Author Topic: "Fixer" or "Stander" (Read 14855 times)

Brown Eyes · « **on:** June 05, 2006, 12:10:58 am »

I'm sad to say, that I think I'm a stander in a lot of situations. I'd love to become more of a fixer.
$:-\$

Ellemeno · « **Reply #1 on:** June 05, 2006, 01:30:26 am »

I'm a fixer, working at becoming more of a stander.

serious crayons · « **Reply #2 on:** June 05, 2006, 01:37:17 am »

I'm a fixer-wannabe.

Front-Ranger · « **Reply #3 on:** June 05, 2006, 10:01:03 am »

I'm a stander. If you just wait, oftentimes things change around you. I've found that if I try to fix things, they usually get worse. I'd like to be a fixer, but I'm not audacious enough.

opinionista · « **Reply #4 on:** June 05, 2006, 12:41:11 pm »

I'm usually a fixer though I don't exactly put pressure for things to happen. If I can't fix it, I leave it alone but if I can, I do it. I take charge of my life, and don't wait around for someone to do it for me or for a miracle to happen.

ednbarby · « **Reply #5 on:** June 05, 2006, 01:15:16 pm »

I'm definitely a fixer. But I think it comes more from being *extremely* impatient than from being an optimist or a revolutionary. $:-\$

starboardlight · « **Reply #6 on:** June 05, 2006, 01:18:46 pm »

hate to say it, but I'm a stander. trying not to be though.

cmr107 · « **Reply #7 on:** June 05, 2006, 02:17:45 pm »

I answered that I'm a stander in the poll, but there are quite a few things that I fix. It really just depends on the situation.

Jeff Wrangler · « **Reply #8 on:** June 05, 2006, 03:18:34 pm »

Some things just aren't fixable. Try to fix it, and if you can't, then you stand it--and pray for the wisdom to know when something isn't fixable.

nakymaton · « **Reply #9 on:** June 05, 2006, 04:37:39 pm »

I'm a stander. Almost pathologically, like Ennis, I think. So I want to work at being more of a fixer... or at least, to do what I can, knowing it might be impossible. But I want to get the courage to try more often.

DecaturTxCowboy · « **Reply #10 on:** June 05, 2006, 06:31:07 pm »

If it ain't broke...don't fix it. Look whut happened to AT&T.

One of they Rules of Life to live by...

If it moves and not supposed to - duct tape it
If it don't move and supposed to - WD-40 it.

delalluvia · « **Reply #11 on:** June 05, 2006, 08:14:55 pm »

No vote as there wasn't a happy medium.

I'm a stander until I can't stand it, then I fix it and that can be sooner or later.

Brown Eyes · « **Reply #12 on:** June 05, 2006, 10:17:57 pm »

Quote from: delalluvia on June 05, 2006, 08:14:55 pm

No vote as there wasn't a happy medium.

I'm a stander until I can't stand it, then I fix it and that can be sooner or later.

I was tempted to add a few options like "fixer with occasional stander tendencies" and "stander with occasional fixer tendencies." But, Ennis doesn't give us - or Jack - a choice like that in the movie. According to Ennis's motto you have to be one or the other. And in his world/ mindset, really, if you can't fix it, you've got to stand it.
$:-\$

delalluvia · « **Reply #13 on:** June 05, 2006, 11:18:11 pm »

Quote from: atz75 on June 05, 2006, 10:17:57 pm

I was tempted to add a few options like "fixer with occasional stander tendencies" and "stander with occasional fixer tendencies." But, Ennis doesn't give us - or Jack - a choice like that in the movie. According to Ennis's motto you have to be one or the other. And, really, if you can't fix it, you've got to stand it.
$:-\$

There are always options. Ennis was his own jailer. HE kept himself chained. Jack kept trying to tell him he had more than one option, but he didn't buy it.

Ennis had options. He just didn't believe he did.

gattaca · « **Reply #14 on:** June 05, 2006, 11:38:11 pm »

Definietly a fixer. Life's too short.

Brown Eyes · « **Reply #15 on:** June 05, 2006, 11:46:46 pm »

Quote from: delalluvia on June 05, 2006, 11:18:11 pm

There are always options. Ennis was his own jailer. HE kept himself chained. Jack kept trying to tell him he had more than one option, but he didn't buy it.

Ennis had options. He just didn't believe he did.

Yes I know. Still, for this poll I want to play by Ennis's rules.

ednbarby · « **Reply #16 on:** June 06, 2006, 05:21:26 pm »

Quote from: atz75 on June 05, 2006, 11:46:46 pm

Yes I know. Still, for this poll I want to play by Ennis's rules.

I'll play by those rules.

I think that my being a fixer falls in line with the way I make decisions. I *cannot* stand to be in the middle of making a decision of any significance, whether it be to take on a new project, change jobs, move, have a child, buy a car... I feel much better once the decision is made than when I'm in the process of it. Which is not to say I make decisions impulsively. But I weigh my options and the possible pros and cons of each, pick one, and run with it. The downside of this is a little inflexibility, I guess. Once I've made that decision, I *really* don't want to change it. But I'm willing to if further data becomes available that makes the other choice the better one.

I think of people who have difficulty making decisions as "having a decision-making disorder." Comes from some movie - I can't remember which. Close friends who are like that drive me nuts. Invariably, they ask me what I'd do. I think about it a minute, tell 'em, and they go, "Yeah, but what if..." Oh, good GOD. JUST MAKE A DECISION!!!

No offense to anyone here who finds themselves in that category. Some of my best friends have a decision-making disorder.

slayers_creek_oth · « **Reply #17 on:** June 06, 2006, 08:21:00 pm »

Thats a good question! I'm definetly a fixer!

Ellemeno · « **Reply #18 on:** June 07, 2006, 02:23:31 pm »

Quote from: ednbarby on June 06, 2006, 05:21:26 pm

I think about it a minute, tell 'em, and they go, "Yeah, but what if..."

This is me. I'll resist the title "Decision Making Disorder" and accept "Decision Making Delay." Gotta be prepared for that maybe potentiality. I have been decluttering my house lately, and have recently faced how many things I've previously had trouble letting go of were for "just in case" eventualities. "What if we have a house full of people and the heat goes off? I must keep many unused blankets." (And we live in a relatively mild climate.) (And how often do I have a house full of people staying with us? Rarely.)

I also feel much better after having made the decision, but knowing that doesn't mecessarily speed up the process. I FINALLY bought the new lawn mower I've been researching, researching, yesterday. I haven't even used it yet (it's charging, 'cause it's cordless), but I already feel better.

ednbarby · « **Reply #19 on:** June 07, 2006, 02:30:56 pm »

Quote from: Ellemeno on June 07, 2006, 02:23:31 pm

This is me. I'll resist the title "Decision Making Disorder" and accept "Decision Making Delay." Gotta be prepared for that maybe potentiality. I have been decluttering my house lately, and have recently faced how many things I've previously had trouble letting go of were for "just in case" eventualities. "What if we have a house full of people and the heat goes off? I must keep many unused blankets." (And we live in a relatively mild climate.) (And how often do I have a house full of people staying with us? Rarely.)

I also feel much better after having made the decision, but knowing that doesn't mecessarily speed up the process. I FINALLY bought the new lawn mower I've been researching, researching, yesterday. I haven't even used it yet (it's charging, 'cause it's cordless), but I already feel better.

Now, see, I wouldn't classify you as having a Decision-Making Disorder from this description. Putting in the proper research before making a major purchase or making a life change is one thing. But I have a couple of friends who belabor *every* single decision, finally make one, and then once they see it through (e.g., use that lawn mower for the first time, drive the new car home, move into the new place), they regret it. Never fails. GAH!!!

Ellemeno · « **Reply #20 on:** June 07, 2006, 02:41:36 pm »

Oh good, a disorder I don't have. That's always nice.

But I do agonize too much at times. It's not all rational research. And I do sometimes have remorse (but rarely). I work so hard to avoid remorse.

(Barb, I'm going to use my moderator powers to go into your post above and move your words out from within the quotes you accidentally put them into.)

ednbarby · « **Reply #21 on:** June 07, 2006, 03:32:27 pm »

Thanks for fixing that, Clarissa. D'oh!

chris_chicago · « **Reply #22 on:** June 08, 2006, 06:41:58 am »

well if you ask my b/f, he would prolly call me a 'stander'. He would view himself as a 'fixer' or that he is fixing me...wha eva, I fix things (I own a lot of tools) but he would be right in some ways i guess that maybe I'm not utilyzing my full potential. So I would like to add, that maybe a 'stander' would be well served by pairing up with a 'fixer'

j.U.d.E. · « **Reply #23 on:** June 08, 2006, 08:47:41 am »

I answered a "fixer", but I think I am a bit of both..

~ j U d E
[BTW: 'fixer' in German means 'drug-addict'..]

David In Indy · « **Reply #24 on:** June 19, 2006, 04:04:22 am »

I'm a stander. I WISH I was a fixer. I always admired fixers.

Katie77 · « **Reply #25 on:** July 01, 2006, 02:44:21 am »

What a great question....makes one stop and think a bit about the answer to that one.....

Im a fixer.....i always say we are responsible for our own destiny, so if its not want we want FIX IT......

Brown Eyes · « **Reply #26 on:** July 02, 2006, 11:30:28 pm »

It's just fascinating... fixers and standers are almost equal in representation here so far. I think this is a really hard question... thanks to all who have particiapted here!

ednbarby · « **Reply #27 on:** July 03, 2006, 11:37:17 am »

Quote from: atz75 on July 02, 2006, 11:30:28 pm

It's just fascinating... fixers and standers are almost equal in representation here so far. I think this is a really hard question... thanks to all who have particiapted here!

Yes, it is a really hard question. So hard, in fact, that I'm contemplating changing my answer (so much for having no patience with people who have a decision-making disorder...).

Lately I'm wondering if I'm being a stander by staying in a geographical location I *hate* in order to appease my husband, who, heaven help me, loves it here. I have had a few near-opportunities over our 13 years in South Florida to get him to change his mind and move "back North" with me. I've come close to convincing him it'd be better - to the point of even getting him to look at houses with me in New Hampshire in the event that we relocated to have him based out of Logan, but have always backed down after his final rebuttal.

I do like to fix the "little things." When issues come up at work or at home that are relatively minor, I don't like to hem and haw about them - I like to come up with a solution and follow through as soon as possible, because I can't stand the thought of there being little fires going here and there that need to be extinguished. But when it comes to the big stuff, I think I back down.

Front-Ranger · « **Reply #28 on:** August 16, 2006, 12:57:11 pm »

NOw that we have been through the health scare with Chris, I am more of a stander than ever. But who knows how much our thoughts, prayers, posts and lighted candles helped to "fix" him; we'll never know, but I am convinced it made a difference!! So, if that's part of fixing something, then I guess I am a fixer after all.

Brown Eyes · « **Reply #29 on:** August 17, 2006, 12:12:11 am »

Hi Lee,
That was a really nice post and a good way of looking at things.

Ellemeno · « **Reply #30 on:** August 17, 2006, 04:02:51 am »

Quote from: ednbarby on July 03, 2006, 11:37:17 am

Lately I'm wondering if I'm being a stander by staying in a geographical location I *hate* in order to appease my husband, who, heaven help me, loves it here.

I'm not advocating this method, but I had to divorce my first husband to get the hell out of Mississippi. We started out together further north, moved down there to be near his family, and that was it, he never would budge out of there. About three years after we divorced, he married a friend of mine from there. When he called to tell me they were getting married (or for that matter, that they had been dating), the first thing I thought - and said, was that she was a lot like me, EXCEPT she liked living there. They are still married, and I hope, happy. I'm remarried (12 years) and happily living in Seattle.

mvansand76 · « **Reply #31 on:** August 18, 2006, 07:17:48 am »

I am a fixer, but when I cannot fix it anymore (like when I have tried everything I can to fix it, like with the pain in my arm due to RSI), I try to stand it and live with it...

moremojo · « **Reply #32 on:** August 18, 2006, 01:52:49 pm »

Much more of a stander than a fixer, myself. Trying to get more comfortable with trying to fix the things that can be fixed, but letting go and letting God in regard to the things that can't.

The Hindu philosopher Abhinavagupta believed that we are all the architects of our own lives in ways that would astonish us if our conscious minds became aware of Ultimate Reality. I take comfort in the idea that all the elements in my life are my own creation, spun out of ineffable joy and playfulness. When my eyes are opened by death, I hope to see the meaning behind my confounding handiwork.

CellarDweller · « **Reply #33 on:** June 07, 2007, 12:26:11 pm »

Quote from: Jeff Wrangler on June 05, 2006, 03:18:34 pm

Some things just aren't fixable. Try to fix it, and if you can't, then you stand it--and pray for the wisdom to know when something isn't fixable.

and then pray for the courage to move on.

Used to be a stander here, and can still be sometimes, but recently, I've found myself becoming a "fixer".

loneleeb3 · « **Reply #34 on:** June 07, 2007, 01:37:20 pm »

I've been a stander for so many years.
I can't stand it anymore so I'm in the process of fixing it.

ifyoucantfixit · « **Reply #35 on:** June 07, 2007, 01:46:10 pm »

I have always been the fixer....but I have had to learn of my limitations. Some things cant be fixed...
Once some things are.. they are. And then is when you have to have the courage to deal...Its not easy, but its just how it is...so as the AA credo says pray for the wisdom to know the difference/
ultimately i am both..so i didnt vote

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Author Topic: "Fixer" or "Stander" (Read 14855 times)

gattaca

slayers_creek_oth

mvansand76

moremojo