/L comes from in my name, my ultralight aircraft that I like to fly.

[forsythia12]

totally cool!  i hate flying, so you wouldn't catch me in that, but regardless, very cool!

[Kelda]

I like the alphabet.

OMG - I'm so think - I hadn't realised thats why you picked that!

And I had known about Katherine's either - and do you know whats doubl-y annoyine Katherine - you changed your name to ineedcrayons last year at april fools - and I currently have a mental block about what you're name before - Latjorome?

And Del (or should I say 'of'!?!)  - I didn't know that either!!!!

Kelda - well I'm boring - its my name - scandanavian for a mountain spring!

[Penthesilea]

(Crayon's name was latjoreme before)

Kelda - well I'm boring - its my name - scandanavian for a mountain spring!

See? I didn't know the red part. How fitting for a Brokie 
You were destined for Brokiedom all your life  .

[delalluvia]

totally cool!  i hate flying, so you wouldn't catch me in that, but regardless, very cool!

I'm so backwards.  I hate/am terrified of flying, but I think I'd love flying an ultra-light.

[delalluvia]

(Crayon's name was latjoreme before)

THAT's what it was.  I thought she had a different name before crayons.  Didn't latjoreme come from someone typing her real name on the wrong keys of the keyboard?

[opinionista]

Yep!    I get a real kick out of people calling me Del or Dela.  I'm being called "Of" or "Of the".

Did you see the movie "Once upon a time in Mexico"? with Johnny Depp and Antonio Banderas?  One of the jokes running through the movie is that the Antonio Banderas' character is called "El"

Cucuy:  He's called "El".  It means "the".
Sands:  I know what it means.

Personally I'm kicking myself for not figuring out your name.  I'd been thinking all this time that it was a personal thing, something to do with kids or your childhood.  D'oh!

Even I call you Del and I've always known what your nick means. Strange isnt it?

[opinionista]

I got my nick from an ex boyfriend who used to make fun of me because I tend to have strong opinions about everything (he says). However, opinionista is not a term in Spanish. It is italian. I found that out online since I first thought he had made the word up. I don't know where the hell he got it from, but he called me that.

[Penthesilea]

I'm so backwards.  I hate/am terrified of flying, but I think I'd love flying an ultra-light.

Nope, you're not backwards. It goes perfectly with one explanatory model of why people have fear of flying.
*digging out some kitchen-sink psychology* Fear of lying has its main seeds in fear of losing/letting go control.
So if you flew such a little grasshopper yourself, you'd be in control.

[souxi]

I got my nick from an ex boyfriend who used to make fun of me because I tend to have strong opinions about everything (he says). However, opinionista is not a term in Spanish. It is italian. I found that out online since I first thought he had made the word up. I don't know where the hell he got it from, but he called me that.

You and I have a lot in common then. I tend to get lots of my posts deleted by those nasty moderators, because of my "strong opinions" lol. 

[delalluvia]

Even I call you Del and I've always known what your nick means. Strange isnt it?

Yep.  I love it.    Keep on...

[delalluvia]

I got my nick from an ex boyfriend who used to make fun of me because I tend to have strong opinions about everything (he says).

     

However, opinionista is not a term in Spanish. It is italian. I found that out online since I first thought he had made the word up. I don't know where the hell he got it from, but he called me that.

Italian?  Wonder why he picked that.  Is there not a word in Spanish for the same thing?

[delalluvia]

Nope, you're not backwards. It goes perfectly with one explanatory model of why people have fear of flying.
*digging out some kitchen-sink psychology* Fear of lying has its main seeds in fear of losing/letting go control.
So if you flew such a little grasshopper yourself, you'd be in control.

OK, that makes sense.  I feel better now.  I'm just a control freak. 

Just kidding, no, that really makes sense.  I run my own 'show' so to speak.  Everything in my life, I have the active role in it.  Flying, I don't.  Course, I'm not worried if I travel by bus or train, so I guess there are still some extenuating circumstances...hmmm...

[Artiste]

Where is moremojo?

I would love to get the reason(s) that he used his username!

Hugs!

[serious crayons]

THAT's what it was.  I thought she had a different name before crayons.  Didn't latjoreme come from someone typing her real name on the wrong keys of the keyboard?

That's right, Del. In college, someone typed it into the computer with their fingers in the wrong place, so all of the correspondence I got from the school from then on spelled my name that way.

[Kelda]

That's right, Del. In college, someone typed it into the computer with their fingers in the wrong place, so all of the correspondence I got from the school from then on spelled my name that way.

wierd!!!

(Crayon's name was latjoreme before)


See? I didn't know the red part. How fitting for a Brokie 
You were destined for Brokiedom all your life  .

I never thought of it like that!

 

[RouxB]

RouxB (Ruby) is the name of my car. It is red and I wanted something that was non-gender specific (yes, I am kinda random) so Roux for red, add the B and voila-Rouxb. I'm thinking of changing it though...

and  is me-brought with us from IMDb in case you every wondered why that particular smilie is in the line-up.

[BBM-Cat]

My nick comes from a figure from Greek mythology. Penthesilea was the queen of the Amazons, a tribe of female warriors.
I actually heard it in a British TV series (Cracker), where a character got nicknamed Penthesilea.
I liked the character in the series, I liked the mythological figure and the ring of the name, so it stuck with me.

THAT is interesting - I thought it was one name and of Greek origin - though were a few times my brain tried to divide it into 3 words 'pen the silea'. But I couldn't figure out what a 'silea' was, and knew that couldn't be right...glad you took time to explain it! 


Hey RouxB - your name is so COUXL!

[David In Indy]

My nick comes from a figure from Greek mythology. Penthesilea was the queen of the Amazons, a tribe of female warriors.
I actually heard it in a British TV series (Cracker), where a character got nicknamed Penthesilea.
I liked the character in the series, I liked the mythological figure and the ring of the name, so it stuck with me.

How is it pronounced? Every time I see your name, in my mind I pronounce it "Pen-the-SEE-lee-ah. Am I pronouncing it correctly Chrissi?

[serious crayons]

It's so funny that we've known each other, in some cases, for literally years, and we're just now figuring out how to pronounce each others' names and why we have them and what they mean. 

Good goin, forsythia!

[forsythia12]

It's so funny that we've known each other, in some cases, for literally years, and we're just now figuring out how to pronounce each others' names and why we have them and what they mean. 

Good goin, forsythia!

glad to be of service to y'all!

[Penthesilea]

How is it pronounced? Every time I see your name, in my mind I pronounce it "Pen-the-SEE-lee-ah. Am I pronouncing it correctly Chrissi?

Tell you what: I don't know myself for sure  .
I could tell you how to pronounce it in German for certain, but in English, I'm not sure.

Leslie and I had a good laugh about this last year. I asked her how to pronounce it in English and she said she had wanted to ask me the same  .
We both thought to pronounce it in English the same way you did: Pen-the-SEE-le-ah. So I'd say you got it right  .

[Meryl]

Uh oh.  I've been mentally pronouncing it Penth-uh-sih-LAY-uh. 

That's okay.  I'll just call you Chrissi. 

[Penthesilea]

Uh oh.  I've been mentally pronouncing it Penth-uh-sih-LAY-uh. 

Hey, that's pretty much how it is pronounced in German, even the stress is on the correct syllable.  So keep pronouncing it mentally this way.

That's okay.  I'll just call you Chrissi. 

That's the easiest! 

[serious crayons]

Uh oh.  I've been mentally pronouncing it Penth-uh-sih-LAY-uh. 

Me too! At first, I thought it was Pen-thi-SIH-lia. But lately, I've thought of it as Penth (or even Pent)-ih-suh-LAY-uh.

[chefjudy]

  back in the early 90's when we only had the web and AOL, I had to pick out a screenname and
the first thing I thought of was my passion for cooking and all that it inferred and/or meant, hence
chef, and judy is my real first name.  I use it for everything now and anywhere I have to have a
a screen name - makes life a little easier..................

and it appears that some here are lots more clever than I when it comes to names

[Ellemeno]

Uh oh.  I've been mentally pronouncing it Penth-uh-sih-LAY-uh. 

Me too! 


Judy, always good to have you here. 

[Luvlylittlewing]

I wanted my username to reflect my Native American heritage.  Littlewing   is the meaning of the first two letters (OL) of my first name in Apache, I believe.  I could be wrong about the tribe.  1957 is my birth year.

[TOoP/Bruce]

TOoP/Bruce...

Hmmm.  Bruce is my first name.  "TOoP" is "True Oracle of Phoenix" -- it was a loose associate of various things I was reading _ Françoise Truffaut's book on Hitchcock ('Tru'ffaut being the "oracle" of Hitchcock, a phoenix being a symbol of resurrection, as well as the place where the story in PSYCHO begins - my original account bjblakeslee had been deleted by trolls somehow).  Put together it sounded vaguely Harry Potterish, and it added another associative dimension to it.  The account was frozen by IMDb in June of 2007 for reasons that were never revealed to me.

"GeorgeObliqueStrokeXR40", my current IMDb user name, was a second account I started for IMDb The Avengers board.  It is part of the name of an episode called "Whoever Shot Poor George Oblique Stroke XR40?" It was a sufficiently obscure episode from the Linda Thorson series.  George was a supercomputer who had barely survived an assassination attempt.  (The name choice was influenced by the fact that my original account had been "assassinated" by trolls.) At some point GOSXR40 was used by me to bump threads (since The Avengers board was dying of neglect) and it game me a way to save use the TOoP identity as an archivist, and Geo became my main thread bumper. 

Today, I use TOoP/Bruce on this board, and GOSXR40 on the other board.  I continue to repost significant threads from the other board on the other board, with links to where they are archived here.  People still come to IMDb wanting to discuss the impact of the film with others, and often these days, it can be awhile before they can connect with someone who can hear them out.  I try to connect people who are interested in further discussion to the main boards here.  I am always gratified when I see that a person I've been in contact with at IMDb has made it here.

[BlissC]

Well I use various names at different places on the web, depending on whether I want to be recognised, or whether I'm going incognito. Most of the web forums I'm on are web design ones and I tend to be well known there with the name I use, but if I have a really stupid question I can't figure out the answer to I sometimes go to somewhere else where I'm not so well known or a regular poster where I use a different name.

Most places I'm "Fallen Angel"  or some variation of that, which I picked because it's the title of my as yet unfinished novel. The other one I use a lot these days is Bliss - BlissC is short for Bliss Carrington, which is the pen name I use when I'm writing. Bliss, because my favourite band of all time is Faithless, so the "Bliss" bit's after Sister Bliss, one of the members of Faithless, and Carrington because it was my grandma's maiden name. She liked it that I wanted to use it for my pen name. 

[myprivatejack]

My story has some similarities with BBM´s,but she was like Ennis; denying "a sweet life together",being afraid with other people's opinion and not feeling well with her feelings 100%.Although I was like Jack,always pleading for getting that "sweet life",always getting deceived in my deepest feelings and hopes, I call her "Jack" because He's my favorite of the two cowboys.And she's my private Jack because our story is very special and after so many years,and forever,it will remain something between the two of us-no matter how many partners we'll have or with who we'll be...-

[brokeplex]

easy, I live in the metroplex, I log onto a brokie web site - brokeplex.

alternatively it could be interpreted as representing the complex feelings of a brokie

[cmr107]

Yep!    I get a real kick out of people calling me Del or Dela.  I'm being called "Of" or "Of the".

I knew your name meant "Of the something," but I always call you Del also. Funny how our minds work.

That's right, Del. In college, someone typed it into the computer with their fingers in the wrong place, so all of the correspondence I got from the school from then on spelled my name that way.

I work in the admissions office at my college, mostly entering data for prospective/new students. I hope I never do that to someone! (Although I suppose it would provide them with a good screen name.)

When I was getting my first email address, I tried to do my initials (CMR) with numbers that actually meant something, but they were all taken. It kept suggesting CMR with different numbers that were free, and I finally got tired of trying and accepted cmr107. I justified it by the fact that my favorite radio station at the time was 107.7.

When I registered at IMDB, I used cmr107 because it was easy. I never expected to post anything at all, let alone become part of a whole comminuty. I kept it when I came to Bettermost so people would know who I was. I've been wanting to change it here, but I keep thinking that no one will know who I am if I do.

[Brown Eyes]

My story has some similarities with BBM´s,but she was like Ennis; denying "a sweet life together",being afraid with other people's opinion and not feeling well with her feelings 100%.Although I was like Jack,always pleading for getting that "sweet life",always getting deceived in my deepest feelings and hopes, I call her "Jack" because He's my favorite of the two cowboys.And she's my private Jack because our story is very special and after so many years,and forever,it will remain something between the two of us-no matter how many partners we'll have or with who we'll be...-

Thanks for sharing this Friend.  Your user name certainly is very meaningful for you it seems. 


Really, thanks to all of you.  This is such an interesting thread!  And, it makes me feel like I should think up a more interesting user name.  

Although, I've had this one the whole time I've been here... so I feel pretty attached to it at this point.

[ZK]

I play computer game called Flight Simulator, NZ063 is my online call sign

Bit of advice for the fear of flying friends, there are courses you can take, or alternatively just let the cabin crew know you're a bit anxious about flying. I had a lady flying with us the other night, she was in quite a state, my colleague and I spent a bit of time with her throughout the flight and she was as good as gold. She made the efford in the terminal to thank us. 

[Toycoon]

I am a toy designer by trade. The name of my toy designing business is American Toycoon. A Toycoon is a like a Tycoon, only I'm rich in toys.

[injest]

I play computer game called Flight Simulator, NZ063 is my online call sign

Bit of advice for the fear of flying friends, there are courses you can take, or alternatively just let the cabin crew know you're a bit anxious about flying. I had a lady flying with us the other night, she was in quite a state, my colleague and I spent a bit of time with her throughout the flight and she was as good as gold. She made the efford in the terminal to thank us. 

uh uh...I know how ya'll flying people are!! always trying to trick us SENSIBLE people into going up there!!!

uh uh!!

[injest]

I knew your name meant "Of the something," but I always call you Del also. Funny how our minds work.

I work in the admissions office at my college, mostly entering data for prospective/new students. I hope I never do that to someone! (Although I suppose it would provide them with a good screen name.)

When I was getting my first email address, I tried to do my initials (CMR) with numbers that actually meant something, but they were all taken. It kept suggesting CMR with different numbers that were free, and I finally got tired of trying and accepted cmr107. I justified it by the fact that my favorite radio station at the time was 107.7.

When I registered at IMDB, I used cmr107 because it was easy. I never expected to post anything at all, let alone become part of a whole comminuty. I kept it when I came to Bettermost so people would know who I was. I've been wanting to change it here, but I keep thinking that no one will know who I am if I do.

go ahead and change it! if you are worried about people not recognizing you at first then put it in your sig "Used to be CMR107" or something.....people will get used to the new name quicker than you think!

[Kelda]

go ahead and change it! if you are worried about people not recognizing you at first then put it in your sig "Used to be CMR107" or something.....people will get used to the new name quicker than you think!

exaxtly!

[jstephens9]

RouxB (Ruby) is the name of my car. It is red and I wanted something that was non-gender specific (yes, I am kinda random) so Roux for red, add the B and voila-Rouxb. I'm thinking of changing it though...

and  is me-brought with us from IMDb in case you every wondered why that particular smilie is in the line-up.

When we were in Colorado and Wyoming I thought everybody was calling you Ruby. I never knew until later that they meant your screen name RouxB. And that was after we became hiking partners on the mountain. I still think about that time whenever I see your posts. For those of you who don't know what I am talking about the air is very, very thin climbing Brokenback. It would not be that hard to climb if it was not for the fact that it is hard to breathe. So RouxB and I made goals of what we would make it to next. She would say "Ok, now let's get to that little dead tree up there." Finally we both made it to the top and I refered to her after that as my mountain climbing partner  I still do.

[jstephens9]

How is it pronounced? Every time I see your name, in my mind I pronounce it "Pen-the-SEE-lee-ah. Am I pronouncing it correctly Chrissi?

Good question David. I don't know how to pronounce it either so I just call her Chrissi 

[jstephens9]

My story has some similarities with BBM´s,but she was like Ennis; denying "a sweet life together",being afraid with other people's opinion and not feeling well with her feelings 100%.Although I was like Jack,always pleading for getting that "sweet life",always getting deceived in my deepest feelings and hopes, I call her "Jack" because He's my favorite of the two cowboys.And she's my private Jack because our story is very special and after so many years,and forever,it will remain something between the two of us-no matter how many partners we'll have or with who we'll be...-

I like that story of your name.......very much so!!!

[jstephens9]

First of all let me say that this is a terrific idea for a thread Forsythia!!! Well there is nothing creative about my screen name. It is simply my first initial "j", my last name, and my favorite number "9." It is a name I use for a lot of things so when I signed up here I just used it so that it would be easy to remember. The BBQ was what brought me to any of the forums although I was a member of ennisjack.com, just not a very active one. I knew nobody here or anyone who was going to be at the BBQ. I joined BetterMost for the chat before the trip. I never expected to become an active member so at the time I didn't give much thought to my user name. I guess you could say that the whole thing was a bit of an experiment in my life which has turned out to be quite a big part of my life as well as my friendships.

[Shasta542]

I joined BetterMost for the chat before the trip. I never expected to become an active member .....

And we are all so glad that you did!!! {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[jstephens9]

Well thank you Shasta 

[Penthesilea]

I joined BetterMost for the chat before the trip. I never expected to become an active member .....

And we are all so glad that you did!!! {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

I remember that chat, Jack! 


And yes, we are indeed darlin 

[malina]

I LOVED reading about everyone's name meanings, and I am fascinated and also feeling a bit retarded! I never really thought about using anything but my own name. Well, when I started going on IMDB, I didn't have a choice, because of ignorance. They automatically give you the name that's on your email account, and I didn't know how to change it. And then I came here, and... well, again, I just never really thought about being anyone different.

It has me wondering, though. I love some of the names people have chosen for themselves - names that are symbolic, or from mythology. I absolutely love it, and I don't know that I could ever do it for myself. In the same way, I could never imagine changing my last name to a 'married' name. What's weird is that I knew that even when I was a little girl, maybe 5 or 6. I remember becoming aware of the fact that women (in those days, almost universally) changed their names when they got married, and I was just very clear in my mind that I never would, because... well, because my name just feels like my name!

And when I think about choosing a username, it kind of feels the same way. And I'm also the same with costumes.. like, Hallowe'en costumes. I will dress theatrically if called upon to dress up, but I'm still 'me'... I've never liked dressing up 'as' anyone, or obscuring my own appearance and taking on that of a character or a historical figure.

so weird!! I just wonder why I'm like that and so many other people don't mind it, or even like it... does it mean that my sense of identity is somehow fragile and I need to keep sort of reminding myself of it? I really don't know!

But, that having been said, I could imagine using other "ma" names as versions of my name, especially if they are the name of someone in my family. Like, I've often thought, if I need a nom de plume, that I would probably use my grandmother's name, Mara. I have also on occasion used my daughter's name, which is similar and also starts with an "Ma".

And I've lately noticed, when I write a story, if I give a female character a name starting with 'M', she's usually a thinly disguised version of me!

Is anyone else weird and inflexible about names like I am? I just have so much admiration for everyone's self-naming capabilities! 

[elomelo]

I LOVED reading about everyone's name meanings, and I am fascinated and also feeling a bit retarded! I never really thought about using anything but my own name. Well, when I started going on IMDB, I didn't have a choice, because of ignorance. They automatically give you the name that's on your email account, and I didn't know how to change it. And then I came here, and... well, again, I just never really thought about being anyone different.

It has me wondering, though. I love some of the names people have chosen for themselves - names that are symbolic, or from mythology. I absolutely love it, and I don't know that I could ever do it for myself. In the same way, I could never imagine changing my last name to a 'married' name. What's weird is that I knew that even when I was a little girl, maybe 5 or 6. I remember becoming aware of the fact that women (in those days, almost universally) changed their names when they got married, and I was just very clear in my mind that I never would, because... well, because my name just feels like my name!

And when I think about choosing a username, it kind of feels the same way. And I'm also the same with costumes.. like, Hallowe'en costumes. I will dress theatrically if called upon to dress up, but I'm still 'me'... I've never liked dressing up 'as' anyone, or obscuring my own appearance and taking on that of a character or a historical figure.

so weird!! I just wonder why I'm like that and so many other people don't mind it, or even like it... does it mean that my sense of identity is somehow fragile and I need to keep sort of reminding myself of it? I really don't know!

But, that having been said, I could imagine using other "ma" names as versions of my name, especially if they are the name of someone in my family. Like, I've often thought, if I need a nom de plume, that I would probably use my grandmother's name, Mara. I have also on occasion used my daughter's name, which is similar and also starts with an "Ma".

And I've lately noticed, when I write a story, if I give a female character a name starting with 'M', she's usually a thinly disguised version of me!

Is anyone else weird and inflexible about names like I am? I just have so much admiration for everyone's self-naming capabilities! 

Ah, that's so cool! And I'll jump aboard that wagon - my real name is Manar (ha, yes, 'M' too) and the only nickname I've ever come to use is elomelo. It means 'scattered' in Bengali and just speaks volume about me as a person, and my thoughts and well everything about me.

I agree with the "married" name thing. Yeah, okay, so maybe I'm a long way off from getting married but I could never 'take' someone else's name. It seems strange and a social obligation, and besides, to change your name on all those papers!

And don't feel bad about the fragility of your indentity - actually that's a lie right there! To use your real name as your username just shows your confidence and assurance of your own name. Wish I could do that which I won't. Or not at least in the near future.

Besides, Malina is a lovely name. What does it mean?

[serious crayons]

I have also on occasion used my daughter's name, which is similar and also starts with an "Ma".

That's interesting, Malina! I have another Brokie friend (I won't say who in case this is more information than she wants widely publicized) whose real name starts with Ma and whose daughter's name is similar and also starts with Ma.

What's weird is that I knew that even when I was a little girl, maybe 5 or 6. I remember becoming aware of the fact that women (in those days, almost universally) changed their names when they got married, and I was just very clear in my mind that I never would, because... well, because my name just feels like my name!

I was that way, too. Long before married women started keeping their names, I thought it seemed really unfair that they had to adopt their husbands' names. I had a strong sense of parity -- maybe that came from having a brother close to my age. Everything we got always had to be exactly even! 

So anyway, now that I'm married I do still have my "own" name.

Just earlier today I was thinking about an old coworker who felt even more strongly about this -- she was so uncomfortable having only her father's last name that she took her mother's, too, and combined them.

[malina]

Besides, Malina is a lovely name. What does it mean?

Thank you, elomelo! It means "raspberry" - in Croatian and in just about every Slavic language, I think!

Actually, just to add another bit of weirdness to the name discussion... well, it's a long story, but it's not the name on my birth certificate, and it IS the name on my Canadian citizenship, which I got when I was five, and therefore on my passport and all my other documentation here. And I don't think it was ever changed officially. I think my parents just changed their minds and... I don't know... just figured it wouldn't matter and no one would check?

But I think that means that I could 'officially' be two different people if I wanted, albeit in separate countries. Oh, maybe my other name could be my alter-ego. Amalia.

And the other thing.... since I'm rambling on and on about names... well, 'Malina' was the name of my great-grandmother, as well as my aunt, and they both caused family scandals by getting pregnant out of wedlock. And then, when I did the same,  I overheard my mom saying to my dad, "I knew we shouldn't have given her that name!"

The Malina curse.

Or, blessing, which is what my daughter has always been! 

[Toycoon]

Howdy Malina-5,
I thought your name had a groovy secret agent quality like Agent 99 or Agent 86. I'm sorry you dropped the "5" when you came to Bettermost.

Toycoon

[malina]

I was that way, too. Long before married women started keeping their names, I thought it seemed really unfair that they had to adopt their husbands' names. I had a strong sense of parity -- maybe that came from having a brother close to my age. Everything we got always had to be exactly even! 

So anyway, now that I'm married I do still have my "own" name.

Just earlier today I was thinking about an old coworker who felt even more strongly about this -- she was so uncomfortable having only her father's last name that she took her mother's, too, and combined them.

Hi Katherine! I know, it always seemed unfair to me too, and just... well, kind of illogical! I think the first time I thought about it, I had heard my grandfather say that our family name was going to die out after the next generation, because his only son, my dad, had only girls, no sons. And I didn't get it at first, and then I did, or maybe I had it explained to me - and that's when I just knew that he was wrong! Something about being told that I "would" change my name, like it was inevitable fact, made me ... well, not determined, but just made me realize that I wouldn't!

I know a couple who each kept their own last names, but then combined them into a single name, not hyphenated, but just a single name, for their kids. Luckily their names were both one syllable and it worked. I also know a couple who, when they got married, made up a totally new surname for themselves and their family. hmm. That is an interesting concept..  

[malina]

Howdy Malina-5,
I thought your name had a groovy secret agent quality like Agent 99 or Agent 86. I'm sorry you dropped the "5" when you came to Bettermost.

Toycoon

Hi Toycoon!! I know you liked my 5! And I think I even considered keeping it just for you! But I didn't choose the 5... IMDB gave it to me, and made me take it! And there is a big part of me that just doesn't relate to numbers, and if I had to be a number, I think I would be a 7, because 5 is just so... I don't know... sort of too simple and too complex at the same time! On the other hand, it did sort of grow on me after a while.. But you can call me malina-5 forever, if you like!

[Toycoon]

Hmmmm... "Malina-5 Forever"? Tres exotique!

[serious crayons]

Hi Katherine!

Hi yourself! 

I had heard my grandfather say that our family name was going to die out after the next generation, because his only son, my dad, had only girls, no sons. And I didn't get it at first, and then I did, or maybe I had it explained to me - and that's when I just knew that he was wrong! Something about being told that I "would" change my name, like it was inevitable fact, made me ... well, not determined, but just made me realize that I wouldn't!

So I'm wondering, did this make your grandfather happy? I hope so. But something tells me that for a lot of people of that generation, this wouldn't really "count." Because in much of Western culture, we're so used to linking family lineage/surname/male heir. So a grandfather (not yours necessarily, as I don't know him) might think, "OK, fine for Malina to keep the name, this funny feminist trend will extend it for one more generation, but then her daughter will change hers, and that's the end of that." And to some extent, grandfathers who that way may be right (again, I mean generally) because I think the pendulum toward keeping "maiden" names is somewhat swinging back.

I know a couple who each kept their own last names, but then combined them into a single name, not hyphenated, but just a single name, for their kids. Luckily their names were both one syllable and it worked. I also know a couple who, when they got married, made up a totally new surname for themselves and their family. hmm. That is an interesting concept.. 

When my husband and I had kids, we talked about the possibility of using my last name for daughters, and his last name for sons. Turned out we had two sons, so we didn't have to test the cultural norms. But the daughters idea began to seem stressful. At one point I had someone instruct me absolutely not to do this son/daughter name thing -- the editor of my paper, a man I didn't even know that well! -- because it would "be too confusing for the kids." Like, the kids would instantly get it if the mother has a different name from everyone else in the family (as was the case in this particular guy's own family), but they're completely lost if there's any other arrangement. Like they'd automatically assume a sister with a different last name must have a different dad or something.

To tell the truth, I sometimes find it odd that in my family has the same last name except me.

[MaineWriter]

To tell the truth, I sometimes find it odd that everyone in my family has the same last name except me.

My ancestors came to this country in 1664 and I can trace my family history earlier than that in England. In my family, it was just my sister and me and I determined, at a very early age, that I would keep my name when I got married. My boyfriend/fiance/husband (as he moved through the stages) never had any issue with any of this.

When it came time for children, another decision loomed. We talked about it and came to the agreement that the children would have my name, since we needed to keep that going. My husband's family (good Irish Catholics that they are) had plenty of folks with his last name.

So, maybe, Katherine, my husband feels like you--the only person with a certain name in the family.

As for the "too confusing for the kids" argument...that's just nonsense. Read any news article in the newspaper about something to do with a family and it seems like everyone has a different last name. And in my own experience, with my children, it has never been a problem. Forms all have a place for "father's name" and "mother's name" and we fill them in. No big deal.

Interestingly, one of my aunts--who was considered to be one of the most liberal and feminist women in the family--was the one who was most opposed to me keeping my name when I got married. First she tried to argue that it is legally required (it isn't) and then she tried to argue that it was the "right" thing to do. That didn't go anywhere. She had always given me a check for Christmas as a gift. After I was married, she made it out to "Mrs. Anthony Jendrek" which was really insulting, since that wasn't my name. But I still took the money! LOL

L

[Shasta542]

LOL -- Did you endorse it with the name you'd kept? 

[forsythia12]

Interestingly, one of my aunts--who was considered to be one of the most liberal and feminist women in the family--was the one who was most opposed to me keeping my name when I got married. First she tried to argue that it is legally required (it isn't) and then she tried to argue that it was the "right" thing to do. That didn't go anywhere. She had always given me a check for Christmas as a gift. After I was married, she made it out to "Mrs. Anthony Jendrek" which was really insulting, since that wasn't my name. But I still took the money! LOL

L

lol .  omg i can relate to that.  my 86yr old grandmother-in-law (god rest her soul) always made the cheques out to mrs.(husband's first and last name)   
pissed me right off.  i gave up my last name, NOT MY FIRST TOO! lol
she's totally old-school farm wife from with the 'submit to thy husband' attitude.  whatever. 

[Kelda]

I love that I now know what Raspberry and scattered are in other languages....

[MaineWriter]

LOL -- Did you endorse it with the name you'd kept? 

I sure did! And I never had any problem with that, either!

L

[malina]

Hmmmm... "Malina-5 Forever"? Tres exotique!

 

[malina]

Hi yourself! 

So I'm wondering, did this make your grandfather happy? I hope so. But something tells me that for a lot of people of that generation, this wouldn't really "count." Because in much of Western culture, we're so used to linking family lineage/surname/male heir. So a grandfather (not yours necessarily, as I don't know him) might think, "OK, fine for Malina to keep the name, this funny feminist trend will extend it for one more generation, but then her daughter will change hers, and that's the end of that." And to some extent, grandfathers who that way may be right (again, I mean generally) because I think the pendulum toward keeping "maiden" names is somewhat swinging back.

hmm...  I don't remember if it made him happy. I think, because I was so young at the time, it wasn't something that was taken seriously. I think it was just stated as a fact - because there were only girls in the family, of course the name would not be passed on. You know what, though? I kept my last name, and I always will, and I always knew I would, but I didn't end up passing it on after all! My daughter has her father's name. She has my last name too, but we didn't hypenate it, and so it's officially one of her middle names, which is very old fashioned. Of course, some members of my extended families insist on calling her by my surname and ignoring her real last name... when they address cards to her and stuff. Well, that's just silly family politics..

As to why I did it that way... you know, I'm not quite sure. It doesn't feel strange to me that my daughter and I don't have the same last name. It never has.. maybe it should, but it doesn't. At the time, I did it that way because - well, because I could tell that he, her father, wanted it to be that way. And as it turned out, he passed away when she was 15 months old, and I've always felt glad that she has something from her father, and that sense of belonging in his family. It's almost like I feel her 'belonging' with me is such a simple and constant fact that the name seems irrelevant, but with her father's family, it could have gone either way - the sense of belonging, that is - but I'm glad it is the way it is.

It's interesting, though! Just writing this, I can see how the issue of family names has an element of 'laying claim' to people, somehow... or is that just my weird family? 

[serious crayons]

It's interesting, though! Just writing this, I can see how the issue of family names has an element of 'laying claim' to people, somehow... or is that just my weird family? 

No, I think you're right, that's the ancient traditional meaning of all this. Names indicated kinship, and they came from men because men were the heads of the clan. Now all that sounds like something out of ... I don't know, Beowulf. We can get past it, but discarding longstanding traditions is always hard for some people. I think now as a culture we're finally getting used to the idea that people can have all kinds of different last names and yet be members of the same family.

I'll tell you what I find the most annoying. There's this one aunt of my husband's who sends us Christmas cards addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. [John Doe]." That would bug me even if my last name actually was Doe!

[malina]

No, I think you're right, that's the ancient traditional meaning of all this. Names indicated kinship, and they came from men because men were the heads of the clan. Now all that sounds like something out of ... I don't know, Beowulf. We can get past it, but discarding longstanding traditions is always hard for some people. I think now as a culture we're finally getting used to the idea that people can have all kinds of different last names and yet be members of the same family.

I'll tell you what I find the most annoying. There's this one aunt of my husband's who sends us Christmas cards addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. [John Doe]." That would bug me even if my last name actually was Doe!

I know! Referring to a woman as "Mrs. John Doe" always reminds me of Margaret Atwood's (do people outside of Canada read Atwood? Sorry, that's an ignorant question... I just really don't know!) The Handmaid's Tale, where the women were given the first name of the man they served, with 'of' at the front of it, so the woman who was "John's" handmaiden would be called "Ofjohn" instead of having her own first name.

I mean, isn't it enough that the woman's last name is supplanted by the husbands... does the first name have to disappear too? No... I just don't understand the "Mrs. John Doe" convention. And you know what else? It even works posthumously, beyond the grave. My mother-in-law is still sometimes "Mrs. George blank", even though her husband has been dead for about twenty years!

I don't get it.. 

[MaineWriter]

I think in the real old-fashioned etiquette, a woman went by "Mrs. John Doe" (using her husband's name) if she was a widow, and "Mrs. Mary Doe" (using her first name) if she was divorced, assuming, of course, that she didn't take back her maiden name when she got divorced. This would be to differentiate "Mary" from the new "Mrs. John Doe" who would be her ex-husband's second wife.

Sort of ridiculous, isn't it?

[opinionista]

I think in the real old-fashioned etiquette, a woman went by "Mrs. John Doe" (using her husband's name) if she was a widow, and "Mrs. Mary Doe" (using her first name) if she was divorced, assuming, of course, that she didn't take back her maiden name when she got divorced. This would be to differentiate "Mary" from the new "Mrs. John Doe" who would be her ex-husband's second wife.

Sort of ridiculous, isn't it?

I've never understood why in the USA women lose their lastnames when getting married. And if they want to keep it they have to ask the court! WTF? In Puerto Rico women keep their last names upon getting married. And the children legally go by both their dad and their mom's last name, as they do in Spain. Like this "Mary (insert dad's lastname) (insert mom's lastname)".

[MaineWriter]

I've never understood why in the USA women lose their lastnames when getting married. And if they want to keep it they have to ask the court!

Actually, no, that's not true. When a woman gets married, it is the only time she can legally change her name without going to court. But it is not required by any law that a woman must change her name when she gets married--it is just a tradition. So, if a woman (like me) chooses not to change her name, she doesn't need to do anything. For me, nothing changed. License, credit cards were all the same. And I didn't have to go to court to keep my name.

L

[injest]

hmm...  I don't remember if it made him happy. I think, because I was so young at the time, it wasn't something that was taken seriously. I think it was just stated as a fact - because there were only girls in the family, of course the name would not be passed on. You know what, though? I kept my last name, and I always will, and I always knew I would, but I didn't end up passing it on after all! My daughter has her father's name. She has my last name too, but we didn't hypenate it, and so it's officially one of her middle names, which is very old fashioned. Of course, some members of my extended families insist on calling her by my surname and ignoring her real last name... when they address cards to her and stuff. Well, that's just silly family politics..

As to why I did it that way... you know, I'm not quite sure. It doesn't feel strange to me that my daughter and I don't have the same last name. It never has.. maybe it should, but it doesn't. At the time, I did it that way because - well, because I could tell that he, her father, wanted it to be that way. And as it turned out, he passed away when she was 15 months old, and I've always felt glad that she has something from her father, and that sense of belonging in his family. It's almost like I feel her 'belonging' with me is such a simple and constant fact that the name seems irrelevant, but with her father's family, it could have gone either way - the sense of belonging, that is - but I'm glad it is the way it is.

It's interesting, though! Just writing this, I can see how the issue of family names has an element of 'laying claim' to people, somehow... or is that just my weird family? 

I see it as more of a sense of unity...as being part of a group. There is something intangible about names but to me a family with everyone having last names seems disjointed...like a patchwork quilt...nothing wrong with it but just a feeling that the union isnt as strong. When you see a family where the kids all have different last names (and I am thinking of a family I know that has three kids and four different last names) shows a family that has been thru a lot of upheaval in the course of the kids lifes and that is not a great thing.

[southendmd]

I have an aunt (a widow of a certain age) who insists  on being called "Mrs. John Southend".  When her newest daughter-in-law addressed the Xmas card to "Mrs. Mary Southend" she let it be known that she was insulted!

[MaineWriter]

I have an aunt (a widow of a certain age) who insists  on being called "Mrs. John Southend".  When her newest daughter-in-law addressed the Xmas card to "Mrs. Mary Southend" she let it be known that she was insulted!

She should be grateful that her newest daughter-in-law was sending a card at all!

L

[opinionista]

Actually, no, that's not true. When a woman gets married, it is the only time she can legally change her name without going to court. But it is not required by any law that a woman must change her name when she gets married--it is just a tradition. So, if a woman (like me) chooses not to change her name, she doesn't need to do anything. For me, nothing changed. License, credit cards were all the same. And I didn't have to go to court to keep my name.

L

Oh ok. I thought it was mandatory! Thanks for the explanation

[serious crayons]

I have an aunt (a widow of a certain age) who insists  on being called "Mrs. John Southend".  When her newest daughter-in-law addressed the Xmas card to "Mrs. Mary Southend" she let it be known that she was insulted!

Yes, I was going to say, women of earlier generations very much saw it as honorary to be referred to as Mrs. Their Husband. Which strikes me as so sad -- such a blatant admission that their own accomplishments aren't supposed to count for anything, that their entire status and sense of self-worth had to come from their mates.

(Here I'm talking about where even the husband's first name has to be involved -- not just his last name.)

I see it as more of a sense of unity...as being part of a group. There is something intangible about names but to me a family with everyone having last names seems disjointed...like a patchwork quilt...nothing wrong with it but just a feeling that the union isnt as strong.

I agree that it lends a sense of group unity, which seems like the one good reason to take a husband's name. It's like having everyone on a sports team wear the same uniform. But of course, it's not essential -- families with an assortment of last names can be every bit as strong as the strongest one-named family, and stronger than many.

Here's an interesting thing in regard to names. I once was talking to a family therapist who said that when she hears of families in which all of the children have the same first initial -- for example, Justin, Juliet, Joshua, Jennifer, etc. -- it can be a red flag hinting of child abuse!    I wondered why that would be, and she explained that it suggests a parental attitude of excessive ownership, of enclosure and lack of boundaries.

Of course, this is a vast generalization, too. Don't go calling the child-protection service on your next-door neighbors just because their kids all have the same first initial! 

[Brown Eyes]

I think it's so revealing of major cultural attitudes and of how ingrained certain conventions are in society... to realize how incredibly rare it is for a husband to take his wife's name.  In fact, I think many men would find the idea insulting or laughable.  It does happen once in a while (my parents have friends whose son took his wife's last name in a hyphenated way).  But, the fact that the burden is always, or almost always, placed on the woman to have to deal with the pressures about changing names is just really depressing to me.

This convention I think really reveals how ingrained patriarchal traditions are in society still to a large degree.

Why does creating family unity always have to come at the expense of a woman's identity?

[serious crayons]

I think it's so revealing of major cultural attitudes and of how ingrained certain conventions are in society... to realize how incredibly rare it is for a husband to take his wife's name.  In fact, I think many men would find the idea insulting or laughable.  It does happen once in a while (my parents have friends whose son took his wife's last name in a hyphenated way).  But, the fact that the burden is always, or almost always, placed on the woman to have to deal with the pressures about changing names is just really depressing to me.

This convention I think really reveals how ingrained patriarchal traditions are in society still to a large degree.

Why does creating family unity always have to come at the expense of a woman's identity?

Exactly. And as you suggest, that applies to many situations, but this is a good example of one. Think of the hassle of changing driver's license, credit cards, business cards, stationery, email address, checking account, social security account, etc., etc. Think of the dilemma for women who have built up a professional reputation under their "maiden" name, then having to either reeducate everybody about their new name or live a double life with two names.

But my biggest objection is the symbolic unfairness.

I know of one or two couples in which the husband hyphenated his name, too. But often there's something a bit more tentative and symbolic about that. Like, they might sort of unofficially say they've changed their name to John Hisname-Hername. But in practice, they're still widely known as John Hisname. I guess in cases like that the question to ask is, did the guy change his driver's license, credit cards, business cards, etc. etc.? If so, then good for him. But I think that's very rare.

In Puerto Rico women keep their last names upon getting married. And the children legally go by both their dad and their mom's last name, as they do in Spain. Like this "Mary (insert dad's lastname) (insert mom's lastname)".

Natali, I've always been curious in these cases about what happens to the following generation of names? What is the last name for the child of Mary (dad's name) (mom's name) and John (dad's name) (mom's name)? Does that kid then go by Jane (dad's dad's name) (dad's mom's name) (mom's dad's name) (mom's mom's name)? And then what happens in the generation after that, and so on?

[Brown Eyes]

Exactly. And as you suggest, that applies to many situations, but this is a good example of one. Think of the hassle of changing driver's license, credit cards, business cards, stationery, email address, checking account, social security account, etc., etc. Think of the dilemma for women who have built up a professional reputation under their "maiden" name, then having to either reeducate everybody about their new name or live a double life with two names.

But my biggest objection is the symbolic unfairness.

I know of one or two couples in which the husband hyphenated his name, too. But often there's something a bit more tentative and symbolic about that. Like, they might sort of unofficially say they've changed their name to John Hisname-Hername. But in practice, they're still widely known as John Hisname. I guess in cases like that the question to ask is, did the guy change his driver's license, credit cards, business cards, etc. etc.? If so, then good for him. But I think that's very rare.

I agree with everything you just said Bud.  I wonder if anyone here has heard of an example where a husband has entirely changed his name to take his wife's last name (not hyphenated).  I'm sure it's probably happened at some point, but I honestly can't think of an example that I've encountered personally.

[southendmd]

I agree with everything you just said Bud.  I wonder if anyone here has heard of an example where a husband has entirely changed his name to take his wife's last name (not hyphenated).  I'm sure it's probably happened at some point, but I honestly can't think of an example that I've encountered personally.

I haven't encountered that, but I have a friend who changed his name to Joe Hername-Hisname, with hers first! So, he's not known as Joe Hisname anymore.

[Penthesilea]

I agree with everything you just said Bud.  I wonder if anyone here has heard of an example where a husband has entirely changed his name to take his wife's last name (not hyphenated).  I'm sure it's probably happened at some point, but I honestly can't think of an example that I've encountered personally.

I know a guy who took the name of his wife. Not hyphenated, just her name and abandoned his former last name completely. But I have to say that he had gotten his last name from his step-father and he hated the man's guts. He was very happy to not longer share the name with that man.

My husband would have taken my name. I completely agree with everything said. We both would have liked to create a new name out of our two last names, it would have fitted good. But that's not possible in Germany. So it was either his or my name. Our last names were both male first names and I personally really didn't care whether my name is Walters or Stephens (just making up the examples, but it was similar, only with German names of course).

Just for principle I acted up a bit and insisted on my name. He agreed. Then I offered him a deal: I would take his name, but therefore I have the right to name our child (I was pregnant then) however I want.
And that's the way we did it.

[serious crayons]

I know a guy who took the name of his wife. Not hyphenated, just her name and abandoned his former last name completely. But I have to say that he had gotten his last name from his step-father and he hated the man's guts. He was very happy to not longer share the name with that man.

I bet when it does happen, there's often a reason like that. Or else the man's last name is unattractive -- John Buttface or whatever -- and he wants to change it. Though sometimes I've seen women change THEIR names to their husbands' unattractive last names, which particularly surprises me.

[MaineWriter]

I agree with everything you just said Bud.  I wonder if anyone here has heard of an example where a husband has entirely changed his name to take his wife's last name (not hyphenated).  I'm sure it's probably happened at some point, but I honestly can't think of an example that I've encountered personally.

The guy who fixes my computer is Michael Thompson-Brown. He used to be Michael Thompson; his wife was Brown. When I asked about the order, he said they both agreed that "Thompson-Brown" sounded better than "Brown-Thompson." There a practical approach to the name thing! I haven't looked in his wallet to see if his license is changed, but everything I see with his name: email, listing in the phonebook, has "Thompson-Brown" as his last name, so I suspect it is a total (legal) change.

When a friend of mine got married, she and her new husband took HIS mother's maiden name as their new last name. It was a situation where his father had walked out when he was very young, so the name he had grown up with had negative associations for him. My friend had a long Italian name with lots of syllables and she didn't want to hyphenate that to anything, so they just started fresh with a whole new (meaningful) name. Note: in this situation, they did need to go court, since the man was legally changing his name.

And I think I mentioned before, I kept my name, and my children have my last name. My son has the sort of unique situation of no middle name--just two names, first and last, since that was the family name. He says in some ways, that causes more problems than not having his father's name, since everyone is "supposed" to have a middle initial. LOL

L

[injest]

I think it's so revealing of major cultural attitudes and of how ingrained certain conventions are in society... to realize how incredibly rare it is for a husband to take his wife's name.  In fact, I think many men would find the idea insulting or laughable.  It does happen once in a while (my parents have friends whose son took his wife's last name in a hyphenated way).  But, the fact that the burden is always, or almost always, placed on the woman to have to deal with the pressures about changing names is just really depressing to me.

This convention I think really reveals how ingrained patriarchal traditions are in society still to a large degree.

Why does creating family unity always have to come at the expense of a woman's identity?

why does she feel that her identity will be lost if she changes her name? You are who you are....married, single, whatever your last name. A rose is a rose...

[serious crayons]

why does she feel that her identity will be lost if she changes her name? You are who you are....married, single, whatever your last name. A rose is a rose...

That's funny, Jess! I was going to say "a rose is a rose" when I responded to your last post, the one about why it's better if all people in a family share the same last name. But I didn't, because on second thought I decided it's not that simple. You rightly made the point then that sharing a last name gives family members a sense of unity -- that is, an identity as a family. But identity works on an individual level, too.

Or consider the reverse: If you are who you are, married, single, etc., then why should a woman bother to change her name? Especially because that entails many more hassles (changing driver's license, etc.)? The reason many women do it is because they want their name to reflect their identity as a wife.

[Brown Eyes]

The name issue is certainly not necessarily an issue of deeply ingrained personal identity.  Yes, I agree that changing a name doesn't fundamentally change a person's "real" identity. 

This is more a question of symbolic identity.  And, I think for some people, there's a deep attachemnt to a name and for others it's not such a big deal. 

To me, the situations where women entirely subsume their name/symbolic identities into their husband's names in cases that have been mentioned before... where a woman's name would be written "Mrs. John Doe" are actually sort of sad.  It just seems to be an unpleasant reminder of old-fashioned aspects of marriage... when the word "obey" was in marriage vows and when there was a large degree of subservience implied within marriage as an institution (of couse circumstances like this still persist in lots of current cultures and individual circumstances).

I had a a friend once who loathed her father and couldn't wait to change her last name when she got married.  She's divorced now.  So, in a way she's in a real bind in terms of a last name... either she had to choose to go back to a disliked paternal last name or to  keep divored-married last name.  She was only married for about 2 years and has no children.  She kept her divorced husband's last name, but in a way there's something sort of odd about that.

Women really are often stuck when it comes to having "names of their own".  It's usually one kind of paternal/patriarchal option or another.  Lesbian couples wrangle with this dilemma a lot.

For me personally, I have my father's last name and my mother's "maiden" name as my middle name (which of course is really her father's last name).  So, even my middle name isn't truly a name of female origins (meaning it doesn't reflect anything about my mother's maternal line).

Also, the whole issue of tracing a family lineage can be just so difficult for women compared to men (based on constant name changes through multiple generations).  In a way it obscures female lineage to a degree that doesn't seem fair.

And, I still think the fact that men are usually so reluctant to change their last names is very telling about the cultural implications of a last name.

[CellarDweller]

When the day is over (work/gym/dinner) I take a quick shower and go to the cellar where the TV, phone, DVD/VCR, CD player, CDs and DVDs and computer all are.  I stay there until bedtime.

[Katie77]

When the day is over (work/gym/dinner) I take a quick shower and go to the cellar where the TV, phone, DVD/VCR, CD player, CDs and DVDs and computer all are.  I stay there until bedtime.

And when you are asleep, the boogy man lives down there........

[CellarDweller]

And when you are asleep, the boogy man lives down there........

Oh puhlease.

I killed him a long time ago!

[Penthesilea]

Oh puhlease.

I killed him a long time ago!

Bet you beat him up with your Yellowstone Ghost Stories book

[CellarDweller]

Bet you beat him up with your Yellowstone Ghost Stories book

nah!  I whacked him around with my mariconera!

[Kerry]

Kerry is my real name. It comes from the Irish county, County Kerry, on the west coast of Ireland. 

County Kerry, Ireland


Ballinskelligs Bay, County Kerry

[Katie77]

Now, where's an Irish joke when you want one.......

[Kerry]

Now, where's an Irish joke when you want one.......

   On learning my name, an Irishman once said to me, "You know the way the world tells Irish jokes? Well, the Irish tell County Kerry jokes!"  True story!   

[optom3]

But Kerrygold butter is the best, miss that from the U.K.

[Katie77]

  On learning my name, an Irishman once said to me, "You know the way the world tells Irish jokes? Well, the Irish tell County Kerry jokes!"  True story!  

Thats funny Kerry.......bet that makes you think twice now, about telling Irish jokes.

I felt a bit "pissed"  one time, when I was talking to a Kiwi.(New Zealander).....he said, "you know all those jokes you Aussies tell, about us Kiwis doing it with sheep.........well us Kiwis say the same jokes about you Aussies doing it with kangaroos".....SHOCK HORROR...HOW DARE THEY....

[Kerry]

Thats funny Kerry.......bet that makes you think twice now, about telling Irish jokes.

I felt a bit "pissed"  one time, when I was talking to a Kiwi.(New Zealander).....he said, "you know all those jokes you Aussies tell, about us Kiwis doing it with sheep.........well us Kiwis say the same jokes about you Aussies doing it with kangaroos".....SHOCK HORROR...HOW DARE THEY....

There's a lid for every jar!     

[Katie77]

There's a lid for every jar!    

Im gonna lock that one away in my "words of wisdom" memory...........never heard that saying before....