Kerry, you naughty boy, your description of an oyster gave me a fit of apoplexy! (I happen to love oysters, ahem. Excuse me, I have to blow my nose. There, that's better.)
In the US, a service charge is only tacked on if it's a large party, and it's usually pretty clear when that happens. I've never heard of charge for water, and there's no bread and cover charge.
It's inattentive service that bugs me. I expect to be greeted (with water, perhaps) and asked for my drink order as soon as I am seated. I'm not too fond of the "My name is Jason and I'll be your server" routine, but I don't much care if Jason gets the job done.
If there's bad service, I won't go back to a restaurant. I was at one place known for its wine. The wine I ordered was unavailable; many, many minutes later, I was told the second wine I ordered was unavailable. And I was led to believe it was my fault! "You seem to order all the ones we don't have!" Jason said. Gee, Jason, how come you don't know what's available? And why does it take twenty minutes to find out? "Do you have this one?" I growled, pointing at a third. When it arrived, the meal was half over. I haven't been back.
Here in Boston, the restaurant scene is very competitive, so it pays to have good service.