Author Topic: Your Funeral  (Read 15727 times)

Offline keller

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Re: Your Funeral
« Reply #40 on: October 04, 2008, 10:36:36 pm »
What I have found about funerals, is that they end up being more of a reunion, because people who havent seen one another for a long time, turn up at them. The sad thing about that is that the person who connects all these people, is not there to enjoy the reunion as well.

My mom was sick for five years with cancer. Her family never visited her when she was alive because they were afraid to fly. My dad was really mad that they showed up for the funeral. Far better to visit her alive than her in a coffin.

Offline Kerry

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Re: Your Funeral
« Reply #41 on: October 04, 2008, 11:50:27 pm »
My mom was sick for five years with cancer. Her family never visited her when she was alive because they were afraid to fly. My dad was really mad that they showed up for the funeral. Far better to visit her alive than her in a coffin.

I agree. I wish my brothers had been more attentive while Mum was alive.
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Offline Kelda

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Re: Your Funeral
« Reply #42 on: October 05, 2008, 04:57:27 am »
 :-\ :'(
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Offline BlissC

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Re: Your Funeral
« Reply #43 on: October 05, 2008, 04:00:21 pm »
My one of my grandad's last wishes was that as he wanted to be cremated, he wanted the music "The Stripper" playing as the coffin went through the curtains. I thought it was a great idea. It was just *so* my grandad. He had a wicked sense of humour, and it would have been very fitting for him. It caused a huge family row and a lot of the family said we couldn't possibly do it as it would offend a lot of the people there. There was a compromise in the end, and it was agreed that we wouldn't do it at the crematorium, but we'd play it at the wake afterwards. My uncle did the speak, and ended with "...and thanks for coming!" That was always my grandad's parting shot. Even when he was really ill not long before he died, he'd say (usually when you were in mid-sentence talking about something), "well, thanks for coming", and you knew that meant he'd had enough of you and it was time to go. Of course everyone who knew him well, knew that and laughed (those who didn't just looked bewildered as to why everyone else was laughing), and then my other uncle pressed "play" on the pre-cued recording of "The Stripper" we'd got ready. Again, most people knew why we were playing that, and everyone toasted him.

That would be pretty cool (though I'd have to insist that they did it at the funeral and not afterwards, otherwise I'd go back and haunt them  :laugh:)

A couple of years ago when my aunty died, she'd made very detailed plans for exactly what she wanted for her funeral, down to the hymns, the readings and everything, and it was followed to the letter. She had oesophogeal cancer and before she got too ill, she started a note-book with detailed notes on exactly what she wanted for the funeral etc. and who was to get what of her possessions, and various notes on who to invite, who to get to cater the wake - everything, and she made notes for my cousin on everything that would need to be cancelled and other things that would need sorting out and people who needed to be notified when she died. Apart from her plans for the funeral her other wish was that the line-dancing class that she went to would do a dance at the wake afterwards, so mid-way through the wake they all got up (and of course had taken along their boots for the occasion) and did the dance. My mum joined in as although we live at opposite ends of the country, she goes to a local line-dancing class and knew the dance they were doing (my aunty had specified that as well). If I remember rightly it was an Eva Cassidy song, "Fields of Gold" (or it may have been "Silver Threads and Golden Needles") but I do remember it was a dance called 'Black Coffee' as that was always my aunty's favourite.

That would be pretty cool too. Hmmm...given the fact my mum will regular come into my 'office' and comment "Oohh! I think I can do a line dance to this!" to whatever I happen to be playing at the time, I'm sure I could find a suitable Faithless song for line dancing to!

 :laugh: :laugh:



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Offline Kerry

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Re: Your Funeral
« Reply #44 on: October 05, 2008, 06:46:30 pm »

I've mentioned this elsewhere, here, but it's probably worth briefly raising again.

I knew an elderly lady (over 100) who, though English, had been a believing, practicing Buddhist most of her adult life (for over 80 years). She had been an academic in her working life and Buddhism was always an integral aspect of who/what she was. It permeated every aspect of her life, right down to the way her home was decorated. We don't consider this to be so unusual these days, but it must have appeared quite unusual in England in the 1920s.

She was fit as a fiddle and in full control of her faculties right up to the end, and had always insisted that she wanted a Buddhist funeral. Alas, both her daughters, aged in their 80s at the time, wanted an Anglican (Church of England) funeral service for their mother, and went about making the appropriate plans.

A mutual friend, who had been very close to the deceased for many years, had to do a lot of fast talking to convince the daughters that their mother would be appalled to have an Anglican priest saying Christian prayers over her. They didn't like the idea but finally saw sense and called in the monk to give their mother the Buddhist funeral she so desired.
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Offline BlissC

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Re: Your Funeral
« Reply #45 on: October 07, 2008, 06:24:52 pm »
That's interesting. A friend of mine's dad died about 5 years ago now, very suddenly. She was at work when she heard (we worked in the same department) and she just dashed off when she got the phone call, but called me a couple of hours later to ask me to let her manager know why she'd disappeared and what was happening. I remember phoning her just before the funeral and she was saying she was really nervous because her dad was a humanist (I'd no idea what that even was until I looked it up - here) and he'd said he wanted a humanist funeral. Of course a lot of the family wanted the full church funeral and everything, but his wife and daughter, my friend stuck to their guns and said they were going to do it the way he'd wanted. Afterwards though she said it had been really nice, and not like the typical funeral service at all, and she was glad they'd done what her dad wanted.

Last year I went to two funerals. The first was that of a close friend who'd had breast cancer. It was particularly difficult because my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer 8 years ago, and my mum and I actually met Andrea at one of my mum's hospital appointments. It ended up with a whole gang of us who we met up with at the hospital originally meeting up every Friday morning for coffee, and those of us left still carry on the tradition, though sadly three of the group have died over the past couple of years. Andrea's funeral though particularly upset me because she was never religious at all - hated religion! (I agree with her on that one!) Her husband though insisted on having the full religious ceremony, and I was doing quite well at the funeral though I was off work ill at the time and feeling pretty crap anyway, until they started on with the readings, and there was one particular one where it was something about god talking her under his wing and caring for her for all eternity, and it was at that point I just lost it. She would have hated that. She didn't believe in anything like that, and I just felt it was so wrong. I was upset because she'd died, but at the time I was also very angry that they'd gone completely against her wishes, and it felt like betraying her.

Later in the year when my grandma died, similarly it was the full religious ceremony, but in her case, she did believe in all that. She would have loved it! Though I knew she believed, I never have done, but if anything it made me feel worse. I guess it was mainly the fact that she'd been seriously ill for a long time, and ended up living with us until the day she died, and it really wasn't a good way to go. The night she died, I had nightmares though about these winged creatures, and though I've never believed in anything like that, I just got the sense that she wasn't at rest. The religion of the funeral just brought all that back.

I guess it's in a way a tricky question of who a funeral's for - whether it's for the person who's died, or for those who are left behind. Some people see it as a celebration of the person's life, others as mourning of their passing. I guess there's no easy answer - funerals are rarely pleasant events, and always highly emotionally charged.


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Offline ZK

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Re: Your Funeral
« Reply #46 on: December 31, 2008, 05:24:18 am »
My Dad passed away a few years ago. Full Requiem Mass, my Brothers both spoke about Dad, I knew I wouldn't be able to, so I elected to play my flute..

As for my own, full Mass for me, however  music has been an extremely important part of my life so as it will be my last chance for people to know who I really was, I have quite a selection of music I want played. I also want to be buried with all my favourite things in life (books etc) hey I might only be 5'4" but my coffin better be big enough for all the stuff I want to take with me

Offline Kelda

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Re: Your Funeral
« Reply #47 on: December 31, 2008, 09:33:38 am »
I also want to be buried with all my favourite things in life (books etc) hey I might only be 5'4" but my coffin better be big enough for all the stuff I want to take with me

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Offline Artiste

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Re: Your Funeral
« Reply #48 on: December 31, 2008, 04:41:04 pm »
I have been thinking a lot about this lately:
         
Your funeral. An unlikely and inappropriate thread for us happy folk here at Bettermost, you may think? And yet, it comes to us all, one day; death. It's part of the human condition. It is an integral aspect of what makes us people - "Bettermost People."

Some people plan their funerals in minute detail. Others figure they won't be here anyway, so why not just leave it to the family to organise.

I personally believe that funerals are for the living, not the dead. It's an opportunity for the living to formally farewell their loved ones and attain closure.

A lot of us give thought to the kind of funeral we feel would be appropriate for us. Be it the pomp and solemnity of a Roman Catholic Requiem Mass or a New Age scattering of ashes onto the waters of the ocean at dusk.

Would your funeral be a traditional event with everyone dressed in black in a traditional place of worship, such as a grand cathedral? Or would you prefer to have a joyous celebration of life, where all your loved ones come together to laugh and remember all their happy memories of you?

What form would you like your funeral to take? I would be interested to hear your thoughts.

                         

.................

You do pose a good question!!

Indeed, because this has happenned to me lately since my brother was dying and did past away!
And I still wonder about the above!