Ok everyone....share a story here. LOL

[CellarDweller]

Not really a "poll" but I think this fits here.

What is the stupidest thing someone has said to you, or the stupidest thing someone has asked you?

[CellarDweller]

I thought of this topic, because this happened to me today.

I was at lunch with a coworker, who told me she read that ginger is good for relieving bloating and upset stomachs.  So I told her that's why when my stomach is upset, I drink ginger ale.

she replied with "Oh, is that what they make ginger ale from?"

 

[Lynne]

Oy!

I have a zillion, but I'm highly critical.    

After Dad had his heart bypass surgery, I collected healthy recipes, did some cooking, and did some shopping, including Morningstar Farms bacon and sausage in an attempt to get Dad's wife Linda (and him) to be more conscientious about heart health, hypertension, etc...

When we were looking at the faux bacon, I pointed out how much lower it is in sodium than regular bacon and told her I'd become used to it fairly quickly, especially for sandwiches.

Linda asks, 'Why do you salt your bacon?'

 

[CellarDweller]

 

[Kerry]

Many years ago . . . .

I was having dinner with some gay friends at a city night-spot one evening, when we were joined by a gay-friendly female friend. Renowned for never being on time. Widely known for her grand entrances. She was impeccably presented as usual. The height of fashion. She always looked fabulous.  She was wearing an oversized pair of Jackie O-esque sunglasses, even though the sun had set some six hours earlier. One of my companions, who fancied himself as a bit of a wit and a raconteur, greeted her enthusiastically with air kisses, exclaiming "Incognito, my dear?" (referring to the sunglasses). To which she vacuously responded, "No, Ray Ban." Alas, she was not joking. Wondered why we were laughing.

[louisev]

the one that occurs to me most immediately is recently a tourist was wandering around Rosslyn Station, and buttonholed me at the corner of Wilson and North Lynn (the street signs are massive here), and asked me, while standing under the sign, "Where is North Lynn Avenue?"

[serious crayons]

Sometimes otherwise educated and intelligent people reveal shocking little pockets of ignorance. This one might lose a little in translation for non-Americans, but here goes:

I grew up in Minnesota. A high school friend said to me, "It's too bad Minnesota isn't on a Great Lake."

I said, "It is. It's on Lake Superior. You know -- where Duluth is?"

She said, "Well, I've never been to Duluth."

(Um, OK, but have you ever looked at a map of your state?)

Here's another: A writer in his late 20s asked me whether Mark Twain had written "Huckleberry Finn," or Huckleberry Finn had written "Mark Twain."

[louisev]

Lost in Translation:

As a gluten-intolerant person, I have gravitated toward Indian cuisine which is based heavily on rice, lentils, nuts and seeds, all of which I can eat.  Recently I was trying to recreate a recipe for Dosa mix (snack pancake) and the ingredients said "ground nuts" - so I asked my colleague " In the ingredients it says 'ground nuts' - what kind of nuts are they?"  And she said "Ground nuts."  And I said " Yes I know, but what KIND of ground nuts?"

"Ground nuts" - ground up OR whole, is the colloquial term in Indian for peanuts.  D'oh!

[southendmd]

Lost in translation, part deux:

When a friend, whose native language is not English, was visiting my family's seaside cottage, was asked how his shower was, knowing the plumbing could be a little wonky, he replied, "Just crane".  

"Hunh," I replied.

"It was fine, just crane."  

Turns out, "Crane" was the manufacturer of the shower regulator, and "Crane" was between "hot" and "cold".  

[CellarDweller]

Well, I have to put one of my own here, because it was just so funny.  Even now I laugh and can't believe how stupid I was.

 

When I went to visit Rich and Gene, Rich and I were picking on each other, as usual.  I was calling him "country mouse", he called me "city mouse" and so on.

Anyway, the three of us were driving somewhere and there were a bunch of cows on a the side of a large hill, eating the grass.....his is the conversation that took place:

Rich:  Yo, little bro....see those cows over there?

Me:  yeah.

Rich:  Those are mountain cows.

Me:  Huh?

Rich:  Yeah, they're specially bred with legs on one side shorter than the other, so they can stand on the side of the hill or mountain and eat the grass.

Me:  *pause, cock head to the side*  Ummmm....ok, but when they turn around, don't they fall over?


 


As it was coming out of my mouth, I was saying "STOP" inside my head, but not loud enough apparently.

The three of us burst out into laughter, Gene turned around to say:

"Chuck, I could see the gears turning in your head for that."

[Brown Eyes]

Here's another: A writer in his late 20s asked me whether Mark Twain had written "Huckleberry Finn," or Huckleberry Finn had written "Mark Twain."

 
That's awesome!

[delalluvia]

Here's another: A writer in his late 20s asked me whether Mark Twain had written "Huckleberry Finn," or Huckleberry Finn had written "Mark Twain."

Well, both names are fake. 

I've had plenty of stupid things said to me - some worse than others - but the one that pops immediately to mind was just ignorant.  I think I've told you guys this already:

Me [in car, pulling up to drive-through fast food window].
Clerk [turning to me - obviously there is some sort of discussion going on inside the restaurant]: Do you know where Las Vegas is?
Me [knowing there is more than one Las Vegas and wondering if what he's really asking is how to get there, reply automatically]:  Las Vegas, Nevada?
Clerk[jumping on my response]:  Las Vegas, Nevada?  Is that in California?
Me: 

Perfect example of American school age kids' ignorance of geography and of someone not taking full advantage of their school's curriculum when they had the opportunity.

[Lynne]

Now, del, that reminds me of the time I sent a birthday card to my mother-in-law in Santa Fe, NM. I spent a good fifteen minutes arguing with the clerk that it did not need international postage. He was an older man, very sad really.

[ifyoucantfixit]

   About six years ago my husband and I were taking our two granddaughters
on a trip in the motor home. 
   We drove by these two young guys walking along the sidewalk.  Kelsey asked
Tiffany did she know the tallest guy of those two.?   Tiffany said yeah, the one
on the right.    doh..she will never live that one down.

[delalluvia]

Now, del, that reminds me of the time I sent a birthday card to my mother-in-law in Santa Fe, NM. I spent a good fifteen minutes arguing with the clerk that it did not need international postage. He was an older man, very sad really.

Maybe he was just hard of hearing and thought you said

"New [comma] Mexico."

Like that information directory operator:

Caller:  I'm trying to get the area code for Plano, Texas
Operator:  Where in Texas?
Caller:  Plano, Texas
Operator:  Sir, I need a location.  I can't give you something for plain ole Texas.

 

[louisev]

Well, I have to put one of my own here, because it was just so funny.  Even now I laugh and can't believe how stupid I was.

 

On a related note, you wouldn't believe how many people I have fooled with the statement:

"Did you know they took the word 'gullible' out of the English dictionary?" I've caught several graduate-educated professionals with that one!

[Kerry]

As told to me by a friend recently . . .

Friend was having his annual medical check-up, part of which comprised a digital prostate examination.

Doctor told friend to strip from the waist down, lie on his side facing the wall and bring his knees up to his chest as best he could.

Friend did as requested and could hear doctor behind him, snapping on latex gloves and squirting lubricant, before feeling the doctor's hand on his buttock, prior to insertion of finger in rectum.

Friend looked over his shoulder and said with mock indignation, "This is soooo undignified."

To which doctor replied, quick as a flash, "How do you think I  feel?"

[louisev]

Yeah because with the doctors, its all about THEM, right?   

[David In Indy]

As told to me by a friend recently . . .

Friend was having his annual medical check-up, part of which comprised a digital prostate examination.

Doctor told friend to strip from the waist down, lie on his side facing the wall and bring his knees up to his chest as best he could.

Friend did as requested and could hear doctor behind him, snapping on latex gloves and squirting lubricant, before feeling the doctor's hand on his buttock, prior to insertion of finger in rectum.

Friend looked over his shoulder and said with mock indignation, "This is soooo undignified."

To which doctor replied, quick as a flash, "How do you think I  feel?"

A "digital" prostate exam? I've never heard of that before. If it was digital, why did he use his finger Kerry? Are they using some sort of computer now in addition to the "finger" exam?

[CellarDweller]

A "digital" prostate exam? I've never heard of that before. If it was digital, why did he use his finger Kerry? Are they using some sort of computer now in addition to the "finger" exam?

 

David, you just gave an entry here without meaning to.

It's called a "digital" exam because his finger (one of the digits on his hand) is inserted to check on the prostate.

From Wiki:

A finger is a type of digit, an organ of manipulation and sensation found in the hands of humans and other primates.  Normally humans have five digits, termed phalanges, on each hand (exceptions are polydactyly, hypodactyly and digit loss). The first digit is the thumb, followed by index finger, middle finger, ring finger, and little finger or pinky. Some other languages use the same generic term for all five digits of a hand.

[serious crayons]

David, you just gave an entry here without meaning to.

It's called a "digital" exam because his finger (one of the digits on his hand) is inserted to check on the prostate.

Then how do they do an analog prostate exam?

[louisev]

 
probably with some sort of modeling clay.

[CellarDweller]

I've never heard of an analog prostate exam.

I searched google, and the only thing I could find were digital prostate exams.

[serious crayons]

I've never heard of an analog prostate exam.

I searched google, and the only thing I could find were digital prostate exams.

Now it's your turn to add your own entry, Chuck! 

[optom3]

One all too common one I used to get in the eye exam room was when I asked patients to read the chart, they would actually try to make the letters on each line into a word, TMUAX caused some interesting attempts and one twit asked me if VOTH (4th line down) was related to goth !

I also made the most awful faux pas myself when I was examining a really obese woman. I had already raised the arms on the chair so she could fit in. I had to stand on a stool to get close to her and was for some reason completely fascinated by her multiple chins. When the time came to ask her to push her forehead against the bar and chin on the chin rest, you guessed it I asked her to put her chins on the chin rest. Cue ghastly silence and very red faced yours truly !

[CellarDweller]

I had to stand on a stool to get close to her and was for some reason completely fascinated by her multiple chins. When the time came to ask her to push her forehead against the bar and chin on the chin rest, you guessed it I asked her to put her chins on the chin rest. Cue ghastly silence and very red faced yours truly !

 

[David In Indy]

David, you just gave an entry here without meaning to.

It's called a "digital" exam because his finger (one of the digits on his hand) is inserted to check on the prostate.

From Wiki:

A finger is a type of digit, an organ of manipulation and sensation found in the hands of humans and other primates.  Normally humans have five digits, termed phalanges, on each hand (exceptions are polydactyly, hypodactyly and digit loss). The first digit is the thumb, followed by index finger, middle finger, ring finger, and little finger or pinky. Some other languages use the same generic term for all five digits of a hand.

 

 

It makes perfect sense now that you've explained it to me!

Gawd, how embarrassing. I guess we need to be careful about what questions we ask in this thread.

[Kerry]

I was at an exhibition of contemporary art at an art museum in Sydney. Primarily abstract paintings and some sculpture on show. I approached an item that was listed as a sculpture in the catalogue. However, all that was there was an empty plinth and a blank, white backing board with the catalogue number.

It was the first day of the exhibition and I presumed that particular item had been held up for some reason.

Before moving on to the next piece, I couldn't help but overhear two elderly ladies, who were standing in front of the empty plinth.

They were enthusiastically appraising the work as cutting-edge, avant-garde genius!!!

You have to be very careful what you say out loud in an art museum.

It later occurred to me that maybe the joke was on me. Maybe the empty plinth was the art work.

[Ellemeno]

Then how do they do an analog prostate exam?

I just read this whole thread for the first time.  "Analog" is even funnier than "digital" in this context!! 

[serious crayons]

"Analog" is even funnier than "digital" in this context!! 

I know, right?!    You're the first one to allude to the potential joke.

[Front-Ranger]

Maybe they meant to say, Analblog!!