Fan Fiction: "Aint nothing Special"

[Kea]

 Title: "Aint Nothing Special"  Part 1
Author: Kea

** These two wonderful characters belong to the Anne Proulx, whose work has touched my spirt and so many others. 

Warnings:
*sexual scenes described, coarse language*

"Aint nothing Special"

The handle had gone yellow , cracked in one corner but Ennis could
remember a time when it gleamed bright with its shiny steel blade. The
ol pocketknife had been a gift from his daddy in the better days. The
better days, Ennis remembered,long before the struggle to keep the
farm out of the hands of the bank, raise a young family had slowly
eaten away at the man's soul


Ennis ran his fingers down the blade .He always carried it on him.
Even through the years and hard use, he had managed to keep it sharp
and clean ready for any little job. With each flick of his hand the
knife cut away a tiny sliver of wood. A small piece of beech he had
found by the river that morning.


It had been a good morning and Ennis had felt more content than he had
felt in a long time. Standing on the bank of the river smoking, he
watched Jack out of the corner of his eyes, scrape off the left over
breakfast and rinse off the tin cups and plates .He felt little need
to say anything times like this and was happy to just watch his
friend. Watching Jack gave Ennis a strange sense of pleasure that he
could not fully understand. Today Jack sat by the river humming some
tune, Ennis could hardly make out, looking up to grin at him from time
to time,his boyish blue eyes catching the sun, Ennis looked away to
hide the tears that suddenly filled his eyes. Jack was really quite
beautiful.


" I best be going to see to them sheep," Ennis mumbled, finishing off
the cigarette and crushing it under his boot.


"A'right." Jack said lifting up yet another pail of water "…see yer at
supper…think we'll have…..erm….beans tonight " he said laughing as
Ennis grunted, " Yeah maybe if you're good I'll bring you back one of
them sheep yer always wanting to shoot"


With a laugh, he was off. Heading up to the higher country, to where
the sheep would find better grazing ground. Ennis liked the feeling of
having a job, a purpose and doing good. He found a sheltered hillside
where the sheep could graze protected from the blast of that wind


Sitting down by the dogs on a stump, Ennis took out a cigarette, lit
it and stared out at the sheep. One day, he'd have his own place, not
having to work for nobody. And he'd do it right too, no sneaking
around on Forest Reserve land where they had no business being anyway.
Why between him and Jack, he figured, they could get something good
going just as soon as they had saved enough. His thoughts surprised
him. All his plans had never involved anyone other than himself and
yet now he found the idea of Jack slowly creeping into his plans. Even
his "thing " with Alma was his own. He called the shots.


"Damn fellow is like a tick, just can get rid of em" he said to the
dog next to him. He laughed as the dog looked up knowingly. Jack
Fuckin Twist. He said over and over again, had his mind in a blur now.
Can't think right no more, Ennis grumbled. Reaching into his pocket,
he drew out the small piece of beech. Fingering it in his hands for a
few minutes, Ennis whipped out his pocket knife, opened it and cut a
tiny bit off the corner. It was dry and soft enough to carve into. He
paused looking down at the sheep below him and again at the piece of
wood.


Slowly he worked and peeled parts of the bark away.working it round
and round in his hands, shaping, cutting. In a few minutes, he looked
at it with some satisfaction, it had taken on the rough shape of a
horse, long strong legs and and a proud head. Ennis worked quietly for
an hour or so, lost in his thoughts…. shifting between feelings of joy
and love as he thought about how Jack made him feel, to the idea that
he was making love to a man and the horror that seized his gut.   He
could not understand his feelings. This was unusual for Ennis who had
been as clear as a stream. .Nothing to hide, what yer see is what yer
get but along had come Jack Twist and muddied up the water. Making
what he had known to be "right" all his life,now uncertain.


" Damn it' he said as the sharp knife nicked his thumb…." He knew then
that this would be painful.


By the time, the sun had started to settle lower on the horizon, Ennis
was done . From it emerged, a small horse. He smiled, happy.


"Here boy …get em sheep" he said to the dogs, standing to his feet,
shoving the little wooden horse into his pocket again. He sent out a
series of low learned whistles and the dogs sprang into action,
circling and moving the sheep to the left. Ennis jumped on his horse
and followed.


Jack had already begun supper when Ennis rode in.


" That don't smell nothing like beans," he said peering into the
blackened pot on the fire.


"Trapped us a rabbit, aint nothing like a hot bowl of rabbit stew on a
cold night" Jack beamed proudly.


" Well what yer waiting for now…. scoop me out a bowlful…. I love
anything that aint got a single bean in it…what with all them beans
these past days…. well nearly spooked the horse …" Ennis chuckled.


Jack scooped out two large helpings of the hot thick stew, rabbit,
spuds and half a carrot. He settled on a stump next to Ennis and ate.
Jack liked moments like this when it was not necessary for all that
chatter, just hot food, good company and a night full of stars.


In an hour of so they had cleared out the last dreads of that
stew,mopping it up with half a slice of bread .  Ennis reaching out
for the two mugs to pour out shots of the cheap whisky they had lugged
uphill. Sipping and talking, Ennis and Jack shared stories of growing
up; Jack told of this girl at the church his momma took him to as a
teenager, who was sweet on him.


" What about your Alma " Jack asked, tilting his head to look at Ennis


" "Well me and Alma…. there aint nothing to tell really…I helped out
her daddy one time when his truck got broken down on the road…."
Taking a gulp of his whisky, he held it in his mouth and swallowed
slowly, using the time to think of what Alma meant to him."
I…..well….. We jus thought it would be a good idea is all…her folks
seem to like me some and Alma well… she is a real good girl." He said
staring into the fire.


" You ever feel bad not being with her…you know like yer miss her
something fierce?" Jack asked.


Ennis thought, remembering how easy it was to pack up his bag, kiss
her good-bye and head out for work.


" Well …some things….you just don't think about none…if yer got to get
work and it needs doing …well…" he trailed off.


Jack looked down into the fire and then said softly " I don't like it
much when you head off to look after them sheep…much nicer having you
in camp here…must mean I am kind fond of yer ugly face"  he said


Ennis swallowed and said nothing. He couldn't say how much he wanted
the hours to pass so he could ride down to Jack or the thoughts that
filled his mind of what they would do that night.


Jack was for him like facing in a tornado, it was either the most
wondrous thing ever or it would kill yer.


"Life sure is different up here on Brokeback " Jack said dreamily
"seems like the rest of the world don't exist. No one else but you, me
and this damn camp" he said, secretly very fond of the small camp that
was their world now.


" Yeah well...its something special fer sure." Ennis said. "Here …to
keep yer company when I am out with those damn sheep" he laughed
tossing the small wooden horse over to Jack.


Jack snatched it out of the air and held it in his hands for a few
minutes,his eyes bright and then clouding over. "Yer made this fer me
,Ennis?" he asked, " Yup sheep were behaving so …well seems I tend to
wonder what yer up to down here and well…" Ennis replied


Jack fingered the little wooden horse in his hands before one tear
silently rolled down his cheek. Ennis looked over, worried. "Jack?" he
said. "yer ok…yer don't like it? Its nothing special jus a piece of
wood from down by here river."


Jack said nothing. Ennis moved over and up close to the man who kept
his head down low as he wept.


"Jack …if yer don't like it.erm…"


"No. its…" Jack said looking up at Ennis , his blue eyes with tears.
He moved upwards and kissed Ennis softly on the mouth.


"Thank you…. this means a lot to me "


  Ennis moved by the kiss, stared at his friend.


"Yer sure don't look too happy " he said."


 "I`m sorry.Yer know I had one of these before… my Momma…..she got it
for me one Christmas when I was 9 …it was a little horse and it had
this rodeo cowboy on it…" Jack said looking into the fire as if the
image burned there.


"I thought it was the finest thing ever…see I always wanted to be like
my daddy and ride in the rodeo…he was real good they say…. but…one
summer he got it in his head that I ride this huge mare, way too big
for me. My momma, she  tried to tell him…well… I lasted all about 4
seconds on it when she threw me…into the dust. I broke this here arm
and ………" he choked back


"me daddy said he wasn't none too surprised as he said could see I was
nothing but a soft son of a bitch anyway…said I would never be
anything of  a man no matter what I did…then he went up to my room and
took away that horse and cowboy…he told me I didn't deserve it …gave
it to my momma to toss in the fire…" he said, dried of tears the pain
going to a place too deep for weeping.


Ennis felt rage well up inside him. " You listen to me Jack that aint
none of your fault…yer daddy he sounds like a real mean bastard…you're
more of a man any day than what he'd ever be…."


Jack looked up at Ennis., proud to have someone who thought of him and
about him. He had not realized it before but he felt secure in gruff
cowboy's company. He knew how he was feeling about Ennis too but he
could never dare say the words. Afraid it would echo over the whole
mountain and shatter what they had.


Instead Jack reacted the only way he could, pulling Ennis in closer in
his arms and into deep kiss. He touched his lips against Ennis, his
tongue tracing the outline of Ennis lower lip and pulling away leaving
him longing for more. Ennis pulled him in ,grabbing his collar, his
mouth crushing hard against Jack's softer lips. Tongues touching,
tasting each other ,feeling .  Slowly, into a closer embrace, their
breath hot against each other. Ennis looked into those blue eyes and
knew something inside him had changed; he grabbed hold of Jack and
pushed him to the ground.


 Pulling off his dark shirt, he ran his hands across the hair on
Jack's chest, trailing a line of kisses down to his stomach.His hand
along the waist of Jack's jeans slipping under to fondle the coarse
hair. Jack groaned and shut his eyes, feeling a growing need for
Ennis. He opened them to find Ennis pulling off his shirt and pants,
tossing them aside and reaching for Jacks jeans. Jack helped him,
fumbling, giggling with their desperate urgency. Soon naked they were
pressed up against each other, touching, feeling. Ennis looked at
Jack, young ,in many ways innocent and he felt himself sink. Jack
grabbed his hand and moved it slowly to his erect cock, keeping his
eyes fixed on Ennis. It felt warm and hard in his hand. Ennis stroked
it slowly then with greater force,moving down and brushing his lips
against it, teasing,  feeling Jack stiffen and groan . Unable to
control himself any longer , he turned Jack over , plunged himself
deep and hard into him. Clenching his teeth at the intense longing
building up inside him. He felt the strong body under him jerk with
pain and pleasure, groaning. The sounds Jack made only fueled Ennis
desire as he thrust himself deeper and deeper into him , falling into
a pit of light. The two men moved together, Ennis holding onto the
hard body sweating , the strong back muscles tight, taken over and
lost . "Ahhhh Ennis ". came Jack's voice low and aching. " Ennis …"
and then he came, shaking and clenching his face in pleasure as it
swept over him. Ennis felt his release too, filling Jack and they
collapsed, tired and hot into each other's arms.


As they lay there together,two souls, two bodies entwined as one,
Ennis noticed the little wooden horse in the firelight.  It looked so
small and defenseless in the darkness.He shivered.

End of Part 1.

[Kea]

Title: "Ain't Nothing Special."

Author: Kea
Warnings: Coarse language, explicit sexual scenes, trauma


Part 2

It was a chilly morning. Jack shifted under the bedrolls searching for
a warm body.  The ground next to him long cold. He screwed up his eyes
at the light filtering in. "Ennis?" he called out, there was only the
silence of the river.



Pulling on clothes, running a hand through his rumbled brown hair,
Jack crawled out into the day. The fire by the campsite was lit; a few
embers struggled to sustain it. By it, a pot of coffee, two hard
biscuits and what looked like a weak attempt to cook some eggs. Jack
looked around, settled down by the fire, kicking another log in with
his boot. He was hungry in more ways than one, disappointed that Ennis
had gone and he had to warm himself up. He pulled out a cigarette, lit
it, pulled a long draw and watched the smoke rise. His mind flickered
with thoughts of last night.



Jack Twist, yer a fuckin idiot.Yer gonna blow it fer sure. Need to
ease up. He thought. Give em some space. Yer let on how yer really
feel; he'll be gone fer sure.



Problem is, can't help myself around him, Jack mused, drawing a deep
long puff and exhaling his frustration. He knew making love to Ennis
was more wonderful to him than breathing but for Ennis is was hard


He remembered after their first night in the tent, watching Ennis ride
away in the morning, with a look that about tore him up.  He seemed to
find it hard to look at Jack sometimes after they had been together.
Having Ennis gone always sent a chill through him. Like something was
still tugging somewhere deep inside of him. Always, always the fear
that  battle within Ennis would win and he'd be gone. It hurt Jack, he
said nothing



   Then he saw it, on the stump he had been leaning up against last
night. He smiled. The little wooden horse Ennis had made and by it a
stalk of silvery lupine. The blue challenging the hue of Jack's eyes.
He moved over, picked it up. Sniffing the tiny cluster of blooms. How
much like him and Ennis he thought, doing best in the wild, nothin
special to even notice and so fragile. Jack wondered for a moment what
would become of them when it came time to come down off Brokeback. The
idea chilled him .He returned to his hot coffee and biscuits, tuggin
the old sheep skin coat around him.



In his hands, the two gifts Ennis had left him. He tucked the flower
into the coil of leather round his hat. Holding the little horse in
his hand, he looked at it, closely. He could see each rough nick that
Ennis had carved into it. It warmed his heart. It was just like him,
not saying much but always his own way of showin how he was feelin.
Jack looked closely at a tiny blotch on the side of the horse's head.
It was blood. He felt something surge up inside him. Even after Ennis
had nicked himself, he had continued. In spite of the pain. Jack felt
hopeful; maybe He and Ennis would be alright. In spite of what was
waiting off Brokeback



He drank down the last dreads of the thick coffee, started in on the
day's chores. There were lots to do. He cast a quick look up, took in
the approaching dark clouds. Best be chopping more firewood he
thought. He worked quietly, his mind drifting from time to time
towards thoughts of Ennis. Reliving the feeling of his mouth on his or
his breath hot against damp skin. He raised his hand to his chest and
felt. It was still there where he had tucked it, the little wooden
horse close up to his heart. By late noon, he had done most of what
needed doing, hauled up several buckets of water, got feed ready for
his horse and Ennis's when he got back. Chopped a stack of firewood
for the next few days. Time for fixin supper.



Jack checked the traps, hoping lighting would strike twice. They were
empty. No rabbit tonight. He looked around wondering what he could
find for supper. They both hated the tins of cheap beans. He moved to
the river. There was fish down near deeper water.



As the sun slipped down over the low peaks, Ennis rode in. He set out
the feed and water Jack had left for the horses. There was no sign of
him, though the fire was going, a pot of peeled spuds boiling away.
Ennis cast a worried look around. Wasn't like Jack not to be by the
fire cookin or waitin.


  "Jack" he yelled.


No reply came. Panic. Taking his gun off the saddlebag, Ennis walked
down to the river. He came to a dead stop near a clearing of trees and
watched, fascinated. There in the icy water stood Jack. On the bank,
tossed aside, his clothes. Ennis looked. Jack was young, rough manual
work had chiseled out a hard and muscled body. Jack had the smoothest
skin, the softest hair, he remembered. Ennis stood there taking it all
in. Jack's long legs, tight ass, flat stomach and strong hard arms.
Hair the colour of aged oak and eyes like pools of water reflecting a
blue sky.   It was strange. He and Jack had made love many times now
but he had never really looked at him. Really, looked at him.



" Are yer just gonna stand there or are yer gonna help catch yer
supper?" Jack called out. His voice startling Ennis.


" Thought I saw me a bear ……down by here river" Ennis yelled back, his
face flushed.


Jack looked around, worried.


"Dangit, was the scrawniest bear I ever did see" he said grinning,
hopping on one foot as he yanked off his boots.


Jack looked at him, "How long yer been standing there?"


"Hardly no time at all" Ennis lied. " Fish for supper huh? Rabbits got
smarter than yer, did they?"


Within an hour they caught two medium sized fish, cleaned and gutted
them in the river and were now enjoying the sizzle on the fire. A
sizzle that meant, no beans tonight. Jack talked away, as he dished
out the large boiled spuds, baked onions and grilled fish.


"Ennis, yer ever thought of maybe getting yer own place someday?" Jack
asked, between mouthfuls.


"Well I've …been saving some ..but its slow and good payin jobs…they
hard to come by "


"Alma..She like it out in the country.?"


"Hell no…Alma ..She's a town girl… never raised round stock much…."


Jack kept silent for a long time, staring into the fire.


"You and her ever?" he asked.


" Me and Alma…….?" Ennis blushed, kicking the fire with his boot.
"Heck …Alma. …She's ….she's……a good girl…yer know..err.. Raised
right…I've have held her hand some."


" Held her hand, Ennis?" Jack grinned.."you mean you aint never
…gotten..a bit.."


" Now hold on there….I jus told yer….Alma …she aint like that at
all….sure when we's married and all…." He trailed off thinking of what
being married to Alma would be like.


Jack took a gulp of whisky, swallowed slow and asked.


" So the only time yer ever…been with me? " he asked hopeful, tilted
eyes watching Ennis face carefully.


Ennis lowered his hat down shielding his eyes, suddenly uncomfortable.


"Told yer… I ….I …aint had much opportunity…hell I aint pretty like
yer…" he growled.


Jack looked down into the fire as a small smile slowly spread across
his face.


He was the first. No matter who came after. He had been first and yer
always remember the first one.


" Time fer bed…" Ennis said, stretching out, yawning. " Yer coming?"


Jack grinned at the veiled invitation. Maybe it was all this talk that
had gotten Ennis "sleepy". He was kinda getting used to the way Ennis
would suggest things to him without actually saying so.


" Yeah…comin.." he said. "Jus let me clear up out here…"


Jack stood, a little wobbly from the two mugs of whisky they that
downed while talking. He steadied himself and pulled on the edge of
his jacket, snagged against the stump. It didn't budge. Jack pulled on
it hard, cussing.


Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a small dark object fly out, land
in the fire.


Ennis stumbled into the tent, pulling off his boots and jacket when
the campfire flared up. He turned, caught sight of Jack in the flames.


Bolting out of the tent, with boots undone, yelling, Ennis threw
himself at Jack; grabbing anything he could hold onto, arm, hair, coat
and dragged the screaming man out. Ennis pushed him to the ground,
using his bare hands to beat down the flames that had shot up one side
of his arm.


" Shit!!…Fuck ..Jack…. what the fuck are yer doing?" Ennis yelled as
Jack seem to struggle to get back to the fire.


"Dammit!! …You drunk or somthin?" he struggled with Jack.


He could hear Jack's pleas but hardly make out the words. Then looking
down, he froze in horror at the sight of Jack's hands, burnt raw.


"Fuck Jack!" he said hauling him to his feet, half dragging him to the
river. The water was icy; they both shuddered as he dragged Jack in,
holding the burnt hands under the rushing cold river water.


" Are yer out of yer fuckin mind?" he shouted, worried, frantic and
angry all at once. The pain searing through him as if he had been burnt.


" My horse…" Jack wept, his face pressed into Ennis coat, his hands
stinging.


" I aint worried about no fuckin horse…yer near got both yer hands
burnt off…. what are we gonna do, huh? Out here…no doctor fer miles…"
Ennis said.


"My horse…the one yer made me…in the fire…" he choked out.


Ennis understood.


" Shit! that aint nothing special Jack……Why? Why? jus for a stupid
piece of wood…"


"Because I …… Ennis..…I wont lose any part...I cant."


Ennis felt his insides pull and ache. Like the twist of an oiled rope.
   He knew what Jack was saying to him even if he didn't hear the
words. He stood in the freezing river, held onto Jack.


"Shhh…I know ….its ok.we're ok."


Back by the fire, the cold icy water numbed the pain that Ennis knew
would soon come in full force. Them hands looked real bad to him. He
wanted to take a look at them again, see if there was something he
could do but it worried him. Seeing Jack in pain caused him a funny
sort of pain too.



He'd have to get Jack good and drunk so it wouldn't be so bad. But
hell, he didn't know what to do about them hands. Ennis stood up;
pulled off his wet things, spread them out on the stump by the fire.
Then, he dried Jack`s clothes, bundling him up with an old woolen
blanket, used on the horses some nights. He came back with a new
bottle of whisky, a bundle tucked under his arm.


"I can't drink any more Ennis." Jack said, eyes still filled with tears


"Hell! Here I am freezing, after havin to drag yer sorry ass in and
out of that there river and yer gonna make me drink alone?"


Jack relented taking a quick gulp from the bottle, the liquid warming
him up as it moved down.


"Best be looking at yer hands now. Can have them getting infected"


Jack held out his hands, blackened in some parts but mostly cleaned up
by the running water.


Ennis grimaced when he saw the raw and peeling skin. It looked bad,
worse now that the dirt had been washed off. He swallowed a gulp of
whisky and steadied himself. He undid bundle he'd taken from his
saddlebag, pulled out a small piece of sheepskin. He had skinned it up
on the hill a couple of days ago, after one of the lambs had up and
died. No point wasting it, he had thought. Maybe good under the saddle
or in his shoes. He was sure glad he had saved that skin. He pulled
out his knife and cut it down the middle, wrapping Jacks hand gently
in a piece, securing it with an extra pair of shoelaces from his pack.
The grease from the skin would soothe the pain and the fleece keep the
wound clean and padded. He did the other hand noting that Jack had
gone pale.



" Time fer bed now…. this time yer comin with me." Ennis grunted,
hauling Jack to his feet, helping him into the tent. Jack was quiet.


Ennis confused that he was so cut up about that silly horse. Still he
wanted to do something, anything to help. He put aside Jacks hat,
smiling at the now wilting flower tucked into the brim.


Jack sat there in stony silence, his mind drifting through a mental
slideshow of all his losses, all the times he had messed up. Fallin
off that mare when he was 9. Now this. He knew the horse going into
the fire was his fault. If only.


He began to sob quietly. Ennis felt his insides break. He leaned over
and kissed him on the mouth, softly. Then, he kissed each spot a tear
had rolled down.


" Jack" he said finally. "I'm still here.Aint going no where."


Jack looked up; his large bundled hands wouldn't even let him hold
Ennis tonight.


"I can't even touch yer" he said broken.


" Hell ..that aint important". Ennis said shrugging his shoulders.


With that he pushed Jack down on the bedroll, and laid his head on
Jack chest, listening to the breathing. If anything should ever happen
to yer, Jack……I swear… he thought.


He rolled onto his side and kissed Jack again, hard and full on the
lips, his two large hands holding Jack's face. Jack felt his longing
grown as he drowned his pain in Ennis kisses. Hungry, his mouth sought
out Ennis. He ran his tongue gently on Ennis's lips into his waiting
mouth. Their kisses started slowly, then like falling into a soft down
bed, they fell, longer deeper kisses, trying to reach into each
other's forever. Ennis let his hand wonder over Jack, stirred by the
memory of him naked in the river that evening. His rough hands traced
each line, each raised tendon, each muscle of Jack's body. He could
hold it, have it all to himself tonight.



Jack shivered, feeling helpless to do very much. Savoring the feel of
Ennis warm hands on his bare skin. Each spot Ennis ran his hand across
seemed to burn long after. He wanted more. Ennis sat up and pulled the
blanket off his shoulders. Naked and warm, he lay down next to Jack,
pressing up against him, wrapping them both up. He then moved himself
carefully over on top of Jack, his long body over his friend, his
lover. He kissed Jack again, then moved down to his stomach, his
tongue, moving, feeling and tasting all that was Jack. Jack opened his
eyes, marveled at such tenderness. He ached so much to touch Ennis, to
feel how good he felt under his hands but he couldn't. Ennis came back
up to him, kissed him, with a fierce hunger, then he raised himself up
and looked into Jack's eyes. They locked eyes, Jacks deep blue against
Ennis dark smoky brown. Each a wild mixture of pain, ache, longing and
something else hard to define. They looked at each other, drawing each
other's soul out into the moment.



Ennis traced his finger slowly along the line of Jack's jaw. His
finger caressing the faint shadow of stubble already forming. Stopping
at his lips. Brushing his finger slowly against the softness. Smiled
at the hot wisps of air that escaped the eager mouth. Jack's breathing
now heavy and anxious. Jack tuned his head slightly, his tongue
flicking against Ennis finger before taking it into his mouth. He
sucked on Ennis finger, teased it with his tongue and tasted him.
Ennis watched fascinated at this new way of lovemaking, yet it aroused
him. Deeply. He moved his hand down, coiled his fingers into the
coarse warm hair, tuggin and smiling at Jack's reaction. His hand
slowly moving down to Jacks hard cock. He stroked it with his
fingertips, wet his lips, and let it slide into his mouth, his eyes
fixed on Jacks face all the time. It had now become clenched and
eager, slowly he began to suck, his tongue flicking the delicate
areas, each taste, each sensation, pushing Jack to soft low moans.
Jack's mind spun with the wild sensation of Ennis hot tongue. His body
ached with want dreading the moment he would not feel Ennis.



"Ennis …I….I…. want to tell you somthin… " Jack said aching, his words
forced out through clenched teeth. But there was no time as he felt
the wave quickly overtake him. He shook with pleasure; his head
jerking back, eyes shut, every fiber of him clenched the closeness of
Ennis. Falling, sinking, drowning.



Jack opened his eyes; Ennis was looking down on him, stroking his
hair. He tried to speak again.  Ennis put his finger to his lips to
silence him. No words were needed now. He simply wanted to hold Jack,
make it through this night. Knew the next couple of days would be
hard. Them hands were in a bad state.



Ennis held Jack in his arms, Jack's head against his. He closed his
eyes listening to him breathe, feeling their heart beat almost in
time. Within minutes, he was asleep. Jack lay there, his hands
beginning to throb. He concentrated on the steady sound of Ennis
breathing, while in his heart, Jack whispered out his secret, over and
over again…through the silence of love and longing…... I would walk
through fire for you Ennis…..through fire.


End of part 2.

[Kea]

Warning: Coarse language, sexual scenes..sad bits
 
Ain't Nothing Special 
 
 Part 3
 
  With the softest of steps it moved across the tall grass. Slowly
 edging nearer the water. Bright eyes, catching the moonlight. White
  spots, soft against the dark skin. It lowered its head down, took a
  few tentative sips from the icy water. It had to be only a week old
  yet when their eyes met, each had the same innocence and awe of
  life.  The tiny fawn seemed unafraid of the man that sat huddled across
 the riverbank from it, watching.
 

 Jack was mesmerized at the frailty of the tiny creature, out on its
 own, unafraid. He sat on the bank, naked, bundled in a coarse woolen
 blanket, unable to sleep and not wanting to wake Ennis. The
 throbbing in his hands had gotten worse. In the darkness, he had crawled out
 of  the tent, made his way to sit by the river. He did not expect a
 companion.
 

 A rustle in the bushes drew out a larger shadow. A stately buck,
 with  strong thick anthers, moving up towards the young fawn. Jack sat
 still in the darkness, watching as the stag nuzzled the tiny fawn, still
 shaky on his legs towards the trees. The two rubbed noses as the
 stag  led its young away from the river, back into the safety of the
 darkness. Jack felt a lump grow in his throat, an ache solidify in
 his  heart. All creatures deserved to be loved, he thought. We all need
 someone.
 
 

 The moon tonight seemed to dance across the fast flowing water. Only
 hours earlier they had stood in its freezing grasp as Ennis tried to
 sooth the pain of his burnt hands. That moment had gone, just like
 the  water that had flowed around them and then rushed on. Heading toward
 an unknown destination.
 


 Jack realized that things with him and Ennis were over. Yet again it
 was his own fault. He felt so small and alone, dwarfed by the pines
 that surrounded their little camp. Jack let his tears come. He
 seemed unable to hold anything or anyone good for long. He cried quietly
 into  the softness of the blanket. It was done. At first light before
 Ennis  woke, he would pack his things, leave Brokeback. Leave Ennis.
 


 "The pain bad?" came the voice from behind him, thick , hoarse with
  sleep.
 

 Ennis had woken and stumbled out of the tent, wrapped in a blanket,
 far too weary to bother with clothes.
 

 He sat down on the damp grass, next to Jack. Pulled up close, his
 hands tucked into his blanket.
 

 The two men didn't speak. Ennis felt heaviness in Jack that he was
 not used to. He did not like it at all.
 

 "More whisky? " Ennis suggested, thinking pain , the cause of Jack's
 brooding.
 

 Jack shook his head, eyes lowered, to hide tears. He could not let
 on to Ennis, he was going. It would be too hard. Best to just
 disappear.
 

 Ennis was not used to this stranger next to him. Not like Jack at
 all. He was always the first one to start talking, reach out to touch
 Ennis or flash that brilliant smile. Something was wrong. He didn't know
 what to do.
 

 "Jack?"
 

 "Yeah?"
 

 " Don't mind the horse …I can make yer a new one anytime. Heck I can
 make yer a whole stable full " Ennis tried, forcing out an
 uncomfortable laugh.
 

 Jack leaned over, rested his head on Ennis shoulder. He felt so much
 older than the 19 years he was. He had aged in the last hours, felt
 so  weary.
 

 Ennis reached across, his strong arm drawing Jack closer in. He
 cuddled him harder than he had ever done, a feeling suddenly welling
 up inside him that if he didn't hold on tight enough, Jack would
 float away. Already he felt part of Jack was gone. It ached him so hard in
 his chest; he had to force himself to breathe.
 

 Jack snuggled in closer to Ennis, trying to take in what he felt
 would be his last few hours with him.
 

 How do you say goodbye to your own spirit, your heart. Cut it out,
 walk away.
 

 He burrowed his head into Ennis neck, taking in the hot musty scent
 that was him. He closed his eyes, drinking it all in, forcing his
 mind to remember that scent, to burn it on his heart for all time. He
 gasped with the pain of what would come.
 

 Ennis heard the soft sound, drew his hand out from under his
 blanket, slid into Jack's. He found the warm skin of Jack's chest underneath.
 Slowly, Ennis stroked over Jack's heart, a gentle massage, almost
 like a desperate attempt to revive that part of Jack that he adored.
 Jack  his eyes shut, savoring the touch.  He loved the feel of Ennis rough
 calloused hands over his skin, brushing the hair on his chest.
 Before Ennis, he had never ever been touched with such gentleness or love.
 Funny to think, considering  Ennis scruffy exterior. Yet in ways
 Jack could not explain, nature had carved into this man a sprit that was
 quiet, strong, tender. A part that the cruelty of life could not
 scratch  out.
 

 Ennis hand found its way across to Jack's nipple, he circled it with
 is fingers, touching it till it seemed to harden under his hand .
 Jack shivered under Ennis touch. Ennis drew him in closer, joining two
 blankets against the night. Jack started to kiss Ennis neck,
 brushing his tongue over the skin, until Ennis turned, catching his mouth and
 plunging into a deep kiss.
 

 Jack kisses were hungry, urgent and almost aching. Ennis could feel
 them hard against his lips, almost bruising. His mind spun confused.
 He knew this was Jack he held but there was something so very wrong
 tonight. Ennis ran his tongue over Jack's lips and into his mouth.
 The tip searching, building a deepening sense of longing. Trying to draw
 out all the pain Jack was feeling. Jack sought back his tears as his
 lips crushed into Ennis; he had to remember this feeling. Then lock
 it away.
 

 "Ennis " Jack whispered against his neck. reaching his hand
 underneath the blanket to Ennis cock, touching the warm coarse hair.
 

 Ennis felt himself harden almost instantly. He turned his face to
 Jack.
 

 " Please … " Jack said, his eyes locked on Ennis.
 

 Jack's look startled him, he caught his breath. Either the moonlight
 was playing tricks on him or Jack's eyes had changed color. The blue
 seemed to have faded, leaving dark brooding pits of nothing.
 

 " No Jack, I can't hurt yer…I don't want it to get too rough …yer
 hands ..…if I were to."
 

 "Please Ennis " Jack's plea whispered again.
 

 He needed him now for the last time more than he had ever craved
 him. Their first fuck had been all about desire, longing and an unseen
 force that threw them headlong into the moment. This time it would
 be about remembering, savoring and saying goodbye.  He continued to
 stroke Ennis cock to force him to reach a point where he would not
 be able to say no. He could already see that look in Ennis eyes.
 

 " How ….do yer …" Ennis started.
 

 Jack, drew himself away from Ennis, threw off the blanket and
 lowered his back onto the damp grass. He could feel the ground beneath him
 echo with the feel of the river a few feet away. It was an over
 whelming, erotic feeing. He looked up at Ennis. Jack had always like
 the look of him from the very first time he had seen him, propped
 against Aguirre's trailer, brooding.
 

 Tonight, Ennis looked like a dream he once had as a boy. One of
 those nights when his daddy had taken a whip to him for something he done.
 His momma too scared to come up to see him. Jack had lain curled up
 on his bed, holding himself. He shut his eyes to dream of kind words,
 hugs and a father who loved him. It was then he saw the glow of
 gold, a figure that reached out , held him and sent him into sweet sleep.
 With the moon on Ennis hair, he had come right out of Jack's dream.
 Ennis moved down,his head close against Jack's , spoke into his
 ears, soft, low sounds. Like a prayer or lullaby. Jack felt himself sink.
 Ennis brushed his lips against the side of Jack's neck, humming soft
 and low. Turning to gently take the small earlobe in between his
 teeth. Jack pressed himself into Ennis, reaching, longing.
 

 " Whoa boy " Ennis whispered.
 

 " Tonight we do this slow,ok?"
 

 Jack nodded, helpless to stop his body from reacting to Ennis. He
 tired to shut down his brain. Forget that daylight would come. Tried
 to imagine a world without light at all.
 

 He gasped as Ennis tongue, flicked lightly against his inner thigh.
 He had not even felt Ennis move. Each flick sent a wave through him, a
 vibration so much like the rumble  of the river next to him. He
 senses alive, his skin tingled with the feel of Ennis tongue, his back
 feeling the soft damp grass beneath him. Ennis hands had hold of
 Jack's cock as he gently pumped the hardened flesh. Jack felt him
 arms go limp, stretch out, bundled hands aching to grasp Ennis head and
 touch him This was the cruelest knowledge of all that he would not
 be able to feel Ennis under his hands. He fought back the tears, 
 

 Ennis stopped for a moment, looked at him uncertain if he was
 causing him pain or pleasure. Gently Ennis propped up Jack's legs onto his
 shoulders. Stroked his anus with his fingertips , while Jack moaned,
 the sound catching deep in his throat. Ennis waited for the moment
 Jack opened his eyes and fixed it on him, to plunge in, hard ,
 grunting.
 

  Jack felt his  body arch back; a groan escape his lips, a feeling
 of being unable to see. Blinded . He felt headed for the edge, like he
 was about to fall,  like the water, swirling, lost in the strong
 current. Each thrust , pushing into that swirl, circled with wild
 sensations. He could feel himself drawn into the center, the sound
 of Ennis low grunts.  He shivered, jerked and came with a heart-
 breaking moan, like a wounded animal, leaving traces of himself over Ennis
 chest.
 
 
 Ennis continued to push into him, watching his face for a return of
 the Jack he knew, tonight In spite of their love making Ennis felt a
 stranger beneath him. Like Jack's spirit had wandered off in the
 night seeking dreams, leaving only his shell behind. With each thrust
 Ennis felt that longing to feel Jack return, his need becoming more urgent
 and panicked. He was disappointed; the vacant look remained in
 Jack's eyes though his body responded like it had always done . He needed
 Jack back so badly. Feeling his body. tired, aching, Ennis came,
 falling onto Jack as he sensed part of him escape lost forever.
 
 

 Jack skin was hot; his muscled body glistened with sweat. Salty.
 Ennis burrowed his face into the pit of Jacks arm, it was warm , wet and
 soothing. Hot air from their panting making mists around them He ran
 his fingers over his lover's body, then wandered over his heart.
 Gently he touched the beating spot, inside him asking "Jack, where
 are you".
 
 

 Sleep came. Helping to push aside questions. Together on the soft
 grass, arms ,legs and hearts wound tight in a wild jigsaw. Pieces
 that had come together to fit, to create something too special for the
 glare of dawn.
 
 
 
 The first shrill bird call roused Jack. His body warm next to Ennis.
 In their  sleep they had  grabbed the blankets, wound them around
 each under and succumbed again. Jack felt Ennis warm soft breath on his
 cheek, whips of air, fleeting. He propped himself up, looked over at
 Ennis in faint light. There was no time now. He knew what he had to
 do. Pulling himself up he covered Ennis. He walked towards the tent.
 In minutes, he crawled out, struggling to pull on his rough coat. On
 his shoulder, a small pack with a few things he had brought up to
 Brokeback. Smuggled out of cold ashes a tiny piece of a wooden horse
 head, the rest charred off. He moved slowly, quietly, towards his
 horse under the trees.
 
 
 
  Suddenly, sized by a terrible ache, Jack bent over, he held his
 head for a moment overcome by a mixture of nausea and despair. He turned
 towards Ennis. Set his pack down and walked over to the sleeping
 man.
 

  Kneeling beside him, Jack used his teeth to undo the sheepskin and
 laces that bandaged one hand. He ignored the pain, the stinging he
 felt as the cold air hit it. He avoided looking at it.
 

  Instead using the back of his hand, he leaned in and brushed Ennis
 cheek, softly, running his hand down Ennis shoulder and arm.
 Stroking his hair with soft light brushes. He could not stop the tears now.
 He needed to just touch him one last time. Just to feel him. He had to
 do this. He had to walk away and leave his heart with Ennis for today,
 for always.
 

 Gently, he bushed his lips against Ennis's. Pausing to feel the warm
 softness under it. Then using all the strength he had, he pulled
 himself to his feet. Walked towards his horse , away in the
 darkness.
 

 Ennis stirred in his sleep, filled with dreams of a home, a ranch
 out in the mountains and a life with Jack. A space without fear or
 dread. A sweet dream.

 
 No one hears when a dream is  formed or when a heart breaks. If only
 we could be signaled of such events with a thunderous blast, prehaps
 then we could rush headlong and save what we love.
 

 The river rushed by unmoved as the dawn cracked opened the darkness.
 On the grass now warmed, lay two hearts, one beating, one left
 behind.
 
 
 End of part 3
 
tbc

[Kea]

*** Warning: Coarse Language, sexual references. ITS HEAVY GOING.


Aint nothing Special

Part 4

The thick black liquid brought no comfort. Not like it had on many a
cold morning up in the mountains. Ennis swirled his coffee around the
chipped enamel mug. Gritty, bitter and tasteless. Nothing much had
changed. The camp, the same. The smell of the trees in the air. The
rush of the river.

Life was the same.

Why then did he feel so different this morning? Empty. Hollow. He
glanced over at the vacant stump. Jack was not here. He stared at the
old stump, found by the river the morning they set up camp. Jack
laughing, as he hoisted the thing on his shoulders, one for each of
them. It seemed important to him that their camp felt just right.
Almost like he was carving out a world that was fit for them both,
rather than just a place to bed down for the night, eat supper.

He took a quick gulp, raised his hand to his eyes. He felt hot
stinging tears. No. No crying is worth the trouble. These things
happen. He looked at the stump again. Vacant. Closing his eyes for a
moment, sinking into a memory.


He saw Jack, perched on it, slurping coffee, grinning, complaining of
how cold it was. Not Beans again. His laugh seemed to sprinkle a kind
of freshness into the air. The sight making Ennis gasp, reach out.

Nothing.

With a grief that knows no years, Ennis flung his mug across the camp,
let out a low moan. His head clenched in his hands. The years flitted
away.

" Real sorree K.E…yer ma and pa …they were real good folk…."

" Found em down near the bend…. didn't suffer much…"

" If there's anything we can do…yer just holler…."


Ennis stood there between his older brother and sister; part shielded
behind his sister's faded yellow dress. That morning the Sheriff had
come.


He sat out on the front porch till the day died away. He would not
believe they would leave him. Not his Ma. Never. Ennis held onto the
scent of her, a mixture of cinnamon, apples and soap. She had a light
within her that just shone out her eyes.


When that day ended, so did part of Ennis. Like the last bits of
purple that spread across the sky, a bruise on a young heart. Sealed,
shut away.

Gone.

Innocence dies without even a whimper, like the gentle shift of the
wind. A subtle change in one's soul.  Unseen, unnoticed.


Just like that day on the porch, Ennis had sat waiting first by the
river, then the camp. It took him a long time to see that Jack's bag
and horse were gone too. He had refused to look. Unwilling to accept
the fact that he could have been left.. Again.


He was confused. Why? What was he to do now?


Angry. He had felt it last night when they were making love. He should
have held on tighter. Not let go.


His head ached. Bewildered and confused. He could not understand any
of this.


He had spent the better half of every day trying to convince himself
it would not happen again. It was over.  It was not right them
carrying on like that. Not proper.


Then he would ride into camp, see Jack and it would all be different.


It didn't take much. Jack's soft lips on his to say Hello or even the
scent of him when he passed Ennis. Soft, lingering, musky, Jack.  He
had fought his insides that would curdle with the thought that he had
made love to a man. Then when he saw Jack's face, his sprit moved with
such a stirring that it made him sink. Deeper into the eyes of this
man. A sweet sweet drowning in pools of blue.


Ennis scraped his boot over the rough sandy ground. His mind whirled.
He had tried always to keep things in control. Yet, somehow without
him even being aware Jack had come softy into his life, into his heart.


Now he was gone.


Its fer the best…. Ennis mumbled.


It can't keep goin on …


Had to come a time…


Yet deep inside him, he felt a pull away from where he was, leading
him towards the thick cage of trees that surrounded their camp.
Urgent, painful, desperate.


He shook his head.


Gone and lost my mind he complained. All this over a fella


He tried to do what he had done for years.


Brace himself.


Shove it down deep. Deep.


Carry on.


He didn't like it at all that Jack now had this hold on him. The blues
eyes, gentle spirit holding Ennis.  Tight. It scared the shit out of
him. It could  hurt. Hurt. Not like a brawl outside a bar could hurt
you. But a hurt that took your  breath away, numbed your insides and
bruised your soul.


The kind of hurt he sealed away one night, on a cold porch as the sun
went down.


He felt stuck. Bogged down, in some thick mud, that was strangely
comforting but took him nowhere nearer the happiness he so wanted.


Damn you! Jack Fuckin Twist!


Damn you.!


Ennis pulled himself off the tree stump, grabbed his rifle, jumped on
his horse.


Damn fool was not going to survive out there anyways…. not with a
storm comin…that and his hands messed up.


It was the right thing to do, he told himself.


Just the right thing to do.

***

The soft hair was comforting, as Jack lay his head down on the back of
his horse. He was in such pain. His hands ached without the whisky to
cut the edge. Hoisting himself up into the saddle had been sheer
agony.  He felt tired, drained. Too tired to know or care where to go.
He let the horse guide him. As long as it was away.

Away, from the one place he truly wanted to be.


He had always felt alone.


Set apart from the world, never quite finding his place. Always on the
outside looking in. He had tried to find someone all his life but for
one reason or another, they always found out about him. Then it would
be over. He lived in his dream world of rodeos, cheering crowds of
people who would think he was special.


Who would see him.


The horse stopped. Jack lifted his head, in front off a deep cliff .
Had he been in a better mood he would have relished the view. Now the
wind as it swept though only brought with it a sense of loss. A
mournful mocking. It seemed to cut right into him. He slid  off the
horse, landing slumped on the ground. He groaned at the stinging in
his hands. He could tell the wound was staring to fester some as the
sheepskin  had yellowed .


He dragged off his pack, moved over to a small bush, There he poured
out a drink of water, gulped it down. Gazed out. The view stretched
out before him. Dark tall pines forming a tight wall around the base
of peaks, dusted with fresh snowfall. Cold crisp air filled his lungs.
He could see a small river wind its way through. For a moment he
wondered if it would be the very same river that ran by their camp. He
wished he could somehow hurl his sprit into that river, find Ennis again.


He put his hand into his pack; groped around, found the tiny bit of
the wooden horse rescued from the fire. Ennis didn't know. Didn't
really understand. It was something special. It had meant to Jack,
that he mattered. Enough to be thought of. Enough to be given a gift,
made with Ennis own hands.


Enough maybe to be part of Ennis's life.


Ennis saw him. For the first time in his life, Jack thought. Someone
had actually seen him.


"yer nothing but a worthless son of a bitch " came the voice. Snarled
and angry.


"Aint no fuckin good and yer never will be…. shit… yer cant even stay
on a half dead mare ……yer aint gonna never amount to nothing…."


Jack tried to cover his ears but the sound welled up from inside him
He could not shut it out. He gritted his teeth, held back the tears.


Never ever let him see yer cry, he used to repeat over and over again.
Even when he is hitting the daylights out of yer. Never cry.


The voice inside him continued, blended with time and space, a wild
mash of events, places.


"Bout time yer earned yer keep round here…I ain't supporting yer
yellow arse no more the voice yelled.


With that came a blow, one of many he had from him. Hot searing pain,
a sensation of being worth nothing. Blinding .Breaking . Jack had
fallen to the ground. His face to the worn floorboards. Nothing. He
clenched his fists, so wanted to hit him back. He had grown much
taller and bigger than the other man.


But it aint never right to hit yer own daddy.


Instead he had run out of the house, jumped into the old beat up
truck, drove off. His momma at the door, yelling after him to have
something to eat at least.


He would head off the Agguire's.; Folks in town said they was doing
some hiring. He would earn his keep, be a man. Be the man his father
wanted him to be. Get it right..


He ran his hand across his eyes, wiping away tears. Damn! Who was
gonna give him a job looking like that.


Red eyes and unshaven.

He would have to try to clean up when he got there. There would be
time. Old man Agguire liked that second cup of coffee at the diner
before making his way over to work.

The memory faded.


Jack ran his thumb slowly and gingerly over the little fragment of his
gift.


"If you don't do right, yer lose what yer have", he said, softly.


The words choking in his throat.  Like he had lost the little
Rodeo horse his momma had given him. Like he was now losing Ennis


It had become so clear to him in the early hours after making love,
lying there in Ennis arms, listening to him breathe. He was too hurt
to do the job he was hired to do. There was way too much for Ennis to
manage it all, plus what good could he be, if he couldn't pull his
fair share. He desperately wanted Ennis to respect him. To see him as
good enough. Good enough to keep. Good enough to love.


  But not when he was like this.


It had come crashing down on him, a silent thunder he alone could
hear. If he didn't leave, Ennis would get rid of him anyway. He would
be no good, no use. The idea of Ennis turning him away seized up his
insides like a noose. He had to go, at least leaving Ennis respecting
him for doing the right thing. He would go down to Agguire place,
quit, have someone new sent up to help Ennis. Ennis needed the money.
He needed the job. Jack could not expect him to do two man's work
while earnin one man's pay.


He sat here silent for along time, thoughts flitting through him like
feathers blown across by a surreal wind.


Light, fleeting,  too hard to hold onto.


He relived the moment when Ennis had come into his tent the second
night. The look that Ennis had had, while he held him , kissed him.
Jack had the feeling that this was all so new to Ennis


It was more than the touching or kissing. More even than making love
to a man. To him. It felt  like Ennis had opened up a hidden part of
himself.


Jack had felt it come rushing out at him, dark, heavy and wild.
First, pained almost aching touches, a need to be held. Then Jack
could feel it in each deep kiss, each urgent rush of Ennis's hands
over his skin. Something had opened up. It aroused yet overwhelmed Jack..


Mixed with the tenderness and passion, a sense of loss, of grief, of
longing. At some points he almost felt, he held a child rather than
the grown man that filled his arms.


Ennis was buried in there so deep that Jack could hardly find him
sometimes, hidden behind the veil of coarseness, silence. He had
kissed Ennis that night with all had in him, each touch across Ennis
body to let him know that he cared, that he felt him and that he
wanted him. He needed Ennis to know this.


To know it without saying a word.


Jack saw Ennis.


The strange way one hurting person can see and hear another. While the
world moves on deaf, the soul of a wounded heart sends out a low sigh
than only another tear stained heart can hear.


That night, few words were spoken. Jack heard for the first time, the
deep sigh in Ennis spirit to be loved and held.


An ache rose in Jack's heart. What if it was not all about him? What
kind of man would Ennis be if Jack now deserted him. What if he really
meant something to Ennis? He looked at the horse head in his hands.
Ennis had cut himself and yet carried on carving it, Jack thought.


"I ain't much but I think I am all he's got", Jack thought.


He suddenly remembered the sight of Ennis standing by Aguirre trailer
head bowed low, shut off. . He could not risk Ennis shutting himself
off again. Even if Ennis didn't want him there no more.  Even if he
would never say he cared or that he mattered. He would not let Ennis
shut out the glimpse of himself furrowed deep inside that Jack had
seen. A beautiful spirit of a man.  Someone his own heart now beat in
time to.


That night alone in their tent, making love. Holding each other, Jack
knew they had discovered a place, a person they each belonged to.


Finally.


It was simple really, Jack thought. Plain. He had not seen it before.
He loved Ennis. He knew he would never get the chance or dare to say
it to him. It didn't matter then if Ennis wanted him. Or if he'd have
a place in Ennis life. He had to be with him for as long as he was could.


He was so hurting to be wanted.


He could go as far away from Ennis as any horse or truck could take
him. But he could never leave Ennis. Not really.


He knew that night in the tent when Ennis had come to him willingly;
he had given far more of himself than just his body, his kisses. He
had given Ennis a part of himself. Offered it to him. He knew that
always he would be joined to Ennis with this unseen filament like the
string on a violin. Any movement in Ennis's heart would resonate in
his too.


He forced himself to his feet, his head spinning. He felt tired, hot.
Aching he pulled himself on to his horse and started back for the camp.


The sky had darkened, the wind quiet down. With it too the voices in
Jack's head. Now instead he heard a soft low sigh come deep within
him. He placed his aching hand to his heart. His eyes filled with tears.


  "Ennis". he said softly.


End of part 4

Tbc.

[Rayn]

Ennis goes to his daughter's wedding.   Her happiness and her new husband's love for her sink in and give him the courage to move to Denver where he meets another cowboy who, like Jack had, shares many of his interests.  They live together, in love, for the rest of their lives.

The End.

PS:  Sorry, I can't leave Ennis all alone without a partner and I'm a sucker for happy endings! 

[twistedude]

Your writing gerts better and better! That last part was the best yet...can't wait for the rest...

But...a dash of Furisan ointment, and Jacks' hands would be well in a week...honest...even when it looks deeply infected and like the skin'll never grow back agian. Doesn't Jack know about the penicilin drugs? You have Jack leaving for two reasons: 1) he can't do any work with his hands messed up, and 2) he thinks, it's got to end sometime..becasuse of the way Ennis feels.

Are you sure?

Well, the story isn't ever yet, but I'm not looking forward to  a 14th century death from blood poisoning...please, one was enough! (Kristin Lavrensdatter)

[Kea]

Thanks Julie

your reply made me smile...needed that today.....its interesting your take on what I had written...

I dont like to mess with people's perceptions....cos we each need to read a story and see how it speaks to our heart....but to my own it felt

 Jack left cos of the voices in his head....and the belief entrenched too deeply ....almost beaten into him..over the years...

that love is something you earn......

""If you don't do right, yer lose what yer have", he said, softly.'

make sense.....??

Thank you so much for the encouragement...and for letting me know...it was so hard to post this here.....

I hope to start part 5.....people like you are like wind beneath my wings ...that little updraft when you feel you are falling..

hugs
Kea

[twistedude]

Ennis carving the horse:

CLICK TO ENLARGE:

[Kea]

Sorry for the long wait ....here is the concluding part...thank you for reading it..

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Annie Proux. I share them cos of my deep love and admiration for the spirt of these two men.

Warning : Course language, Sexual references and adult themes.

*************************************************************************

Aint nothing Special

Part 5

It came slowly .   The shifting of a few clouds, a darkened sky, a sense of fore brooding. Then large heavy drops, cold and icy. Ennis pulled up the collar of his jacket, tugged his hat down low over his eyes.

“ Fucking rain’, he thought. He had been riding now for over two hours and there was still no sign of Jack. Still Jack was likely more familiar with Brokeback than he was. He had been up here last year after all. He had said so. For a brief moment, Ennis wondered who had come up with him that year. Was it another guy? And did they.

Ennis shook the thought from his head. Didn’t matter. Still, he felt this strange pang of jealousy run through him. It was not in his nature at all Ennis knew, to be jealous. He never so much as faltered when Alma had talked about her first beau, a young man that worked running his daddy’s feed store.

Nothing at all.

 Not one thought of it. But the idea of Jack spending time up on Brokeback with another man, twisted in his gut. He wouldn’t let himself imagine, what may have happened between them. He couldn’t, it made him feel an ache.

Ennis wasn’t sure why Jack had gone and wandered off, what ever it was, he knew he'd have to do some fancy talking. He didn’t like talking much. Never saw the point of saying much when a yes or no would do. Talking to Jack around the campfire was different, with him the words, they came easy, the thoughts flowed. He felt drawn out of himself his ideas, dreams and the fragments of his life.  Jack, who could often talk up a storm, would then go quiet, listening, nodding. Giving him space to talk. He liked the fact that they kinda knew things without saying much.

He hated to admit it by he missed Jack. It had only been a coupla hours and he felt the sense of emptiness that he rode up the mountain with, slowly creep into his soul, like a fog.  Slowly rollin in over the tops of the trees.

His horse would be needing a break and water soon, Ennis rode down to the small creek that ran through the lowerest point of the woods. It was a quiet corner, thick trees and shrubs fighting for sunlight. It was dark. The thick canopy would at least give him a break from all that rain.

With his horse by the creek drinking, Ennis pulled out a cigarette saved from the morning and lit up. He took long slow puffs on it, memories rising like the plumes of smoke. With each draw against his lips, memories of Jack stirred.

 Ennis remembered how shocked he was by the moist softness of Jack’s lips. Hot whips of air escaping from them as he looked into Ennis eyes. No one had ever looked at him that way, with rawness and a longing. Ennis felt it course deep through him. His mind had gone into a tailspin but his body clearly recognized this feeling. He felt himself harden, grow tight again this worn jeans, his heart quicken. Within seconds, he tasted Jack, his mouth hungry for this new experience with someone his very being recognized. He felt a shiver go down him as he felt Jack tongue against his mouth, gently exploring and searching.  There was no mistaking he was kissing a man, he could feel the course stubble of Jack’s chin against his, smell him and feel the tight strong muscles of his neck. . The warm beads of sweat that clung to his skin. And the taste of him. Ennis never knew anything so intoxicating.

He smiled at his thoughts, drawing in a long puff on his cigarette. Then he felt it, hot heavy on his neck. He turned to find himself facing a large brown grizzly.

 Ennis knew the bear was not full grown but large enough to do damage. To kill. Panic searing through him, he fell back, scuttling back on the hands and feet. Skin grazing against the rough gravel. Yelling.  He felt the pull of its strong paw on his leg, sharp claws tearing at him, Ennis reached behind his head, grabbed a large fallen branch and desperately tried to hold it between him and the charging animal. He kicked with both legs, yelling and screaming. Stunned at the fight this smaller prey was putting up, the bear drew back a moment. Then he heard in his ear, Ennis heard…. soft and low…tense.

“ Shhhhh…don’t move.”

Jack’s voice. Still, Quiet.

He could see out of the corner of his eyes, Jack had raised his shotgun to his eye, was taking aim.

“ Fuck Jack…fuck…don’t yer miss…” came Ennis whispered snarl.

He could see Jack ‘s face, dark shaded by the trees, his hat tugged down low, suddenly breaking down into a slow grin.

“ Shhhhh……”

The shot hit the stunned animal. He did not miss.

Ennis dropped his head down, crumbled to the earth.

“ Ennis. …Ennis…. you ok? “ Came Jack ‘s worried voice.

Ennis reached out, grabbed Jack by the collar and pulled his head in. He burrowed his face into the man’s neck and held on.

“ Shit Ennis…she got yer. …But it aint so bad….”

“ Where. …Where…I …’ Ennis voice breaking.

“ Was over there by that crop of rock when I heard yer…. Fuck Ennis….”

He grabbed Ennis and held him. Both crying quiet tears, shreds of blind fear and relief.

It didn’t matter that they said nothing. Explained nothing. Expressed nothing. It only mattered to be present. To Hold, to touch, to be together.

The cold air broke the moment as they pulled apart, knowing that they needed the few hours of daylight left to help them get back to camp. In each heart an ache and eagerness to go back. Back to part of what was special. A scared spot made holy by an unusual love shared. More than just a canvas tent in the clearing.

 A soul spot.

It was pitch black when they arrived back at the camp. The tasks that needed doing were completed with a sense of urgency. Ennis claw marks, washed and wrapped up. The burns on Jack’s hands tended to with some concoction Ennis had mixed up, a mixture of crushed roots and leaves, found and stuffed into a saddle bag, on the way to search for him


 Now they sat by the warming fire alone, with each other. Jack leaning against the length of Ennis body. His head against Ennis shoulder. The day and all its emotions seemed to have drained the sound from the night as both men sat in silence looking at the flickering orange flame.

“ Aint we a pair “ Ennis said, raising his arm up and touching Jack’s hands.

Jack said nothing .He nodded ,  still struggled with his ghosts.

“ Be a’right” came Ennis voice in the dark.

“ We will work it out”.

Jack turned to look at him. eyebrows furrowed, questioning.

“ The work. we will manage”.

Jack nodded slowly. Hope slipping from his face.

“Jack?”

“ Yeah “

“ You ok? You want me to put more of that stuff on yer hands?”

 “ No its fine…” he said. Quietly.

“ I need to take a walk”, he said rising suddenly and heading down to the river.

Ennis watched him. He felt confused. Knew this was more than Jack going for a piss by some tree. There was something wrong again. This time he didn’t want to wait. He drew himself up and followed.

Jack walked down to the river, stood on the bank, looked up. He kept his gaze up, then dropped his head and stared at the ground. Ennis could see that shadow, shudder. Like a silent prayer lifted up, had somehow been ignored.

When Ennis reached him, Jack turned in the dark and spoke

“ Ennis what happens off Brokeback?”

“ Well, we take the sheep down, collect our…”

“ I’m aint t talking about that.” Jack bit in horsely

 “I mean between you and me…. this a one shot thing Ennis?”

Ennis froze. He didn’t know the answer. Didn’t have an answer.

He grunted something, lowered his head, his hands stuffed into his pockets.

“ Right…yeah.” said Jack. Turning and walking back to camp.

Ennis felt something well up inside him; he turned, grabbed Jack and pushed him hard against the tree. He held him there.  His strong arms pinning him down.

 Jack was stunned.

It was then Ennis saw his eyes were filled with tears. He blinked them away.

“ Fuck Ennis …whatca tryin to do now…break my back “ he hissed out.

“ I aint good with words Jack, yer know that…I cant say things all nice and pretty like you …Jack.yer just have to know it…. cos I aint never gonna say what I wanna say …..yer just have to hear it without me sayin…’ Ennis spoke slow and deliberately.

“ Ennis…maybe I need to  hear  whatca  cant say…maybe I need to know you can risk sayin it …”

‘ Jack ….I…things are different up here…heck the tress and critters they ain’t gonna tell no one but down there Jack with people watchin and knowing. and …”

Jack reached up , his hands hard and cold on Ennis face . His eyes , the blue darkening with a desparate need.

“ We’re not down there yet Ennis…aint no one here but us ….if you cant say it now …yer aint gonna get much chance when we get down.”

Ennis closed his eyes , gritted his teeth, his head learning against Jacks’ head , aching.

“Jack…when you were gone…I hurt like I was gonna die …right there…aint never felt no pain like that Jack…aint never felt nothing that hurting inside…I could'nt  hardly breathe …”

Jack held Ennis face in his hands and listened, looking deep into his eyes. Quiet tears falling off his face.

“ How can I feel yer.?…Taste yer….smell yer… And I feel yer in here,” he said his large hands thumping on his chest.

“ I know Ennis …I know …” came Jack voice soft and tender. Jack leaned in his lips pressed against Ennis forehead.as he whispered…

” God help me Ennis….yeah I know….”

“ Jack ….I aint no fucking  good…cant do nothing without yer”

Jack’s smile broke on his face. He clung onto Ennis collar and spoke to him slowly , his voice rasp with emotion.

“ I don’t need to hear much else Ennis….I hear yer….I hear yer…”

With that he pulled Ennis in, drew him into a long deep kiss. Passion, fear and ache blended together .His lips hard and bruising against Ennis, kisses with molten longing, drawn from deep inside. His tongue roamed into Ennis mouth , seeking out his. Pressed against his lips , he heard Ennis moan. Felt him tug his hair.

“ Jack….” Ennis hissed in his ear.

He felt Ennis draw back and reach for his belt buckle, snapping it undone. Next his fingers fumbled with the buttons on Jack’s jeans, tugging. He could hear their breathing growing, deep fast pants…

As his jeans fell around his feet, Ennis reached and held Jack’s cock, hard and stiff in his hand .The feeling sending a blot through Jack. He threw his head back against the tree his eyes clenched shut, his teeth gritted.

“ Ennis, yer know what this is doin to me “ he groaned.

Ennis was now on his knees…his hot mouth against the sensitive areas of Jack skin. Kissing.his thigh, brushing against his cock, His strong hands on Jack’s thighs, his balls . stroking. His tongue making soft flicks against skin.

“Damn it Ennis…” came a hoarse whisper.

Jack felt the sensation shoot up him, the longing for Ennis, intense and deep. He clenched his face, as he felt Ennis take his cock into his mouth. Slow deliberate sucks, moving steady up and down the shaft. Tongue flicking against his tight skin. Jack groaned. as a wild sensation gripped him. He leaned in grabbed Ennis head and drew it close into him. Not wanting to lose the feeling. His back arched against the rough bark of the tree. Its dry bark rough and hard against the skin on his bum. The grazing hurt but for now he didn’t give a fuck.

“Hell Ennis…what yer do to me…I….I… …” he panted out, words forced up against the swirl of sensations he felt.


He came into Ennis mouth, the moment throwing him hard back against the tree trunk, his eyes sweeping upwards to take in the stars as he felt himself soar. Drained, he dropped to his knees just as Ennis held him up. He kissed him deeply on the neck, sending a fresh wave of shivers down him. He felt a hard kiss on his neck, deep leaving a bruised mark of where Ennis had been.

Ennis drew back, licked his lips and smiled , that intoxicating taste of Jack , blended with the hot sweat that glistened on his skin now.

 Ennis felt Jack reach up to his shirt and start tugging away at the buttons, jeans undone and tossed aside within minutes. Jack dark blue shirt off and thrown over Ennis shoulder. Naked, hungry and filled with the need for each other, they held each other . The sweat on their skin, salty and slippery, mists rising from their urgent pants, clouding them in an almost ethereal mist.

 Jack kissed Ennis long on his mouth and then tuned his back to him, looking back with longing. Ennis leaned in his whole body covering Jack as he held himself up against the tree. He hugged Jack around the waist. Jack could feel Ennis was hard , his hips pressed up against Jack’s . Pulling him closer against him. Jack could feel Ennis warm lips on his back; feel his breath on his skin. The blasts of air, moist and warm. Ennis was hard and ready. Jack wrapped his arms against the tree trunks he felt Ennis pull away, ready himself and then enter Jack slowly. A low grunt escaped his lips, Jack dug his fingernails into the coarse bark of the tree, and his head flung back. Again Ennis drew back and entered him, this time with a hard full thrust that sucked the air our of Jacks lungs, he heard himself moan, swallowed up and lost to the feeling. He loved it that Ennis held onto him. His face pressed against Jacks back.

Ennis felt all the longing and worry and pain of the last few hours in each of his hard thrusts into Jack, his mind aching to match his body. He held onto Jack’s strong hard back, his hands feeling as each muscle tense and hardened with his thrust. He pressed his lips against the skin, tasting the taste of Jack, feeling him echo though deep groans in his chest. Together, they rocked against each other. Alone, existing for that moment only to be a part of each other. Joined, as one entity ,bodies, heart and sprits. Sealing a union and a fate.

Then in the middle of Ennis  moans and grunts, Jack heard it. A whisper. So soft he would have missed it is there weren’t so close to Ennis head againt his back, up near his ear.

“ Love ya…lil darlin “ it came soft and fleeting. A whispered secret.

Jack head fell forward against the tree trunk, his breath deep and heavy, his heart full. He blinked away a few hot tears. He had heard it. What he had longed to hear Ennis say. Maybe the only time. Maybe never ever again. But for now he had caught it, trapped it in the moment and sealed it with the most sacred part of him. To hold to the last moment of his life and beyond.

Ennis loved him. 

He sighed just as he felt Ennis  come, hot warm inside him. Ennis  groaned a deep long groan and fell against Jack’s back,.  Panting; drenched with sweat He could feel Ennis hot panting against his skin. They held each other, Ennis arms encircling Jacks waist, his head on Jack. Jack’s head turned up to meet Ennis mouth.  Holding each other . Holding the  moment. A moment to survive on.

Pulling apart, Jack turned around to face Ennis, their mouths against drawn to each other. An unknown and unfathomable magnetism. Each unable to repel.   Softer, tender, more content kisses, whispered words into each other’s ears.


Words of comfort . Words of promise.  Words that would be trapped by time. Held in the grasp of the same force that moves rivers , carves out mountains and draws hearts to become one.

Never to start.  Never to end , a continuity for eternity .

Words spoken in the darkenss from the depths of two hearts . Private, hidden ,sealed.

To be held till a time

When all time fell away.

THE END

[Kea in flight]

Hi

Lovely to find my story still up here.....thank you...


been away for a long time but I am back again......hoping to catch up with some familiar faces/name and some new ones..

Kea
(Kea in flight)

[cwby30]

Evenin', Kea.

Well, I'm glad it's still up, too.  Hadn't seen it before, and read through it just now.  Really good, caught their emotions and needs, especially Jack's to hear those words from Ennis at least once.  And it carried him for twenty years through everything. 

Thanks again.

[Kea in flight]

Hi

Thank you...I am glad you read it and enjoyed it..

Kea