Author Topic: <-- Introduce Yourself -->  (Read 433810 times)

Offline Phillip Dampier

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #50 on: March 30, 2006, 11:40:10 pm »
I have seen BBM seven times at the theater.   Like many of you, it has moved me to tears and a near depression after the second viewing.   But then I realized why.   I was Jack Twist and had a married Ennis in my life.    Just like the movie, we met very young.  We were 16 yrs old.    We even shared a tent scene of our own.   I kid you not.     Here we are over 20 years later, he is married with kids, and I thought I was just his friend at this point.   But after seeing BBM,  I realized that I was still carrying a torch for him.   So the only cure for me was to bring him to see the movie with me.    He was shocked.  He said it was amazingly similar to our lives.   BUT he said, that part of his life was behind him now and he had no emotional attachment to me as anything but a close friend.   Those were hard words to hear, but they made my decision all the more easier to "quit him".    So I told him that much like Jack Twist, I needed to move on and find my Randall to ranch up with.    That was March 1st.   I haven't looked back since.

It's tough when people build a long lasting relationship out of a relatively shorter encounter and then have the cold splash of reality in the face, but it is true that having some closure and being able to move on is a healthy thing too.  We probably never really get over the past loves of our lives - we just learn to keep them in context and try not to let the past hold us back from the future.

I've heard from lots of friends who had encounters with guys who later got married and "grew out" of their gay experimentation.  For some of them, it's extra tough because they make the assumption that their friends grew up and out of their homosexuality while they got left behind.  Why we internalize things like this is something I still don't understand, but people still do it.

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Meanwhile, my preocupation with BBM continued.   I was glued to the IMDB site message board everyday.   At one point we abandoned the BBM board because of the trolls and moved over to the Pierre Tremblay board.   This was our new family.   One of the regulars had posted a list of us by Screenname, City, Age, orientation, and some even listed single/married etc etc.   So I was looking at the list and spotted another BBM fan in Connecticut.   He was my age, single and Gay!    Hmmmm?   So I took a deep  breath and wrote him an email asking if he wanted to go see BBM again.    He wrote back "You Bet" and we met.    I went expecting the worst and was pleasantly surprized to meet a cute guy with a great personality.   We saw the movie and went to dinner afterwards.   That was 7 dates ago!      Today in fact, is our 2nd week anniversary!    ;D     

Ahh... see that is the kind of success story I am looking for on here as well.  The whole theme of this site is "finishing the story in your own life."  You are living it and that is outstanding!  I am still experimenting with different ways of helping people move forward here on BetterMost.  I am finding a structured approach doesn't really work too well on an online forum.  Everyone has a different concept of whether they need to make changes or not, what those changes are, and how to implement them.  So I am modifying things somewhat by trying to facilitate change, offer support and ideas along the way, and provoke people not to fall back into old patterns.

I like the list idea very much and perhaps that can be resurrected.  Unlike the old IMDB forum where everything was dumped into one place, I can create an infinite number of forums and sub-forums as well as articles, databases, etc.  I hope the list can be resurrected.  People can volunteer to be a part of it, and we can create a database, forum, or whatever other form people want and make it a part of BetterMost.

I'm very glad to welcome you here.
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Offline Phillip Dampier

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #51 on: March 30, 2006, 11:46:37 pm »
What I WANTED to reply to was "So we've seen the movie; now what do we do?" I was GOING to say: correct the screenplay! It's fun andf time consuming, and you will drive people nuts in the theater as you take notes...

 :D  You just did reply to we've seen the movie, now what do we do. 

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I'm Julie Vognar, 70 years old (for a while yet), live in Berkeley, California, and am a docent at the Asian Art Museum of SF. I have a few friends and fewer relatives, none of whom want to hear ANY MORE about Brokeback Mountain.  I gotta go home, or I won't be asble to get home...

Welcome aboard Julie!  You may enjoy the thread about the Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief and Acceptance: http://bettermost.net/forum/index.php?topic=59.0 especially referring to how people you know don't want to hear another word about the film.  My friends roll their eyes about my ability to tie in just about any subject to this movie.  :)

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And where's my tagline?

You can modify your account settings here: http://bettermost.net/forum/index.php?action=profile

If you then click on Forum Profile Information on the menu on the left hand side of that page, you can add a picture, do a signature tag line, etc.  If you need any help with this, feel free to write me a private message and I can assist further.

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Offline Peter John Shields

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #52 on: March 31, 2006, 02:09:30 am »
Hiya David and Paul,
What a great story - to think that you to met through Brokeback - it is so strange how a story written by Annie Proulx back in 1997 can go so far as bring people together in real life in 2006 - it's like a stack of dominoes. 

I think you did a really positive thing David by moving on from your buddy.  I think that Phillip is correct when he says that we never forget our past loves - we just have to file them away and keep that past relationship in perspective.  The person you once were in 1989 or whatever - still exists in 1989, is in love with that person and always will.  If you accept this - then you can move on into the next stage of your life, without dismissing how important that love was to you at that time.  I have had a lot of unrequited love in my life and I found that helpful. 

Another tact is Vince in the UK Queer as Folk - who accepted the unrequited love relationship he had with Stuat.  I am curious to know if that could work - but I think it would make it hard for Vince to be open to new love in his life.  Vince might think - "this is the one great love of my life - no one else can compare and I could love no other".  When you are in love this may make sense but what about faith and trust in whatever future is waiting for you?  Faith that someone else may come along - not the same person or the same love - but a love nonetheless.  Sometimes love can be blinding.  The only thing you can rely on in life is change.  And it is a leap of faith to leave someone behind, accept that you are changing and perhaps move on to love another.  But it is a great reward and a little miracle when you love someone and amazingly - they love you back! 

Anyway I think that it is great that you took that leap of faith David and I am glad that you and Paul have found eachother,

And welcome!

Peter
Cheerio,
Peter

Offline montferrat

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #53 on: March 31, 2006, 02:25:20 am »
Howdy folks,

I'm Paul. I'm 39, work at home, I'm gay, and until 2 weeks ago, single.

I first heard of Brokeback Mountain about a year ago in a blurb in an article about Anne Hathaway in Entertainment Weekly. I went out and bought "Close Range" and read the whole collection of short stories which were really great. Of course the most moving to me was BBM. As I was starting to read the story my best friend called from California, I told him  I was reading a short story and half jokingly read the first page to him and by mutual agreement I kept on reading it to him. About an hour later I finished. We were both in shock. I knew I had just read one of the best stories in my life.  About 6 months later, that same friend called up and mentioned that a photographer he knew was coming to Connecticut and was looking for a place to do a shoot. I offered my place and he ended up coming over a week later. After his shoot we were talking and he noticed my copy of "Close Range" and asked how I liked it. I told him it was reaaly excellent and then I told him about reading BBM over the phone to my buddy. The photographer then said that Annie was his neighbor and a good friend of many years and that he was going to tell her about it and she'd get a kick out of this. I only half believed him.

A month later my best friend and I both recieved limited edition hard cover versions of "Close Range" with specially comissioned water color illustrations. Mine was signed:  "To Paul, from Annie Prouxl".

Could have knocked me over with a feather.

Anyhow, I was really anxious to view the film, and as opening day neared it looked like Conncecticut wouldn't get it until mid January, but low and behold, it opened on December 23rd. On Christmas Eve, my mother and I went to the 4:00 PM showing and I haven't been the same since.

Back in those early days  ;), it was such a wonderful mass audience experience. People were reverential and knew they were seeing something special. I left the theater that first time, feeling like I had been hollowed out. Exactly as if someone close to me had just died. It was really amazing that a film could do this to me.

Over the next few days I pretty much decided to change my life. I'd been slowly, and progressively,  isolating myself for over a decade, for several reasons, and had this sudden knowledge that I could very easily end up like Ennis. Alone. Probably being the same age as he was at the end of the film added some extra impetus.

I almost immediately began socializing with friends and family more, and where before I might politley decline going to the mall with my sister, or going out to lunch with my best bud, now I began accepting these invitations. I had also been planning on getting back into dating maybe this summer or something, well, that timetable has been ripped up and thrown out. If you read "davidinhartford"'s intoductory post, you'll see what happened.   :)

Briefly though, I was a regular at the IMDb BBM board and the Tremblay board, and David ended up asking if I wanted to see BBM together and I accepted. That was 2 weeks and 7 dates ago.  

It's scary, nice, nerve wracking,  but life affirming!

I want to also thank Phiilip for inviting us here, and hope to connect with all of you.

Paul
« Last Edit: March 31, 2006, 03:29:57 am by montferrat »
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Offline Peter John Shields

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #54 on: March 31, 2006, 02:49:39 am »
Hi Paul,
Great to meet you and again welcome.  Wow - a signed copy of her book from Annie Proulx!  There were certainly a lot of coincidences happening in your life around Brokeback Mountain that have lead you in this new direction.  Congratulations on the happiness you have found with David and for taking a leap of faith into your new future.  I think a lot of people on Bettermost have talked about how over the years they had found themselves more and more isolated - and that Brokeback was like a wake up call for change...It sounds like going out to the mall with your sis or meeting up with your best buddy would promote change in other people's lives too.

You look lilke a very happy person in your photo and your and David's story has definately put a smile on my face too. 

I wish you and David all the best for the future and that you succeed in all you choose to do,

All the best,

Peter
Cheerio,
Peter

Offline montferrat

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #55 on: March 31, 2006, 02:57:20 am »
Hi Peter,

thank you very much for the kind welcome (also for your nice post to David) .

Yeah, I think one of the major things about BBM was it was not only a love story but IMHO, a story about lonliness as well. I think many of us related to that  almost as strongly as the love story and were overwhelmed by the implications for our own lives.

I know I was determined not to end up in a trailer with nothing!

 :)
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Offline Aussie Chris

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #56 on: March 31, 2006, 03:23:46 am »
It's scary, nice, nerve wracking,  but life affirming!

G'Day Paul & David, I can't tell you how happy I am to learn your story and to welcome you here.  And to get an autographed copy of "Close Range"… oohhh, I'm so jealous!  Just don't tell us if you get to meet her because I might just have to slap you.  No wait!  DO tell us if you’re going to meet her so we can feed you some questions!  Ha ha! ;)

Your introductory post(s) has just got me smiling so broadly, because just like you I'm 39 and have spent the last 10 years becoming more and more convinced that I would never get with someone seriously, or more precisely, never meet someone worth seriously getting with.  But this amazing film and the amazing people I meet everyday on this site gives me hope that we just might be turning the same "loneliness" corner together.

I hope you don't mind if I share (vicariously) in your happiness while I change gears down this new road of ours? :D

Once again, brilliant stuff, congratulations, and thanks for sharing it with us!
Nothing is as common as the wish to be remarkable - William Shakespeare

Offline Peter John Shields

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #57 on: March 31, 2006, 04:06:16 am »
Hi Phillip,
Thank you so much for your warm reply.  I have noticed that you mentioned "change of season" on the cover page - and I figured that you had those from the Southern Hemisphere in mind - thank you for being so caring.

Yes I agree that Australia can be an isolating place - geography is one thing - but also I have found that Australia can be a melancholy place to grow up - I don't know why.  I could definately relate to the loneliness and melancholia of Brokeback Mountain.

I have never travelled overseas but from TV and movies I would say that Australians and Americans are very similar.  I think that Australia and America are "fronteir" countries and that the geography, climate and wide open spaces have shaped our peoples in a similar way.

Australia is very loyal to the US and always will be I think - that perhaps is because we see America as a "mate".  And the principles of mateship are very entrenched here.  There was a huge US presence here in the 2nd WW - and I think that we loved the open and friendly natures of the Americans - who are without pretence.  Australians can tend to be a bit reserved and I think that the positive attitude of America is very appealing here.  

I was surprised that New Yorkers dismiss western New York as a part of Canada - but then that is nothing to be ashamed of - Canada is so beautiful.

As for Latter Days I really liked Joseph Gordon Levitt too.  Apparently initially he wanted to role of Aaron.  I didn't relate much to the role of Christian either and I think he was miscast.  I didn't sense a huge amount of attraction or love between them (not compared to Ennis and Jack anyway).  Just shows how important casting is I think - and how great the cast was on Brokeback - but then on Brokeback I think that the screen play really helped too.  I loved the scene in Latter Days between Aaron and his mum - it was very powerful and upsetting - it is probably one of the most powerful scenes I have ever seen - and makes me upset each time I see it.

As for Joseph Gordon Levitt - have you seen Mysterious Skin - it is a far out movie - Levitt's performance is unreal as Brady Corbett who played the older Brian.  I also liked the performance of Neil's friend - I think his name was Charlie.  

Till next time Phillip,

Peter (and a big hello to John!)

Cheerio,
Peter

Offline montferrat

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #58 on: March 31, 2006, 04:17:58 am »
Hi Aussie Chris,

thanks for the kind words.  :)

Vicariously share away my friend! It's funny how we 39 year olds probably got whacked right in the noggin' with a sledge hammer by this movie eh?  It really was a wake up call for me.
"hunh?!" ~ Ennis Del Mar

Offline BBMGrandma

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #59 on: March 31, 2006, 07:00:44 am »
Hi Everyone....I've been doing a little catch-up post reading here this evening.  I just came across the posts from David and Paul!!  OMgoodness....what a wonderful....delightful... story.  I'm sooo glad to meet the two of you....and WELCOME to our little campsite.  And of course all the other VERY welcome Brokaholics who have joined us!! 

I'm skipping around like crazy here tonight...SO many new people and faces.  And of course my 'buds'.....!! 

I've been away for a little bit...but I missed my family here SO much. It's good to be back....!!

Much Love....Nancy  :-*
"If we never dream....we'll never have a dream come true"   (me...myself...and I)