TOTW 07/08: Two effin years - Looking back

[Penthesilea]

Mornin BetterMostians 


For many of us, it's already been two years since we first saw Brokeback Mountain. Time to look back.

I think none of us had an idea of the things to come. The numb feeling, the agony over Jack's death, leaving Ennis alone, the countless hours online to get more input about the movie, the relief to find likeminded people ('Thank God, I'm not going nuts"  ) - all this is well behind us.

But we're still here.


What's different in your perception towards the movie (and/or story) now than it was two years ago?
Is there a difference at all? Are there scenes you now see in another light than back then? Do you think you developed a deeper understanding of the movie or its characters over time?


Have your reactions to the movie changed over the years?
Did you at one point "get over it"? Where you able to let the tragedy behind you, at least in parts? Do you still see the movie from time to time?


Have you changed?
Some of us have made drastic changes in their so-called RL. Other changes may not be drastic, but just as meaningful. Maybe the change is more inwardly; has your attitude towards some things or to life in general changed?  Or are you the same person you ever were apart from the obvious, meaning becoming a Brokie?


Share as much as you're comfortable with! 

Photo of the famous Castro Theatre in SF; courtesy of Eric

[brokeplex]

The film certainly changed me and how I view my life and the world I live in!

The film acted as catalyst in helping me to understand my grief and pain, and realizing that I have one life to live and my time is precious. In better understanding myself and the factors in my own life which lead me to this place, I have grown closer to the man whom  I love, and I treasure my time with him, taking nothing for granted. These are gifts beyond price. 

[forsythia12]

good thread!
yeah, the movie has changed for me lots.  i definately don't cry as much, or at all anymore.  i guess the shock has worn off.....and i don't sit there 'numb' anymore.
i do have a quieter love for the movie....and i can watch it while i do laundry, or dust, or whatever.  i still have the deep love for it, but it's more reserved i guess....more comfortable....like a real love story.  you know, when you meet someone and there's excitement, and butterflies, and they're all you can think about.....and then after some time it just gets softer, quieter, and more comfortable.  the amount of awe isn't gone, but just different.

i still get bothered seeing jake and heath in other roles though.  for some reason, i can't seperate the characters from the actors...and i find it unsettling to hear about their real lives.....it just sound foreign to me. 

[Katie77]

A few things have happened over the last couple of months, that now make me realize how far things have changed over the last two years.

Tonight, I was talking to someone online, who I had not spoken to for a few months, and she said "I was thinking about you, when Heath died". I thought of all the others who rang me on that terrible day in January.

It made me realize, that now, instead of "making fun" of me because of my obsession, now, I think the people who know me, understand that Brokeback was not just a passsing phase that I was going "silly" over, it was something more, and two years later, it is still there, in my heart and my soul.

I knew it back then, I knew that something had happened to me, something unexplainable, something unique and something wonderful. Why were some of us chosen to be like we are over this movie, I dont know, but I'm so glad I was.

Finding my way here, and meeting so many people who have become dear friends, has been just an unbelivable journey. I never tire of reading or talking about the movie, reading other people's interpretations and what it meant to them, only adds to the intrigue of it all.

And of course, Jack and Ennis, they are like family. I love them unconditionally. I always will.

[CellarDweller]

What's different in your perception towards the movie (and/or story) now than it was two years ago?
Is there a difference at all? Are there scenes you now see in another light than back then? Do you think you developed a deeper understanding of the movie or its characters over time?

One thing that I remember happening was where I would start to cry would change.  I would start crying at the tire iron scene.  Later, first time I cried was the arguement at the lake.  One time, it was the when Ennis left Alma, holding Alma Jr.  I felt so badly for her as she cried.

Different "meanings" came to me over the times I've seen it.  One lesson was to hold onto love.  Another was to not waste time.  Another was to tell people how you feel about them.

Have your reactions to the movie changed over the years?
Did you at one point "get over it"? Where you able to let the tragedy behind you, at least in parts? Do you still see the movie from time to time?

The only time I watch the movie now is if it's at a brokie get together.  My friend Jimmy (gnash) once said a while ago that it is no longer about "brokeback , the movie" and it's now about "brokeback, the people".  If I were to go to get togethers and the movie was not showed, I would not be bothered.  I would rather associate with the members of the forums than watch the movie at the gatherings.

Have you changed?
Some of us have made drastic changes in their so-called RL. Other changes may not be drastic, but just as meaningful. Maybe the change is more inwardly; has your attitude towards some things or to life in general changed?  Or are you the same person you ever were apart from the obvious, meaning becoming a Brokie?

I'm definitely not the same person that I was before.

I exercise more regularly, eat healthier (I actually started to eat vegetables), think more highly of myself, I've become more "touchy feely" with my friends, more ready to tell them how I feel about them, I'm actively getting in shape physically and mentally (I made some appointments with a therapist), and I'm traveling more.  I was always a homebody, and now, in the past 2 years, by June, will have been to 12 states.   Looking forward to add more to the list.

[myprivatejack]

I think I have the same affection for the movie,I keep on being "in love" with it somehow;the proof is that I still need to talk about it,I think about characters,reactions or scenes,and so on.But in a little quieter way,not feeling this kind of "shock" of the first times.And,as a "good lover" I like-some time ago I'd say "I need"...-to see it from time to time; masterpieces don't have caducity date.
Of course,my perception about it has changed in these 2 years,in the sense that now I understand Ennis better than in the first months,f.e.; the fact of analysing his reactions,fears and feelings with another Brokies has made me more emphatic with him.Letting aside the undeniable truth that BBM is a movie that the more you watch it,the more nuances you're able to find in it.
It has made me change,yes,because one of its lessons is living your life without so many fears,not thinking as much in what can happen because you can lose your opportunities meanwhile... To hold on to your dreams,but not forgetting at the same time to fight for fulfill them.As Jack did during all his life.

[Artiste]

It is so wonderful to read all these posts, on this thread!!

May it continue... and continue!!

Au revoir,
hugs!

[Brown Eyes]

Well, it's amazing to me that it's certainly been over 2 years since I first saw BBM in theatres and my two year anniversary of being a BetterMostian is coming up on April 6th... right around the corner!
 

The thing that still amazes me is that BBM and being a Brokie have worked their way into being part of the daily fabric of my life.  It's truly hard to imagine my daily life without BetterMost at this point, and it's hard to imagine passing a day without thinking about Brokeback.  The power of this whole experience never ceases to amaze.

The film still has a lot of power over me, and I fully relate to what Chuck said above about the "crying moments" shifting around from viewing to viewing.  Sometimes I start crying really early in the film... sometimes not until the end, and even sometimes not at all anymore.  It truly depends on my mood or the particular circumstance now.  At the moment, everything about it is more intense because of Heath's passing.  My reaction to the story has pretty much remained the same.  My favorite things about the story are the details and the particular turns-of phrase that Proulx uses throughout her writing.  The careful craft of description and evoking mood is truly masterful in her writing.

At this point, Brokie friends are real friends... the lines between what we often put in quotations around here as "real life" and Brokie life are blurring now for sure.  Especially as more and more opportunities for in-person events and get-togethers come up.

This is certainly a challenging time for the Brokie community with the loss of Heath.  I think we're pulling together quite nicely and trying to move on together.  It will be interesting, to say the least, to see how this impacts the community more long-term.  I think we're all still just trying to absorb this as a shock and long-term ramifications are yet to be fully understood.

But, like I said, it's hard to imagine a daily life without checking in to BetterMost and without thinking about BBM in some way or another during the course of a day.  I'm excited to see how this experience evolves as we move forward. 

[CellarDweller]

At this point, Brokie friends are real friends... the lines between what we often put in quotations around here as "real life" and Brokie life are blurring now for sure.  Especially as more and more opportunities for in-person events and get-togethers come up.

I soooo agree with you, honey.

On DCF we've often said that "RL" (real life) should not be allowed to interfer with forum time.  And everytime I go to a get together (no matter how small) I look around and say to myself, "this looks real to me".

 

[BlissC]

I knew it back then, I knew that something had happened to me, something unexplainable, something unique and something wonderful. Why were some of us chosen to be like we are over this movie, I dont know, but I'm so glad I was.

A good question, but I too am so glad I was. I can't imagine my life without Brokeback in it, and even when I'm feeling down over the movie/story, as I still do at times, though thankfully not so often as before, and it's easier somehow to drag myself out of that mood, that feels like it should be. It doesn't feel wrong that I should allow myself these times like it sometimes did in the early days when I was convinced I was going crazy.

I soooo agree with you, honey.

On DCF we've often said that "RL" (real life) should not be allowed to interfer with forum time.  And everytime I go to a get together (no matter how small) I look around and say to myself, "this looks real to me".

 

RL and Brokie life blurring...hmmmm, I can relate to that. It used to strike me as odd at times that I thought of Jack and Ennis as "real" people, not just two fictional people I'd seen in a movie, but I don't let that worry me now. Jack and Ennis ARE real, just like the people I talk to every day online are real. Just because I've never met them doesn't make them any less real. The fact that people in "RL" who don't know I spend days thinking about Jack and Ennis, talking about BBM, and reading BBM fanfic might think I'm crazy if they did know doesn't bother me like it used to. It's not my problem, and life's to short for worrying all the time what people think and not going along with what's in your heart. That's one thing Jack and Ennis taught me.

As for the questions over the impact it's had on me over the past couple of years, I think I need to sit down some more and try and get my thoughts on that into a bit more of a logical order, and right now I need to get some of that damned RL stuff done. Grrr! I will be back though