Author Topic: Have you heard a good one lately?  (Read 25041 times)

Offline Katie77

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Have you heard a good one lately?
« on: August 01, 2006, 07:26:34 pm »
I received this email today, and had to share it with you all....


He Thought He was a Cowboy....

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.
As he sait sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixiing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.  As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women.  When I watch TV, I think about women.  I even think about women when I eat.  It seems that everything makes me think of women.

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down ont eh other side of the old cowboy and asked,
"Are you a real cowboy?"....

He replied, "I always thought I was, but i just found out I'm a lesbian".

« Last Edit: August 02, 2006, 10:51:02 am by Roland »
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline Sheriff Roland

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2006, 10:54:51 am »
This sounds like a good place to share humourous anecdotes, or just plain old jokes.

Got a funny you wanna share? Bring it on! We're big boys and girls - we can take it!

And it don't even have to be cowboy or gay related!

Go on make me laugh - if you can ...
2015 - Toronto: Pan Am Games
2015 - Edmonton, Montréal, Ottawa, Vancouver, Winnipeg: Woman's World Cup of Soccer

Offline Katie77

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2006, 11:14:11 am »
OK....heres another one.....


Six presidents were on a sinking boat........

Ford says, "What do we do?"

Bush says, "Man the lifeboats"

Reagan says, "What lifeboats?"

Carter says, "Women first"

Nixon says, "Screw the women"

Clinton says, "You think we have time?"
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline Katie77

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2006, 08:28:11 pm »
OK....heres another one.....

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday....

They arrive at the club, and the doorman says, "Hey Dave!..How ya doing?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"OH NO", says Dave. "He's on my bowling team".

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.  His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How come she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey, We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi, Davey, Want our usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out ot the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.  Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.  She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave".
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline BB Stacker

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2006, 09:46:46 pm »
THE PURINA DIET

I have a Golden Retriever and was in the check-out line at Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog food. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no. I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because the last time I ended up in the in the intensive care ward at the hospital with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel a little bit hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here, that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly the guy who was waiting in line behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no . . . it was because I'd been sitting in middle of the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Offline Arad-3

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2006, 10:22:38 pm »
A woman and her husband stood in  court infront of the judge.

The Judge asked the woman: How do you plead on stealing a can of peaches from the A&P?

The woman replies: guilty Your Honor

The judge than asked how many peaches were in the can?

The woman replies: six Your Honor
 
The Judge replies: than you shall be sentenced to one day in jail per peach, thats six days.

The woman sighs: Thank you your honor

The husbands yells:  But your honor!!  She stoled a can of peas too!  :o




" Save a horse... ride a cowboy "

Offline Katie77

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #6 on: August 03, 2006, 06:31:47 am »
Please note:....absolutely NO disrespect to any religious group intended.....


WHY WOULD YOU BOTHER???????
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline Arad-3

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #7 on: August 03, 2006, 07:02:35 pm »
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution                       ???
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate



THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex   ???
Sorry, but you're not really my type :o
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing. :-X
Nope, no more booze for me  :'(
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight   8)





Paid for by the friends of Mel Gibson
« Last Edit: August 03, 2006, 07:05:56 pm by Arad-3 »
" Save a horse... ride a cowboy "

Offline Arad-3

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #8 on: August 03, 2006, 07:11:37 pm »
 A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty." This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away.

This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married in 1966 in London."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral



" Save a horse... ride a cowboy "

Offline Pipedream

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #9 on: August 04, 2006, 03:32:29 am »
A cannibal family has just had clown for supper.
Cannibal dad says: "Tasted kinda funny, didn't it?"

 :)