Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Open Forum
Brokie Fever Relapse
Brown Eyes:
Heya,
So, I'm here to report something that happened while I was away visiting my folks in Chicago for a long 4th of July weekend. It was one of those visits completely defined by family activities. And, I experienced something extremely close to the very early days of Brokie fever during most of the visit. I found myself thinking about BBM or random BBM connections to almost every activity and every conversation. Really, for a lot of the visit my thoughts were really distracted and of in BBM la-la land. It's really interesting because I haven't watched BBM for at least a few months now. And, there was no particular trigger that I could discern. It was actually kind of nice to experience that again for a little bit.
I still haven't watched BBM since I got back (I got back on Tuesday night). So, in a way the feeling has waned again.
But, I'm curious to know if other old-timers have experienced this much? And, by this I mean an intense little phase of Brokie fever... and not the low-grade appreciation for BBM incorporated into your current outlook in a more settled/ subtle way (which is how I tend to experience Brokie-ness most of the time these days as an old timer).
Shasta542:
That's great, Amanda! I have not had a phase yet that takes me back to the way it was---but I certainly hope that I will experience that some day. It was a great and wonderful time that made me feel very deeply and even though it hurt in many ways--it made me feel so alive!
Good for you! ;)
optom3:
I still have periods where I am either BBM obsessed or Heath or both. There is not a day goes by when I do not play the wings, from BBM. Well actually that is not 100% true, I did not get to listen to it in hospital. There is not a time I hear it that I don't cry. In fact the kids know which tracks I listen to on my BBM C.D. 1, 6, 9,12 and the very last track.
I think in my case, it is linked in with the depression that is blighting me at the moment. All my common sense tells me not to listen to or watch things that will accentuate the feeling, but my heart says, do what you want.
So some days I feel I am right back where I started with my BBM journey, other days, I feel I have made some progress. It seems to me, that my mood and BBM are intricately woven together.
Strangely, Michael Jackson's death, although terrible, affected me only indirectly. It reminded me of my own mess up, and the passing of Heath, which in turn led to a BBM viewing and several Kleenex. I started to go back to the BBM site here and re read some earlier posts.
Monika:
Some things tend to bring back those intense feelings for me. Reading fan fiction often does it but sometimes it´s other things. Yesterday when I looked through Lee´s photos from their recent Wyoming trip, I felt chills down my spine (in the good way). Remembering Wyoming and Alberta ofta does it for me, or discussing the movie or story with another Brokie.
retropian:
Hmmm. I'll say I have a low grade fever. ;) BBM seems to be always with me. I've been reading alot of fanfiction recently. Mostly fictions where Jack does not die and he convinces Ennis to pursue the sweet life with him. I find I can't watch the film, it's too heartbreaking. The fanfic's let me fantasize they had a life together. Lame I know, but I like to think there are multiple alternate fictional realities available for them and they can choose which they like best. I have found a surprising amount of wisdom in these fanfic's and much love. Jeez, that sounds so weird! Ok, I swear I have a life!! ;D. I have friends! I read books other than BBM fanfics! I swear! Me thinks I doth protest too much! ::)
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