Author Topic: What Would Your Response Be??  (Read 8186 times)

Offline ZK

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Re: What Would Your Response Be??
« Reply #10 on: October 08, 2008, 11:46:05 pm »
come to Texas....we got a LOT more friendly women here!
Okay its a  date. Ya know I really want to go to a Diner, like what I see in the movies, so I have a date with a buddy in NYC at one, so might as well try Southern hospitality too.

injest

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Re: What Would Your Response Be??
« Reply #11 on: October 09, 2008, 12:15:30 am »
Okay its a  date. Ya know I really want to go to a Diner, like what I see in the movies, so I have a date with a buddy in NYC at one, so might as well try Southern hospitality too.

man, I hope my husband dont find out about this!!  :o :o

injest

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Re: What Would Your Response Be??
« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2009, 09:30:32 am »
From Dear Amy:

I want some advice on how to help my son and daughter-in-law without hurting their feelings.

When we visit, the dog smell and dog hair in their home bother us.

The dishwasher is broken and the carpets are not clean because of their dogs.

Should we get someone to come in and clean before we visit or buy them a dishwasher?

Should we hire someone to help get my daughter-in-law organized and my son motivated -- or does that take the responsibility away from them?

We don't live in the same state.

Their children are 1 and 4.

What would be YOUR response??

injest

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Re: What Would Your Response Be??
« Reply #13 on: May 03, 2009, 09:31:31 am »
From Dear Amy:

I want some advice on how to help my son and daughter-in-law without hurting their feelings.

When we visit, the dog smell and dog hair in their home bother us.

The dishwasher is broken and the carpets are not clean because of their dogs.

Should we get someone to come in and clean before we visit or buy them a dishwasher?

Should we hire someone to help get my daughter-in-law organized and my son motivated -- or does that take the responsibility away from them?

We don't live in the same state.

Their children are 1 and 4.

What would be YOUR response??

I'd tell them to get a motel next time and keep their opinion to themselves! ;D

Offline optom3

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Re: What Would Your Response Be??
« Reply #14 on: May 03, 2009, 11:19:17 am »
There are hugs and there are hugs.... In a restaurant from a waitress, if they are done spontaneously and without fan fare, and are not overly smoochy, and are short and sweet, I cannot see a problem with it.

I used to work in a Credit Union, as a loans officer,  and had a wonderful clientelle of people who I looked after for years. We became friends became very close over the years.  There were several, men and women, who often came in the office, and greeted me with a hug or even a kiss on the cheek. It was spontaneous, and affectionate, and did not embarrass anyone, or looked at as anything but a freindly gesture.

As long as there is not other agenda, other than professional freindliness, then there is nothing wrong with it.

I agree with you. Back when I was an Optometrist in England, I would build up close relationships with some of my long term patients. I often used to get hugs when, after years of poor or nearly non existant vision, they could suddenly see. Some of the hugs were emotional and tear filled.Particularly if I had spent hours with them, working through how to use low vision aids. Most optometrists could not be bothered as it is very time consuming and you still only charge the same flat fee.

Personally I loved it, the look of undiluted joy when a pensioner could finally read a book again, albeit maybe one word at a time, was something no money could buy. I would get, hugs, home baked cakes and cookies, bottles of wine and even in one instance a poem dedicated to me.

Equally I would get hugs from young men, when after many false starts they finally mastered inserting contact lenses, and could go full tilt back into tackle sports. I very rarely felt any of the hugs were sexual, just grateful and well meaning patients. I would get hugs too, from patients whose wife or husband I  had helped in their last months. The simple joy of giving someone the gift of enough vision to read a book or watch T.V is an amazing thing. Particularly if they were bed bound. Even their partners would often hug me and cry, saying how much joy I had brought into their last few months.

I really cared about these patients and the fact that they were lost leaders did not matter. I made more than enough money from standard cases. I see as I write this that I miss being an Optometrist. Not the money, I am a softy and I miss the human contact and the gift of giving someone a small amount of vision back, when others had given up on them.

I was a really good Optometrist, not because technically I was any better than others, but because I cared so very much. In fact I built up a fabulous relationship with an ophthalmologist, who would send all his post surgery patients to me.He did some laser work on my father's retina and when he discovered I was his daughter, he told him that he sent all his patients on to me, BLUSH.My dad was so proud of me, he was straight on the phone when he got home.  If we stay here, I need to get back into a people orientated job. If I only could afford it, I would be down in Miami, doing my conversion course, to enable me to practice here.

I am in my element when I make people feel good. There is no doubt about it, my own happiness and sense of well being, stems from reaching out and helping others. I am no saint, it just makes me feel so good. I need to feel needed and useful. Even at the store, I would take real care to pack customers groceries into separate bags, produce, frozen, fridge, store cupboard, to make unpacking the other end easier.

I suspect it all stems from a very deep rooted inferiority and insecurity complex. I cannot derive any joy from within myself, it has to come from others.
So anyway, back to the response, hugs are fine by me, as long as both parties feel comfortable.

It is sad I suppose that I have to get my sense of well being from others and it is not something I can manufacture myself.

Offline delalluvia

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Re: What Would Your Response Be??
« Reply #15 on: May 03, 2009, 01:04:04 pm »
I'd tell them to get a motel next time and keep their opinion to themselves!

Ditto.  The dogs live there, they don't.   They should keep their house cleaning tips to themselves and rent their own rooms somewhere else if they don't like it.  Jeez, they sound like they're royalty visiting - 'should we have the cleaning crew come early and take care of things before we arrive' sort of thing.

Offline Katie77

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Re: What Would Your Response Be??
« Reply #16 on: May 03, 2009, 07:40:11 pm »
From Dear Amy:

I want some advice on how to help my son and daughter-in-law without hurting their feelings.

When we visit, the dog smell and dog hair in their home bother us.

The dishwasher is broken and the carpets are not clean because of their dogs.

Should we get someone to come in and clean before we visit or buy them a dishwasher?

Should we hire someone to help get my daughter-in-law organized and my son motivated -- or does that take the responsibility away from them?

We don't live in the same state.

Their children are 1 and 4.

What would be YOUR response??

OMG Jess......do we have some kind of telepethy or something......

I am having this exact problem at the moment, so I am hoping there will be some good advice given here.

My problem is with my son (Adam's) ex-partner (Sharon).... She is my grandaughter, Breeana's mum, and they live in a house in town, just the two of them.

She was never a good housekeeper when she was with Adam, but I used to blame Adam for that as well. The fact is they lived like pigs.

When Breeana came along, 6 years ago, I kept a good eye out to make sure that she was being kept clean, and once or twice I had to say something, when Breeana was crawling around on a filthy floor. I could have said a lot more than I did, but held my tongue until it became unbearable.

Since Sharon split with Adam (a few years ago), we have still been a big presence in her and Breeanas life. We helped with rent and pay for someone to mow her lawn. Adam helps financially as well, and had plenty of contact with Breeana when he lived here, and now keeps in touch on the phone.

But the house they live in stinks......absolutely stinks.....I have not been inside the house for about six months, when I pick up Breeana, i just stay at the door, but when the door is opened I can smell the shocking smells coming out of the house, and I can even smell it on Breeana clothes when she gets in the car with me. Breeana herself, is clean, and her hair is always nice, but i can smell that smell from the house. It is so strong when she opens the door, it feels like something is dead in there. And just from what I can see thru the open door, there is rubbish inside everywhere.

I have tried not to say anything, so as not to cause a rift between us, but I cannot stay quiet any longer, for Breeana's sake.

Last week i sent an email to mutual friends of both me and Sharon, asking for their help. I thought maybe it would be better coming from them and not me (the wicked ex-mother in law). Adam has told me he will pay whatever it costs to have professional cleaners in there.

Approaching Sharon, and telling her to get out of the house for the day, so it can get cleaned out, is the biggest hurdle, but I have decided that it is the only thing to do, regardless of whether it upsets her or what happens.

I have had a very hectic week this week, and have put it on the backburner, but not forgotten that something has to be done, and plan to do something next week. I have cleaners organised all ready.

I know it will probably be a bloody mess again in a months time, but I dont care if its a mess, I just want to get it cleaned, there is obviously absolute filth in there and something has to be done.

Its no good just tellig HER to clean it up, I dont think she can smell it anymore. She is lazy, bone lazy.

Any other suggestions would be appreciated.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline ZK

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Re: What Would Your Response Be??
« Reply #17 on: May 30, 2009, 08:42:54 am »
OMG Jess......do we have some kind of telepethy or something......

I am having this exact problem at the moment, so I am hoping there will be some good advice given here.

My problem is with my son (Adam's) ex-partner (Sharon).... She is my grandaughter, Breeana's mum, and they live in a house in town, just the two of them.

She was never a good housekeeper when she was with Adam, but I used to blame Adam for that as well. The fact is they lived like pigs.

When Breeana came along, 6 years ago, I kept a good eye out to make sure that she was being kept clean, and once or twice I had to say something, when Breeana was crawling around on a filthy floor. I could have said a lot more than I did, but held my tongue until it became unbearable.

Since Sharon split with Adam (a few years ago), we have still been a big presence in her and Breeanas life. We helped with rent and pay for someone to mow her lawn. Adam helps financially as well, and had plenty of contact with Breeana when he lived here, and now keeps in touch on the phone.

But the house they live in stinks......absolutely stinks.....I have not been inside the house for about six months, when I pick up Breeana, i just stay at the door, but when the door is opened I can smell the shocking smells coming out of the house, and I can even smell it on Breeana clothes when she gets in the car with me. Breeana herself, is clean, and her hair is always nice, but i can smell that smell from the house. It is so strong when she opens the door, it feels like something is dead in there. And just from what I can see thru the open door, there is rubbish inside everywhere.

I have tried not to say anything, so as not to cause a rift between us, but I cannot stay quiet any longer, for Breeana's sake.

Last week i sent an email to mutual friends of both me and Sharon, asking for their help. I thought maybe it would be better coming from them and not me (the wicked ex-mother in law). Adam has told me he will pay whatever it costs to have professional cleaners in there.

Approaching Sharon, and telling her to get out of the house for the day, so it can get cleaned out, is the biggest hurdle, but I have decided that it is the only thing to do, regardless of whether it upsets her or what happens.

I have had a very hectic week this week, and have put it on the backburner, but not forgotten that something has to be done, and plan to do something next week. I have cleaners organised all ready.

I know it will probably be a bloody mess again in a months time, but I dont care if its a mess, I just want to get it cleaned, there is obviously absolute filth in there and something has to be done.

Its no good just tellig HER to clean it up, I dont think she can smell it anymore. She is lazy, bone lazy.

Any other suggestions would be appreciated.

Oh Sue that's one heck of a hurdle to overcome, and I can see you are in a real bind. Do you by chance own the place shes living in? Could you use the excuse of having it cleaned before you have a room or two painted?

I know you mentioned that she is lazy, so I assume she is sitting around all day doing nothing, do you think if she was motivated in other areas she might be more inclined to take pride in herself and how she lives. Then I guess begs the question what would motivate her? I know its pot calling the kettle black here, but what about the dreaded "E" word (Exercise) something I avoid but need to do.


Offline Katie77

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Re: What Would Your Response Be??
« Reply #18 on: May 30, 2009, 09:15:02 am »
Oh Sue that's one heck of a hurdle to overcome, and I can see you are in a real bind. Do you by chance own the place shes living in? Could you use the excuse of having it cleaned before you have a room or two painted?

I know you mentioned that she is lazy, so I assume she is sitting around all day doing nothing, do you think if she was motivated in other areas she might be more inclined to take pride in herself and how she lives. Then I guess begs the question what would motivate her? I know its pot calling the kettle black here, but what about the dreaded "E" word (Exercise) something I avoid but need to do.



Hi Matt........well something did happen, since I posted that, I wrote about it in my blog.

Long story, short, she got an eviction notice, because she got behind in the rent, and because she kept putting the Realtor off having an inspection of the premises.

Adam paid her arrears, and then she had to get ready for an inspection. We told her to clean up the house, and we would be around the folowing Saturday, with the trailer to pick it up and take it to the rubbish tip.  When we got there, there was over 80 large garbage bags full of rubbish......yes I said, EIGHTY......and it all had come from inside the house. She threw out broken and unused toys, plus god knows what else, to fill all those bags. It took five trips to the tip, but at least it was done.

She was pleased with herself, and actually invited me inisde the house for the first time in a long time. She knows she has to keep it like that or else she could lose it. I could see a difference with her, once she had cleaned it up, she seemed pleased with herself. I think she was overwhelmed that she could do it, so hopefully she will continue to feel that way and change her attiutude.

Yes, she does need motivation, if thats the word for a "good kick up the arse", I do care and sympathise with her for her lack of self esteem, and I told her how good she was doing all that clean up. And I always tell her that whatever she is dong with Breeana, she is causing her to be a happy and well mannered little girl, and she should be proud of that.

We are moving into town in a couple of wees time, so I will be living a lot closer to her, so maybe I can get her out doing a bit more exercise or even going to the local pool swimming in the summer. I will work on that.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

injest

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Re: What Would Your Response Be??
« Reply #19 on: May 30, 2009, 09:28:14 am »
I'd invite you into MY house anytime...of course I know you wouldn't say nothing about the mystery stains in the carpet...some day I am gonna pull it out and put down concrete covered with that stuff they put in truck beds, so I can just hose it off with a power washer... :P