The "ABCs of BBM": Round 965! (Rules in first post)

[Meryl]

Any real Texan knows that a pickup truck in need of emergency repairs can be mended quite handily with the right application of chewing gum and baling wire.

=aside=Fran
It was tough, but we rose to the challenge.    Welcome back! 

[memento]

Texans tend to practice neighborliness such as inviting a good-looking cowboy that you've been eyeing all night to spend the weekend in a deserted cabin.

[Toast]

It seems that a true Texan overstates the facts:

 - the importance of football in becoming a man
 - the length of time it takes to eat a sit-down meal
 - (time) travel of an ignorant ass
 - the number of zeros in an adding machine
 - how easy it is to see the Pope.

=aside= Fran
Oops! Welcome back!
I missed you!

[Meryl]

Although a Texan out with his wife is always puzzled by her need to powder her nose before going home to bed, he is never averse to using the time gained thereby for smoking and making social arrangements.

[Fran]

Although a Texan out with his wife is always puzzled by her need to repowder her nose before going home to bed, he is never averse to using the time gained thereby for smoking and making social arrangements.

=aside= Meryl
Thanks.

[memento]

Although a Texan out with his wife is always puzzled by her need to powder her nose before going home to bed, he is never averse to using the time gained thereby for smoking and making social arrangements.

=aside= Meryl and Fran
Thanks again.

[Toast]

How To Talk Like a Texan in Austin

#1 - Drop the g.
Cut out unnecessary letters like g in -ing words if you wanna talk like a Texan.
 - Jack Twist already learned that in Wyomin'.

#2 - Use Texas contractions and phrases. (A lot like in Wyoming.)
There are certain word combinations that Texans like to turn into a single word and some common words we use in uncommon ways. Use these if you wanna talk like a Texan:
    * gotta (got to, must)
    * gonna (got to, going to)
    * over yonder (over there)
    * nu-uh (no)
    * fixin ta (getting ready to do something)
    * y'all (you all)
    * wanna (want to)

#3 - Speak slower.
Next thang ya gotta do is slow down. Don't be in such a hurry. Chew on those words awhile. You don't hafta have a drawl like J.R. on Dallas but talkin' ninety to nothing'll mark you as a non-Texan no matter how many y'alls and fixin's you throw out there.

#4 - Tell a story.
Now ya havta paint a pichur. Texans like imagery, similes, and metaphors.
 - Throw in a reference to the Pope, Mexico or a snake in a hole.

#5 - Cook up a critter tale.
Who doesn't like a story about fluffy bunnies and wild horses? When asked 'How hot is it?' ya say It's so hot the hens are layin' hard-boiled eggs. Tell folks your boss is meaner than a skillet full of rattlesnakes.
 - a rabbit tryin' to squeeze into a snakehole with a coyote on its tail.

#6 - Make the weather more excitin' than it really is.
When someone asks, 'Get any rain lately?' ya say, It came a real gully-washer last night or, Nu-uh, it's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs.

#7 - Put on a happy face.
Did ya win the Lottery? Well yur so lucky yur riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels and yur prolly feelin happy as a hog in slops. Next time ya go acourtin' tell yur gal she's cute as a possum and makes ya happy as a gopher in soft dirt.
.............

#10 - Learn the sports lingo.
Remember, when a Texan tawks 'bout playin' ball he prolly means football.
 - And come to a consensus about the TV sports: On or Off.

#11 - Learn proper meal time etiquette.
When a Texan invites you over for supper it's the noon meal 'cept if'n it's the evenin' meal. Or it could be dinner at noon. Ya better ask for a time just to be sure.
 - and check to see if you are carving or not.

more ...

[Fran]

True Texans will offer a ride to fellow motorists beset with unanticipated travel difficulties when the chewing gum and baling wire no longer hold.

[Meryl]

In Texas, the old and venerated custom of dropping one's handkerchief to allow a handsome man to return it has been reimagined.  A proper Texas girl simply gallops past her admirer, accidentally-on-purpose loses her cowboy hat, then trots demurely back to him to receive it with a smile.

[southendmd]

A proper Texas girl, having accidentally-on-purpose lost her cowboy hat, will risk whiplash by turning around fast enough to wink at the handsome cowboy who retrieved said hat.

=aside= weekend players
Very impressive work!