~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[alec716]

TERRY CLOTH:

&&  I sure am jealous of where that glove is in Ennis' jeans pocket... how did I get second position in his jacket?  Gotta see that union steward again...  &&

(( TERRY CLOTH gulps furtively in ENNIS' jacket pocket as he realizes that his inevitable separation from his beloved JBB is looming large.  TERRY CLOTH is scowling ANGriLEE at ENNIS for carting him away and not being brave enough to recognize that they should stay with JACK and JBB.  Then again, maybe ENNIS is able to recognize that truth but not able to act upon it.  Therefore, being soft at heart, TERRY CLOTH is also feeling compassion for ENNIS' internal ANGst at this warshwatershed moment in their lives.  ))

**  FSD has discovered a new product that could transform any future campfire experiences between our boys.  **

TERRY CLOTH:

**  Wow, like I am so sure that John Bobbit is grateful that his lovely bride Lorena did not buy one of these from an UNSCRUPULOUS EBAY TRADER.  Yikes!!  Not to mention... what if OWLMA gets hold of one of these new CAST-ration MEMBERS?  Put down the war toys, FSD!     **

[Ray]

=%% ORIGHT, Who the Fark is this Ralf's son's Guy?  I've read, re read, and all I can come up with is that some  drunk has wandered onto set and security has been too busy watching American Pie in the FSD trailer to notice he brought his trumpet along!  WTF?!%%=

[Kelda]

=%% ORIGHT, Who the Fark is this Ralf's son's Guy?  I've read, re read, and all I can come up with is that some  drunk has wandered onto set and security has been too busy watching American Pie in the FSD trailer to notice he brought his trumpet along!  WTF?!%%=

 

[Daniel]

GUY RAPHAELSON:

**Mr. Raymille, I'm the marketing advisor sent to research product possibilities and marketing strategies which will help OOC Productions rake in as much profit as possible from the BAM Venture. You know. Merchandising. Where the real money from the movie is made. Broken Arsed Mountain-the T-shirt, Broken Arsed Mountain-the Coloring Book, Broken Arsed Mountain-the Lunch box, Broken Arsed Mountain-the Breakfast Cereal, Broken Arsed Mountain-the Flame Thrower. (A personal favorite.) And any other products that may or may not be suitable for merchandising with the Broken Arsed Mountain theme which people will throw money at first then think about later.**

[Pipedream]

** Commercial Break! ** Commercial Break! ** Commercial Break! ** Commercial Break! **

[Daniel]

GUY RAPHAELSON:

**For a limited time only, purchase two jars of Broken Arsed Frankfurters and receive a Broken Arsed Frankfurter Converter free.**

[YaadPyar]

** The FSD has located another campside food preparation tool designed to ease the life of our boys during future camping expeditions.  We know Jack & Ennis enjoy a good ear of corn.  Now they can choose between cut or uncut with a simple flick of the wrist. **

[welliwont]

MEMO

P R I V A T E    A N D    C O N F I D E N T I A L

TO:         Guy Raphaelson, Marketing Advisor
               Lucise Indapaddock, collaborating with Mr. Raphaelson
CC:         Mr. Raymille, Director
FROM:   JakeTwist, Continuity Director, acting on behalf of Director Raymille
RE:         Special Offers

Hello Mr. Raphaelson, I see you are advertising a Limited Time Offer for some of the new Broken Arsed products.  That is good news!!  We are very glad to see that you are ramping up on schedule!  However, would you please be sure to publish your Contact Information when you create these ads, as in the absence of such information, our phone lines have been flooded with enquiries for the past 45 minutes since this advertisement appeared.  So going forward we would appreciate if you would include your Contact Information, not OCC Productions, in the ad.  Have you gotten your 1-800 number set up yet?

Attached is an order that needs to be filled directly, this crazy old man has called eight times already!  Some people's kids!!  Sheesh!

Send me a case will ya?  here is the shipping address, and I will phone in my credit card number to your office right now.  And how many Converters will I receive with one case of Franks?

Mad Max
c/o Hollywood, Calif

CD JT

[saucycobblers]

((Still floating around somewhere in the Atlantic, JBB peers out of the porthole of his not-as-advertised-in-the-brochure cabin...))



**I hope TERRY understands when he reads my postcard. Hope that there Ms WIND didn't carry it off somewheres else. Goddamn, I miss him enough to make me whip sample tubes. Still, be nice ta see the folks agin. Hope I make it afore Uncle Pierre spurts his last...**

((JBB takes out his only and therefore very precious family photo, gazing at it and remembering carefree childhood summers spent in Pays-de-la-Lotion.))



((JBB also thinks wistfully of TERRY CLOTH, remembering the laughter, the playful romps in the mountain breeze, when they had the sun on their backs and not a care in the world.

JBB begins to sing a sad lament, reminiscent of something he once heard by some Denver fellow when he was an arse-roadie...))

**All my bags are packed,
And I'm already gone,
I'm standin' by the door of the john,
I couldn't wake you up to say goodbye.
But the dawn is breakin',
It's early morn',
The ship/boat/dinghy is sailin',
It's blowin' its horn.
Already I'm so lonesome,
I could die.

So squeeze me and fluff for me,
Tell me that you'll wait for me,
Hold me like you'll never let me go.
Cause I'm bound for France (via Spain),
Dont know when I'll be back again,
Oh TERRY, I hate to go.**

((JBB suddenly breaks down into uncontrollable sobs, lotion going everywhere.))

[YaadPyar]

** The FSD posts this adjunct to the original Octodog post only as there has been some confusion as to how the product actually works. **

(( The FSD demonstrates the product. The product designer does encourage users to watch their weiners and fingers.  Safety is never an accident!! ))

Step 1


Step 2


Step 3


Step 4


Step 5