Author Topic: 6 months on.......Where are you now?  (Read 15447 times)

Offline Katie77

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6 months on.......Where are you now?
« on: August 30, 2006, 08:52:24 am »
I have been scanning thru the forums and threads on here looking for a thread where we can post stories about what is happening to us now....6 months, or 8 months after first seeing Brokeback Mountain.

It has been well documented, the initial impact on viewing the movie....some of us made life changing decisions, some of us found feelings and compassion that we had thought was lost, some of us found friendship, love and some wonderful new friends......For all of us, our life changed, the day we first saw Brokeback Mountain.

i want to tell a story of something that has happened to me, and I know it will be interesting to hear other stories, of what has happened to others or changes that have happened to others because of this movie.Who found love?...who lost love?.....who moved in a different direction?.....what things good have happened and what things bad have happened?......

Let me just tell you what prompted me to write this thread......

.....I recently hung a Brokeback Mountain poster on the wall in my office at home, while I was in the mood of decorating the office even more, I printed off some of the fan art that Lucise does so brilliantly, and posts on the Jake Jake Jake thread....I taped these prints to the front of the drawers of my filing cabinet.....it looks great, and I was really happy about how my office was looking, and I took some photos and sent them to a couple of my friends.....

One of my friends wrote back and said, "what do your grandchildren think of seeing pictures of two men kissing?"......

When i read that question, I actually had to turn around and have a look at the pictures on my filing cabinet, to see what she was talking about.

And of course, I did see two men kissing, but I realized then, that I had looked at those pictures dozens of times before that, and all I had see before was two peoplekissing, I had seen two people that loved one another.......and I saw nothing wrong or out of place displaying such picures, for anyone to see, my grandchildren, my sons, my mother, my friends, anyone......

I think what it made me realize was that even though i have never been homophobic, always had a great understanding of gay people, never had a problem with it at all.....I am now even more accepting of it, to the point where I dont even notice it anymore....it has become such a part of my life, thru the movie, and discussions on here, that i dont even think of it as an "alternative", or even different anymore.

Before i became obsessed with the movie, I dont think I would have ever put pictures of "two men kissing", out on display, before i saw the movie, i thought the gay community was "different"....(but not wrong.....as you can see by my signature quote).....here I am 6 months down the track, and my understanding has become more understanding......and you know what.....I am very pleased that I feel this way.

Just wish a lot more people could feel the same...I'm sure if the too, watched this beautiful movie and saw it as the love story that it is, a lot of them, would be reacting in a similar way to all of us.

Please post your story of what is happening 6 months after seeing the movie.

Attached are the pics of my office......

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It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline Jeff Wrangler

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2006, 09:00:49 am »
That's wonderful, Katie! Thanks for sharing it with us.  :)

Me, I'm just as much in love with Ennis and Jack as ever.

I think it's time Leslie did a follow-up study on Brokeback Fever.  ;)
"It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow-men, and travel far and wide."--Charles Dickens.

Offline ednbarby

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #2 on: August 30, 2006, 11:00:02 am »
I'm feeling a bit melancholy reading this thread because I realize my Brokeback Fever has subsided.  I can't say for certain when exactly that happened, but like mourning any loss (and I think my version of the Fever was a mourning period I went through - mourning the loss of Jack (because he really was real, wasn't he?) and feeling Ennis' heartbreak and regret as if he was a real friend of mine (because he really is, isn't he?)), one day you wake up and it occurs to you that though you still miss that person who is gone, it doesn't exactly hurt anymore.  I'm feeling melancholy I guess because I got used to feeling that hurt - it became a part of me - and now that hurt is gone and I sort of miss it.

I'm actually at a point where I don't know that I can ever watch the movie again.  It's like I'm saturated with it.  Not tired of it - just - I don't know - full.  But it does still feel good to know it sits on my DVD shelf and lives in my home.

Like you, Katie, this movie has changed the way I think about love relationships.  I thought I was open-minded before, but I realize my thinking was still very hetero-centric.  Now, for example, when my four-year-old says he'd like to be married to someone like Mommy and Daddy are married, I say something like, "Well, someday you'll meet someone who'll take your breath away, and they'll feel the same way about you, and if you both want, you'll live together like Mommy and Daddy do.  You can marry them or not {God, I hope that will be true if that somebody happens to be a man}, and you can have a family or not - it's all up to you."  I think before seeing the movie, I'd probably have said something, I'm ashamed now to say, more like "Well, someday you'll meet a girl who'll take your breath away..."

And, of course, seeing (and loving) the movie has made me more compassionate about what gay men specifically in our society go through.  I thought I knew, but I really didn't.

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Offline nakymaton

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #3 on: August 30, 2006, 12:41:52 pm »
Eight months in a couple days. Ten months if you count the time I was obsessing over clips and screencaps and early reviews.

And what do I have to show for it?

Ummm. I knew how to adjust the brightness on my computer screen this morning, when a video projector didn't work very well. :/

(Ok, well, anything more serious than that isn't really fit for public confession, I think. At least for me.)
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Offline 2robots4u

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #4 on: August 30, 2006, 12:45:55 pm »
Like Barbara, I also have put my DVD away, and find myself visiting bettermost less and less.  For me, it brought back too many very painful memories that I have not been able to shake.  At first, I used to think about BBM most of the time, and it was enjoyable.  But recently I found myself dwelling on the past, the events of Roswell and D. and the terrible deaths that ended a glorious love.  It took a long time back then to come to terms with his death, and now I am struggling with it all over again.  

I'm leaving on a month-long trip to Seattle and will have no computer contact with BBM or the ability to watch the movie. Hopefully, when I return, I will be able to once again rejoin the discussions.  Until then, so-long...Doug


 

Offline Front-Ranger

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #5 on: August 30, 2006, 01:24:31 pm »
Bettermost has had such a major impact on me that I would call it life-changing! Where to start...for one thing it has changed my work life. I was asked to go to a seminar on networked communities in February because my employer wanted to prepare for the potential need for a virtual workforce, in case of bird flu or some such thing. In the seminar, I was asked to check out a network to get involved in on whatever topic interested me at the moment. It has blossomed in to a whole new way of working. Now, when I set up a new project team, I always make sure we have a discussion board, threads, polls, chat, and graphics. Everything goes much more smoothly, especially when members are on different continents! More later...
« Last Edit: August 30, 2006, 03:11:39 pm by Front-Ranger »
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moremojo

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #6 on: August 30, 2006, 01:47:40 pm »
I'm leaving on a month-long trip to Seattle and will have no computer contact with BBM or the ability to watch the movie. Hopefully, when I return, I will be able to once again rejoin the discussions.  Until then, so-long...Doug
I hope you have a good and safe journey to Seattle, Doug. I hope also that you decide to rejoin the communications here upon your return, but if you feel you have decidedly moved on by then, I wish you happiness in your continuing journey through life. Everyone who has visited our community has contributed something unique and memorable, and I appreciate that.

Happy trails,
Scott
« Last Edit: February 15, 2008, 08:50:27 pm by moremojo »

Offline Front-Ranger

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #7 on: August 30, 2006, 04:00:51 pm »
I have become more of an activist. I am actually speaking out for human rights and equality, whereas before I was a "live and let live" kind of person.

I think I am more considerate of other people, more compassionate, and more likely to get involved when I think I might be able to help.

My vocabulary has stopped atrophying and I use more colorful words than the "differentiators," "engaged employees," and "strategic" that I formerly used constantly. In fact, I have a notebook full of scribbled words and sentences that would make no sense to a non-brokie.

I am always poking around in flea markets looking for the perfect coffeepot and bucket.

I have friends and a life for the first time in upteen years. I think of myself as a human being, whereas before I was just the family provider and household help.

I have an alternative when the world, with its wars, politics, and screaming unfairness, gets to me.

I listen to music and I turn off the news.

I don't watch many TV shows or movies, but the ones I watch I really watch carefully.

Same for books.

For the first time in years, I feel happy and hopeful. It was a sad story, but it is beautiful and perfect, and there is a chance that today's Ennis and Jack can have a different story, maybe not as dramatic but still filled with love and passion.

I feel that Love as a force of nature can work for the good.
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moremojo

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #8 on: August 30, 2006, 04:50:52 pm »
Lee, I loved reading of all the lovely differences this film/story has made in your life. I hope to contribute more fully to this thread myself as time allows.

Bless you all, Katie, Lee, Jeff, and everyone, for sharing and making a positive difference in my life.

Offline SFEnnisSF

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #9 on: August 30, 2006, 08:57:25 pm »
I really got to hand it to Katie.  Your office looks great!   :D

But also, she nailed a very important point.  That is viewing movies like Brokeback Mountain is breaking down all the negative stereotypes.  People are becoming more and more comfortable with gay people now.  Gay men and women are shown on the big screen, TV, and in the media with respect.  And this continues to tend to change society's view on gays.  This is a big step.... (and one of the reasons I found this movie to be so important!)   :) 

Offline coffeecat33

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2006, 09:39:10 pm »
I'm feeling a bit melancholy reading this thread because I realize my Brokeback Fever has subsided.  I can't say for certain when exactly that happened, but like mourning any loss (and I think my version of the Fever was a mourning period I went through - mourning the loss of Jack (because he really was real, wasn't he?) and feeling Ennis' heartbreak and regret as if he was a real friend of mine (because he really is, isn't he?)), one day you wake up and it occurs to you that though you still miss that person who is gone, it doesn't exactly hurt anymore.  I'm feeling melancholy I guess because I got used to feeling that hurt - it became a part of me - and now that hurt is gone and I sort of miss it.

I still have BB Fever. It isn't as acute as it was, but it hasn't subsided yet either. I just received an autographed photo of Jake as Jack. I may order another. I am still reading fan fiction. I think the movie really sparked my imagination. Work's been difficult for me for a while and sometimes I can disappear in to BBM and it helps me get through the day. A coworker has discovered that if Jake Gyllenhaal's name is mentioned I light up like a carnival ride. When I was having a tough day and in a bad mood, she and I went for a walk at lunchtime and she let me talk about Jake the whole time! I was in a much better mood when we got back, let me tell you.

Besides awakening my imagination, my sexuality has been awakened. It had been in a coma for quite a while. Sorta like Snow White after she bit into the apple. No prince or princess has shown up yet, but I feel a little more comfortable with my self and my feelings.

I was in a lesbian relationship early in my adult life at a time when people weren't out. It was difficult keeping a secret and not have the support of society the way straight couples do. If someone who is heterosexual doesn't understand what it's like to be gay, I suggest they imagine what it would be like if they had to describe their husband or wife as a friend, partner, or roommate. No wedding because it's not legal. Would your great Aunt Martha come to a wedding shower for two people of the same gender? What about public affection? You'd have to stop yourself from putting your arm around a lover and kissing him/her. It's much much better than it was 30 years ago but society still has a ways to go before it's more accepting. I think all of us here at Bettermost have been changed and an individual can make a difference to the whole.

coffeecat33 (Leslie)


Offline Samrim

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #11 on: August 31, 2006, 07:33:21 pm »
Hello endbarby and all,

I too feel a bit unhappy because the intensity of emotion which I felt six months ago has eased. :( It's unrealistic to think one could live for long on such an emotional high.
I love the film as much as ever, I love our boys as much as ever, but life goes on.
As a measure of how ole Brokeback has still got me though, I was reading film reviews in the Times (UK) tonight up in the pub. It was all about the Venice film festival, and Scarlett whatshername in this 1940's whodunit. I took a malicious pleasure in the fact that it only rated 3 stars. Our boys, a year ago, got the maximum 5. Magic!
Bank Holiday Monday (last Monday) as a treat I anticipated all day watching the film through, together with a bottle of red (first time in two months maybe). Absolutely savoured the first hour (headphones-world shut out), then PHONE RUNG. A neighbour wanted t come up and use my PC. I was grimly accepting. Maybe that's how ole Brokeback has affected me; I did answer the phone!
Best Wishes all.  :)
Sam

moremojo

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #12 on: August 31, 2006, 08:22:30 pm »
My heart is more open. I strive to be a less judgmental person, while somehow retaining my capacity to be discerning. I want to be a less fearful person, more capable of spontaneity and of taking risks. I am more keenly aware of the brevity of life, yet by that very awareness more responsive to how precious and beautiful life is. I want to be a better friend, to my family,  to my fellow beings, to my world and to myself. Like others here have stated, the intensity of my obsession over our boys and their story has lessened, but not my love for them, and I wish to dedicate the remainder of my life to them, to everything they represent. This film has been a miracle in my life...that may sound crazy, but I'm not ashamed to say it.

So, six months on, I am as conscious as ever of continuing on a journey towards wholeness, truth, and feeling. As I wrote to a friend earlier today, regarding all of my BetterMost community, including her: I love you all...I love you...I love.

Scott

horo35

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #13 on: September 01, 2006, 01:34:47 am »
Funny thing with me was I first saw the movie in a theatre..liked it very much and then couldn't wait for the DVD to come out.  I found this site and began to talk about the movie alot in anticipation of the release.  When it came out I watched it then maybe about a week later I just didn't care anymore about  BBM.  Not sure why...other things going on in my life I guess.  Then about a month ago I found that movie sitting in a box and watched it.  Then I started visiting all the movie sites and that really sparked my interest again.  I guess maybe I needed a break from it...just got burnt out, bored of it.  Now of course I still do like the movie, read the book from time to time and listen to the soundtrack. 
  And of course I too have an understanding of gay people.  Perhaps the movie has helped...Im not sure.  In a way I hope it has helped because I certainly looked at gay people in a neagtive way before I saw BBM.  Nowadays I dont mind what they do...if they want to get married, fine let them...if they want to love each other...let them.  I dont mind gay people telling me about their ways/lifestyle (for example through movies) but if they want to share it with me then thats a problem.
« Last Edit: September 01, 2006, 01:37:47 am by horo35 »

moremojo

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #14 on: September 01, 2006, 10:15:21 am »
I dont mind gay people telling me about their ways/lifestyle (for example through movies) but if they want to share it with me then thats a problem.
In my experience and observation, horo, gay men tend to be very respectful of the personal space and boundaries of the straight men they encounter. They kind of have to be--some men and women have paid with their lives for being gay or lesbian, or even being perceived as gay or lesbian. But no one likes to be seen as a pest or embarrassment, and few gay men will go barking up the wrong tree when they know, or learn, that it is the wrong tree.

At the same time, I hope that, if a gay acquaintance or friend of yours ever comments on any attractive quality of yours, that you can take it as the compliment it is meant to be rather than as a threat or enticement.

Peace,
Scott

Offline ednbarby

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #15 on: September 01, 2006, 10:24:50 am »
Hear, hear, Scott.  I think we should always be happy when anyone finds us attractive and says so (barring forcing themselves physically or psychically upon us, of course), whether they're a member of our same gender or not, straight, gay, animal, vegetable, whatever.  Straight women certainly don't have a problem with other women saying things like "I think you're so pretty" or "I love your hair" or "You look great - have you been working out?"  And for what it's worth, I've been to a few gay/lesbian bars with my boyfriend or husband and had another woman ask me to dance and have just said, "I'm sorry - I'm here with him" or some such thing, to which they've said, "Oh, no problem," or some such thing.  I've never known or heard of a lesbian or gay man forcing themselves sexually on a straight woman or man - I honestly don't think it ever happens.  And I think that if one is secure in his own sexuality, one need not feel threatened in any way by the fact that a gay man finds him attractive enough to ask him out.  My husband's been asked out a few times on his flights by male flight attendants, and it isn't "a problem" for him.  He's just flattered.  That's as it should be.
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horo35

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #16 on: September 01, 2006, 11:15:21 am »
I think you people have misunderstood me on what the word "problem" is all about.  If a gay man said a compliment towards me, fine. I would simply say I'm flattered but no thanks, I like women.  Maybe before I would've said something negative towards him.  But now I have a better respect and understanding.  As a matter of fact I knew a gay man at work and he knew I was straight and he respected that.  I thought he was a nice guy and we were good aquintances.  But it's a problem if they make a sexual advance towards me....and yes it does happen to people.  A friend of mine knew of a couple who lived next door to him for some time. Him and the husband got along well.  My friend is straight and he of course figured that the husband was also straight.  Then one night they were drinking and this guy tried to make out with my buddy.  That was very shocking and insulting to him.  In no way has my friend ever hinted that he was gay, bi or whatever to bring this on.  There was a trust bulit up and that was betrayed by this guy.  And now as a result of that they don't talk to each other.  If that happened to me...that would be a problem met with a "negative" action!
« Last Edit: September 01, 2006, 11:18:03 am by horo35 »

iluvchocolate

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #17 on: September 01, 2006, 11:26:01 am »
I agree ednbarby, I don't think that a gay man can change him slef and marry a straight woman.  I knew this one couple the guy changed his life around married a straight woman.  one day the woman confided in me that her husband didn't like sex with her.  that they came to a "once a month agreement"  He changed his life for god he said that god didn't care for him being gay so thats why he married a striaght woman.  Thats just a quick run down of the story... if interested Ill tell more later... I have to get to school now.

Offline Katie77

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #18 on: September 01, 2006, 03:16:20 pm »
I must admit when I read the post from Horo with the line.....
  I dont mind gay people telling me about their ways/lifestyle (for example through movies) but if they want to share it with me then thats a problem.
.......it bothered me too.....From my experiences and knowledge of many men and a few women who are gay, there doesnt seem to be a "problem" with them trying to seduce straight guys and gals....Of course, there are probably some occassions when it has happened, but I dont think it is a big problem.......I think it was just a bad choice of word by Horo and others like me, zeroed in on it....

Lets not forget the rest of Horo's post,
 
  And of course I too have an understanding of gay people.  Perhaps the movie has helped...Im not sure.  In a way I hope it has helped because I certainly looked at gay people in a neagtive way before I saw BBM.  Nowadays I dont mind what they do...if they want to get married, fine let them...if they want to love each other...let them.  I dont mind gay people telling me about their ways/lifestyle (for example through movies) but if they want to share it with me then thats a problem.

Statements like this from a straight guy, are few and far between....we know that there arent too many straight guys on this board, so when one can stand up and be counted as being able to feel the way he does about the movie, join in with the board members, where the majority are gay men and women, or straight women.....then we should embrace him and show him how great it is that he can stand up and and proclaim his understanding of a lifestyle that he is not a part of....Good on ya, Horo, if more straight men were like you, this world would be a lot nicer place.

So please dont zero in on one little word that Horo has written, its things like that, that make you lose credibility with the straight community that is trying to understand you...I know you are so sick of critisism,  and because of that it has made most of you very defensive, and quick to set the record straight.... but just be careful that you dont take every observation as critisism, because, like the statement Horo made, it was just his personal observation.......It is blokes like Horo, that will stand side by side with you to make this world a better and more accepting community.
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It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline Front-Ranger

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #19 on: September 01, 2006, 04:14:29 pm »
On to another thought...I've been thinking about the line, "What do your grandchildren think about the picture of two men kissing?" First of all, they aren't kissing in the picture. Their heads are close together and they are lying down together but you can't tell that in the picture. And, what's the big deal about two men kissing anyway? This is commonplace in Europe. Better than pictures of two men beating each other up or killing each other, which you can see 24/7 on any channel of TV.
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Offline serious crayons

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #20 on: September 01, 2006, 04:59:24 pm »
But it's a problem if they make a sexual advance towards me....and yes it does happen to people.

Women frequently are confronted with sexual advances by straight men we're not interested in. It doesn't turn us against all straight men. Sometimes not even against the specific one making the advancements.

If you're not interested, why not just say so politely and move on? That's what we do. (Usually.)




Offline ednbarby

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #21 on: September 01, 2006, 05:14:31 pm »
Women frequently are confronted with sexual advances by straight men we're not interested in. It doesn't turn us against all straight men. Sometimes not even against the specific one making the advancements.

If you're not interested, why not just say so politely and move on? That's what we do. (Usually.)

Katherine, have I told you lately that I love you?  :)

I don't mean to be attacking you, Horo - I think the fact that you've seen the movie, and not just once, and that you own it on DVD speaks volumes for your open-mindedness.  But I just want to add that I think in the case of your friend whose neighbor made a pass at him when they were drunk, I think the neighbor thought he was gay.  Doesn't matter if he never came right out and told him - he had a hunch and it backfired.  When your friend said no, I'm guessing the poor guy didn't pursue it further and ultimately rape him and is probably utterly humiliated now.

Think of Jack for a moment - what really did he have to go on that Ennis might be interested in him sexually other than a gut feeling?  Ennis had never given *any* indication that he was interested in him in that way before Jack took his shot.  Ennis could have beaten the crap out of him or worse or at least left him feeling utterly humiliated.  Jack took a chance, it worked out.  Often gay men in the real world take that same chance and it doesn't.  A few here have admitted to it, and two I know personally have.  And as Katherine so succinctly pointed out, what's the difference between that and me making a pass at a man I'm attracted to who, for whatever reasons, doesn't share my feelings?  Or a man making one at me (and it's happened with guys who know I'm married and who don't) with whom I don't share the same feelings?  Answer:  there isn't one.  Or at least there really shouldn't be.

(edited to get Horo's name right ;))
« Last Edit: September 02, 2006, 07:28:11 am by ednbarby »
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horo35

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #22 on: September 01, 2006, 06:52:58 pm »
Women frequently are confronted with sexual advances by straight men we're not interested in. It doesn't turn us against all straight men. Sometimes not even against the specific one making the advancements.

If you're not interested, why not just say so politely and move on? That's what we do. (Usually.)

You will have to read my post again....I never said that if a gay man makes a sexual advance towards me that in turn will make me hate the whole gay community.  And I also speak for straight people too....yes I'm sure women get that kind of crap from men all the time! :laugh:  But I would say the same thing if I were a woman..if a man tried a move on me and I didn't want it..he would get a "negative" reaction like a punch to the face! :laugh:  Bottom line is people should be respected and I'm pretty sure we can all figure out (or have that gut feeling) whos gay and whos not...sorry but I dont believe that my friends' neighbour suspected he was gay.  I just dont buy that.  As for comparing the movie to his situation....well guess what it's a movie. It's not a true story...its a work of fiction thought up from an author of a story about 2 guys and an imaginary mountain.  Sorry guys..don't mean to be straight forward...but that's how I think.  And thats why I probably don't post much on here is due to the fact that I am straight and my opinions will not be understood by the gay community  (just like they dont understand us).  But I for one am a friend and will stand by their side....just not among them.
« Last Edit: September 01, 2006, 07:06:55 pm by horo35 »

Offline Katie77

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #23 on: September 01, 2006, 07:17:37 pm »
Horo.....I can see from these posts, that it is YOU who are not being understood, and your opinions are being misinterpreted.......and that is a real shame, because I think this board needs opinions and feedback from a straight guy.

Please continue to post your opinions, and please, all you gay guys and gals, give a bit of respect to them, and as I said before, dont take them as critisism.....

This guy has taken the time to read your words, feel your feelings and because of that accepts your way of life....give him the same benefit, you dont have to agree with him, but at least you will get an idea of how HE is thinking, and possibly how a lot of straight men feel.....this bloke is on your side...

My signature says it all....whichever way you are looking at .....just because it is different, doesnt mean it is wrong
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Offline Katie77

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #24 on: September 01, 2006, 07:40:05 pm »
On to another thought...I've been thinking about the line, "What do your grandchildren think about the picture of two men kissing?" First of all, they aren't kissing in the picture. Their heads are close together and they are lying down together but you can't tell that in the picture. And, what's the big deal about two men kissing anyway? This is commonplace in Europe. Better than pictures of two men beating each other up or killing each other, which you can see 24/7 on any channel of TV.

Yes Front Ranger.....getting back to the original theme of the thread.....theres enough of all that other shit that is going to be pushed in front of our kids and grandkids....

Lets hope that if they see enough of the good side, like those pics I have displayed, they will grow up with a far more understanding of what peace and love is all about.....
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

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Offline j.U.d.E.

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #25 on: September 01, 2006, 08:15:25 pm »
Hobo? Who the hell is Hobo?!  ;D

Well, 6 months on, a lot of things have changed, yes, but I think we are well away from it all being perfect.. Yes, people in general are or seem to be more open-minded. Most of my friends don't seem to be homophobic or otherwise anti-difference.. But then again.. I work as a volunteer with my local Red Cross and I'm flabbergasted (spelling?!) at how many racist, sexist and homophobic comments I hear. First it seemed to be only this one guy - but the way he talks makes it all 'funny' and 'acceptable'. Other than that he is a funny, interesting and sweet guy (he seems to despise anybody who’s too adult.., but he is in full admiration of his 2 year old son - I've seen him, he's the best of fathers), but when we are out on intervention, the number of out-of-place remarks I hear, is quite scary, frankly. Worse even, is that I notice others of my Red-Cross mates having similar 'attitudes'. Less crude, but nevertheless. I mean, damn it! Of all people you'd think people volunteering at the Red Cross would be not.. I mean less.. more.. ehm.. would be more mature, open-minded.. It's quite depressing, really.

Another thing is, yes, 'Brokeback Mountain' was a huge success. A worldwide success. It was raved about in all four corners of the Globe, it opened minds here and there and made 'less-aware' people more knowledgeable about 'these things', but believe you me, even totally civilized people in civilized Europe (that's where I'm from), still don't have a clue. There are still plenty of people who haven't heard of BBM. You see, it's always those people - the ignorant group', who keep on being clueless, that fail to get 'converted'.. What I mean is that most of the time, it's already people who tend to be tolerant, accepting and open-minded who know or at least hear about films like BBM. It's the ones that need to be 'made wiser' that tend to remain ignorant. Unless they have a gay son or daughter, that hits them over the head with the news "I'm gay” they will for the rest of their lives remain clueless.

One more thing - Coffeecat's (Leslie) asks "What about public affection?" Yes exactly! What about it? You see it more and more, two guys/girls publicly showing their affection, but it's still very very small and careful. That's what I find the saddest somehow. I mean there's a lot of noise and anger and reaction/action about gay rights to marry, adopt children and so on and the population out there hears it and accepts it more and more. But nobody marches the streets to gain the right for public affection and that's why a lot of gay couple seem to be totally frightened by showing affection outside their homes. It's the simplest of gestures and yet, it seems 'easier' getting people to accept same legal and marital rights, than two men or women showing pubic affection.

Sorry for rambling..

j. U. d. E.
MLK - - - - - - - - - - - - HAL - - - - - - - - - - - - BHO
*15 jan 1929 - †04 apr 1968 | *04 apr 1979 - † 22 jan 2008 | *04 aug 1961 -

Offline Front-Ranger

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #26 on: September 04, 2006, 07:31:01 pm »
Oh, another thing I forgot to add about 6 months (acutally it's close to 9 months since I first saw the film) ... I return from the mountains (or just emerge from my bedroom) looking all perky, a lot more often. ::)
« Last Edit: September 06, 2006, 09:54:35 am by Front-Ranger »
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Offline Katie77

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #27 on: September 04, 2006, 08:27:07 pm »
Was listening to "King of the Road", just a while ago......and when it got to the part ..."King of he road....I had to hit my imaginary steering wheel.......
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline bbm_stitchbuffyfan

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #28 on: September 06, 2006, 11:27:44 pm »
Oh, god, Brokeback has changed me and my life in so many ways. Right now, I haven't watched the movie in a while and I feel like I am moving on, even though the movie is still repeatedly in my thoughts (every five-ten minutes at least, even if it's only casual thinking). I say goodnight to Ennis and Jack every night before I go to sleep. :)

I don't know if I have it in me to watch the movie, as it truly is heartbreaking but I really, really miss the film and want to watch it again. I am planning my next viewing!

I have found love. My personality has changed a lot. I spent a lot of time crying for Jack and Ennis and, it sounds unhealthy, but I really love those guys and I don't want to ever forget their pain and despair. If that means bawling hysterically while watching the movie, then so be it.
If you'd just realize what I just realized then we'd be perfect for each other and we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now
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Offline serious crayons

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #29 on: September 07, 2006, 01:20:47 am »
I keep thinking I want to post something here but then I don't because I'm afraid I'll have to sum up all of my thoughts, and yet I'd like my post not to take up an entire website page. Plus, my outlook tends to change from one day to the next. So I think I'll just jot down a few thoughts and then maybe add more later, as they occur.

-- It's been more than seven months of obsession for me. I don't feel the intensity of emotion that I did for the first, oh, four or five months  :o . On the one hand, that feels sad, because it means letting go a little. On the other hand, if I kept that same level of emotional involvment forever, I would never get anything else done, would be unable to support myself or even attend to ordinary household chores and childcare duties, and eventually would have to be institutionalized.

-- Still, I can safely predict I won't just move on to other movies and forget about Brokeback. I mean, when has a movie ever taken over my entire mind the way BBM has for seven days, let alone seven months? Even now, sometimes just thinking about it I am still capable of goosebumps or tears (or other strong reactions, insert phantom blushing smiley here). So I'm pretty sure it will stay with me, at some level at least, forever.

-- I'm still fully capable of debating about characters' motivations, puzzling over symbols and bookends, discussing my reactions to it, etc. Just not quite as endlessly as I once did. Which is for the best, because I really do need to get some work done.

-- At first I resisted making friends with other Brokies. Back at imdb, I didn't want to call people by their real names, rarely PMed anyone, stayed pretty aloof. I knew if I started making friends it would be one more obstacle to overcoming my intense obsession, which sort of scared me already. Then I came here and, well, it's kind of impossible not to make friends here, especially if you spend as much time here as I have. Because not only are there many interesting and intelligent people, but now you know all my secrets! Or some of the biggies, anyway. So ... damn. My prediction was right.

-- If it's true that we're drawn to BBM because it reminds us of some unresolved issue in our own lives, well, those issues in my own life remain frustratingly unsolved. They're kind of pressing issues, and I'm afraid BBM has served as less a tool for solving them than an escape from dealing with them.

-- I haven't seen the movie for a couple of months. When school was out and the kids were home constantly, I didn't have a chance. Now school is back on and I'm thinking in a week or two I'll try again. On the one hand, I'm kind of afraid it will be overly familiar. I've only seen it 15 times -- newbie status, I know, compared to some people. But we've talked about it so much that I feel like I can picture every scene in such close detail, so it feels like a lot more than that.

But when I do watch it again, who can predict? I might come away with a whole different outlook.






Offline Bucky

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #30 on: September 07, 2006, 05:50:56 am »
When I watched Brokeback Mountain it broke my heart.  Jack and Ennis were so in love but they just couldn't live together because Ennis was afraid to take the risk.  Also their relationship brought up both good and bad memoraries of the only gay relationship that I ever had in my life.

In some ways Jack reminded me of my ex-partner in that he was sweet but determined and understanding.  Although I knew I had some attractions to men I never thought of myself as gay or unusual in a way that the heterosexual world look at it.  I always thought the right girl would come along and I would marry her and have children and live happily ever after.  Needless to say it didn't happen that way.  I became involved in a relationship with a 21 year old guy when I was a junior in college.  I didn't mean for it to happen and he didn't" knock me off my feet" with his sexuality or physique or other macho things.  Heck I didn't even think he was that good looking but he really was.  Why he became attracted to me I will never know but he was persistent and would be everywhere I was.  There was just no getting away from him without being rude to someone who was being nice.  He proceeded slowly as he could tell I was apprehensive about the whole thing.

Anyway when we had to face the problem of what we were going to do after college he just bailed out on me by going to another college.  Three years later he got married and had the nerve to invite me to his wedding.  Of course I wouldn't go.  It has now been twenty two years since all of this happened.  Now I found his email address and emailed him and now I am getting several emails a day from him.  His life was a mess with a wife he didn't love and a son who will be a senior in high school this coming year.  I thought he was in love with another man but now I don't think so as he is putting a "full court press" on me right now.  He wants to get back together with me again saying that "I am the only person who ever really understood him and really loved him."  He got part of it right I really did love him but he did some things that I could never understand.  I told him that I was not in any relationship which is true and he bought the Brokeback Mountain DVD on my suggestion and tells me that he loves it.  He even said that he was like Jack and I was like Ennis but Jack would never have deserted Ennis.

The truth is I will always love him.  I think back over the years when I thought I hated him I really loved him.  My problem is that I just don't want to see him or get involved in his life again.  I was involved once and I got hurt and I don't want to repeat the same mistake.   I will just keep on emailing him and try to be evasive when he wants us to meet again.  I also don't really trust him either because he has never really apologized for deserting me.  For awhile I thought I was getting closure but what I have is a wide open situation with the same two characters emailing each other but I am not ready for a relationship now especially one with him.  I  am in control of my life again and I am afraid that if  I see him my emotions will overrule my reason.  He also has a situation with a wife and son and I am not going to get in the middle of that as I did once upon a time when he told me he left his girlfriend now wife for me.  I don't need that kind of trouble.  So six months after Brokeback Mountain I am right back in the midst of a troubled situation and while I love him and don't want to hurt him I am so afraid of getting involved with him for a lot reasons including trust and his marital situation. :-\

Offline Momof2

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #31 on: September 07, 2006, 12:43:26 pm »
 

I agree with you.  I have not seen the movie in over a month.  Just can not find any alone time.  I can pretty much picture the entire movie in my head.  I finally got to read the short story.  I like the movie better.  I would have liked to have seen more of the book in the movie.  I am not as numb as I once was.  My feelings are a little more mellow now.  I think that I feel sadder about some areas of their lives.  I think they will forever remain in my mind.  I am glad that some of the intensity has eased.  Now I can have a sort of normal life again. 





[/quote]
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Offline nic

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #32 on: September 07, 2006, 07:16:07 pm »
I am 7 months on. I still am interested in all the debates about was Ennis gay, did Jack quit him, should Alma have left Ennis earlier, etc etc Probably cos I have only dipped into the discussions as most of my time spent on BBM is reading fan fiction.  I was wary about getting into fan fic cos I knew this would happen but couldn't resist - so many talented authors!  So I still have BBM fever to a moderate degree.  Still get heartsick at odd times when Ennis's plight hits me - that pain never gets old.   :(
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Offline ednbarby

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #33 on: September 07, 2006, 07:50:37 pm »
Bucky, your story breaks my heart.  To those who would say Brokeback is "only a movie" and/or "is not real life," you need only read Bucky's post (and others like it throughout this board) to see how wrong you are.
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Offline Katie77

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #34 on: September 07, 2006, 08:20:56 pm »
Bucky, your story breaks my heart.  To those who would say Brokeback is "only a movie" and/or "is not real life," you need only read Bucky's post (and others like it throughout this board) to see how wrong you are.

That is so true.....when someone says to me, it is "just a movie"...it pisses me off, it is definately about real stories, real people, real love.....

Thank you Bucky, for sharing your story with us, I hope you can find happiness....
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline serious crayons

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #35 on: September 08, 2006, 09:54:26 am »
That is so true.....when someone says to me, it is "just a movie"...it pisses me off, it is definately about real stories, real people, real love.....

Yes. I've had people tell me, "Oh, that might have happened in 1960s Wyoming, but it's not relevant today." Duh! It happens today and no doubt has happened throughout much of human history -- how is that not relevant?

Offline ednbarby

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #36 on: September 08, 2006, 05:32:31 pm »
Yes. I've had people tell me, "Oh, that might have happened in 1960s Wyoming, but it's not relevant today." Duh! It happens today and no doubt has happened throughout much of human history -- how is that not relevant?

Kinda makes you feel like going all Al Pacino on their ass and saying, "You know what?  YOU'RE not relevant."

Dumbass mules.
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Offline serious crayons

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #37 on: September 08, 2006, 05:55:06 pm »
Back to where are you now ... here's another thing I noticed. I can enjoy lots of other films now. Like, today I saw "The Illusionist" and liked it a lot. But I STILL never see a movie without, at some point, if only for the tiniest moment, thinking, "This is good, but it's no Brokeback Mountain."

Someone sent me one of those emailed questionnaires yesterday. For each question, you're supposed to provide four answers (like, for "four jobs you've held," mine would be: cocktail waitress, newspaper reporter, telemarketer, Kmart cashier). Anyway, I never filled it out because one of the questions was "four movies you could watch over and over."

And I could only think of one.

All the other movies I like, I could maybe see two or three times. If I really, really, really love them, maybe five times. But 15 times and counting? No way.

If I ever get around to filling it out, the other three will all have to be movies I watched with my kids ("The Iron Giant," "The Lion King," "Babe"). I probably wouldn't have elected to see them 30 times apiece on my own, but when you've got 4- and 5-year-old boys ...


Offline Katie77

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #38 on: September 08, 2006, 06:04:44 pm »
I think this would be a good idea for a new thread Latjoreme....I will start one..."What movies beside Brokeback, have you seen multilple times"......

I agree with you, if I saw a movie twice before, it was a sign that I really really liked it.....There are a few, The Bridges of Madison County, Sound of Music, Rocky,Grease.......

But never the amount of times I am drawn to Brokeback....

And of course, seen many with my grandkids, over and over, Toy Story is my favourite.
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Offline Amber

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #39 on: September 08, 2006, 06:44:02 pm »
I was a late coming to the BBM scene so it's been less than 6 months for me but things have still had time to change and evolve.  Like most of you I'm not as fanatical about the movie as I first was.  It has been awhile since I have seen it but I think about it often.  I still cry every time I watch it and find myself crying earlier in the movie.  I have found that BBM has adjusted my taste in movies.  Stories are important, but I find myself much more drawn to actors and acting and chemistry.  If I am not moved by the actors I simply won't be moved by the story.  I appreciate the skill of acting more.

My views on gay marriage were already well solidified before this movie.  I couldn't imagine ever telling someone that they cannot get married because they are the same sex.  Love is already so hard to find and hold on to, why on earth do people insist on making it even worse?  What BBM did for me however is really open my eyes to the ignorance of others around me.  I find myself becoming very irritated at the plethora of stupid BBM jokes out there, not to mention the millions of other comments you hear on a dailiy basis discriminating against homosexuals.  My boiling point seems to have lowered, and I have ZERO tolerance for that anymore.  I flat out tell people around me that I don't like when they use the word gay inappropriately or make jokes, whereas before I'd just keep my mouth shut.  I can't stand it anymore.

There are many many more ways I've changed, but I'll stick with these two for now.
"... and Ennis, not big on endearments, said what he said to his horses and daughters, little darlin." ~Proulx

"Life is not a succession of urgents nows; it is a listless trickle of why-should-I's."  Johnny Depp as the Second Earl of Rochester.

Offline ednbarby

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #40 on: September 08, 2006, 10:35:02 pm »
My views on gay marriage were already well solidified before this movie.  I couldn't imagine ever telling someone that they cannot get married because they are the same sex.  Love is already so hard to find and hold on to, why on earth do people insist on making it even worse?  What BBM did for me however is really open my eyes to the ignorance of others around me.  I find myself becoming very irritated at the plethora of stupid BBM jokes out there, not to mention the millions of other comments you hear on a dailiy basis discriminating against homosexuals.  My boiling point seems to have lowered, and I have ZERO tolerance for that anymore.  I flat out tell people around me that I don't like when they use the word gay inappropriately or make jokes, whereas before I'd just keep my mouth shut.  I can't stand it anymore.

Excellent point about how ridiculous it is to tell people who they can and cannot love.  And I'm with you.  I have zero tolerance for bigotry in all its various forms as well.
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Offline Bucky

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #41 on: September 09, 2006, 04:24:37 am »
I too get angry when people make "gay" jokes or show their stupidity by saying stupid things about gays.  Most of us never thought about who we were going to be attracted to or in love with when we got older while we were still children.  I know I never gave it a second thought.  I was just busy being a child.  After I got older things just sort of took their course. 

I think Brokeback Mountain is very relevant today.  As long as there is bigotry and hate in the world Brokeback Mountain will always be relevant.  If my ex partner had been a girl instead of a guy when I was in college I would never allowed her to get away and we would be married now.  Instead because of bigotry and people saying that society would never understand about gay relationships and gay marriages my life couldn't have a happy ending neither could my ex partner.  Because of bigotry he feared what we would face after college so he married a girl that he didn't love to fit in with society.  I never married period.  How sad is it after forty three years on this earth I  am in love with my former gay lover who is now a married man with a seventeen year old son.  He hates his marriage but I believe he is loyal to his son.  I am put in a position of possibly being a "marriage wrecker" and the gay lover of a married man.  How hard is that to accpet about yourself when you have always tried to be a good person in your life?  I know that it would be hard for me to cause someone to abandon his son.  The wife should know about a lot of things so I don't feel that sorry for her. 

If it had not been for society's  refusal to accept the way a person loves someone else I wouldn't be in this mess right now.  I had an eight month love affair but it couldn't go any further than an "affair" because of society.  Bigotry only produces more bigotry and hatred and causes some people to feel superior to others because they love in a different way than I do.  Did I really make a mess of things or did society?  Was it my fault that I fell in love with someone who was a lot like myself but because we were both of the same gender society said no you can't do this?  Brokeback Mountain portrayed two very handsome and "normal" young men in a love affair that they didn't intend to happen but it did happen because of their human make up.  They were made to be attracted to members of the same sex.  I doubt that they even realized that they were different from much of society and I am convinced that Ennis didn't know.  Jack might have an idea but Jack was a loving person who didn't mean anyone any harm.  Brokeback Mountain will always be an important movie because it traces the life of two normal young men and traces their lives for twenty years and explains why they could never be happy.  Society said that their love affair was wrong and they couldn't be together and so they were doomed to a life of heartbreak.  It is so sad that things have to be that way. :(

Offline Katie77

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #42 on: September 09, 2006, 07:17:45 am »
Hi Bucky.....the way you tell your story, I can feel the sadness,the frustration, and also the bitterness......I have never been in the same situation as you, so I could never know what I would have done in similar circumstances......

I do believe and have always believed that gay men, who marry, for the sake of "what is expected of them to do", is frought with danger and unhappiness...it is certainly not fair on the person who they marry, the children they might produce nor the gay person in question.....I wonder who has had a more difficult life...your gay ex-lover, living a lie, or you, being alone......probably both as difficult as the other.

When I know that many many people can form a partnership with the lover of their choice, regardless of sex, and go on to lead happy and contented lives, I find it frustrating to think, that some chose a different path, probably knowing that it is doomed before it even begins.

You blame society, for the way your life has turned out, and I agree, that society hasn't helped your cause, but I also think that, it has turned out the way it has, because of the choices that you and your ex-partner have made.....choices, no doubt, thought to be the correct ones at the time.

It is sad that you are still pining for someone after 43 years, whom you had an 8 month affair with...I find it difficult to comprehend that you couldn't or didn't find someone else to give such undying love to....I feel very sorry for you, and I dont say that in a condesending way, but in a sad and frustrating way....what a waste, and what a long time to stay bitter, when there possibly could have been a happier ending.

Life is made up of choices, we all make bad ones, and have to live with them, we really cant go on blaming society, or anyone else for the choices we make about our personal life......it would have been far less painful, to stand up to society and everyone else, and say "like it or lump it".....

Once again, let me repeat, that I am not in any way attempting to offend you, I am well aware of the bigotry, and lack of understanding that is thrust on gay people, and the torments and frustrations, that it forces on your lives, and I wish that this world was more appreciative of the fact that people, like you, are good people, and not label you with an anti-social tag......I just hope that you find some peace in your life, and hopefully some happiness.



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It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline Bucky

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #43 on: September 10, 2006, 03:38:37 am »
Hi Bucky.....the way you tell your story, I can feel the sadness,the frustration, and also the bitterness......I have never been in the same situation as you, so I could never know what I would have done in similar circumstances......

I do believe and have always believed that gay men, who marry, for the sake of "what is expected of them to do", is frought with danger and unhappiness...it is certainly not fair on the person who they marry, the children they might produce nor the gay person in question.....I wonder who has had a more difficult life...your gay ex-lover, living a lie, or you, being alone......probably both as difficult as the other.

When I know that many many people can form a partnership with the lover of their choice, regardless of sex, and go on to lead happy and contented lives, I find it frustrating to think, that some chose a different path, probably knowing that it is doomed before it even begins.

You blame society, for the way your life has turned out, and I agree, that society hasn't helped your cause, but I also think that, it has turned out the way it has, because of the choices that you and your ex-partner have made.....choices, no doubt, thought to be the correct ones at the time.

It is sad that you are still pining for someone after 43 years, whom you had an 8 month affair with...I find it difficult to comprehend that you couldn't or didn't find someone else to give such undying love to....I feel very sorry for you, and I dont say that in a condesending way, but in a sad and frustrating way....what a waste, and what a long time to stay bitter, when there possibly could have been a happier ending.

Actually I am 43 years old now and have been in love with the same person for only 22 years which is still a very long time.  I suppose I should have found someone else years ago but somehow I couldn't make other relationships work.  I dated mostly women for a period of years but although I liked many of the women that I dated I could never fall in love with them.  It may have been because I couldn't help but subconsciously compare them to my ex-partner in college.  I did try to have a relationship with a guy that I worked with one summer.  He was four years younger than me and after several dates or meetings I could not love him.  I only kissed him once and it didn't do a thing for me.  I guess that I was still subconciously involved with what seemed to me at the time as the "sweetest person on earth."  I really think Jack Twist said it best.  I really didn't know how to quit him.  Even when I was bitter and I thought I hated him because he deserted me and married subconciously I couldn't get him out of my head.


Life is made up of choices, we all make bad ones, and have to live with them, we really cant go on blaming society, or anyone else for the choices we make about our personal life......it would have been far less painful, to stand up to society and everyone else, and say "like it or lump it".....

Once again, let me repeat, that I am not in any way attempting to offend you, I am well aware of the bigotry, and lack of understanding that is thrust on gay people, and the torments and frustrations, that it forces on your lives, and I wish that this world was more appreciative of the fact that people, like you, are good people, and not label you with an anti-social tag......I just hope that you find some peace in your life, and hopefully some happiness.

I wish we had both lived in a different place and a different time.  Our relationship started not long after AIDS became a big issue worldwide and I remember many people and many religious leaders calling AIDS "the gay plague."  I think that contributed to the hatred of gays at the time.  I don't know if I can find happiness because I have only loved one person in my entire life in a romantic way and I did try to find someone else both females and males.  I never could get past that one relationship.  I wish I could.  For better or worse I have renewed  contact with him.  Now according to what he has told me in his emails he wants to "rekindle" our relationship.  In his emails he seems exactly like the person I fell in love with twenty two years ago.  I haven't talked with him by phone or in person.  I am sure he has aged a lot and I know I have aged a lot. I am 43 now and he is 44.  I think his wife knew about our relationship before she married him but she married him anyway.  His son I am sure has absolutely no idea.  I have promised myself that I won't do anything until after his son graduates from high school.  I want his son to be totally grown up before he finds out anything at all. 

Right now I don't know what to do to be quite honest.  I don't want to start up anything with him again but I am afraid that "old time feeling" will resurface.  That is why I want to avoid meeting with him and talking about old times because I saw what happened with Jack and Ennis at their reunion after four years.  That is too scarey to think about and I don't trust myself. I keep hoping he is bald headed but then again I didn't fall in love with his looks to begin with but his personality.  We make our own choices I know that but our choices are heavily influenced by our emotions.  It is the emotion part that really scares me.  If he is being honest with me he feels the exact same way that he felt about me twenty two years ago.  I am going to ask him why he bailed out on me and left me alone and tried to live a straight life but I already have a pretty good idea of what he will say.  I know he was scared but I was scared too and I know he was being pressured by his dad to go to another college but he was 21 years old so things are still very "iffy" with me. 



Offline ednbarby

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #44 on: September 10, 2006, 08:34:45 am »
I think AIDS has definitely contributed to society's hatred of gays - especially during the 80s when most people were so ignorant about how it could be contracted, and I think that distrust/anxiety is still prevalent today though not as much so.

I can only imagine what you must have gone through then and are still going through.  I can relate to it to some extent in my own life - just in the sense that I have been in love - really in love, really connected on a spiritual level - with two men in my life.  But the man I am married to is not one of those men.  The two men I loved each broke my heart in different ways.  I was passionately in love with both of them.  When I met my husband, what I thought I needed was a friend.  I was tired of the kind of anguish these two had put me through.  And I got what I needed.  But now I look at my life and wonder if I've missed something.  If, in making that very conscious choice, my life has been much calmer but with much less joy.

I don't blame you for making the choices you did.  You not only had yourself to answer to, but society.  And I think we can blame society to some extent for that.  And should.  Because it needs to be fixed.  It's a crying shame that people who would consciously choose to be together do not only because of the pressures of society.  As someone else here so aptly said, true love is hard enough to come by to begin with.  To deny two people that who'd make no other choice but to be together without that denial is what's really the abomination.
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Offline Katie77

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #45 on: September 10, 2006, 08:10:07 pm »
I think AIDS has definitely contributed to society's hatred of gays - especially during the 80s when most people were so ignorant about how it could be contracted, and I think that distrust/anxiety is still prevalent today though not as much so.


I do agree with you here ednbarby, the revelation of AIDS and the terms used about it, "curse of the gay community", was a HUGE backward step in the progress of acceptance towards the gay community.....I have never been homophobic, but I must admit, that back then for a while, I too had my doubts and a few thoughts on whether  "gayness"...(gees I hate that word)  was the cause of this terrible epidemic that was sweeping the world.

There is no doubt, and I am not aware of any statistics, that during the 80's and the headlines of AIDS, many "closet" doors would have shut tight, and many gay people, were extremely afraid of "coming out" for fear of being treated as lepers....Unfortunately,we as a society, human nature, and our plight for immortality, became uppermost in most of our minds, and it undoubtedly preceeded our thoughts of understanding and compassion.

I still to this day, dont have a full understanding of AIDS, or how it became epidemic in the gay community, but the affects of it on the gay men at the time, had not really come into my thoughts, until I read what Bucky has just written, about the effect it had on his own relationship.

I have been a little bit too offhand, maybe, in saying to some of you out there, "if you dont like it, change it"....but in thinking about me saying that now, I am very apologetic, because I really did not take everything into account, that has threatened the   possibility, of you  just "changing it" and "getting on with it".

I always say, "life is a journey, along a road of bumps, hills, mountains, smooth sailing, pot holes, beauty and hurdles"....society sure has put their share of "pot holes" on that  "gay"  road........
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Offline Shakesthecoffecan

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #46 on: September 12, 2006, 01:55:24 pm »
It has been nine months for me now and I feel wonderful. I finally feel like I have an understanding of the story and its effect on me. I feel prouder of who I am than I ever have before. I feel safer than I ever have before. I love the friends I have made and the adventures I continue to have as a result of my involvement with you all.

Brokeback helped me face some of the unknown grey area in my life, helped me be strong to find the answers, helped me slow down and appreciate with gifts of life more. The only thing I can fix is me.
"It was only you in my life, and it will always be only you, Jack, I swear."

Offline Katie77

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #47 on: September 12, 2006, 06:07:49 pm »
It has been nine months for me now and I feel wonderful. I finally feel like I have an understanding of the story and its effect on me. I feel prouder of who I am than I ever have before. I feel safer than I ever have before. I love the friends I have made and the adventures I continue to have as a result of my involvement with you all.

Brokeback helped me face some of the unknown grey area in my life, helped me be strong to find the answers, helped me slow down and appreciate with gifts of life more. The only thing I can fix is me.

Yes shakes, I think you said it all here....and I have no doubt your thoughts and feelings are the same as most of us here....
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection