Author Topic: Extremely disappointing  (Read 11861 times)

Offline delalluvia

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Extremely disappointing
« on: March 02, 2009, 09:23:51 pm »
http://extratv.warnerbros.com/2009/03/chris_and_rihanna_back_to_la.php

I was hoping Rhianna would stand up for young women all over the world and especially women of color and take a zero tolerance attitude toward physical abuse.

ESPECIALLY since men like Terrence Howard and others have gone on record as saying

"This is just real life"
"...young people are just passionate and make mistakes..."

 >:( >:( >:(

I'm sorry, but getting beat up by someone who is supposed to love you is a crime and NOT normal life.  I've known many passionate young people, I was even one myself.  That passion NEVER extended to beating up anyone.

Really pisses me off the way some men of color have shrugged this off as 'normal' and youthful hijinks.

Offline Brown Eyes

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2009, 10:02:07 pm »
Hey Del,
I agree... at least so far the reporting that's come out about Rianna running back to Chris Brown really is very disappointing.  And, I agree that it sends a terrible message to young women about what's acceptable in a relationship.  Just because he says sorry and tries to make nice with gifts or something, doesn't mean he won't do it again.  In fact, it seems to me that's how the cycle of domestic violence works.

It would be interesting to imagine someone like Tina Turner, who's really been there (both in terms of an abusive relationship, and understanding the pressures of celebrity life) sitting down with Rianna and trying to explain some of this to her.

But, who knows, maybe we don't know the full story yet.  Still, if it is what it appears to be so far based on current reporting, I think Rianna's decision to go back to him is pretty depressing.



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Offline serious crayons

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2009, 11:17:18 pm »
More depressing news:

www.chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/health/chi-teen-domestic-violence-20-feb20,0,1424689.story

BATTERED: Examining domestic violence
Many teens blame Rihanna, say dating violence normal
1 in 10 teens suffer abuse in romantic relationships, and many think it's often justified

By Megan Twohey and Bonnie Miller Rubin


Tribune reporters

February 20, 2009
Click here to find out more!

Ed Loos, a junior at Lake Forest High School, said a common reaction among students to Chris Brown's alleged attack on Rihanna goes something like this: "Ha! She probably did something to provoke it."

In Chicago, Sullivan High School sophomore Adeola Matanmi has heard the same.

"People said, 'I would have punched her around too,' " Matanmi said. "And these were girls!"

As allegations of battery swirl around the famous couple, experts on domestic violence say the response from teenagers just a few years younger shows the desperate need to educate this age group about dating violence.

Their acceptance, or even approval, of abuse in romantic relationships is not a universal reaction. But it comes at a time when 1 in 10 teenagers has suffered such abuse and females ages 16 to 24 experience the highest rates of any age group, research shows.

In recent years, some schools and youth organizations have started educating teens about the dangers of dating violence. Rhode Island and Virginia have adopted laws requiring such instruction in the public schools.

But most states, including Illinois, don't have such a mandate, and education on the topic remains in short supply, experts say. Two of three new programs created by the federal Violence Against Women Act in 2005 to address teen dating violence were never funded.

"This incident has brought the issue into sharp focus," said Esta Soler, president of the California-based Family Violence Prevention Fund. "This type of education is not happening in any broad or consistent way. We need to take it to scale, to make sure it's happening in every community."

Details of the incident between singers Brown and Rihanna are fuzzy, but the story continues to create much buzz among teens across the Chicago area. Because she's 21 and he's 19, many teens see them as peers.

Katie Lullo, a junior at Elk Grove High School, said her classmates and friends were upset. "No one thinks it's right for a guy to hit a girl," she said. And when the topic arose at an after-school program at Evanston's YMCA, many participants said abuse was "bogus."

But other teens insist violence is sometimes justified in relationships.

While young fans have plastered Rihanna's MySpace page with notes of support, many comments on Brown's page express delight at the possibility that he battered a woman.

Kriana Jackson, a sophomore at Sullivan, said it's a sign of a broader culture of acceptance of abuse.

"There was a girl at school this week with a scratch on her eye," Jackson said. "She was talking openly about her boyfriend hitting her, but she was smiling and saying it was funny."

Young people carry these attitudes into adulthood, experts say, and young targets of dating violence are more likely to succumb to aggression in later relationships.

For that reason, experts see education and other prevention initiatives geared at teens and preteens as one of the best hopes for halting dating and domestic violence.

"We know that education is absolutely crucial to breaking the cycle of abuse and strengthening healthy relationships," said Candice Hopkins, director of loveisrespect.org, the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, which started in 2007 and receives about 90 contacts a week.

Because young victims move in a different world than that of older people, they require unique interventions.

Text messaging and online social-networking sites, especially popular among teenagers, serve as tools for stalking and harassment. Victims often keep quiet, fearing that if they report another student's aggressive behavior, they will be socially ostracized—or that their parents will confiscate their cell phone or close a Facebook account.

Teens also can have a harder time severing contact with an abuser. Many are forced to see the perpetrator every day at school, sometimes in the same class. Young adults seeking an order of protection from Cook County judges must bring a guardian to apply on their behalf.

Last summer, the president of the National Association of Attorneys General launched a campaign called "Working Together to End the Violence" and specifically called on communities to focus on relationship abuse among young people. More recently, the Family Violence Prevention Fund launched a national public-service advertising campaign this month called "That's Not Cool" to help teens recognize digital dating abuse and take steps to prevent it.

The Chicago-based group Between Friends is among the non-profit organizations that go into schools to teach students about the signs of abusive control, why it's wrong and how to cultivate heathy relationships.

"When we first get there, it's not unusual for kids—both boys and girls—to say it's OK to hit your girlfriend or boyfriend," said Kathy Doherty, the organization's executive director. "By the time we're done, they say, yes, it is abuse, and, no, we shouldn't do that."

As Doherty and others work to expand such programming, they hope teachers, parents and others use the story about Brown and Rihanna to talk to teens about dating violence.

Loos said his law teacher at Lake Forest recently incorporated the story into class.

But when students brought it up in Chelsea Whitis' economics class at Lane Tech High School in Chicago, the teacher brushed it aside.

"He said the celebrities were getting too much attention and didn't want us to talk about it," Whitis said.

Offline ifyoucantfixit

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2009, 01:37:03 pm »

    That is a very sad state of affairs.  I understand all the ins and outs of an abusive relationship.
My father was one of those types.  They always claim that they wont do it again, and say how
much they love the other person.  The younger the abused one is, the less llikely that they are
to know how these issues usually play out.  It sometimes takes weeks, months or years, of back
and forth separations, and reunitings to finally put an end to the whole affair.  But ultimately it
goes away.  Hopefully the result is without someone being seriously injured or dead.  I dont believe I have ever in my life, seen a person that has that kind of volatile temperament change.  Unfortunately.  It depends on the battered party as well.  They do some
of the time instigate the other party in great ways.  But it is still no excuse for the reaction that
they fall into.  There is just no excuse for that kind of behavior, no matter the instigation.  If the
abused one is using their own ability to cause it, or what, it needs to be stopped.  I can honestly
say, over the years I have seen a lot of these kinds of volatile relationships.  Not one has ever
ended resolved well.   not one!!!!!
« Last Edit: March 06, 2009, 01:25:37 am by ifyoucantfixit »



     Beautiful mind

Offline delalluvia

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2009, 04:24:38 pm »
I really wish I knew where they take these polls of students.

I asked my younger relatives and they all were appalled at the beating, said that they'd dump Brown in a second and it was completely wrong to engage in or accept violence from a partner in any relationship.

Personally I wouldn't take any SO back who had hit me, but I understand people are more forgiving than I, willing to give the other person another chance.

Does that ever work though? 

Does a SO who resorts to violence, then begs forgiveness, promises they will never do it again actually stick to their word?

Offline Lynne

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2009, 04:33:28 pm »
I really wish I knew where they take these polls of students.

I asked my younger relatives and they all were appalled at the beating, said that they'd dump Brown in a second and it was completely wrong to engage in or accept violence from a partner in any relationship.

Personally I wouldn't take any SO back who had hit me, but I understand people are more forgiving than I, willing to give the other person another chance.

Does that ever work though? 

Does a SO who resorts to violence, then begs forgiveness, promises they will never do it again actually stick to their word?

In my personal and family experience, not a chance in hell.  Second chances for this sort of thing are not in my vocabulary [anymore].
 >:(
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Offline Kelda

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2009, 06:25:31 pm »
Yeah I was very dissaponted too.
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Offline Kelda

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #7 on: March 06, 2009, 09:15:54 am »
Look at this - this gives more details about it - what IS she thinking?

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20263126,00.html

Quote
detective's notes from the scene of the alleged Rihanna assault reveal disturbing details about what happened between the singer and her boyfriend Chris Brown in the early hours of Feb. 8.

According to a search warrant in the case, Rihanna, 21, read a three-page text message from a woman on Brown's phone, which led to an argument. Brown – who was charged with two felonies Thursday – allegedly tried to force his girlfriend out of the Lamborghini, and hit her head against the passenger window.

Rihanna then "turned to face Brown and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand," says the paperwork. "He then drove away in the vehicle and continued to punch her in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand."

According to the detective's notes taken by Det. De Shon Andrew, blood filled Rihanna's mouth. Brown, 19, allegedly told her, "I'm going to beat the s--- out of you when we get home. You wait and see!" Rihanna called her assistant and left a message saying, "I am on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there." The police notes say that prompted Brown to reply: "You just did the stupidest thing ever. Now I'm really going to kill you."

The report also says that Brown bit Rihanna and put her in a headlock, and that she almost lost consciousness.

"Brown resumed punching [Rihanna] and she interlocked her fingers behind her head and brought her elbows forward to protect her face," according to the notes. "She then bent over at the waist, placing her elbows and face near her lap in attempt to protect her face and head from the barrage of punches being levied upon her by Brown."

Eventually, Rihanna began screaming for help and Brown got out of the car, according to the notes. A nearby resident heard the calls for help and called 911.

Almost three weeks after the incident, the couple reunited in Miami Beach last week.

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Offline delalluvia

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #8 on: March 06, 2009, 09:23:08 am »
Ye gods, and this is the guy she wants to forgive and make up with ?!?!?

I hope either the story is exaggerated/untrue or her desire to reconcile is untrue.

Offline Brown Eyes

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #9 on: March 06, 2009, 11:39:18 am »

Yes, I keep hoping that the reports that she wants to reconcile are untrue.

FWIW, in whatever capacity these people are role models for young people, I think it sends such a terrible message if they really do get back together.

I'm very relieved that Brown is being charged with felonies for this.


Also, the more I think about what Brown did, the crazier and more hurtful it seems.  The fact that he focused his attack on her face seems particularly cruel, since to a certain extent Rianna's appearance is very central to her career.  Injuring her face is not only degrading and violent to her (as it would be to anyone), but it really could impact her career.  Plus, how could he think he wouldn't get caught, with such a visible attack with visible injuries?  Especially since they were scheduled to perform at the Grammies around the time of the attack.  It just makes Brown seem way out of control... as he must be anyway as an abuser.

It's really depressing and upsetting to think about.
:(





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Offline Nevermore

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #10 on: March 16, 2009, 06:32:10 am »
Not as disappointing IMO as the way women have turned on her for not being a role model, becoming a spokeswoman for domestic violence victims, et cetera. She's a crime victim and now the onus is on her?
She's 21 years old, in love with this guy, grew up in a household where "intense" arguing between her parents was commonplace, and, at the risk of being accused of bigotry, based on the news polls I saw, it does seem like, shall we say, physical expressions of displeasure seem to be more openly acceptable in certain ethnic groups.
More generally, victims of domestic violence never seem to believe they fit the profile of a victim, or that their situation counts as domestic violence. They see their partner as a basically good man, and the incident as out of character. It's easy to say you would walk away if a man ever raised a hand to you. But what if it's not so cut and dried? What if he was drunk, or if he didn't technically hit you, or if (as in this case) you "started it?" What if on top of all this, you're a public figure for whom this relationship is a large part of your image, and a large part of your fan base holds you in some way responsible.
These two have been together for a year, an eternity at their age.
Anyone who remembers being that age should also remember that when outside forces of any kind, be it your parents, school authorities or whatever, try to break up a relationship between young people, even for a damn good reason, it tends to foster a "Romeo and Juliet" syndrome, a sense of the two of them against the world. In short, all this negative publicity and public opinion is more likely to drive her back into his arms, not less. He probably apologized very prettily, and took his name out of consideration for the Kid's Choice Awards and she's probably feeling sorry for him, and sorry for her role in his suffering, even if it was his fault to begin with.
There was a pretty eye-opening Oprah show last week on this case, in which model/TV host Tyra Banks talked about her own history with abuse, and how her mother took the heartbreaking but ultimately smart tack of not telling her to leave the man, because she knew that the impetus to leave had to come from her daughter and no one else; that if it did, it might foster just what I described above, a sympathy with her abuser that sent her right back to him.
Domestic violence experts say that it usually takes at least three incidents like this to make a woman realize that this is part of a pattern, that it's not out of character for her partber at all, but in fact how he deals with stress in the relationship. Only then does she begin to leave.
All the negative commentary about Rihanna, IMO is more likely to foster a sense of shame on the part of abused woman, because it subtly suggests that they let this happen to them, strong woman don't get abused, right? Strong women kick ass, right? So if woman finds herself in a domestic violence situation, and she doesn't immediately leave, then it's partly her fault, right?
Well, I disagree. Insisting on role model behavior from a young girl in such turmoil is inhuman, and if the opinionistas actually care about her, now is the time to back away ans hold off with the "shoulds".The spotlight belongs on HIM. He knows he messed up. He grew up watching his mother beaten, and now he's also a wifebeater, criticized throughout hiphop-dom by male artists who you would imagine would be defending him. I'm not much of a believer in celebrity rehab, but if anyone ever had an incentive to change his ways, it's him--he has shamed his mother by behaving just like his stepfather, and does it again, his career is pretty much over.

Offline Kelda

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #11 on: March 16, 2009, 07:36:53 am »
I can see what you're saying - but that image we've seen of her - it was no quick slap. And by all accounts the police are not accusing her of violence.

I hope she comes to her senses. I agree, that she and only she can make the decision but like iot or not she's a role model for kids. She can make this a really positive thing if she does the smart thing. She doesn't need to come out and say - oh I'm against realtionship violence and Chris is evil. Even by just quitely breaking up with him and moving on and saying nothing about it at all- its a show that this type of behaviour is not acceptable.   
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Offline Shasta542

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #12 on: March 16, 2009, 07:40:13 am »
Yes, I keep hoping that the reports that she wants to reconcile are untrue.

FWIW, in whatever capacity these people are role models for young people, I think it sends such a terrible message if they really do get back together.

I'm very relieved that Brown is being charged with felonies for this.


Also, the more I think about what Brown did, the crazier and more hurtful it seems.  The fact that he focused his attack on her face seems particularly cruel, since to a certain extent Rianna's appearance is very central to her career.  Injuring her face is not only degrading and violent to her (as it would be to anyone), but it really could impact her career.  Plus, how could he think he wouldn't get caught, with such a visible attack with visible injuries?  Especially since they were scheduled to perform at the Grammies around the time of the attack.  It just makes Brown seem way out of control... as he must be anyway as an abuser.

It's really depressing and upsetting to think about.
:(


I have heard, but I'm not sure, that they were drunk. If he was drunk and angry--he probably wasn't thinking about whether he'd get caught or not. Also--heard that it wasn't the first physical altercation they'd had. I hope she does wise up before she gets disfigured or worse.
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Offline delalluvia

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #13 on: March 16, 2009, 08:46:35 am »
While I agree that 21 is too young to be trying to handle all the fame and fortune, 21 is an adult age.

If Rihanna is acting like an adult - having affairs, partying, traveling on her own - then she needs to start acting like one and accepting responsibility as one, not have everyone tip-toeing around her because she might act like a love-struck high schooler, still believing in fairy tales.  She isn't some 16 year old, or trapped housewife with a houseful of kids and no job skills with no where to go or to turn.  She is independent, living on her own, and no true friend or family member would leave her in her situation without telling her the truth of it.  If she doesn't want to accept the truth, then yes, I think her popularity should fall - how else are young women going to learn anything? and accept that whatever comes her way from Brown, will be her fault in some way for not leaving him.  She won't have anyone to blame for sticking with him but herself.
« Last Edit: March 16, 2009, 07:33:48 pm by delalluvia »

Offline serious crayons

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #14 on: March 16, 2009, 10:46:52 am »
http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/03/13/many_boston_teens_surveyed_say_rihanna_is_at_fault_for_assault/

Many Boston teens surveyed say Rihanna is at fault for assault

By Milton J. Valencia and Jenna Nierstedt, Globe Staff and Globe Correspondent  |  March 13, 2009


Here's a conversation starter: Nearly half of the 200 Boston teenagers interviewed for an informal poll said pop star Rihanna was responsible for the beating she allegedly took at the hands of her boyfriend, fellow music star Chris Brown, in February.

Of those questioned, ages 12 to 19, 71 percent said that arguing was a normal part of a relationship; 44 percent said fighting was a routine occurrence.

The results of the survey, conducted by the Boston Public Health Commission across the city and equally among boys and girls, are startling for local health workers who see a generation of youths who seem to have grown accustomed, even insensitive, to domestic violence.

"I think you'd have to be pretty jaded if you weren't startled by it," said Casey Corcoran, director of the health commission's new Start Strong program.

The program began in the fall as part of a Start Strong: Building Healthy Teen Relationships Initiative, a private foundation program that was offered in 11 cities across the country. Corcoran said the four-year, $1 million competitive grant program will allow the city to train mentors and outreach workers to speak to 11- to 14-year-olds about the dangers of domestic violence.

Corcoran said the Rihanna and Brown controversy, which is one of today's top entertainment news stories and a topic of conversation for young people, allows for teachers and parents to begin conversations about the dangers, and prevalence, of domestic violence.

"This is something tough for parents to bring up, but this is a very big case regarding domestic violence," said Corcoran, pointing out that Oprah Winfrey devoted her television show yesterday to teen dating violence and featured the Start Strong initiative.

"This is an opportunity to start those conversations; it shouldn't end with a survey," Corcoran said.

The Brown-Rihanna incident has created much controversy, mostly because of Rihanna's reported continuance of her relationship with Brown after alleged past assaults. The case has been pointed to by advocate groups for domestic violence victims as an example of the challenges victims face in confronting domestic violence.

Health counselors are specifically concerned with teenagers' views of the controversy. Of the teens questioned, more than half said both Brown, 19, and Rihanna, 21, were equally responsible for the assault. More than half said the media were treating Brown unfairly, and 46 percent said Rihanna was responsible for the incident.

Local teenagers from the Hyde Square Task Force in Boston said they found the case, and the survey, troubling, adding that the pop stars are supposed to serve as role models. But unfortunately, they are seeing such violence too often.

"I had friends getting beat by their boyfriends and coming to school with black eyes," said Kendra Lara, 19, of Jamaica Plain. "Some people do take it, and I don't understand it."


Offline opinionista

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #15 on: March 16, 2009, 11:42:26 am »
Also, the more I think about what Brown did, the crazier and more hurtful it seems.  The fact that he focused his attack on her face seems particularly cruel, since to a certain extent Rhianna's appearance is very central to her career.  Injuring her face is not only degrading and violent to her (as it would be to anyone), but it really could impact her career.  Plus, how could he think he wouldn't get caught, with such a visible attack with visible injuries? 

I don't think getting or not getting caught was on Chris Brown's mind when he was beating Rihanna. He was obviously enraged and out of control. He didn't care they were on a car, he didn't even consider paps might be tailing them or remembered they were both due to perform at the Grammys. It makes me think Brown is a controlling, domineering, violent guy, who can become a very dangerous person if he doesn't get help asap.

As for Rihanna, I was also disappointed in the way she has handled the situation. But we have to consider that she is only 20 years old. A kid not mature enough to understand the nature of the relationship she's into. I think expecting her to be a role model might be too much for her to handle. She is the one in need of a role model.  She needs professional help, but also guidance, support and tender loving care, not all the the media pressure she's getting.
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Offline delalluvia

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Chris Brown gets sentenced
« Reply #16 on: August 25, 2009, 07:31:06 pm »

I like that the judge sentenced him to community labor and not community service - as Brown is not anyone I'd want to mentor members of a community.  And *sigh* the judge was harsher on him staying away from Rihanna than she was about it.

A judge on Tuesday sentenced Chris Brown to five years' probation and six months' community labor for the beating of Rihanna and issued a stern admonition to the R&B singer.

http://new.music.yahoo.com/chris-brown/news/chris-brown-sentenced-in-rihanna-assault-case--61987985

Offline Monika

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #17 on: August 26, 2009, 01:42:20 am »

As for Rihanna, I was also disappointed in the way she has handled the situation. But we have to consider that she is only 20 years old. A kid not mature enough to understand the nature of the relationship she's into. I think expecting her to be a role model might be too much for her to handle. She is the one in need of a role model.  She needs professional help, but also guidance, support and tender loving care, not all the the media pressure she's getting.
I agree. And when people realise their own value, they don´t let others treat them like that.

Offline delalluvia

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Chris Brown's lame-ass excuse
« Reply #18 on: August 31, 2009, 03:19:15 pm »

 ::) >:( ::)

LOS ANGELES – Chris Brown says he doesn't remember savagely beating Rihanna

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090831/ap_en_ot/us_people_chris_brown

Offline CellarDweller

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #19 on: August 31, 2009, 03:29:18 pm »
I think the whole this is just off the wall and disappointing.

I never understood why someone would take an abuser (mental or physical) back.

Rihanna is not at fault, and should not be blamed for this incident.



I have heard, but I'm not sure, that they were drunk. If he was drunk and angry--he probably wasn't thinking about whether he'd get caught or not. Also--heard that it wasn't the first physical altercation they'd had. I hope she does wise up before she gets disfigured or worse.


I hadn't heard that he had hit her before, but it would't surprise me.

When abuse starts, it starts out small, and gets progressively worse.  Chris Brown gave Rihanna a hell of a beating.  That wasn't the first time he hit her, just by what he did.  The first time is usually "just" a slap or something mild, and then gets built up over time.


Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: ''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!

Offline delalluvia

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Rihanna redeems herself
« Reply #20 on: November 05, 2009, 12:43:46 pm »

NEW YORK – Rihanna said Thursday that she regrets returning to ex-boyfriend Chris Brown after he left her bruised and battered during a February assault, warning other women facing domestic violence to not let themselves be blinded by love.


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091105/ap_en_ot/us_people_rihanna

Offline Kelda

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #21 on: November 06, 2009, 02:09:17 pm »
Im glad shes come out and spoken about it now.
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Offline CellarDweller

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Re: Extremely disappointing
« Reply #22 on: November 19, 2009, 04:17:53 pm »
Good for her.

I hope she continues to be an example for other women.  Don't allow yourselves to be mistreated that way.


Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: ''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!