I've had this thread on my mind ever since I read it yesterday......I actually wrote a reply then, but after reading it back, it just didnt seem right, so I deleted it....so here I am again, giving it another go.
When I first read the original post to this thread, I thought, using the term "cheating" and when the original poster said that "that's what this movie was about"....I didnt want to agree with her, because to agree, would somehow cheapen the movie, and I didnt want to do that.
The more I thought about it, I tried to find some rationalism for the boys "cheating" on their wives, without actually saying that it was OK for these two but not OK for most other married men....
As a heterosexual married woman, when I saw the movie for the first time, when Alma looked out the door, and saw Jack and Ennis kissing, I couldnt help but feel her shock and her pain....after viewing the movie so many more times since, I seem to have forgotten about Alma's feelings, and just concentrated on Ennis and Jack's feelings...but now that this thread is in my head, I have now gone back to thinking about Alma.
My personal views on infedility, are that, if someone who is married, or in a partnership, cheats with someone else, then it should be done with discretion, and above all, in a way that doesnt hurt and cannot hurt the person they are cheating on....if that person discovers that their partner is cheating, then it will hurt them, but if they dont find out, then it is quite possible that they will never be hurt....(I am not trying to say that cheating is right, I'm just saying, that it is more likely to hurt someone, if and when they find out)...Ennis didn't directly hurt Alma.
I dont really think that Ennis thought he was cheating on Alma, I dont think, it was like his marriage to Alma, and what he had with Jack were two completely different things....he wasn't replacing what he got from Alma, with what he got from Jack....what he got and needed from Jack, was only something he could get from Jack...
As with most "lovers", there is a kind of unwritten law.....you can cheat on your spouse, but damned if you can cheat on your lover....very hypocritical, but quite a common fact.....remember how Ennis got angry with Jack, when he thought he had gone to Mexico and had someone else....yet he lauged when Jack said he was seeing the ranchers wife.....in his mind it was two different things, and in fact, it was.
I guess, it all comes back to the boys trying to please society, living a life that they just weren't meant to be, but unable to live the way they wanted because of the homophobic society that they belonged to.....its still happening today, many gay men marry, and then are forced to "cheat" on their wives, to fulfil their needs.
As much as I have used the word "cheat" many times thru this post, I too hate the word, when used in this context....I have used it here, merely for want of a better word, I do not use it in my usual conversation......I still dont know, if what I have written here, makes any sense, to me, or to any reader, my thoughts are all jumbled, but I needed to put them out there......