Gay marriage handbook

[Ellemeno]

Wow Jeff, thank you for describing that. 

[southendmd]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ariel. Hold your horses!

I think red is not a bad idea at all. I wore a red dress for my wedding. And when I say red, I do mean red. Fire truck red.

Wow, Chrissi!

You look like you are starring in Meryl's production of "Carmen".

[oilgun]

Years ago, I was 'Man of Honour' at my best (female) friend's wedding while the groom had a "Best Woman". It was the second marriage for both of them so they kept it simple with a civil ceremony and a party afterwards.  The invitation stated to NOT bring gifts, just your presence.  I thought that was quite radical and loved them even more for it! 

IIt's strange but considering I'm over 50 I haven't been to very many weddings, gay or straight, in my life.  Maybe 6 in total but I'm not complaining, they are not my favourite thing.

[ifyoucantfixit]

       Chrissi how beautiful your wedding picture was...thanks for posting.   

[CellarDweller]

way cool ceremony, Jeff!  I think it suits you!


I, however, am not that classy!  At least when it comes to the reception.   

One that I would love to have happen at my ceremony (but first I need to find the guy) is that Truman would perform the ceremony.

The only thing I'm certain on is the song I'd dance with my mom to.  She knows I have a song picked, but I won't tell her what it is.  She's always said since I was small that if she and Dad have done their job right as parents, I'd have wings, and be able to leave the nest to be my own person.

So for our dance, I want it to be to R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly".


I've also seen some rings I like......of course, that goes out the window if "Mr. Right" doesn't like them, I can't make him wear something he doesn't like, but I'd us to wear these as engagement rings.



and although this is not a wedding band, I like this ring to use after we've exchanged vows.

[Jeff Wrangler]

Cool plans, Jeff! So appropriate for a history lover.

Thanks. Now all I need's a partner. 

Way cool ceremony, Jeff!  I think it suits you!

Thanks.

I've also seen some rings I like......of course, that goes out the window if "Mr. Right" doesn't like them, I can't make him wear something he doesn't like, but I'd us to wear these as engagement rings.

And although this is not a wedding band, I like this ring to use after we've exchanged vows.

I wouldn't bother with engagement rings, but I've seen some very nice simple rings with a Celtic knotwork design that I think would make nice commitment rings.

[Brown Eyes]

Amanda, would you mind elaborating a bit on the butch-femme thing? I mean, my folks was Methodist.  I get the concept in a general way,  but aside from pointing toward wedding apparel choices, how does it play out in daily life? What are the politics, and how is it potentially problematic for feminists?

Heya K,
This is definitely a super interesting topic (and probably could be spun off into it's own whole conversation, but I'll try to answer this briefly here).  First of all, I don't think there are any really codified rules about this type of dynamic in a couple... I'm sure there are as many manifestations of the butch-femme thing as there are couples who get into it.  But, I think it often impacts a lot of the "aesthetics" of the relationship (yes clothing, etc.) and it has meaning in sexual terms usually too.  And, then, I think it also has a lot to do with just playing with gender boundaries and assumptions.  Sometimes, I think there's a little bit of a kitsch factor or irony for some butch-femme couples.  And sometimes it really seems to be about the issue of personal attraction.  My friend Amy only wanted to date butch looking or butch-identified women.  The most gorgeous femme-type woman could express interest in her and it really wouldn't do much for her.  She was very conscious and explicit about looking for this in a mate.

Anyway, I think the most interesting thing about it is that it probably has deep, deep roots in lesbian history.  I think the idea of one woman in the couple dressing in masculine clothes had a lot to do with going "out" in public together as a couple.  And, in say the 19th century or early 20th century wearing masculine clothes and trying to "pass" in a masculine identity afforded a woman a lot more autonomy in terms of basic things like walking around in city streets safely.  A lot of lesbian literature with a historical bent deals with this whole topic.

These days, to me personally the butch-femme thing seems very old-fashioned and way too limited in terms of ideas and stereotypes about gender roles in relationships.  And, the idea of trying to mimick a heterosexual pattern in a relationship can sometimes seem sort of odd or maybe even besides the point to many gay and lesbian people.

For me personally I can be attracted to both butch and femme type women (really just depending on the individual in question)... but I'm more often attracted to femme types.  And, I think most lesbians would say that I'm also a "femme" type... so the butch-femme thing just really doesn't make sense to me on a personal level.  There's a lot more to all of this of course... but I think I'll leave it there for this thread.

[Brown Eyes]

I think red is not a bad idea at all. I wore a red dress for my wedding. And when I say red, I do mean red. Fire truck red.


 

Chrissi!!! This is so great!

Yep, I think red is a great color and it's such a major symbol of happiness and luck in so many cultures. 

[Marge_Innavera]

Chrissi!!! This is so great!

Yep, I think red is a great color and it's such a major symbol of happiness and luck in so many cultures. 

One of the most drop-dead gorgeous wedding outfits I've ever seen was a photo of a Chinese bride who was wearing a traditional-type Western wedding dress; i.e., white satin with a wide skirt and a lot of frou-frou.  But she'd chosen to include the traditional red wedding color in the ensemble: ruby-red flowers, red sparkies on her veil and much of the decoration on the dress was red as well.

[Jeff Wrangler]

Yep, I think red is a great color and it's such a major symbol of happiness and luck in so many cultures. 

Even in the West brides didn't wear white until Catharine of Aragon wore it at her marriage to Prince Arthur of England in 1501.