Well, alcoholism is indeed a scary disease -- it's cunning and diabolical and tricky and surprising, even to us in its grasps, as well as those innocent bystanders and family members. There is no set path that each alcoholic takes; it becomes up to the individual, and they are fully aware of that power in learning how to play their version of the game, as it were.
There are loads and loads of books available for free at any public library, about alcoholism, and many of them are written by journalists. I think I've read them all. Just go to his local library website, and type in "alcoholism" as a subject keyword, etc., and you'll find hundreds of them. There's also books geared towards women like yourself who are married to a husband with a drinking problem; those might be helpful to you, in determining whether or not you truly have a problem to worry about in yourself, or if you were simply an enabler, for whatever reason. There's also many books written for adult children of alcoholics. I always find these comforting because they give a genetic and social reason behind how we were conditioned growing up. The first step, always, is in realizing that it is most definitely a DIS-EASE. It's not something I would wish on my worst enemy, but it is definitely a part of my life, and may someday, lead to my death, as it did with my mother, finally, last year. It's a day-to-day, sometimes minute-to-minute struggle for each of us, just trying to overcome it.
You're right to be scared, but again I'll reiterate -- you can NOT help someone who's not ready to be helped. You're only beating your head against a wall, shuffling in place stuck in sand going nowhere, UNTIL he asks for your help. Be prepared with facts, organizations, phone numbers, policies, healthcare plans, etc. for when that day comes, and help him through those steps because he won't be capable of thinking clearly at all, at first. You, or another close friend, will have to hold him up and walk him through the steps, both metaphorically and literally. But only if you care and love him, and love yourself, and the life you had together, enough to do so with all the strength you can muster. As hard as it is for us to battle this disease, it's even harder still on those that love us and watch us try to destroy everything good about this life.
Let me know if you need specific book recommendations, and if you want, I'll PM you my phone number, if you'd like to talk. Just let me know, sweetie. Take care of yourself.
Mandy
