Author Topic: That Little Bit of Hope, Chapter 17 up!  (Read 48185 times)

mvansand76

  • Guest
Re: That Little Bit of Hope, Chapter 15 up!(also, Just By Looking at You)
« Reply #130 on: November 22, 2006, 10:50:53 am »
I liked this:

He gripped the shirts tightly for a moment then folded them the best he could. He’d never even taken them from their hanger and their removal from his room was unsettling him in a way he couldn’t explain.

I could really feel that!

Jack thinks that Ennis thinks he is weak and I as the reader regard him as weak in this story up till now and in this chapter because of the drinking (again with Bobby next to him!  >:(). It's sad, I was hoping that he would have gathered some more strength by now to really do what he needs to do, try to imagine a life for him and Bobby and Ennis.  :(

mvansand76

  • Guest
Re: That Little Bit of Hope, Chapter 15 up!(also, Just By Looking at You)
« Reply #131 on: November 22, 2006, 10:52:18 am »
By the way, do you want to make a seperate thread for Just By Looking at you? I think it deserves one!  :)

Offline littleguitar

  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,325
  • She was always a lonely child...
Re: That Little Bit of Hope, Chapter 15 up!(also, Just By Looking at You)
« Reply #132 on: November 22, 2006, 12:05:59 pm »
I liked this:

He gripped the shirts tightly for a moment then folded them the best he could. He’d never even taken them from their hanger and their removal from his room was unsettling him in a way he couldn’t explain.

I could really feel that!

Jack thinks that Ennis thinks he is weak and I as the reader regard him as weak in this story up till now and in this chapter because of the drinking (again with Bobby next to him!  >:(). It's sad, I was hoping that he would have gathered some more strength by now to really do what he needs to do, try to imagine a life for him and Bobby and Ennis.  :(

I'm glad you liked that part  :)

Jack has been weak up to this point, and honestly I'm having a hard time pulling him out of that... it's one of the reasons this last chapter took me longer to post. The problem is, when I started this story, I went into it with the idea that Jack had been very strong up to this point but that when Ennis turned him away it finally broke something in him. I don't view him as weak after that in the film, just more hardned and embittered but when I started my story I made the decision to give him a drinking problem which is causing me (and him...) problems for a few reasons.

I think in the film he had a drinking problem but it was probably a little better hidden then in my story, Ennis finding him the way he did in my story kind of brought the problem to the surface for both of them. And though having Ennis with him makes things much easier for him and makes him happier than he was, he's still having a lot of trust issues with Ennis after 14 years of being shot down by him. Also, I don't think Ennis is just some magic solution to all of his problems that Jack can stop drinking the second he walks back into his life no matter how much happier Ennis makes him because I think Jack's problems run deeper than that. Also, the real time of my story has only been about a week or so it's going to take Jack and Ennis longer than that to come to terms with things. As for drinking in front of Bobby.... there's no excuse. It's not a good thing to be doing and Jack knows it and is trying to justify it to himself right now by having done it while Bobby was asleep. That's why he reacted the way he did when Ennis told him he shouldn't be doing that.

Sorry about all of the rambling, I'm trying to work some things out in this story right now that I've been having trouble with and Jack's weakness has been one of my major problems  :-\ I want him to be stronger too and I'm trying to work out a way for that to happen. See, this isn't how I usually write, usually I see something through to the end then go back and revise the shit out of it once I've figured out what's going on. But that isn't the nature of fan fiction so this has been a very very different writing experience for me.

I'll go ahead and make another thread for Just by Looking at You  ;)
‘cause the truth is, I already give him everythin’ I got to give, more than I ever even knew I had; ‘n it all for him, all of it, him who is my brother, my father, my child, my friend, my lover, my heart, my soul; my Ennis.

-- del Mar Painting, Ch. 48 by b73

mvansand76

  • Guest
Re: That Little Bit of Hope
« Reply #133 on: November 22, 2006, 12:32:28 pm »
Sorry about all of the rambling, I'm trying to work some things out in this story right now that I've been having trouble with and Jack's weakness has been one of my major problems  :-\ I want him to be stronger too and I'm trying to work out a way for that to happen.

I understand that and I think it's my frustration as a reader that I can't go in there and kick Jack's ass and at the same time I understand your problem because I know that when you write sometimes the characters don't seem to do what you want them to do. Sometimes it's difficult to find a way out for them. But I know that you will find a way, and I agree that things like this don't happen in a few days (I sometimes forget that your story up till now is a week in real time...)...


Offline RouxB

  • BetterMost Welcome Wagon & Contributor
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,471
  • ...a love that will never grow old
Re: That Little Bit of Hope, Chapter 15 up!
« Reply #134 on: November 22, 2006, 05:52:12 pm »
The importance of different perspectives!  I like the characterization of Jack because it is complex. I don't perceive him as weak as much as I do troubled and a bit out of control. I like that you did not package him up in a tidy little box with a bow. In so much fic it is just Ennis that is a whack job and the reality, I think, is that they both would have been severly emotionally damaged by their relationship. The are, and should be, incredibly dysfunctional and you are portraying that well. The fact that I want to slap the hell out of both of them says alot  ::)

By the way, this is my first fan fiction plot commentary  ;D


 O0


Heathen

Offline littleguitar

  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,325
  • She was always a lonely child...
Re: That Little Bit of Hope, Chapter 15 up!
« Reply #135 on: November 22, 2006, 06:41:04 pm »
The importance of different perspectives!  I like the characterization of Jack because it is complex. I don't perceive him as weak as much as I do troubled and a bit out of control. I like that you did not package him up in a tidy little box with a bow. In so much fic it is just Ennis that is a whack job and the reality, I think, is that they both would have been severly emotionally damaged by their relationship. The are, and should be, incredibly dysfunctional and you are portraying that well. The fact that I want to slap the hell out of both of them says alot  ::)

By the way, this is my first fan fiction plot commentary  ;D


 O0



Oh Thanks Roux! I'm glad you like what I've done with Jack, I've been having some problems writing this one lately and your post put my mind at ease a bit  :) That's one of the problems I've had with some of the fics too is that Jack seems to be incredibly well adjusted despite the fact that he's had a very hard life and a lot of times all it takes is Ennis' confession of love for him to be well off... I just don't think that could be possible for him. I think he has a lot more problems outside of his relationship with Ennis that have nothing to do with Ennis at all but that are maybe part of the reason he sticks with Ennis through everything.

I understand that and I think it's my frustration as a reader that I can't go in there and kick Jack's ass and at the same time I understand your problem because I know that when you write sometimes the characters don't seem to do what you want them to do. Sometimes it's difficult to find a way out for them. But I know that you will find a way, and I agree that things like this don't happen in a few days (I sometimes forget that your story up till now is a week in real time...)...



So true, sometimes characters take on a life of their own and you have absolutely no control over what they do. I think some of the best stories can come from this but it is incredibly frustrating to be the writer when that's happening!  :-\


Just to let everyone know, it might be a bit before the next update. I won't let it go over 2 weeks and I'm going to try for a week but I need to think a few things through before I keep going.
‘cause the truth is, I already give him everythin’ I got to give, more than I ever even knew I had; ‘n it all for him, all of it, him who is my brother, my father, my child, my friend, my lover, my heart, my soul; my Ennis.

-- del Mar Painting, Ch. 48 by b73

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: That Little Bit of Hope, Chapter 15 up!
« Reply #136 on: December 11, 2006, 10:26:47 pm »
That 2 week self imposed deadline is looming  :-\  any headway on wrappin up this one Mandy?  I feel kinda bad for Ennis, Jack and Bobby kinda hangin like they are caught between commitment and a sense of betrayal with the potential threat from Old Man Twist still doggin them.  I went back last night and read all 15 Chapters from beginning to end, you've touched my heart with your characterizations  and I really would like to know how this one turns out...happy I hope, but I'll still go where ever you lead me.  :'(
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline littleguitar

  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,325
  • She was always a lonely child...
Re: That Little Bit of Hope, Chapter 15 up!
« Reply #137 on: December 11, 2006, 10:48:04 pm »
oh Dottie! You are amazing, I can't believe you went back and read all the chapters  :-*

No worries, I'm not letting this one go, I just had a bit of a setback. I'm halfway through writing the next chapter and though I told Ruby I would have it posted tonight it's looking like tomorrow or wednesday. I'm going to work on it some more tonight, though! A lot of things should be cleared up in this chaper between the boys and I'm thinking there will only be one or two more after it and an epilogue.

I know it's been a long time since I've updated, I'm really really sorry!  :-\
‘cause the truth is, I already give him everythin’ I got to give, more than I ever even knew I had; ‘n it all for him, all of it, him who is my brother, my father, my child, my friend, my lover, my heart, my soul; my Ennis.

-- del Mar Painting, Ch. 48 by b73

Offline littleguitar

  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,325
  • She was always a lonely child...
Re: That Little Bit of Hope, Chapter 15 up!
« Reply #138 on: December 11, 2006, 11:05:51 pm »
oh, and I've just realized I've reached 1,000 posts  :D  ::)
‘cause the truth is, I already give him everythin’ I got to give, more than I ever even knew I had; ‘n it all for him, all of it, him who is my brother, my father, my child, my friend, my lover, my heart, my soul; my Ennis.

-- del Mar Painting, Ch. 48 by b73

mvansand76

  • Guest
Re: That Little Bit of Hope, Chapter 15 up!
« Reply #139 on: December 12, 2006, 04:42:47 am »
oh, and I've just realized I've reached 1,000 posts  :D  ::)

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!