Thanks for your courteous answer. I probably over-reacted, as I've previously been in discussions (not on this forum) where people truly did treat the whole thing as a joke.
And I'm glad you referred to it as a mental health crisis; I'd add to that a statement that it's a mental health crisis created by contemporary society's obsession with thinness. That, plus the longstanding negative attitudes toward women's bodies that goes back a long way, has brewed up quite a potent cultural soup. There are varying theories about what in a family culture can trigger eating disorders, but there are two constants in every list I've seen: 1) a family with unrealistic expectations and persistent pressure on a kid to be "perfect" and 2) what John Bradshaw once called the "Saint Mom and Dad" syndrome; i.e., a fantasy that the family itself is perfect. Bad things happen to everyone else, but not to "us."
I strongly disagree with the recent trend toward calling an eating disorder a "disease." Most of the measurable changes in the brain and the rest of the body tend to be after the fact, suggesting that they're a consequence of the eating disorder rather than the cause of it. And the whole "disease" model tends to let both culture and family off the hook.
Speaking as someone who was anorexic in her teens, at worst down to about 70lbs and hospitalised.I can categoricaly say that unrealistic expectations were part of the problem.My father was almost impossible to please.I came 1st in the year out of about 90 people spread over 3 classes.That was fine but ever after 2nd or 3rd which was my lowest was never good enough.It was just O.K but not 1st.
He also used to compare me with my mother,saying things like,well your very pretty,but obviously no where near as pretty as your mother was at your age.so as an insecure teenager the two combined had a terrible effect on me,not just anorexia but also cutting.I just never seemed to measure up in any aspect.My self esteem was in the minus figures.Particularly as mom had her darling, could do no wrong son.
You are also right in that to the outside world we were this perfect family.Nice hose and cars,talented bright kids.What a facade/farce.My brother finally used drugs as he could not cope with my moms perfect picture of him.He is well now thank god and has been for years,
But he lives in Japan and I live in the states,well away from our parents in the UK.
Things became further complicated by a bipolar diagnosis, and to this day,when things in my life are out of control,I will all too easily slip back into starvation mode.I use it as a reward system.Almost like look how well I can contol this.For every pound I lose I become more euphoric.
The only difference now is,I seem to have finally found meds which help. I would also hate to be any part in any of my kids ending up like this.Iam so careful to try and not have too unrealistic expectations of them.We never say diet in our house.If any of them feel they are not maybe as slim as they would like.It does happen sometimes.We just go on a more healthy eating plan.
I never say it is to lose weight,instead tell them we need more of certain food groups for tennis,gymnastics,wrestling whatever.So far they all have healthy body images.
I continually praise them and tell them how handsome,pretty etc they are.
If they get a bad grade (oldest son excepted) they are harder on themselves than I am.
But eating disorders should never be scoffeD at. Mine has afflicted me for 35 years to some degree or another.It is not a disease.It is a complex mental ealth issue,sometimes in isolationa and at sometimes in tandem with other things.It is a bit like alcoholism.You are never cured,you just learn to live,cope and control it for most of the time.
