The "Best" Worst Writing of 2009

[mariez]

The annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest is an international parody contest to see who can come up with the worst opening lines of imaginary novels.  It is named after Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, who began his novel Paul Clifford with those famous words:  "It was a dark and stormy night." 

Here's the link to the list of this year's winners in the various categories:

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2009.htm

The Grand Prize winner:

"Folks say that if you listen real close at the height of the full moon, when the wind is blowin' off Nantucket Sound from the nor' east and the dogs are howlin' for no earthly reason, you can hear the awful screams of the crew of the "Ellie May," a sturdy whaler Captained by John McTavish; for it was on just such a night when the rum was flowin' and, Davey Jones be damned, big John brought his men on deck for the first of several screaming contests."

I especially liked the winner of the Detective category:

She walked into my office on legs as long as one of those long-legged birds that you see in Florida - the pink ones, not the white ones - except that she was standing on both of them, not just one of them, like those birds, the pink ones, and she wasn't wearing pink, but I knew right away that she was trouble, which those birds usually aren't.


I have to say, it takes a lot of skill to purposely write lines that bad!   

[Front-Ranger]

 

[Meryl]

I love the Bulwer-Lytton writings!

This year, one of our members here at BetterMost, Peachy, received Dishonorable Mention for her contribution to the Vile Pun category:

Eyeing the towering stacks of food colouring that formed the secret to his billion-dollar batik textile empire, grumpy Old Man Griffington was forced to admit that dye mounds are a churl's best friend.

Janine B.
Busselton, Western Australia

[mariez]

I love the Bulwer-Lytton writings!

I do, too!  I've been following them for years and I always look forward to reading the "winners" of the contest.

This year, one of our members here at BetterMost, Peachy, received Dishonorable Mention for her contribution to the Vile Pun category:

Eyeing the towering stacks of food colouring that formed the secret to his billion-dollar batik textile empire, grumpy Old Man Griffington was forced to admit that dye mounds are a churl's best friend.

Janine B.
Busselton, Western Australia

    Oh, that's great.  I had no idea there was a Bettermost connection.  Congrats to Peachy!