I think we're on the same page on much of this issue, except I don't see suicide as an act of cruelty, but rather an act of desperation.
Scott, I think we're on the same page on some issues, but not all. I don't see suicide as a deliberate act of cruelty, just an inadvertent one. My children would suffer if I died of cancer or were run over by a bus, but I would not be choosing that fate and their consequent suffering. Suicide -- even if the product of desperation -- is a choice. (And can contribute, rightly or not, to a sense of guilt among survivors.)
I hope I don't sound like a calloused person.
You don't. On the contrary, you sound very empathetic and understanding. And the idea of self-determination, of owning one's own life, I can agree with. That's why I don't consider suicide immoral. That is, I think people have the
right to do it, just as they have the right to make other mistakes. I just think usually it's a bad idea.
Is it my place to insist that a person who feels that he is in hell stay there because his presence comforts or pleases me?
I think it's reasonable to urge a person who feels that he is in hell to try to get out of it a different way, because most likely it's possible.
Did Jesus commit suicide by offering himself up to martyrdom? Does any martyr, in a sense, commit suicide?
Well, I think to some extent it's an apple-orange comparison. Martyrs choose their own deaths on behalf of a larger cause. Whether any particular cause is worth it is arguable, but presumably their action is at least expected to have positive consequences for others. Typical suicides, not committed on behalf of a cause, do not have positive consequences for others.
My paternal grandfather died of chronic alcoholism; did he commit a form of passive suicide?
Well, again, I see some important differences. Someone who dies of chronic alcoholism (or smoking, or unhealthy eating) dies slowly, over many years. In effect, he makes the choice to die (and rarely is it a conscious and deliberate choice) every day. Theoretically, he could change his mind at any time, and act on it: quit drinking. A suicide makes the choice -- and it is conscious and deliberate-- in one irrevocable moment. And afterward, he can't change his mind.
the choice of seeing the world as a vale of tears is no less "true" or "accurate". It's all a matter of perspective.
I agree that it's a matter of perspective. But even most pessimists have their good days and bad days. Rarely do people feel suicidal on a prolonged, permanent basis. If I feel like committing suicide today, but might not feel that way next week, or even next year, wouldn't I be wise to hold off?
The ultimate reality is that we all, whether our lives be long or short, happy, sad, or neutral, eventful or nondescript, meet the same end. Apart from the issue of causing or experiencing needless suffering to oneself or to others, does it really matter how one's death is accomplished?
To me, the key word is not "how," but "when." It's true that ultimately we all meet the same end. But we don't all take the same amount of time getting there. I can't be philosophically detached enough to say that, all other things being equal, a long life is not preferable to a short life.
Katie, your post came in as I was writing this. Thank you for sharing the story of your son and your father. Those both must have been terrible experiences for you and your family, and thank god it worked out the way it did in your son's case. You have illustrated in heartwrenching reality the point I was trying to make in theory.