I voted other, because I too want it all.
In fact what I really want, is to have been given the courage to follow my heart.If You are shown all encompassing love, which in my case was secret, and has lasted nearly 15 years.Then it is too cruel not be given the fortitude, strength, call it what you will, to grab it with both hands,instead of running from it all the time.
Sadly, but logically, to love someone so desperately much, means that to lose them,no matter how good the intentions, hurts equally as much.Unfortunately by the time the penny finally drops, it can often be too late.
So as Ennis you long to turn back the hands of time.On the surface, life is fine, passersby, even sometimes very close friends, have no inkling of what lies just below the surface.You become adept at the art of disguise.At night though, when all others are asleep,you lie crying silent tears that soak the pillow, but provide no respite from the pain.
Proulx must have been badly hurt at some stage, to write that part of the s.s. For me reading it was painful beyond words.Even the sexual dreams which seem so real, only to wake and face reality.