A heartfelt thought

[dly64]

Hello everyone, While I agree that the boys relationship was very special indeed, as a gay man who has NEVER had a relationship (I'm much too old now anyway), I feel that the whole story is of regret and failure and loss. Not their fault, blame 'society', but all that love, just gone down the drain. I did it many years ago so I know what it's like
I seem to be in a rather bitter mood tonight, please forgive me,  but all the palliative noises about them having FOUND each other, seems worth very little compared with their lives of regret and loss. Maybe they might have had happier, less dramatic lives, had they never met. I realize I'm playing Devil's Advocate here, what do you think. I love the boys to distraction, but pity then too. sam

Hi Sam - you make some very good points. A major theme of the story is regret, failure and loss. I am not convinced, however, that they would have lived happier lives (less dramatic, yes) if they wouldn't have met each other. It is a rarity to realize that someone understands you so completely and unconditionally. Is it worth all of that pain to experience that kind of love? IMO, yes.

As for you being too old to have a relationship ... never say never. I, too, have experienced a lot of pain. I have never been married, no kids. I have been in a relationship for 14 years (we are both single ... never married). He lives in SC, I live in IN. I can't shake him even though I should. It has only meant sorrow and grief. I could tolerate it a lot more if I knew he loved me with all of his being. But he doesn't. I have left my youth behind me ... he has robbed that to a degree (and yet I allowed him to do that). So, now it is focusing on moving forward and considering that there may be someone else out there for me. It is okay if there isn't ... I am happy being alone. I just want to open myself up to that possibility ... no matter how old I get.

[ZouBEini]

I just re-read my post and hope it didn't sound "preachy" or anything. I didn't mean it that way. 

Sam, you did make some excellent points and I failed to say so.  My hubby of 5 years died 15 years ago and for me, it's definitely better to have loved and lost.  I now feel as if I'm too old to have a new relationship but whatever happens happens.

I have an annoying habit of trying to cheer people up.  My apologies if I offended you with my earlier post.

Sam and Dly, thank you for sharing your thoughts and personal experiences.  I wish you both well.  

~Larz

[dly64]

I just re-read my post and hope it didn't sound "preachy" or anything. I didn't mean it that way. 

Sam, you did make some excellent points and I failed to say so.  My hubby of 5 years died 15 years ago and for me, it's definitely better to have loved and lost.  I now feel as if I'm too old to have a new relationship but whatever happens happens.

I have an annoying habit of trying to cheer people up.  My apologies if I offended you with my earlier post.

Sam and Dly, thank you for sharing your thoughts and personal experiences.  I wish you both well.  

~Larz

I can't speak for Sam, but I certainly did not see your comment as preachy at all.

How difficult it must have been to love and lose someone. But as I said to Sam, I don't think you can ever be too old. I know a couple who got married when they were 83 and 85 respectively. Maybe I have some hope!! 

[ZouBEini]

Thank you, Dly.  

I agree - we're never too old to love someone and we are all loveable in our own unique way.  Your position must be very difficult also.  I believe there is always hope if we take a chance and if we notice and appreciate the people around us.  I wish you all the best. 

~Larz

[RouxB]

One of the desires I brought back from my first viewing was a relationship and "true" as theirs. While the "waste" haunts me, the love motivates me. I have been in a very long going nowhere relationship and, while it has had many moments of pain and unfulfillment, I sure would not have traded it for anything. Well, maybe I wouldn't have hung on for quite so long...

 

[dly64]

One of the desires I brought back from my first viewing was a relationship and "true" as theirs. While the "waste" haunts me, the love motivates me. I have been in a very long going nowhere relationship and, while it has had many moments of pain and unfulfillment, I sure would not have traded it for anything. Well, maybe I wouldn't have hung on for quite so long...

 

Whew! Can I understand that! And yet, for me, I just can't escape ... I can't let it go. Part of what makes my relationship so difficult is that I am an unknown factor to his family. You see, I am white, he is black. My family has no issues with it. His does. So, there we go. He is in the "closet" about our relationship. I, however, am much more accepting.  It would be worth it if he loved me, but he doesn't. All I can say is "I wish I knew how to quit ...." him.

[Luvlylittlewing]

Whew! Can I understand that! And yet, for me, I just can't escape ... I can't let it go. Part of what makes my relationship so difficult is that I am an unknown factor to his family. You see, I am white, he is black. My family has no issues with it. His does. So, there we go. He is in the "closet" about our relationship. I, however, am much more accepting.  It would be worth it if he loved me, but he doesn't. All I can say is "I wish I knew how to quit ...." him.

Wow, that's heavy!  I had no idea, Diane!  I had a similar situation, but my relationship ended years ago.  It is for the best and I now realize I was never really in love with him.  I know this is OT, but funny how people (and I mean myself)say it was not love when the relationship is over. 

[ZouBEini]

IMO, time and distance (from a person or situation) can totally change one's perspectives.

~Larz

[Luvlylittlewing]

IMO, time and distance (from a person or situation) can totally change one's perspectives.

~Larz

So true.  So very true!

[Samrim]

Hello littlewing, Larz and Diane, langorene, and anyone else I may have inadvertently given the 'cold shoulder'.

I'm slowly learning to find my way about bettermost, but it's a slow process!
Using 'search' to track down my own entries has led me to your very kind and helpful entries after my rather bitter tirade, over a month ago! I greatly appreciate and largely agree with your very kind supportive comments. The notable exception would be the possibolity this late, of my finding 'someone.' Unless he's a dead ringer for Ennis and Johhny Depp I would probably give him the  cold shoulder
Sorry to be so long replying, it's simply 'cos I'm lost in this wonderful site.
for example I've not yet dared try to 'attach' a quote to a reply. I tried reading the instructions, but the alternatives and provisos 'did my head in'.
I want to be spieling to you lovely interesting people, not wasting time ('Never enough time!) studying!. I'm not really ranting at the organization, but we're not all computer buffs. In my case I'm an ageing English wrinkly with an absolute passion for ole Brokeback, that I don't want to quit!
Oh! and while I'm grumping, I wish too we all signed our entries, some do, but not all; it personalises our entry so much better than a 'user name'. I don't want phone numbers by the way, just a name (even an invented one)would be nice!
There, I've got all that off my chest, and do feel so much better!   
Very Best Wishes all