From Dear Amy:
I want some advice on how to help my son and daughter-in-law without hurting their feelings.
When we visit, the dog smell and dog hair in their home bother us.
The dishwasher is broken and the carpets are not clean because of their dogs.
Should we get someone to come in and clean before we visit or buy them a dishwasher?
Should we hire someone to help get my daughter-in-law organized and my son motivated -- or does that take the responsibility away from them?
We don't live in the same state.
Their children are 1 and 4.
What would be YOUR response??
OMG Jess......do we have some kind of telepethy or something......
I am having this exact problem at the moment, so I am hoping there will be some good advice given here.
My problem is with my son (Adam's) ex-partner (Sharon).... She is my grandaughter, Breeana's mum, and they live in a house in town, just the two of them.
She was never a good housekeeper when she was with Adam, but I used to blame Adam for that as well. The fact is they lived like pigs.
When Breeana came along, 6 years ago, I kept a good eye out to make sure that she was being kept clean, and once or twice I had to say something, when Breeana was crawling around on a filthy floor. I could have said a lot more than I did, but held my tongue until it became unbearable.
Since Sharon split with Adam (a few years ago), we have still been a big presence in her and Breeanas life. We helped with rent and pay for someone to mow her lawn. Adam helps financially as well, and had plenty of contact with Breeana when he lived here, and now keeps in touch on the phone.
But the house they live in stinks......absolutely stinks.....I have not been inside the house for about six months, when I pick up Breeana, i just stay at the door, but when the door is opened I can smell the shocking smells coming out of the house, and I can even smell it on Breeana clothes when she gets in the car with me. Breeana herself, is clean, and her hair is always nice, but i can smell that smell from the house. It is so strong when she opens the door, it feels like something is dead in there. And just from what I can see thru the open door, there is rubbish inside everywhere.
I have tried not to say anything, so as not to cause a rift between us, but I cannot stay quiet any longer, for Breeana's sake.
Last week i sent an email to mutual friends of both me and Sharon, asking for their help. I thought maybe it would be better coming from them and not me (the wicked ex-mother in law). Adam has told me he will pay whatever it costs to have professional cleaners in there.
Approaching Sharon, and telling her to get out of the house for the day, so it can get cleaned out, is the biggest hurdle, but I have decided that it is the only thing to do, regardless of whether it upsets her or what happens.
I have had a very hectic week this week, and have put it on the backburner, but not forgotten that something has to be done, and plan to do something next week. I have cleaners organised all ready.
I know it will probably be a bloody mess again in a months time, but I dont care if its a mess, I just want to get it
cleaned, there is obviously absolute filth in there and something has to be done.
Its no good just tellig HER to clean it up, I dont think she can smell it anymore. She is lazy, bone lazy.
Any other suggestions would be appreciated.