What are your "pet hates'

[Katie77]

Just thought this would be interesting to find out what really gripes you....

What gets you angry, or really pisses you off?....and how do you respond or fix the problem?

I know that "homophobia" is all of our pet hate....write and tell us, how you handle homophobic situations.....

There is always someone or something, that really gets on our nerves, be it, family, work mates, friends, the neighbours, the sales person at the shop, other drivers, kids, someone on tv......

I think this could be an intersting thread, and may be able to help out those who just dont know how to fix their problem.......

[injest]

well if you are just looking for minor things (well it is when I am home and not in the situation)

people in big ol SUVS and pickups that pull all the way up to the very EDGE of the road when they are turning left...I have a small car and if I am trying to turn right I CAN NOT see over them! So I wind up having to wait for THEM to go first...and it sometimes takes a while...this usually happens on very busy roads

Come on people...you bought the durn thing because 'you can see'....well, that extra two feet are not gonna improve the view! or stop you from being able to get out of the parking lot! stay back and give us short cars a break!

ps....riding my bumper is not gonna make me go faster...

[Katie77]

I developed a new pet hate only last wednesday....

I went to Hungry Jack's to get some lunch for my son, hubby and me...got them, the big burger meal, and because i am on a diet, got myself a salad....I went thru the drive-thru t get it....

Went back to our shop, we all got our dinner out of the bags, and the stupid girl hadn't put in a knife and fork......I was so p*ssed off.....had to eat the damn thing with my fingers.....i rang them to tell them, but was met with a young voice, laughingly saying "Oh, I'm sorry"......grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....still makes me mad when i think of it.

And Jess, those dreaded SUV's...i hate parking next to them, they seem to take up one and a half spaces.....

[jasbbm]

Hi everyone!!! Here is my pet hate. I hate standing in a long line at a  store and the person being checked out pays with a check!! Hello!!! It's the 21st century use your debit card! And if you have to use your check pull it out of your purse or pocket before they finish ringing you up and start to fill it out then!!! Sheesh!! ok. I feel better now.

[Katie77]

Great, glad you feel better Jason, thats why i started this post....usually once you say whats bothering you, it makes you feel so much better....

I hate supermarket lines, when the person in front of you has bought something that doesnt have a code, to zip thru the code thing, and they have to get someone to do a price check on it.......

[delalluvia]

Heh, sorry guys, I use a checkbook at the grocery stores.  Yes, I could use a debit card to be faster, but you can't float a debit card like you can a check. 

And it IS inconvenient, but in the U.S. many grocery stores uses scanners and program the bar code of their product into their computers so it 'rings up' when you go through the checkout. 

It's not MY fault if the stupid store didn't scan the product I'm buying into their computers.  If you must be mad, be mad at the grocery store, not the person buying it.  I had to stand there nearly 5 minutes because my cake mix wasn't programmed in, and the clerks showed absolutely no hurry to go get the price, taking a long time to respond to the call, having to have the item described to them more than once, strolling casually through the large store to get the price then strolling casually back...

My pet hates - besides the great social ones (intolerance of all types, etc):

people who ask for favors, then want the favor on their terms ("Can I have a ride?  What do you mean you can't leave early from your job to take me home so I'm not inconvenienced?")

people who believe that their opinion should be treated with the same acceptance and consideration as anyone else's even if their opinion is obviously ill-informed, uneducated or simply out and out wrong and refuse to even consider that their POV may be exactly that.

[Kelda]

Biggest pet hate is people who leave the stickers on the bottom of their shoes and then walk aorund with the price or shoe size on for everyone to see! Grrr!

[Amber]

I've got a couple.

I really dislike people who insist on passing someone, flying over three lanes of traffic only to take the very next exit.  Have some patience!

My big one is the people who work at the Best Buy where I shop (I've been in some other stores that don't seem to have this problem).  I can't seem to walk around in the store for more than 5 minutes without someone asking me if I'm finding everything alright.  It drives me crazy.

[Arad-3]

hi there,

Nothing bothers's me more than a tailgater. Someone that gets right on your tail and stays on it.  Even if you slow down so they can pass. I especially hate them at night with their headlights shinning in your back window. In the winter time when the roads are slick it really scares me. What if I have to stop suddenly?

Another one is when your riding with someone and they have to look at you instead of the road when they are talking to you!  What are they thinking?  We are going 55 mph!  That drives me crazy. If they are a big talker I am a wreck by time we get to our destination.

[ednbarby]

Oh, geez.  I could go on all day.

- When people don't signal their turns (rampant non-signaling is a fact of life in Florida)

- When people drive in the passing lane on the highway and refuse to move over for faster cars, forcing them to pass them on the right

- When people order for the entire office or soccer team at the drive-thru window

- When people talk, snap their gum, crunch and munch their popcorn extra-loudly, and do all manner of other irritatingly noisy stuff during the movie in movie theaters - I especially "love" the ones who feel they have to provide a play-by-play voice-over of everything happening onscreen because apparently they're incapable of having non-vocalized thoughts

- When movie trailers/previews give away so much of the storyline of a movie you were interested in seeing, you no longer need to pay to see it when it comes out

- When people arrive just as the movie's starting on opening day and are shocked to learn there are no longer two or more seats together anywhere in the theater, so they orchestrate whole groups of people shifting this way and that to accomodate them.  Funniest thing - I was with a friend once who just said, "NO.  Next time, get here early like everyone else."  I thought *I* was ballsy.  I thought they were gonna duke it out and I was going to get caught up in a brawl.  Luckily, the other woman just said, "Bitch," my friend said, "Speak for yourself - oh, you just did," and the other girl backed off.  (Didn't know that movie was going to come with a floor show, too.)

- When waiters interrupt you right at the punch line of the best freaking story you've told in ages.  I know they have a job to do, but how would they like it if I interrupted their order-taking with a story?

[saucycobblers]

SUV drivers - anytime, anywhere, anyplace and under any circumstances. Unless they're farmers...

But especially SUV drivers with manicures, straightened hair, too much lip gloss and a mobile phone permanently attached to their friggin ear. You know the type...

People who don't say please and thankyou. Civility costs nothing!!!

Middle-lane hoggers on the motorway. It's for OVERTAKING, a**hole!

Over-packaged products really hack me off...

...and so does processed cheese.

[ednbarby]

But especially SUV drivers with manicures, straightened hair, too much lip gloss and a mobile phone permanently attached to their friggin ear. You know the type...

Oh, my.  Welcome to my world.  Here in Boca Raton, we call that type "Boca Bitches."  And they're *everywhere*.

<--- owns an SUV (it's a small one, honest!) but doesn't get manicures and never talks on the cell phone while driving (I'm a bad enough driver as it is - why aggravate it further?)

[saucycobblers]

Oh, my.  Welcome to my world.  Here in Boca Raton, we call that type "Boca Bitches."  And they're *everywhere*.

  In the UK they're called 'Chavs', and yes, they're everywhere!

<--- owns an SUV (it's a small one, honest!) but doesn't get manicures and never talks on the cell phone while driving

In that case we'll make a special exception for you Barb 

[David In Indy]

I get irritated when someone thinks their new car somehow deserves to occupy THREE parking spaces. It pisses me off even more when the offending car is an old junker.

People parking so close to my car I can't get the driver's side door open. So I have to enter the car from the passenger side and climb, twist and crawl to get into the driver's seat. My car has a large stick shift on the floor board, and my ass has to go right over the top of it. Just one slight miscalculation and I could be making a very embarrassing 911 call.

People who walk their dogs across my front lawn, allow them to take a dump on it and leave it for me to clean up.  

Kids (and some adults) who install huge stereo speakers in the trunk of their car, turn their stereos up to maximum volume and drive up and down the street at 3:00 in the morning.

People who buy a pack of gum at the convenience store and pay for it with a $100 bill.

People who want to argue with the cashier, insisting they were just shortchanged a penny.

The person in front of me who wants to catch up on all the day's gossip with the cashier.

Oh, my.  Welcome to my world.  Here in Boca Raton, we call that type "Boca Bitches."  And they're *everywhere*.

I call them "Oblivions".  They're completely oblivious to anything and everyone around them.
 

[saucycobblers]

I hate feeling like everything has to go so fast... work, life, driving, everything. Sometimes I just want to do less and take more time doing it.

'Time to stop and Stare' by William Henry Davies.

What is this life if full of care
We have no time to stand and stare?
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep, or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this, if full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

[David In Indy]

Somebody said something about paying with checks. I pay with checks sometimes, but only because I find it so easy to accidently pay wth one of my credit cards, when I really meant to use my debit card. Sometimes I accidently grab my debit card when I really meant to use my credit card. Once I even accidently swiped my Blockbuster Card to pay for some groceries.

Yeah, I'm a real dingbat.   

But, when I pay by check, I always try to fill out the check before I leave my house so when it is time to pay, I only need to fill in the amount.   

[Lumière]

Pet hate?

I'll say reality TV .. 

Okay .. I have seen one episode of the Amazing race .. and two episodes of Extreme makeover.  Those ones are not so bad ..but then there are others like "American Princess", "Marry my dad", "First American Model" or could it be "Top American Model" .. lol .. and a string of other pointless shows that are as far away from reality as can be ..    The other day I feel asleep on the sofa, woke up to find American Princess (or whatever the name is) playing .. I almost twisted my ankle rushing to switch off the telly..lol.. can't stand alot of those unreal shows!

Now give me some British drama or comedy and we'd be in business! 

[mvansand76]

*People who drive past me at 60 miles per hour where they are allowed 30 when I am cycling on the street. It's dangerous and it shows no respect to me or other people who are cycling! 

*People who jump queues

*People in general? I have a hard time accepting that there are a lot of people who are ignorant, stupid, who do not feel the need to question authority/the government, who do not question anything in their life.

*I also have a hard time accepting the attitudes of a lot of teenagers here in Holland. It seems that they just don't give a **** and they are so lethargic and uninterested. On top of that they are rude, loud, they drink excessively (this is becoming a major problem here) and smoke pot (which is no problem at all as long as you don't have a brain that is still developing).

I am sorry for the negative ranting... I am going to post something positive now somewhere else! 

[Kd5000]

PPl with many too many windchimes and their neighbors all have windchimes.  The slighest breeze and I hear the Japanese one, the seashells grating, the ones which make unnatural noises (like you know it's not a bird).    Guess I like the quiet of the outdoors. 

[Scott6373]

Biggest one is the lack of common courtesy!  I mean if someone takes the time to say hello or make a welcoming gesture, and the response is less than you get from a corpse...drives me mad!!!

[Meryl]

Pet peeves!  Well, you asked....

I hate when you're waiting to see the credits at the end of a movie on TV and they suddenly shrink the screen so they can insert a promo for some other show (usually for the umpteenth time).  You can forget trying to read the actors' names!  They usually unshrink it in time for you to see who the caterers were.

I hate that now you can't even be free of commercials when a TV show actually starts.  They put little pop-up animations at the bottom of the screen promoting other stuff while you're trying to watch the show.

I hate that now you have to suffer through numerous commercials in a movie theater before the movie starts.  I'm old enough to remember the days when paying for admission was enough to ensure not being bothered by that.

I hate when the upstairs neighbors move furniture/vacuum/drop heavy stuff on the floor at all hours of the night or early morning, completely forgetting they're not the only people who live in the apartment building.

I hate when women leave pee on the seat in a public toilet for the next person to clean up.

I hate when people spit out gum wherever they feel like it, which means that every sidewalk in the city is covered with little black blobs.

I hate when workers start using jackhammers/chainsaws/heavy machinery/hammers at 8:00 a.m. on a Saturday or Sunday morning when they know darn well people were looking forward to sleeping in.


Feels good to vent.  Can you tell I live in a big city? 

[David In Indy]

I hate when women leave pee on the seat in a public toilet for the next person to clean up.

Women leave pee on the toilet seat? How do they do that? 

Wait. Never mind. I don't want to know.

 

I don't want to know!

[ednbarby]

Don't worry, David.  I don't get it, either. 

I can't believe I forgot my biggest one of all - littering.  Seeing people throw cigarette butts out of moving cars is especially annoying.  Hey, I've smoked - I've even smoked in moving cars.  But if you can't bear to put your cigarette out in your car's ashtray, perhaps you shouldn't be smoking it in the first place.

Seeing litter around really turns me off, too.  Just makes me feel kind of sick inside.  I try to pick it up whenever I see it, but when you're driving and it's all over the place, it's kind of overwhelming.

[souxi]

Oh wow I cant beleive I only just found this thread. Right I shall enjoy this lol. My pet HATES:

People who spit in the street.
people who talk with their mouths full.
people who let their horses shit all over the road so that when I drive by I get it all over my tyres!!
people who dont put their dogs on a lead
people who double park outside the school
people who cut you up on roundabouts
people who drive talking on their mobile phones
people who dont make their kids wear seatbelts
people who do DIY at night
people who mow their lawns at 6am on a sunday
people who park on the side of the road, then just as you go to drive by, open their door.
people who let thier kids sit in shopping trolleys. they,ve been outside ffs, you dont know what they have on their shoes and you have to put your food in there!!
people who let their kids run around supermarkets
people who leave thier shopping trolleys round the car park instead of putting them away

thats it for now I  think, I like this thread lol.

[Katie77]

Women leave pee on the toilet seat? How do they do that? 

Wait. Never mind. I don't want to know.

 

I don't want to know!

Well David, we are not perfect either.....but i agree, it should be cleaned off....

Which brings me to a subject my son is on about....to do with public toilets.....

If he uses a booth he wont open the door to get out unless he has toilet paper in his hand to unlock the door....he says, if you think about what was in peoples hands before they unlock that door, there is no way he wants to touch it......

I see souxi brought up "spitting"....I detest spitting, anywhere...

When my boys were growing up, i used to say that there were two things i would not tolerate, "lying" and "spitting"....I'm glad to say, they are in their thirties now, and I dont recall seeing them spit at anytime.

Another horrible sight...I dont know if it happens in your sports over there in the US, but over here when our football players hold one side of their nose and blow the other side, while they are on the field.....bloody disgusting....and it always seems the tv cameras catch them doing it.....UGH !!!......

Well I guess that's covered the excretion of bodily fluids from the body.......

[Arad-3]

I was thinking today about what i hate the most. what can and has really got me mad before and that has to be ...  people that are two faced. Say one thing to your face and and say another thing when you turn your back. I just think that is a human trait that some people have that I just can't stand.

[souxi]

Another horrible sight...I dont know if it happens in your sports over there in the US, but over here when our football players hold one side of their nose and blow the other side, while they are on the field.....bloody disgusting....and it always seems the tv cameras catch them doing it.....UGH !!!......


Eeeewwww Kate that is GROSS!!! OMG. YUK YUK and Tripple YUK. FFS WHY do they do it? God thats horrible.
Yes I agree with what someone else said about being twofaced. I tell people to their faces. If they ask an honest opinion, they get it. Sometimes they wish they hadnt asked lol. I also cant stand people who are nosey. It really winds me up that does.  People who slurp their tea or coffee, thats disgusting too. Oh and eating with your mouth open, EEWWWWW thats gross.

[Kazza]

Oh wow I cant beleive I only just found this thread. Right I shall enjoy this lol. My pet HATES:

People who spit in the street.

.

Oh my word- that is one of my major hates too! It makes me feel nauseus.

I generally hate poeple who are inconsiderate of those around them (including the hated sitters).

[ednbarby]

Here's one my husband and I were just talking about - when people sniff *really* loudly in your general direction rather than get a tissue and blow the stuff out.  You know who I'm talking about - people with colds or allergies who think it's less gross to do that than to just blow their noses.  I have coworkers who are impeccably dressed and groomed who get in a meeting with me and proceed to do that.  Repeatedly.  It turns my stomach.  My husband says "Try spending 8 hours with someone like that in a cockpit."  He's even offered them a kleenex (sort of) politely only to have them turn it down and keep on sniffin'.

[delalluvia]

Here's one my husband and I were just talking about - when people sniff *really* loudly in your general direction rather than get a tissue and blow the stuff out.  You know who I'm talking about - people with colds or allergies who think it's less gross to do that than to just blow their noses.  I have coworkers who are impeccably dressed and groomed who get in a meeting with me and proceed to do that.  Repeatedly.  It turns my stomach.  My husband says "Try spending 8 hours with someone like that in a cockpit."  He's even offered them a kleenex (sort of) politely only to have them turn it down and keep on sniffin'.

I find I must defend this practice.  I can't speak for everyone of course, but some of us have sinus 'disease' as my doctor called it.  The dripping is taking place in and among your sinuses, polyps and in the back of your throat.  There is nothing to blow out, it's leaking out back beyond your ability to force it out and you really wish you COULD blow it out. 

It's embarrassing when someone offers to hand you a kleenex because you know they've been sitting there getting grossed out and impatient with you, but there is nothing you can do but slink away and try to find a place to hide so you won't offend anyone - as I did in the library.  In the workplace, there is nowhere to go.

[David In Indy]

Don't they call it "Post Nasal Drip" or something like that?

Yuck!

The whole thing sounds perfectly disgusting. 

I feel sorry for those who suffer from it.

[delalluvia]

Don't they call it "Post Nasal Drip" or something like that?

Yuck!

The whole thing sounds perfectly disgusting. 

I feel sorry for those who suffer from it.

I don't know what they call it.  My specialist merely said I had 'advanced sinus disease' and I do sniff from time to time.  Some days are better than others.  It's not fun.  My entire sense of smell has been dulled, I have to do special things in order to get a decent night's sleep when half my sinuses are constantly clogged or draining or opening and closing.  The snorking you typically have throughout the night certainly isn't anything your partner might find romantic.

[David In Indy]

I don't know what they call it.  My specialist merely said I had 'advanced sinus disease' and I do sniff from time to time.  Some days are better than others.  It's not fun.  My entire sense of smell has been dulled, I have to do special things in order to get a decent night's sleep when half my sinuses are constantly clogged or draining or opening and closing.  The snorking you typically have throughout the night certainly isn't anything your partner might find romantic.

Snorkling? Oh honey that sounds awful!

Have you tried taking some Tavist-D? It will make you drowsy, but at least you will be able to breathe.

They may even make a daytime formula. I'm not sure.

[serious crayons]

I hate most of the things that other people have said (with the exception, now that I've been enlightened, of post-nasal drip or whatever it is).

But I do have to comment on

people who dont make their kids wear seatbelts

and

people who let their kids run around supermarkets

because one of my pet peeves -- and not to pick on you, souxi, because I can completely understand where you're coming from, having felt the same before I had my kids -- is people who assume that if children are misbehaving it's because their parents "let" them do it. I probably would STILL think that if I had docile kids, or even average kids. But I have extremely challenging kids.

I never "let" them run around or slip out of their seatbelts or all kinds of other things they do -- they just do them, and it is a constant -- and I do mean constant -- challenge to get them to behave normally. Often, I chastise them or chase them down or whatever's necessary, but I know it's possible that there are times people see me in supermarkets or wherever not screaming at them or apparently not doing all I might do, and that's generally because either I'm momentarily distracted or I've learned to pick my battles or I'm already trying to get them to stop doing something much worse than that.

And I can imagine non-parents, or parents of relatively docile kids, at this point secretly thinking, "Well, if she would just be strict and firm about it at all times, they would stop misbehaving." All I can say is ... um, yeah. Believe me, I've heard those arguments a gazillion times. Come back and tell me the same thing after you've spent a year or so around my sons, or kids like them. Most people have absolutely no idea. There are a few who do, and I have never heard that kind of advice coming from them.

Anyway, this feels a lot like Del's defense of sinus-disease sufferers. Until you've walked a mile in our shoes ...

[David In Indy]

Ibecause one of my pet peeves -- and not to pick on you, souxi, because I can completely understand where you're coming from, having felt the same before I had my kids -- is people who assume that if children are misbehaving it's because their parents "let" them do it. I probably would STILL think that if I had docile kids, or even average kids. But I have extremely challenging kids.

My mother use to keep my sister and I on tethers. (I'm serious). I had a blue tether and my sister had a pink one. Apparently, I use to climb the counters and roll around in the meat (even at the age of three, I was shopping for meat). HAVE MERCY!   

But my point is, my mother did keep control of us. I remember sitting for endless amounts of time on the Paul Harris window sill (which is where I probably developed my love of women's fashion).   

[serious crayons]

But see, the kind of kid I'm talking about does not sit for endless time on the Paul Harris windowsill, or submit to tethers, or do any of those kinds of restrictive things without a GIANT GIANT FIGHT. And I do mean giant. Did I mention that it would be giant? And that it would be just one among may GIANT GIANT FIGHTS you and the kid would have gotten into that very same day?

Really, this is very hard to express in a way that people will understand. Sometimes I read people's posts about their kids and feel like we live in two different countries.

Every kid can be controlled in some way, yes, I have no doubt about it. The Army is proof of that. But some kids only require ordinary parents to control them, and some kids require Gen. George Patton. I'm not Patton. If my kids had Patton for a mom, no doubt they wouldn't run around the grocery store. But it's hard to say, by the time they're 18, whether the kids and Gen. Patton would still be on speaking terms ...

[David In Indy]

But see, the kind of kid I'm talking about does not sit for endless time on the Paul Harris windowsill, or submit to tethers, or do any of those kinds of restrictive things without a GIANT GIANT FIGHT. And I do mean giant. Did I mention that it would be giant? And that it would be just one among may GIANT GIANT FIGHTS you and the kid would have gotten into that very same day?

Really, this is very hard to express in a way that people will understand. Sometimes I read people's posts about their kids and feel like we live in two different countries.

Every kid can be controlled in some way, yes, I have no doubt about it. The Army is proof of that. But some kids only require ordinary parents to control them, and some kids require Gen. George Patton. I'm not Patton. If my kids had Patton for a mom, no doubt they wouldn't run around the grocery store. But it's hard to say, by the time they're 18, whether the kids and Gen. Patton would still be on speaking terms ...

Actually I do agree with you. I grew up in the 1960's, and times have changed I guess.

But I still say the Paul Harris window sill paid off...

Can anyone say Koopavond? Oh yeah, that's only on Thursday and Friday... and in Amsterdam.

My bad.   

I do agree with you. Things are different now. But my mother had no problems swatting my ass in public if I acted up. And I'll bet you every person witnessing my punishment felt sorry for my mother... not for me.

But that was a LOOOOOONG time ago.

But I do have some stories..... we all do of course. Hopefully things like this are a thing of the past. I hope so anyway.

[serious crayons]

I'm not familiar with Paul Harris. Was the windowsill on the outside of the building, and several stories up? Then I can see where it might have had that effect ... 

All I can say is, "knowing" you to the extent that I do, David, and knowing my older son, you are two very different people. You seem very easy going. So if times are different, different kids are different, too.

Imagine a kid who scores in the 99th percentile on every imaginable academic test, who in fourth grade was reading at a 12th-grade level, who is confident and outgoing and popular and good looking and athletic and imaginative and ambitious and socially fearless -- in other words, a kid who at first glance is completely geared for success -- and YET is in a way somewhat handicapped, and that handicap has to do with his behavior and temperament. Then you will have imagined my son.

I know it's very difficult to understand. He doesn't fit any of the usual molds. Believe me, if he weren't my son I wouldn't get it either.

It is hard for me to see that a 60s upbringing would have made a drastic difference for my son. It is easy to say that my son's behavior would be different if I had disciplined him differently.

It's another thing to actually try to do it. What's particularly strange is, in some ways his behavior really hasn't changed much since he was literally a couple of weeks old.

[David In Indy]

Paul Harris was a women's clothing store. My mother use to shop at it all the time. The Paul Harris store my mother use to take us to was in Devington Shopping Center here in Indy. Devington was a strip mall (all one floor) but she would make us sit on the front window sill (inside the store) for what seemed like hours. I remember sitting there and looking at all the women's clothes and wishing I could wear some of them... and I was probably five or six years old at the time!

I guess in some strange way, I am trying to justify my mother's forms of punishment and also compare it with the way parents discipline their children today (at least here in the U.S.) I think my mother was somewhat confused anyway. She was French-Lakota (not a good mixture in my opinion). The Lakota accepted homosexuality (actually elevating gay people to level of sacred honor) while of course the French (Catholic) discouraged and condemned homosexuality. Add to the mix that this was the 1960's (just as Vatican II was passed into church law) and we now have a mixture for disaster.

Mom has been dead for more than three years now, and personally I think she went to her grave trying to mix and match her Lakota beliefs with her Catholicism.

I am not judging or condemning ANYONE on either side, in any way, shape or form. I just remember what I remember, and that was a long time ago. And like I said, things have changed. Every parent knows and understands his or her child better than anyone, and therefore the parent is the best person to choose how to discipline the child (sans harsh punishment of course). 

[serious crayons]

Well, I will say that there is no way in hell my kids would sit in a windowsill for hours, or even minutes, at a time. I could punish them, bribe them, threaten them ... they just wouldn't. I suppose if they knew they would literally get beaten if they moved from the windowsill, the might. But I think there are a lot of kids who would stay at the windowsill without having been beaten into submission -- they're just different kinds of kids.

David, you had different parents and different issues. I don't mean to minimize yours at all.

But I think less of the differences between kids has to do with the parents' choice of discipline or the era in which they grew up -- there are just different kinds of kids!

[ednbarby]

I don't know what they call it.  My specialist merely said I had 'advanced sinus disease' and I do sniff from time to time.  Some days are better than others.  It's not fun.  My entire sense of smell has been dulled, I have to do special things in order to get a decent night's sleep when half my sinuses are constantly clogged or draining or opening and closing.  The snorking you typically have throughout the night certainly isn't anything your partner might find romantic.

I'm not talking about people with this issue.  I'm talking about people who are also coughing up a lung because they keep snuffing the stuff down in there sucht that that's the only recourse.  And I'm not talking about a gentle sniff every now and again.  Ed says he's actually seen guys cover one nostril and snort the stuff up, then cover the other and do the same.  Then cough violently a few seconds later.  And he'll say "Are you all right?" and they'll say, "Just got a bad cold" or something like that.  I have two coworkers who do it.  And it isn't constant - it's only when they have a cold.

Believe me, I know from sinusitis.  I've had two ENT specialists tell me I "need" sinus reconstructive surgery to keep from getting the sinus infections I get two or three times a year.  And I know from allergies, too.  I spend half the year living on Benedryl because of the various things that bloom down here and send my immune system into a tizzy.

It's one thing to not be able to help it.  It's another to have a cold and just not want to be bothered to keep some tissue with you to blow into from time to time.

[ednbarby]

Katherine, I feel your pain.  I have one of those challenging children myself.  I dread the times I have to take him into the grocery store with me, because I know he won't want to sit still in the special truck-cart they have for toddlers and he won't want to stay with me if I let him walk alongside me down the aisles.  I had to take him yesterday and was pleasantly surprised when he did both things in succession.  He sat still in truck for the first half of the trip, then asked nicely if he could get out, then actually stayed with me and didn't touch or ask for anything the whole rest of the time.  He must have been sick. 

All that said, I think there's a difference between someone like you or I who is really trying to keep their kids under control and someone who just doesn't give a shit.  Now maybe the latter has reached the end of her tether like we have on some days and just doesn't have the energy to do battle with the kids anymore.  Whenever I see that kind of thing, I give them the benefit of the doubt.  I like to hope I did that before I had my son, too, but I can't be sure I did.  I do know I never dreamed of actually saying something to those parents like people have said to me.  It still never ceases to amaze me the things people will say.  One day I was rolling Will into the Publix in one of the truck-carts, he was behaving very nicely, and some old coot says very loudly to another old coot, "Hrrrmph.  The things they have for kids these days.  They're all so spoiled."  I said, "Just be glad they do, or he'd be running around like a Banshee right now."  She goes, "And whose fault is that?"  I about choked her.  "Young Mother Strangles Elderly Woman To Death in Publix Produce Aisle - Details at 11:00."

[serious crayons]

Good comeback to the busybody's first snide comment, Barb! As for her second, about whose fault it was, if I weren't agnostic I would have been tempted to reply, "I don't know -- God's, I guess." Or maybe I'd go with the overly agreeable response: "It would be my fault because, you're right, I am a terrible mother." Or maybe, "Well, I haven't had a chance to teach him proper supermarket behavior yet because I've been busy teaching him something I consider even more important: not to make rude remarks to strangers in public."

[ednbarby]

Or maybe, "Well, I haven't had a chance to teach him proper supermarket behavior yet because I've been busy teaching him something I consider even more important: not to make rude remarks to strangers in public."

 

[opinionista]

Well, I will say that there is no way in hell my kids would sit in a windowsill for hours, or even minutes, at a time. I could punish them, bribe them, threaten them ... they just wouldn't. I suppose if they knew they would literally get beaten if they moved from the windowsill, the might. But I think there are a lot of kids who would stay at the windowsill without having been beaten into submission -- they're just different kinds of kids.

David, you had different parents and different issues. I don't mean to minimize yours at all.

But I think less of the differences between kids has to do with the parents' choice of discipline or the era in which they grew up -- there are just different kinds of kids!

I'm not a mother so please forgive me if I say something that doesn't make sense. I have a younger sister, she's 20 years my junior, and she was quite unruly when she was a toddler. I used to baby sit her almost everyday for three whole years, and she was the kind of kids who would not behave at the supermarket. If I told her she was not allowed to do something, she would scream and demand an explanation as to why she couldn't do it, and if she didn't agree (most of the time she didn't and on purpose), she would go ahead and do it. Even her mother (we don't have the same mother) didn't know what to do, let alone my father. Then one day I came up with a solution that worked. I figured she was unruly because she was bored, so I gave her stuff to do. If I had to go to the supermarket, I asked her to help me select the fruits, for example or to pick up corn flakes boxes or cans of food that weren't to heavy or to high for her to grab. At home I'd come up with something to keep her busy. She'd still get challenging sometimes but it was a lot easier to handle when I started giving her duties. I don't know if this would work for you, for me it did with my sister. I told her mother about it, and she started doing the same and things got better for her too.

[serious crayons]

Well, my kids are now 10 and 12, so things have gotten MUCH better. Oh, they still don't behave in the supermarket. But now I can leave them at home when I go! 

[Kelda]

HR people. I hate them. *personal rant for the day*

why do they say they will get back to you but then never do. oh and then theres the 'we'll not keep you hanging over the weekend but then they DO and then they blame someone else for keeping you waiitng for job interview outcomes! gha!!!!!!!!

Rant over.

[delalluvia]

Snorkling? Oh honey that sounds awful!

Have you tried taking some Tavist-D? It will make you drowsy, but at least you will be able to breathe.

They may even make a daytime formula. I'm not sure.

It's way beyond Tavist-D I'm afraid.  I've developed polyps which are physically blocking many of my sinus cavities and the only recourse is surgery, after which they cannot guarantee polyps won't develop again, "Especially for those who have seasonal allergies", my doctor said.

Holds hand up. 

[delalluvia]

I'm not talking about people with this issue.  I'm talking about people who are also coughing up a lung because they keep snuffing the stuff down in there sucht that that's the only recourse.  And I'm not talking about a gentle sniff every now and again.  Ed says he's actually seen guys cover one nostril and snort the stuff up, then cover the other and do the same.  Then cough violently a few seconds later.  And he'll say "Are you all right?" and they'll say, "Just got a bad cold" or something like that.  I have two coworkers who do it.  And it isn't constant - it's only when they have a cold.

Believe me, I know from sinusitis.  I've had two ENT specialists tell me I "need" sinus reconstructive surgery to keep from getting the sinus infections I get two or three times a year.  And I know from allergies, too.  I spend half the year living on Benedryl because of the various things that bloom down here and send my immune system into a tizzy.

It's one thing to not be able to help it.  It's another to have a cold and just not want to be bothered to keep some tissue with you to blow into from time to time.

Eech. OK.  Never had heard those kind of coughers/sniffers.  Just those who've been smoking or snorting too much or people like me with chronic sinus issues.

[David In Indy]

If I told her she was not allowed to do something, she would scream and demand an explanation as to why she couldn't do it, and if she didn't agree (most of the time she didn't and on purpose), she would go ahead and do it.

"Because I said so".

That was what my mother said to me whenever I questioned her.

It worked every time too!

[ednbarby]

"Because I said so".

That was what my mother said to me whenever I questioned her.

It worked every time too!

I remember I was so mortified the first time I heard that coming out of my mouth.  I thought, "Oh, geez.  I've become my father."

As for your idea, Natali, that's an excellent one.  I've read it before in one of my parenting magazines and of course it makes perfect sense.  And when I have the mental energy, I do use that technique to great success.  But as you know from your sister, keeping a very active and inquisitive kid like her and Will busy constantly is a daunting task.  He does great with this one sitter we hire regularly because she is young and energetic and can keep up with him physically and mentally.  I tell ya, if I had it all to do again and I could still have the same child (yeah, and if ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas), I'd have had Will much earlier in life.  I'm *way* too old for this crap.    (This is the main reason I'm doing the South Beach Diet and bumping up my workouts again - I can't just sit around and lament that I'm too old to keep up with him - being the fixer that I am, I *have* to at least try to do something about it.)

Oh - that brings me to another couple of pet hates:

When people, especially people in management, have a decision-making disorder, and

When people complain endlessly about every little thing but never do a thing to change anything - I call such people Professional Victims, and they drive me to distraction.

[souxi2]

"Because I said so".

That was what my mother said to me whenever I questioned her.

It worked every time too!

Yup David exactly right. My grandfather always used to say..."dont do as I do, do as I say". You didnt argue with him.

[opinionista]

"Because I said so".

That was what my mother said to me whenever I questioned her.

It worked every time too!

That wouldn't work with my sister. No way. "Why?" That'd be her answer. Sometimes I respond "Because"! and she'd go again "But Why?" If I'd tell her, "because you are still a little girl", that'd make her real mad "I am NOT a little girl", she'd say. She was a handful. I when I told my dad about it, he told me, "But she is just like you! I don't know what are you complaining about!"

[Kelda]

Another pet hate I have is children from the neighbourhood that I DO NOT KNOW coming to my door (sometimes with their parent in tow - which aggravates me even more!) and asking me to sponsor their sponsored bounce or whatever.

Now - I give to charity and school, brownie events of my nieces etc so I'm not being tight here - and I would give to kids I knew of for their sponsored bounce for school etc - but I do not like how kids expect perfect strangers to give to them. It really really aggravates me.

I was never ever allowed to knock on doors of people I didn't know in the street asking for money. And those days it wouldn't be considered dangerous as it might be now.

The thing that makes me laugh is the only kids who I do vaguely know (because I say hello to their parents etc & they live 2 doors down) don't come to the door and ask me for money - because their parents obviously don't thini its appropruate to ask peopl they don't reallyt know.

It really riles me for some reason - am I being petty here?

[ednbarby]

It really riles me for some reason - am I being petty here?

Not at all.  The young girls who live a few doors down come by from time to time peddling their wares for their schools, but I don't mind in that case because not only do I know them, their parents really helped Will and me out after the hurricanes a couple of years ago when Ed was stuck in South America.  So I think I owe it to them, and I don't mind if they do, too.

However, when kids come by I don't know from Adam, it irritates me.  For all I know, their parents could be dropping them off at the end of the street.

I also hate it when friends ring your doorbell in the middle of a Saturday afternoon and say, "I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd pop in and say hello" then proceed to stay until you almost have to politely ask them to leave.  We have some pseudo-friends who used to do this to us constantly, even while I was on strict bedrest with my pregnancy and after I had recently given birth to Will.  *Extremely* inconsiderate.  What?  You can't pick up a phone or at least call on your cell phone when you're five minutes away so we have the option to turn you down or at least be ready for you?  Selfish bastards.

[serious crayons]

"Because I said so".

That was what my mother said to me whenever I questioned her.

I always vowed that I wouldn't say that -- it's the classic unsympathetic parent line. Now I say it all the time. "Because I said so, and I'm the adult." If I offer some rational reason, my sons will just keep arguing and arguing, looking for loopholes. "Because I said so" doesn't leave room for argument.

[Katie77]

"Because I said so".

That was what my mother said to me whenever I questioned her.

It worked every time too!

This has brought to my memory something my stepfather used to say to me, usually if we were with a group of relatives, and if I wanted to butt in and say something.....
He would say"Little girls should be seen, and not heard"

UGH!!!, when I think of that now, it makes my skin crawl....That was back in the 50's and 60's, but it makes me realize how irrelevant children's opinions were back then.

[ednbarby]

I always vowed that I wouldn't say that -- it's the classic unsympathetic parent line. Now I say it all the time. "Because I said so, and I'm the adult." If I offer some rational reason, my sons will just keep arguing and arguing, looking for loopholes. "Because I said so" doesn't leave room for argument.

I think our sons are triplets who were separated at birth (and by several years).   

[serious crayons]

Should I be really, really worried that my son does this at age 3 and a half?

Yes. Because I can attest from personal experience that you are in for at least nine more rough years, and I assume another six or so after that.

I hate squelching "why," though. I've seen enough 18 to 22-year-olds who aren't curious about the world.

Well, I don't squelch the "Why is the sky blue?" type of questions. I squelch the "Why won't you buy me a (insert expensive electronic product here)?" questions. Because if I say, for example, it's too expensive, the response will be, well why don't you go to the bank, or why can't I just get a six-year advance on my allowance ... and on and on and on until eventually he's asking why I don't just take out a second mortgage on the house.

[Katie77]

Kids are funny arent they?

I remember years ago when the kids were little, and we still had a milk delivery...when the kids wanted an extra flavoured milk or something special the milkman had, I would say "Yes, just tell him to put it on the bill"....

Then one day, I heard my son out at the milk truck, getting an extra carton of milk and he said "Just put it on Bill's........I often wondered if he thought there was a guy called Bill who paid that account.

[serious crayons]

You know, I think one of us should start a "parents" thread so that we stop hijacking all these other threads.

Good idea!

I realized later I should have added that my above principle also applies to the "Why can't I jump off the roof" type questions and "Why can't I stay home from school and watch the playoff game?" type questions. For every logical reason, there's always some seemingly equally logical counterargument (I'll put a pile of leaves on the ground under me, baseball is educational and we're not doing anything important in school today). The day one of my kids hears my sensible rationale and says, "Oh, OK, I see what you mean. Never mind, then" will be the day I know he's been taken over by alien pod people.

At age 3, I'm still wondering if I should use "why can't we buy that" as an opportunity to teach him about money.

You probably should, yes. But then, there's always some creative Parents-magazine-style "teachable moment" associated with every child-rearing hassle, and if you tried to do them all you'd be spending your extra two hours of the 26-hour day doing that instead of hanging out here!

 

[delalluvia]

I also hate it when friends ring your doorbell in the middle of a Saturday afternoon and say, "I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd pop in and say hello" then proceed to stay until you almost have to politely ask them to leave.  We have some pseudo-friends who used to do this to us constantly, even while I was on strict bedrest with my pregnancy and after I had recently given birth to Will.  *Extremely* inconsiderate.  What?  You can't pick up a phone or at least call on your cell phone when you're five minutes away so we have the option to turn you down or at least be ready for you?  Selfish bastards.

Heh, my parents dealt with such 'friends' easily and I guess I learned my stuff from them.

If such friends dropped by, my parents greeted them warmly and talked with them - but never invited them in.  And finally, when they got tired of standing on the porch, they'd make their excuses, leave and we'd wave goodbye.

As an adult single woman, I have the perfect excuse - my safety.  I only tell close friends where I live and then ask them to call me before they come over.

If they do not do so, they learn the hard way that even though my car is in the parking lot, I will not answer the door.  It can't be my friends knocking, right?  I asked them to call before any visit.  So it must be a stranger and I don't open my door for strangers and in fact, ignore them.

Problem solved.  Good friends learn their lesson, pseduo-inconsiderate friends go away and don't try such a stunt again.